B-Side Blog

Ranking The Ten Worst â€˜Real Housewivesâ€™ Housewives

Ranking the ten worst Real Housewives was surprisingly difficult for me as I discovered that many of the people I deemed “the worst” were actually cast members who I loved. After all, where would we be without these women? We’d be stuck with the bland Kandi Burresses and Jacqueline Lauritas of the world. Such is the paradox of the Housewives franchise. Sometimes the best people are truly the worst, and most certainly vice versa. So take this list for what it is: a jumping off-point for debate and discussion, or as it’s formally known in the Hartwell household: Drinks & Dialogue.

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Ranking The Ten Best ‘Real Housewives’ Housewives

In honor of The Real Housewives of New York City coming to a close tonight, I decided to do some list-making. That’s right: I’ve ranked the ten best Housewives of all time (to be followed shortly by the ten worst). Deciding how to order this list was a bit tricky. Do I rank the women who seem like the best people? Do I rank the women who are most entertaining? Do I rank the women who I like watching the most? Or do I rank the women who I’d most want to have a conversation with?

I ultimately couldn’t decide. I just went with my gut. The results are probably a mixture of all the preceding questions, and quite honestly, now that I’ve hemmed and hawed, I’m still not sure I’m satisfied with the order. But oh well. These lists are always in flux, and a year from now, the results might be totally different. For now though, check out who I’ve chosen…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PREVIEW: It’s The Season Finale!

I can hardly believe it. The third explosive, insane, amazing, unbelievable season of The Real Housewives of New York City is ending tonight, which means that after a reunion show or two, we’ll be left with nothing but the boring suburban ramblings of the New Jersey crew. Sadness. Okay, truth be told, we’ll also have Bethenny: Getting Married? but let’s be honest: she can be great in an ensemble, but one full, undiluted hour of Bethenny Frankel is probably more than any human can safely absorb at any time. A little Skinny Girl goes a long way…

And so on this very sad day (viz. the death of Rue McClanahan), I implore everyone to savor this final hour of RHONYC while you can because soon this epic season will be over. After the jump, two preview clips!

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Psycho Scene at the Brownstone

I’ll just get this out of the way. There were only two truths in last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey: 1) the big encounter at the Brownstone, while awkward, resulted in nothing, and 2) Danielle is officially psycho. Pay attention, puh-leez!

Yes, after weeks of hype, we finally came upon the highly anticipated Danielle-goes-to-the-Brownstone episode, and it certainly had all the cringeworthy moments we could have expected. Mix that in with some disingenuous concerns about a baby and a hilarious yet ridiculous misunderstanding over a “surprise,” and we finally had something truly entertaining on this show. Pretty much the only thing missing was any explosive action, which was a bit of a letdown considering that Bravo made it look like a full-on gunfight might break out. I suppose that’s par for the course. If anyone knows how to mislead with promos, it’s Bravo.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Housewives On Ice!

When it comes to chilly experiences, Jill Zarin has become an expert on the subject. First she received the coldest of cold receptions at Ramona’s Caribbean getaway. Then she felt something even icier: ice. Yes, in one of the most amusing moments of this season of The Real Housewives of New York City, Jill Zarin totally bit it face-first on an ice rink at her much-hyped skating party. The scene was so funny that my friend jash and I rewound it at least ten times in a row, each time with more raucous laughter than the next. I think it’s officially the funniest pratfall in Housewives history, taking the mantle away from Vicki, who famously toppled over while receiving an award.

Of course, part of the satisfaction of watching Jill take a spill comes from seeing some small bit of cosmic justice for her increasingly controlling and vicious behavior. She’s gone through quite the descent this season, and even the most ardent Jill fans (ie. ME) have had to reevaluate their dedication to her. It’s been sad, really. For two years, she was the mother hen that most fans loved. Now she’s the most despised person on the show, and it’s not only because of the whole Bethenny brouhaha. It’s because Jill has emerged as something of a monster, lashing out at those she feels have slighted her, allying with those who enable her, and more or less waltzing through every episode with a raging sense of entitlement.

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Burning Questions For Dawn Detergent

While watching TV tonight, I happened to notice this cute and cuddly commercial featuring scary people in rubber gloves removing oil from helpless ducks and seabirds thanks to reliable household dish detergent Dawn. The message was twofold: a) Dawn is awesome and is helping the environment, and b) if Dawn is gentle enough for a baby duck, it’s damn well gentle enough for your hands, Princess, so USE IT.

This was all well and good, but in the middle of the spot, I couldn’t help but notice a curious phrase at the bottom of the screen: “simulated demonstration.” What could that possibly mean? Are we to believe the good people at Dawn recreated this animal scrub down? Did they actually pour oil on these birds and whiskered critters solely so they could demonstrate how easily it could come off? Seems a bit cruel. Unless, of course, it’s not oil on these animals but a fake substance, in which case, I’m not so sure I can believe these boastful Dawn claims. Clearly, we need answers.

RABBLE RABBLE!!!

(that’s my rabble-rousing noise)

REAL HOUSEWIVES PREVIEW: Who Uses The Word “Ho-Bag” These Days Anyway?

If you’re like me, you absolutely cannot wait to see the fallout from last week’s psychotic Kelly Killoren Bensimon meltdown on The Real Housewives of New York City. I’m quite literally counting down the hours (just under six) before the next episode airs. In the meantime, check out these two preview clips furnished by Bravo. The first is an inane “bridal shower” video whose only entertainment value comes from watching Sonja attempt euphemisms to discuss Ramona’s love life with Mario.

The second clip though — this is the good stuff. It’s Kelly giving her Caribbean postgame analysis to Jill, LuAnn, and Jennifer at a restaurant. Listening to her version of reality (not to mention her clear inability to comprehend sarcasm) is nothing short of amusing. Plus there’s that whole hypocrisy thang which pretty much starts and ends with Kelly proclaiming her hatred of gossip and badmouthing while she simultaneously gossips about and badmouths the other women to her present company (note the way Jill Zarin laps it up).

Stealing the show, however, is LuAnn, who happily jumps on her high horse and reminds Kelly in so many words that elegance is learned. And specifically, that elegance does not involve the word “ho-bag.” The Countess is actually right in this situation, but Kelly, as we all know, is immutable. In fact, rather than perhaps admit a lapse in judgment, Kelly returns to her favorite subject — questioning Bethenny’s culinary merits. Kelly insists that she doesn’t know anyone who has ever hired her, causing a reaction from the other women that is probably the funniest thing since Sonja suggested the term “mountain out of a molehill” on the yacht.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Bada Bing, Bada Baby

At long last, Teresa Giudice popped out a fourth baby girl on Monday’s Real Housewives of New Jersey, and what a bizarre production it was. When the gaudy housewife first went into labor, she treated the process as casually as if she had to go pick up her dry-cleaning (oh shoot, I need to do that). Teresa meandered around the house, assembling an overnight bag of various garments all seemingly constructed from different animal prints. When she was done doing that, she made French toast for her daughters and then finally, finally she was ready for the hospital. Too bad her husband Joe was busy nursing his very own cup of Joe. As usual, he moved at the speed of oozing hair gel, occasionally interrupting his sloth-like behavior to crack a dumb joke that didn’t really make any sense.

Eventually though, husband and wife made their way to the hospital where Teresa’s been-there, done-that attitude quickly transformed into screams of pain. In the middle of it all, she did manage to ask for a diamond (which in turn prompted yet another silly joke from Joe about dying in the mountains of Africa. A regular Jerry Seinfeld that one). Finally, after much screaming and rage, Teresa popped out another bambino, and thus little Audriana (yes, spelled THAT way) was welcomed into the world.

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Toot It & Boot It, My Friends

I just looked at my site stats, and for whatever reason, people searching for the new hit “Toot It & Boot It” by TyDolla$ign and YG have been directed here, courtesy of Google. Why? I’m not sure. But everyone coming here has been greeted with the harsh reality that not only do I not have any “Toot It & Boot It” content, but the only thing close is a now-defunct Barefoot Contessa clip with the headline “TOOT TOOT: Ina Garten Hits The High Seas.” Something tells me that the YG fans out there aren’t necessarily seeking out Ina Garten (although, they should be).

Nevertheless, as a service to the people arriving at this site (and because I’ve fallen behind on posting), I’m posting the “Toot It & Boot It” video. Also, it’s been in my head all day.

The Best Donut In Los Angeles?

Courtesy of Yelp

I love to try new and unique restaurants and foods in Los Angeles, but rarely am I the only to discover them. Usually, I defer to the gaggle of food bloggers out here or the Los Angeles Times’ great column, “The Find.” It’s with a heavy heart that I must admit I just am simply not a trailblazer when it comes to these things. I’m merely a follower.

However, I do feel like I have a discovery to share with the world at large. It’s not some secret, off-the-beaten-path eatery offering a dazzling ten course meal for $15. Instead it’s a humble donut shop, located right smack dab on a busy stretch of Santa Monica Boulevard. I talk of Tasty Donuts, and I think it may serve the best donut in L.A.

Now a few caveats. I said “donut,” singular. Tasty Donuts doesn’t have the best donuts, per se, but they do have the best singular offering of one. Also, second caveat: I haven’t sampled all the donut shops around town, but this is a blog, not a scientific survey; so I am going to allow myself some leeway on the bombastic claims. The point is that people in search of an amazing donut experience should flock to this place for one thing and one thing only: their glazed buttermilk donut.

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