B-Side Blog

RACHEL ZOE PHOTOCAP: The Abominable Zoe-man

LITERALLY, oh my God. Disaster struck Team Zoe on last night’s episode of The Rachel Zoe Project as Rach attempted to assemble a ninety-look fashion fundraiser in three days’ time. During a blizzard. DURING FUCKING FASHION WEEK. And here I thought Kim D’s thirty-look bonanza for Posche on The Real Housewives of New Jersey was ambitious.

Truth be told, this was one of the few Zoe episodes that seemed to have a sense of true urgency. Normally, the biggest crisis is that a belt has been misplaced or Annie Hathaway might feel skin irritation in her Versace; however, for this installment, Rachel had to answer to Naomi Campbell, who served as the organizer for this charity event, and if there’s anyone you don’t want to let down, it’s Naomi Campbell. That is, of course, unless you want to get a phone smashed in your face. And so for the first time ever, I actually empathized with Rachel’s stress, which was only heightened by the logistic chaos brought on by inclement weather, stubborn fashion houses, and, of course, a SHOE SHORTAGE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.

Of course, Rachel under stress means we get more golden nuggets, the biggest of which had to be her climbing out of a car into the snowy streets of New York wearing what could only be best described as the hide of those creatures Luke Skywalker gutted so he could protect himself from the snow. Let’s not overlook Rachel’s big, black, furry hat and the fact that she uttered “Oh my God” with each passing footstep. The entire spectacle was worthy of instant Emmy consideration.

Nevertheless, photocap after the jump…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ PHOTOCAP: When You’re Here, You’re Family

The Italian odyssey continued on The Real Housewives of New Jersey as the Giudice, Manzo, and Laurita clans all escaped the cruise ship and headed inland for a family reunion of epic proportions. Actually, it wasn’t so much a reunion as it was a giant kiss-fest, with seemingly twenty minutes of airtime dedicated to people kissing each other on the cheek. Truth be told, it was very charming, and I’m probably not the only one whose heart melted when Joe’s grandmother attacked all her little bambinos with thousands of adoring kisses. It was hard not to be caught up in the moment, but of course, the continued tackiness of Teresa happily undermined any pleasant thoughts I may have been having.

This was undoubtedly a stellar showcase for Teresa’s educational and stylistic shortcomings. Early on in the episode, when the families clamored into their hotel rooms in Napoli, Teresa introduced her daughters to the bidet, which she described as a “little sink,” which is a mildly horrifying thought. Even more horrifying was her pronunciation of the word “bidet,” which she amusingly mangled into “bid-EHHH.” Not “bid-ay,” not “bid-ette,” but “bid-EHHHHH.” It was almost as if she was parodying herself, but that would require a self-awareness that I’m not sure she possesses.

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Danielle Staub Fired From ‘Real Housewives’? I Will Not Clap

**How much does The Real Housewives of New Jersey need Danielle? THIS MUCH.**

Reports are zipping through the Internets that crazy reality star / sex tape vixen Danielle Staub has been fired from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. This is somewhat shocking news, mostly because Danielle is the only one who makes this Garden State iteration of the Bravo franchise mildly interesting. Without Ms. Staub around, I’m not sure what we’ll have to watch. Jacqueline feeding her baby? Teresa raiding Posche? Caroline locking down her family in the kitchen lest they ever leave her with an empty nest?

Truth is that RHONJ has needed a cast overhaul since this season began, and while the Kims (D & G) have added plenty of spice, it’s about time to clean house. Sure, keep Teresa — she’s awful, but her tackiness is worthy of nationwide mockery — but lose Jacqueline and Caroline. Jackie brings nothing to the show, and Caroline, while she’s lovable and awesome and full of sage wisdom, is kind of boring. Whatever Bravo does, they should not drop Danielle. PLEASE. We need her lunacy.

However, it appears this may be what’s happened. Who knows how or why it got to this point. Methinks Danielle became either too much of a handful and / or a liability. Either that or Andy Cohen simply got sick of her stalking him in her SUV. Fingers crossed these are all just vicious, SADISTIC rumors…

For more information, check out the full story at E! Online here.

ADVENTURES IN DOMESTICITY: Homemade Chocolate Ice Cream!

Not so long ago, I asked the readers to help me decide whether I should get a slow cooker or an ice cream machine from CSN Stores, who had graciously offered me a gift certificate to use in return for a product review. It was a divisive debate, and when I opted for the slow cooker, I know a large portion of the readership was DEVASTATED by my choice.

Well, fear not. Everything has worked out in the end because CSN hooked me up with another gift certificate, and I was thus able to procure the ice cream maker after all. Happy ending! You could only imagine my excitement when it arrived. I immediately threw the machine’s bucket into the freezer (after washing, natch) and scoured the Internet for a recipe. I didn’t have to look very far. I soon came across The Kitchn’s “Best Chocolate Ice Cream” and was instantly sold.

Was it in fact THE BEST? Ice cream churning after the jump…

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Cute Homeless Animals Have Melted My Heart

I have been doing a lot of shilling on this blog recently, but as I always like to say, this is a blog, not the New York Times; so who cares? That being said, no one asked me to shill for this, and I rarely, if EVER, shill for charitable causes; however, when my friend Hannah sent a bunch of people this email, my heart kind of melted. I don’t know why. I see these “find this animal a home” postings all the time on Facebook and never care. I think it’s because I had a dream that I got a dog last night. Anyway, I’m feeling friendly today; so if you too are in a similar altered state, check out what Hannah has to say. If you live in LA, one of these guys could be your next pet:

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ADVENTURES IN DOMESTICITY: Bundt Seriously, Folks

Once again, CSN Stores gave me a gift certificate for me to use in return for some reviews of whatever I purchase with it. For my latest batch of housewares, I ordered a Bundt pan because, well, why not? I wouldn’t say that I’m an avid Bundt maker, but it’s nice having the pan, and the thought of replicating those amazing Costco chocolate ring cakes in my very own kitchen was a bit too intoxicating to pass up. And so I happily added a nifty Bundt pan to my cart, and a few scant days later, it arrived on my doorstep (ironically the very same day that local bakery Kiss My Bundt went out of business. The circle of Bundt life continues).

Nevertheless, I had my new pan, but as I opened the box, I was in for quite the surprise…

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RACHEL ZOE PHOTOCAP: When It Rains, It Pours. LITERALLY.

There was all sorts of scandal on last night’s episode of The Rachel Zoe Project, and no, I’m not talking about the Versace Atelier couture gown that suspiciously wound up at Pierce Brosnan’s house. I’m referring, of course, to the rain. THE RAIN!!! Yes, Los Angeles fell victim to a torrential downpour on Golden Globes night (it was actually really intense. I remember it well), which meant there’d be havoc on the red carpet. This naturally led to a classic Rachel Zoe panic attack as she fretted that this RAINSASTER would ruin all her hard work. And that was before she learned the red carpet wouldn’t be tented. This was a meteorological catastrophe on every possible level!

Luckily, Rachel had the assistance of a plucky new worker whose name escapes me presently. For now I’ll call her Tay 2.0; although, that’s truly no indication of her personality, which seems sweet and relatively grounded. Tay 2.0 proved to be a welcome addition to Team Zoe; so you’d think we’d be done with the internal squabbling. Think again. Turns out Rodger has been getting a little cranky lately — a combination of losing his wife to award season, perpetually being surrounded by The Gayz, and not having a baby to call his own. As a result, Rachel’s usually affable husband proved to be a smidgen touchy, often muttering little complaints here and there. I tend to think this is all for the cameras though — not that I particularly care either way.

Elsewhere in the episode, Molly Simms dropped by for a whirlwind fitting; the aforementioned Versace frock was feared stolen (by a stylist or a “criminal”); and then the aforementioned frock was then returned without incident, only to be rejected by Rachel Zoe at the end of the day. Such is life on Team Zoe. Oh, and we also got a glimpse of Rachel’s boney, emaciated arm, and I nearly threw up.

Photocap after the jump…

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My Random ‘Strangers With Candy’ Cameo

Ten years ago, I was a lowly intern on Strangers with Candy, the cult-comedy series on Comedy Central that aired for three seasons. It was a pretty thankless job, but there were occasional perks. One day, in fact, the powers that be had me serve as a classroom extra for a few scenes, which meant that I got to spend a day sitting behind Amy Sedaris in a room with Stephen Colbert and guest star David Cross (and Heather Matarazzo, if we want to get specific). It was kind of amazing. To this day I will always remember a bored Amy Sedaris sitting there in between takes and naming as many sausages as she could in her Jerri Blank voice. The bit was so bizarre yet so utterly hilarious that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, which was strange because not only was I the only one laughing, but apparently the only one listening to her as well. How could people be ignoring her? I swear to God, when she ultimately said “Blood sausage,” I nearly lost it.

Nevertheless, I was watching the episode the other night, and I decided to take a screen grab of my impressive acting debut. The pic hardly does justice to my stellar performance, but it does show off my shapely college-age body.

Aw, memories.

STATE OF THE HERBS: New Directions

Back in May, I posted about my sad little herb garden, which had once been so lush but had fallen into a state of disrepair. Although, things looked bleak, I wasn’t about to give up on my plants. I set about pruning the dead leaves away and attempted to give my horticultural menagerie a new lease on life.

Now, just under three months later, I am back with an update.

As you can see from the picture above, things are still alive… mostly. The rosemary in the upper left has continued to grow just fine, even if a touch slowly. The chives and thyme (lower left) also have been quite sturdy, with the thyme growing especially nicely. As for the parsley (lower right), it’s been going through some sort of awkward pubescent stage. The plant, you see, has been “bolting.” Rather than giving me joyful leaves that I can harvest for my kitchen, the parsley has been sprouting tall weed-like growths that ultimately flower — the kiss of death. I chop these beasts down practically every day, and yet there are always more and more for me. This parsley will not rest until it flowers, and that’s a fate that I simply cannot accept. Yes, people. I’m fighting with my parsley again.

And then there’s the basil. Let’s take a closer look at the basil…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Italy or Bust!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey got a little extra money in its budget this season, which meant the ladies — or at least three of them — were allowed to zip off to Italy (or East New Jersey) for a lavish family vacay that admittedly looked quite fun. The genesis of the idea came in the wake of a scary car accident Joe Giudice wound up in after he flipped his car in a TOTALLY SOBER way. Sure, there may have been booze in his system, but as he clearly explained to his wife and the Lauritas, he was so shaken up by the incident that he just had to down FOUR SHOTS OF SCOTCH. Luckily, those shots were conveniently available to him at his dad’s house, in front of which he had his big crash. So to repeat, Joe was driving soberly and coincidentally totaled his car in front of his dad’s house, at which point he went and took some shots. He did not, I repeat, did NOT get drunk at his dad’s house and then crash as he drove away. That absolutely did not happen.

If this highly suspect story is already making you snicker and roll your eyes, fear not. It gets better. Joe then explained the cause of his wreck. Turns out he was tired; so he yawned. And when he yawned, he closed his eyes for a second. One second! (read: he passed out) And during that time, he just happened to accelerate the car, which makes sense because every time I yawn, I am often compelled to depress my foot authoritatively. Clearly, this was all one big happy misunderstanding…

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