I believe Adam Sandler used to have an old routine about the similarities between gym grunting and sex, and never was that more true than on a recent trip I took to the gym. The man next to me on the pull-down bar seemed to be having a positively orgasmic experience with his hefty ten …
Category Archives: Awful People
And Now A Disgusting Turn of Events
I haven’t registered a formal blog complaint about personal hygiene in quite some time, perhaps not since my unfortunate series of gym horror stories in 2008 (read them here and here, if you dare). However, I come to you with a new dreadful story that will surely make most people squirm with uneasiness. It all …
ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY: My Painful Confession
This week, oft surgically enhanced reality star Heidi Montag revealed that she’s completely addicted to plastic surgery, going so far as to get ten different procedures in one day late last year. The pictures are shocking to many, as the new, soulless creature staring back at us seems hardly like the Heidi we know and …
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Jon Gosselin Faces Unlikely Phalanx of D-List Interrogators
The 1800s had Lincoln-Douglas. The 1900s had Kennedy-Nixon. And now the 2000s already have a contender for the century’s most influential and noteworthy debate: Gosselin-Grace (-Nash-Osmand-Frankel-some-other-dude). Yes, in a strange bit of tabloid-milking, The Insider decided to pit Jon Gosselin against a panel of D-List celebrities who would hopefully break him down and realize the …
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The Best of IndianJones
The Los Angeles crew lost a vital member of its community today. And by vital, I mean “stocky, even-keeled, and generally assholish.” Yes, I’m talking about the beloved IndianJones, who is currently driving northward to the icy climes of San Francisco where he has taken a job with Internet giant Yahoo! (exclamation theirs, not mine). …
Awful Toddler Ruins What Could Have Been A Delightful Transcontinental Flight
Today I flew from Los Angeles to New York, and I had the supreme displeasure of being seated directly behind the world’s worst toddler. I knew this kid was bad news way back at Burbank airport when he came running up to me and HID behind my luggage. I don’t like when unruly children with …
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Deconstructing the Perez Hilton, will.i.am Feud
Oh what a glorious morning. I woke up not knowing what I’d be writing about (sorry, my trip to the Big Brother house on Friday must stay under wraps for another week), but then I checked my email. My friend jash had alerted me that will.i.am from The Black Eyed Peas and Perez Hilton from, …
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And Now An Important Message From Chris Brown
Chris Brown, perhaps the inspiration for “Boom Boom Pow,” has resurfaced with two very important messages  in YouTube form, natch. Above, the singer clarifies any confusion about his reputation, noting that he is not, in fact, a monster. This is independently verified by Bow Wow, who has long stood as the preeminent character witness …
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5 Things I'm Looking Forward To Now That I've Voted
Well, I just exercised my constitutional rights. And it was glorious. Actually, it wasn’t. I stood in line for an hour, which was fine and expected. The only problem was that the woman behind me would not. stop. talking. I’m telling you, she chatted incessantly, oversharing her entire life to virtual strangers. Thankfully, she wasn’t …
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Personalized License Plate Finally Provides Accurate Description of Driver
This just in from one of my East Coast correspondents: a succinct yet powerful license plate found on I-84 West, just outside of Hartford, CT. Nothing more really needs to be said; although, I am a bit sad that there was no visual confirmation of Spencer Pratt behind the wheel. Heyyyyoooooh!!!