BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Fall of Brenchel

For weeks they annoyed us, and sadly for weeks they provided the only entertainment in the Big Brother house. Now, at last, the two-headed monster that was Brendon and Rachel has been broken up, but not without one final surge of drama. As promised, Brendon attempted to shift the target onto himself by attacking people in the Big Brother house — all so that his fair maiden could remain in the game instead of him, the knight. It was a noble, if idiotic plan. Clearly these two will break up a month after the game is over; so sacrificing a shot at the big prize for “love” is not the wisest choice Brendon could have made. However, he seems to be won over by the Kool-Aid hues of Rachel’s hair and her heaving, bouncing bosom. If giving up a half million dollars for love makes me an idiot, Brendon told us, I guess I’m an idiot.

Well said.

The bad news for Brendon was that he gave up his shot, AND he lost his love. You see, Brendon went around the house, bullying people like Ragan and Britney in an attempt to irk them the way Andrew had, except there was one major difference in their strategies. Andrew went after an alpha dog in Hayden. Brendon just kicked the floaters around. Who’s gonna care about that? If he wanted to truly ruffle feathers, he would have started up with the likes of Enzo or Lane, but as Britney noted, he was just too much of a pussy to do so.

And that’s Brendon’s problem. He’s just too nice of a guy to be the “bad boy.” All his attempts at stirring up trouble felt forced and strained. That’s why no one took him seriously. Britney and Ragan spent most of their time simply laughing at Brendon’s sad attacks, most notably a pedantic correction about the pronunciation of “Neanderthal.”

That’s not to say that Brendon didn’t annoy people. He certainly got under Britney’s skin, to hilarious effect. I like Britney, don’t get me wrong. However, she IS kind of spoiled. She’s received a free pass the last few weeks because she’s proven to be the only funny or vaguely interesting cast member this season, but let’s not forget her mopey week with Monet. She was truly awful, and as much as people may not want to hear it, the girl has total entitlement issues. That’s why she’s bristled so angrily against Brendon. Brit-Brit might be my favorite in the house currently, but she certainly needs to be knocked off her pedestal. Also, I don’t think she’s my favorite. I don’t know who my favorite is. Casting FAIL.

Anyway, when Brendon wasn’t raising wannabe hell, he was canoodling with Rachel. And when he wasn’t canoodling with Rachel, he was bickering with her. I personally enjoyed the glimpse of them fighting over where to move post-game: Los Angeles (him) or Las Vegas (her). The two were so whiney and idiotic that I couldn’t help letting out a guffaw every time Rachel intensely declared “I am Vegas” as if that were something to be proud of. That’s like proclaiming “I am an ASHTRAY” and expecting people to be impressed.

Certainly not impressed were Brendon’s ex-fiancé and her mother. The two totally railed on him, saying how manipulative and emotional the guy was. I definitely got a “not over it yet” vibe from the girl, but her bitterness was welcomed, and I believed every word she said. Gotta love scorned lovers and their equally angry cougar moms.

As for the rest of the episode, it went as expected. The house unanimously voted Rachel out, despite Brendon attempting to rattle everyone with his speech (again, take a note from Andrew. If you’re going to go down in flames, call people out, even if you’re going to lie about them). In the exit interview, Rachel was not the bundle of tears I expected her to be. Instead, she seemed fairly with-it; although, I didn’t appreciate her answering every question by saying that people were scared of her. Change it up, girlfriend.

Speaking of changing things up, the Chenbot added a touch of intrigue the evening by telling Rachel that this might not be the last of the Big Brother house she’d see. Will we have a returning cast member? PLEASE LET IT BE. If only to spice this cast up. Also, there are way too many lazy guys in the house and not enough catty bitches. We’re down to just Britney and Kathy. Where the hell is the testosterone. Why haven’t the male egos kicked in yet? Hopefully that’s to come.

As the episode ended, we watched as the house guests navigated through a rope course of sorts. This meant that yet again we’d be deprived of seeing who’d be the new Head of Household until Sunday. I, of course, could not wait and looked up the results. For now, my lips are sealed…

Here’s the photocap:

C:\ Chenbot> run app: orgasm.exe

“Damn that was good.”

Rachel: “I love you, Brendon.”
“I love you more.”
“Excuse me?”
“I love you more.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I love you.”
“So you want to love me MORE than I love you?”
“I didn’t mean it in a competitive way.”
“Then why did you say it? You’re just afraid of me, aren’t you.”
“Rach…”
“I can’t deal, Brendon.”
“I want to be your knight.”
“Well, if you loved me, you wouldn’t say you love me more than I love you.”
“I’m sorry, Rach.”
“I love you.”
“I love you just as much.”
“Excuse me?”
“What?”
“You’re my boyfriend. I expect you to love me more!”

“The Meow Meow feels like he’s back at the Jersey Shore, gettin’ a tan and watching the grenades walk by. If I had a hair for all the ugly chicks I seen there, well, that would be nice.”

“You know what would be awesome right now? A sister to BLOW ME.”

“I hope the three of yous realize that the Brigade is strawng. We won’t be having a brush with danger anytime soon.”

“What’s a brush?”

“When will these people learn? It’s NeanderTAL, not NeanderTHAL. Although, in the case of Britney, I’d be prone to calling her NeanderSMALL. Get it? Anyone?”

“You’re just a caveman, Brendon!”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“So… what are your thoughts on hugging a caveman?”

“Meow Meow is feeling some Giggle Giggles.”

Britney: “Ladies and gentleman, a class act.”
Brendon: “Please don’t interrupt me. The sliding door is giving me a hug.”

“The things Brendon is saying?? Why I oughta!!!!!”

Britney: “Excuse me, everyone, but who let the homeless guy into the house?”
Hayden: “Spare some change?”

“The Saboteur definitely struck again. Who else would have zipped up my hoodie??”

“Brendon, I’m going to tell you this once and never again. I AM VEGAS.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. But I just AM.”

“Brendon, what goes on in me, STAYS in me.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“Yes. WITH VEGAS.”

“Remember that Nicholas Cage movie where he was an alcoholic? I call it Leaving Rachel because guess what? I AM VEGAS.”

“I can’t believe Brendon. Doesn’t he realize I AM VEGAS? Ain’t no man getting between me and MY CITY!”

“Um, hi. I used to be engaged to Brendon, and all I can say is that he would cry before, during, and after sex. And every time we went to car wash, he wanted me to hold him until those swirly brushes passed.”

Ex-Fiancé: “Oh man, how awful is Brendon?”
Mom: “The worst.”
“Can you believe I almost married that Neanderthal?”
Both: “Hahahhahahaha.”
Mom: “For the record though, it’s pronounced NeanderTAL.”

Ex-Fiancé: “He was just so needy.”
Mom: “And emotional.”
“He wanted to change me.”
“So up and down that one.”
“I’m glad I moved on.”
“Me too.”
“He’s just the worst.”
“Yeah… Also, for the record, I may have slept with him once or twice. But anyway, more wine?”

“I guess I’m out here because people were scared of me.”
Julie: “And why was that?”
“I don’t know. People were just scared of me.”
“What do you think your friends at home are saying?”
“They’re probably scared of me.”
“And what about your family?”
“They’re scared of me.”
“And tell me your favorite molecule.”
“It’s hard to say. They’re all scared of me.”

“I kind of like this challenge. It’s like I’m in the middle of a giant rope HUG.”

“The Meow Meow doesn’t like this challenge. I’m gonna call it the Tangle Tangle.”

“Couldn’t we do somethin’ more fun? You know, like shootin’ turtles. Or possoms. Or anything with eyes?”

What did you think about the episode? Did the house guests make the right choice?