There are some annual traditions that we Americans love: July 4th, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day. Add to that list Bravo’s yearly airing of Kim Zolciak trying to sing a song. Yes, Kim has become the McRib of Bravo — a special treat we’re allowed to enjoy but once a year even though we probably shouldn’t partake in it at all to begin with. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the McRib is back, and so is Kim’s “instrument.” On Sunday’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim stepped back in the recording booth and attempted to sing “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing,” thus continuing the atonal tradition started by her seminal, unreleased hit “Tightrope” (“There’s a tightrope… between me and yoooooouuuuu…”) and continued by “Tardy for the Party.”
The results were, of course, awful. This time around, Kandi penned a song that challenged Kim to reach the upper realms of her register, a request that’s akin to asking Stephen Hawking to scale Everest. Indeed, Kim all out failed at this task, and now that she’s a self-anointed pop-star, she rejected the tune as a whole, claiming that it sucked (in actuality, it wasn’t half bad). A year ago she would have been happy enough to even have a song written for her. How things have changed. Kim is convinced she’s the next Madonna — so much so that when Shereé’s annoying but talented gay, Lawrence, showed up to sing a song, Kim greeted him with disdain and perhaps jealousy. Maybe that’s why Kandi wrote such a tricky song: to take Kim down a peg or two. It’s obvious that Kim has zero talent, and Kandi was certainly more than happy to remind her of that. I’d never seen passive-aggressive songwriting before, but I liked it!
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