BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Against The Ropes

With Rachel going home on last week’s eviction episode of Big Brother, two things were certain: the show would be less interesting, and Brendon’s days were numbered. Of course, the latter point hinged on Brendon losing the Head of Household competition, and guess what? He won! Oh sorry. Spoiler. After untangling a giant mass of ropes, Brendon sailed to his first HOH win, and while I do love underdogs and dramatic shifts of power, any goodwill I had towards the B-Dawg went out the window when he dedicated his victory to Rachel, the girl — as Ragan happily noted — that he had known for only about a month.

Yes, Brendon continued to be totally in love with Rachel and seemed to dedicate nearly every action in the house to her existence. Seriously, I’m shocked he didn’t yell out “This one’s for you, Rach!” when he took his morning dump. I suppose love can be charming, but in this case, it’s only tiresome. And kind of stupid. Truth is that Brendon should be looking at the game less as a scorned lover but as someone with a new lease on life. He needed to play strategically, but alas, he seemed hellbent on seeking revenge on Rachel’s nemeses as well as carrying out their stupid joint plan: taking out the floaters (who apparently still need the life vest).

Amusingly enough, the people who have qualified as “floaters” seem to be Britney, Kathy, and Ragan, and last time I checked, Britney had won a veto or two. Furthermore, while we know that the dumb Brigade exists, the morons in the house still seem unaware of its presence, which has me wondering why the likes of Enzo and Lane haven’t been issued their own proverbial life vests.

To Brendon’s credit, he did make one smart move this week: nominating Lane for eviction. It was sort of a surprise, but Brendon accurately noted that The Beast was in fact skating along just a tad too quietly. The other nominee, Ragan, proved to be a victim of his own anti-Rachel campaign. Prior to going on the block, the communications PhD proposed a secret alliance with Brendon, which was intriguing to me, but we all knew it would never work out, especially since Ragan is in an alliance with Matt, despite the fact that they both completely deny it to everyone, including themselves.

Credit must be given to Enzo and Hayden this week, who showed that under their yin-yang hairstyles (Hayden too much, Enzo too little), there may actually be some brainpower. The two made a last minute side alliance with Brendon, in the hopes that it would buy them both safety and influence. You see, the Meow Meow was concerned that Matt and Lane’s loyalties were shifting to Ragan and Britney, respectively; so he wanted Brendon to get rid of the distractions and keep the Brigade intact. It almost worked — except for that whole Lane-getting-nominated thing. However, he will most likely be safe, which means it’s curtains for Ragan. Unless he wins the veto. In which case, it’s curtains for Matt or Britney. And if Matt gets put up, then he’ll use his Diamond Power of Veto, which means it’ll most likely be curtains for Britney… unless Matt does something strange like putting up Kathy. Who knows. Either way, Lane seems like he’ll be safe.

Point is, it sucks to be Matt, Ragan, and Britney this week. Not only are the three enemies of the HOH, but they’re also Have Nots. And their torturous food items of the day week are… eggplant and escargot! EWWW!!! And by “EWWW!!!” I mean, “Um, that sounds delicious.” Seriously? Escargot is awesome (cook that shit with some butter and garlic, yo!), and eggplant just delightful when roasted.

These people are idiots.

“Seriously, I would rather tie these ropes around my neck and hang myself than try to finish this competition.”

Lane: “Screw the ropes. I wanna find a turtle! AND SHOOT IT!”

“The Meow Meow don’t play with ropes. Give me a ball of yarn and a scratching post. That’s what I’m talking about.”

“This is crazy. The only ropes I’m used to are the ones used to tie me up. Just another Friday in West Hollywood for me!!”

“This win was for you, Rachel! I played like a knight and won for you! Now who wants to pretend to be Rachel and hug me? Anyone? Anyone at all?”

“Don’t mind me. I’m just giving my forehead a hug.”

“This week is going to be terrible. I would rather take all these chaise-lounges, build a fort with them, climb inside, and sit there while a giant steamroller comes along and crushes me and the chairs all together.”

“Hey Brendon, the Meow Meow wants you to be part of an alliance. We need a nickname for you first. How about The Pussy Pussy?”

“That sounds a little mean.”

“I’m just sayin’ that I’m the Meow Meow; so you’re the Pussy Pussy. Like the cat.”

“So you’re not calling me a pussy?”

“I’m calling you a pussycat.”

“How about The Kitty Kitty?”

“But you’re more of a pussy than a kitty.”

“I don’t think I’m a pussy. Kitty wants a hug.”

“Another message from the Saboteur? Seriously, I would rather hurl myself off the second floor balcony and break my back on this cheap CB2 furniture than listen to another message.”

“I don’t know about you all, but I am VERY impressed with the Saboteur’s communication skills. It’s almost as if he has a doctorate in the field, not that he would ever indulge such information as it would clearly make him a large threat to this house, which clearly fears advanced degrees in communication.”

“Brendon, I am coming to you with my tail between my legs. I don’t think you are stupid, and I don’t think you’re a Neanderthal.”
“NeanderTAL.”
“Oh my god, you are the worst person EVER.”

“Listen, Ragan, you spat on my GIRL when she was at her lowest point! She was the love of my life! Not even the most forceful and loving hug could save you. Although, I suppose you could try. Hug?”

“Maybe if I cover my eyes, I’ll be able to forget that I live in the same house as that neanderthal.”
“NeanderTAL.”
“GODDAMMIT!!!”

“Seriously, I would rather stab myself in the eyeball with my key and jump into a car and then crash into another car on account of my lack of depth perception and DIE than sit through this nomination ceremony.”

What did you think about the episode? Did Brendon make the right choices?