Do not adjust your televisions. Justin Bobby has come back to The Hills, which may or may not explain that wafting stank emanating from your entertainment center. Yes, the oft-dirty, oft-annoying ex-boyfriend of Audrina made his triumphant return to the series last night, and lucky us, we got two douches (viz. Ryan Cabrera) for the admission price of one. The settup was simple. Audrina suddenly had a job at Epic again, and as part of her responsibilities, she needed to check out some band named Purple Melon at the Viper Room. She brought Lo and Steph along for the ride, and then wouldn’t you know it? Justin Bobby’s band took the stage after Purple Melon had taken their bows. This led to the usual sequence of events. First Audrina felt awkward and wanted to leave. Then she began smiling. And then she was back in love all over again. Meanwhile, we had to sit and watch as every cutaway to Justin Bobby revealed him in less and less clothing (and more and more sweat).
After the gig, Audrina caught up with her ex out on the sidewalk where he charmed her with his puppy dog eyebrows and goofy smile. Oh how we’ve had to endure this ridiculousness before. It’s the same thing. He charms her (or Kristin, as was the case last season), and then once he’s locked her in, the games begin. Why must we suffer through this for the tenth time?
Well, the intrigue (for lack of a better word) continued when Audrina saw Ryan later in the episode. She noted that she had seen Purple Melon but conveniently left out any mention of Justin Bobby (unless that was edited out, which is quite possible). It sort of made sense: clearly, Audrina had fallen back in love with JB, and if we’re to believe her idle patter earlier in the episode, she was getting a bit sick of Ryan (and honestly, who wouldn’t? His hair looks like a sea anemone).
Nevertheless, Ryan went out of town on a tour, leaving Audrina all by her lonesome. Just her luck that when she went out with the girls to Voyeur, Justin Bobby should turn up. He continued with his usual games, maligning Ryan (a.k.a. “Spike”) while barraging Audrina with a variety of manipulative questions. Meanwhile, over at the bar, Kristin watched from afar, hardly perturbed by the scene that was unfolding, despite the fact that she allegedly had some sort of intense romance with Justin Bobby last season. Shouldn’t Kristin have been jealous that he went and cozied up with Audrina without giving her anything even resembling a greeting? Wouldn’t she have had some sort of visceral reaction to seeing her ex? And wouldn’t she at least acknowledge in some shape or manner that she had ever let his peen into her vag? Clearly not. Why? Because their entire relationship was probably manufactured.
Kristin, of course, had bigger fish to fry. She was busy extracting an apology from Brody, who was surprisingly sans “friend,” McKaela Line. We don’t know where she was that night, but one thing’s for certain: she’s onto him. McKaela spent most of the episode learning about The Brodester from Lo, who just so happens to be the ultimate underminer. Lo happily encouraged McKaela to have fun with her new man but to be careful of the other girls in his life. It was classic Lo. I still don’t know why she hasn’t received a primary story line though. Interestingly enough, McKaela now works as an intern at Lo’s workplace; so perhaps that will lend itself to something noteworthy. Probably not.
As for Spencer and Heidi, the only news is, well, nothing. The two have been MIA for the second week in a row, and if next week’s previews are any indication, it looks like they’ll be gone again. Seems a bit surprising. One can only suspect that Spencer’s ejection from the show (and perhaps Heidi’s ensuing sexual harassment claims) have somehow caused this sudden disappearance of MTV’s most notorious duo. Based on nothing at all, I suspect the producers have run out of Speidi footage and are saving the best stuff (ie. Spencer’s expulsion) for the end of the season. But who knows. Let’s just enjoy this time without them while we can.
Here are photos!
“I need to find a new man. Why is that whenever I go to douchey clubs, I only find douches??”
“My name is McKaela. I’m a little bland.”
Guy: “Hey, nice glass. Mind if I spill it?”
“I like Melba Toast.”
“I really laaaahke you. I hope we can start a rellllaaaaaytionship. Maybe take a trip to F’lllllorida, see the Everglaaaaaaydes.”
“I’m really happy Ryan is moving out. My bedroom is starting to smell like hair product and Slim Jims.”
“I’m sorry. Have I overwhelmed you with my general pleasantness?”
“I wish the McRib was back.”
Lo: “So what is this awful band we’re seeing tonight?”
Audrina: “They’re called Purple Melon.”
Steph: “I love melons!”
Audrina: “And I love purple!”
Lo: “Ugh, you guys are the worst.”
Justin Bobby: “Hey you. Didn’t recognize me? That’s because I’m not a pseudo-cholo anymore. And I’m not a pseudo-rockabilly punk anymore either. And I’m not grunge anymore. But you know, I’m not a poseur or anything either.”
“Audrina, I object to the fact that you just likened me to Rumer Willis.”
“McKaela, here’s the problem. Brody’s kind of in love with someone else.”
McKaela: “I know. Kristin.”
“Kristin? That’s precious. I was talking about Frankie.”
“If Brody talks about the twinkle in Frankie’s eyes one more time, I’m gonna throw my drink at him.”
Kristin: “All’s well that ends well!”
Brody: “Now let’s go home so you can fellllaaaaayte me.”
What did you think about the episode? What about the Justin Bobby situation?