Things don’t always go as planned on Big Brother, and for those who fear the show features way too much producer meddling, take last night’s eviction episode as an example to the contrary. Annie and Rachel were on the block, and SPOILER ALERT: one of them was the Saboteur.
Needless to say, CBS could not have been thrilled with the situation.
Yes, the Summer of Sabotage was indeed sabotaged (or “saboteur-ed,” as one Houseguest said) when Annie, our mole-in-residence, was unanimously evicted from the house by a 10-to-0 vote. This was unfortunate because a) I really enjoyed the Saboteur twist, more so than I ever expected, and b) the moment Annie’s true role was revealed, she became kind of… awesome! She totally had this wonderful, devious nature about her that would have been a joy to watch all summer long. Too bad she blew her load by going bonkers after being put up as a replacement nominee for Brendon.
Later, when Annie came face to face with Julie Chen, she gave us one of the most entertaining exit interview in ages, getting all sassy and bitter and even referring to Brendon as her sloppy seconds. Even Julie had to do a double-take, and if there’s anything I like, it’s a shocked Chenbot. Oh, if only Annie had stuck around a bit longer. Just goes to show her CBS bio (which perhaps was all fake!) did her no justice in the smarts department. I take it all back, Annie! You’re great! Plus bonus points go to Annie for seemingly transforming into a Kristen Wiig character right before our eyes.
As for the group that’s left in the house, I continue to dislike Hayden, and while Rachel still hasn’t impressed me on a Janelle level (or anywhere close), I did enjoy seeing her win HOH, if only because the drama of watching the pendulum swing is always the best part of Big Brother. Hopefully she’ll sniff out The Brigade (rolling my eyes as I type that). Certainly Hayden is in trouble. But what of the others?
The good news for Brendon is that he’ll certainly be safe. Just a day ago, I was saying how much I liked the guy (who resembles Zach from BB8 from certain angles), but after his wimpy, tender moment in the cabana room where he expressed a desire to be held and told everything would be okay, I’m having to backpedal a touch. Hey, I still like him, and he seems super nice, but seriously… what a pussy.
Full disclosure: I would act the EXACT same way.
For now, my favorites continue to be Matt (because he’s smart and doesn’t seem to be taking this too seriously), Ragan (because he’s funny, even if he often looks like he’s about to cry), and Britney (because she’s a bitch, but a funny bitch).
So far so good!
“Good evening. I’m Julie Chen. And I blend in.”
“Hey fuck face. How about you go fuck yourself in your own ass, FRIEND.”
“Okay. See ya!”
“The Saboteur escaped the block this week? Damn, The Meow Meow doesn’t like this. The only thing worse is getting spritzed in the face with a water gun. At least now I’ll never jump on a countertop again. Meow meow.”
“Gosh, it’s really sunny out. I was kind of hoping, I don’t know, that it’d be a little cloudy. Mother Nature really hurt my feelings. I don’t know. I guess I’m a little sad now.”
“Listen, Rachel. I know your boobs are the size of two midget heads, but, I don’t know, I don’t want to nuzzle in them right now. I just want a hug. Is that so wrong?”
“Uh, HELLO! We have CHEMISTRY! That was my word this week! And I used it to describe us!!! Now put your test tube in me and give me an ENDOTHERMIC REACTION!”
“I mean, why doesn’t he want me? I’m Juggy Von Tittenstein for crying out loud!”
“Brendon, this is like the opposite of chemistry right now. It’s LAMESTRY. Omg! I just totally made that up! Hahahahaha! BRENDON! I MADE UP A WORD! LAMESTRY!!! LOLOLOL!!!”
“I don’t know how I thought of it. I guess I just put the words ‘lame’ and ‘chemistry’ together, and it just worked! LOLOLOL!!! It’s like I’m a word chemist. OMG!! That makes sense because I LOVE CHEMISTRY!!!”
“I don’t know. I think the word ‘lamestry’ is kind of mean. Now I feel sad.”
“Anyone know where my sunglasses are? Anyone?”
“They’re on your head.”
“OH REALLY? Must be the work of the Saboteur! OR THAT WHORE RACHEL.”
“I’ll tell yous one thing: the Meow Meow don’t like none of this Saboteur business. The only thing I like less is that yellow pillow I seen around the house.”
“It’s behind your head!”
“JESUS CHRIST THAT SABOTEUR IS GOOD!”
“If you evict me, you all are making the biggest mistake of the game. Also Rachel is a whore and will gain twenty pounds every week she’s left in here. Love you all!”
“That was kind of mean. I don’t know. It sort of hurt my feelings. Anyone have a hug to spare?”
“Um… so… you should vote to evict Annie because she looks French Canadian.”
“So sue me!”
“Let me tell you something, Julie. Brendon is MY sloppy seconds. Well, I mean, he said hello to me on day one and then smiled politely, but HE’S MY SLOPPY SECONDS.”
C:\CHENBOT> Run app-x (“WOOOOO GURL! Werk it!”)
What did you think about the eviction? Sad to see Annie go? And what was the deal with Kristen’s whore-rrific green top on the live show?