REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Sweet Charity

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It was all about the charity cases on the latest Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In fact, the episode was called “Charity Cases.” For good reason. Nearly all the women seemed to be helping charities, helping each other, or simply in need of charitable aid. Front and center was Taylor, who admirably divulged a childhood of abuse to the cameras and a fundraiser for a local women’s shelter. Her plight certainly was sad to hear, and I think even those of us with the coldest of hearts was glad to see her persevere past the pain and make a life for herself. Of course, a lingering sense of uneasiness soon follows when you realize she’s only really married into success, and the guy she’s hitched her ride to is kind of a dick. In fact, on the way over to Taylor charity event, her husband Russell chided her for selecting a bad weekend for the fundraiser because all his power friends were out of town. It was frigidly passive-aggressive and also a disturbing indication that for as accomplished as Taylor feels about her life, she’s still stuck with a schlub who keeps her under his thumb. Little does she realize she probably has all the power. After all, we know those big ol’ lips are good for at least ONE thing, and I’m sure Russell wouldn’t want to lose any of that, if you know what I’m saying (oral sex).

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Laundry Card Proves To Be Worthy Foe To Morning Tasks

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I spend a lot of time writing about TV and pop culture and food and drinks, but it’s been a while since I bitched about something mundane in my life. Don’t get me wrong — I bitch about mundane things all the time to my friends, but I usually spare you dear readers the nitty gritty of what makes my world turn. However, today I am riled up, I tell you. And I’m riled up by something that I normally love: TECHNOLOGY. Specifically, laundry technology. The offender today is none other than my formerly trusty laundry card, which has not only betrayed me but seemingly absconded with eight precious dollars of my money. Full details of this burgeoning feud after the jump…

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Nicholas Cage Rants And Screams, Is Funny

Hey everyone, it’s Nicholas Cage screaming at a friend outside of a club in Europe! Fun times!

Amusingly, last week I wound up getting invited to a party at Nicholas Cage’s house. I went expecting to see the sort of craziness exhibited above, but lo and behold, it was merely just a party at Nicholas Cage’s house, not a Nicholas Cage party. The event seemed to be thrown by a bunch of Europeans wearing onesies. Yes, onesies. I still don’t know who was throwing the party nor why there were so many Norwegians there, but I was glad to have experienced the spectacle. It surely constituted one of the strangest evenings I’ve had here in LA. But hey, the view was amazing!

Thanks to IndianJones for the link.

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: Kim Zolciak Defies Death By Laser

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Things were a little bonkers on The Real Housewives of Atlanta last night. First and foremost we had Kim Zolciak, who continues to be the laziest woman alive… and proud of it. I don’t know if that’s a virtue or a flaw, but I’m leaning towards the latter. In this latest installment of KimberLEIGH’s reasons why not, we saw the aspiring singer attempt some rudimentary choreography for her upcoming tour with Kandi. Even though the footwork looked about as complex as a Sudoku puzzle with only two empty squares, Kim still seemed puzzled by it. This, despite her claims that she’s had sixteen years of dance experience. I’m not sure gyrating your hips in front of a Slurpee machine counts as dance experience, but hey, to each his own.

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THE QUAFF: Dark & Stormy Edition

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On the occasion of my 32nd birthday last weekend, my crew and I (née The Lametourage, since renamed The VC — as in, The Vicious Circle) decided to take in a viewing of the latest Twilight movie (a.k.a. laugh at the screen). There’s absolutely no way to slog through the vampire saga sober; so clearly, cocktails were in order. But what beverage would suitably get the job done? Well, once again we turned to Paul Abercrombie’s Organic, Shaken, and Stirred. Thankfully IndianJones had his copy with him since I had lost mine on my recent Thanksgiving trip to NYC (there had been a request for “cousin cocktails” around the turkey, and regrettably I made the foolish decision to take the book back East for the occasion where it promptly disappeared into the cold night. I have to order a new copy now, grrr). Anyway, in honor of the brooding vampires and werewolves of the great Northwest, we decided to whip up a batch of Dark & Stormys. But this wasn’t just any old Dark & Stormy recipe (traditionally, it’s just ginger beer and rum). No, this libation had all sorts of stuff going on.

Full details after the jump…

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The Top Thirty Modern Holiday Songs

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(Didn’t make the cut)

It’s that time of year again when people put up their Christmas lights and garlands and, in the case of Los Angeles, fake snow (it’s 75 degrees as of press time). One of the most beloved traditions of this time of year is the rash of Holiday music that takes over the radio. For four weeks, radio formats go out the window, and we get a nice smattering of oldies and cheesiness instead. Many people adore the traditional carols and the classic standards, but I’m partial to the modern holiday tunes. In fact, sometimes I think they don’t get the recognition they deserve. That’s why I’ve decided to rank the thirty best modern holiday songs. I’m sure the choices and order will ruffle many feathers, but hey, that’s the fun of the blogosphere, right?

The list after the jump…

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Cool Whip Gift Basket Winner Revealed!

After a long, drawn-out process, we finally have a winner for the free Cool Whip gift basket. I whittled down the entries to five contenders, made four, and offered up three to a judging panel of eight people. Together we all sampled the goods, and after some discussion and debate, we decided upon one pie to rule them all. Results after the jump… Continue reading “Cool Whip Gift Basket Winner Revealed!”

PIE FINALIST #4: Crunchy Caramel Apple Pie

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Last but not least in the Cool Whip gift basket contest (sorry, the margarita pie didn’t make the cut) is Penny’s Crunchy Caramel Apple Pie. The name alone was enough to get my stomach growling. I had never actually made an apple pie before; the closest being a run of apple cake/tart tatins last fall and an apple crisp I had made just two weeks ago in New York. Clearly I was very excited to take on the classic American apple pie. And no, there were no plans to violate it afterwards in honor of Jason Biggs.

Anyway, this crunchy caramel apple pie seemed quite alluring. Not only was it an apple pie, but it had pecans, caramel sauce, and the stuff that goes atop an apple crisp. All the elements for an awesome culinary experience were there. It all came down to me executing it. Would I be able to tame the fickle apple beast? Pics after the jump…

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PIE FINALIST #3: Chocolate Amaretto Crunch Pie

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The third pie in the Cool Whip gift basket contest seemed to be the most promising of the bunch. It’s the recipe that my friends and I gravitated to most: LynnB’s Chocolate Amaretto Crunch Pie. Made with chocolate, Amaretto, Amaretti cookies, and almonds, it looked to be the decadent and sophisticated pie that I knew I would love; the sort of thing I could recommend to Ina Garten or Martha Stewart (because I clearly will have that opportunity) without feeling a twinge of embarrassment.

However, just because something piques my interest doesn’t mean that it’ll actually turn out well. See the Chocolate Chili Meringue Pie disaster. Surely this recipe would fare better though. Nothing is ever a sure thing though…

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