Sorry to be tardy for the party on this post, but I only got around to watching last week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta last night, and after a two week absence, I’m back with a photocap. So much has gone on since I last did one of these. Kim recorded “Tardy for the Party,” Kim kicked Nene off the record, Kim reunited with Big Poppa, Kim started dropping $32,000 on middling necklaces, Kim fell down a staircase, Kim scratched up her legs, Kim fed her daughters more crappy food, Kim drank more wine, and Kim’s boobs inflated just a tad more. Seriously, her bosoms are expanding at an alarming rate. It’s almost like a titty version of The Blob. Nevertheless, sparks flew this week when Kim revealed to Nene that she would NOT be recording on the “Tardy for the Party” track. This sent Nene into a whirlwind of anger, and she became downright bitchy and awful — during Sherayay’s INDEPENDENCE PARTY, no less! Look, we all love Nene, but if she can make Kim seem like the mature one in a situation, something’s wrong. True, it was sort of effed up of Kim to bump Nene off the song after months of begging, but still, it’s really not that big of a deal. Nene was just on a rampage that night, and after she was done with Kim, she wound up going off on poor Kandi, who almost lost it herself. Luckily, the singer kept her mouth shut like a closed pocketbook (and by pocketbook, I mean vagina. And by vagina, I mean TWAT, which is apparently okay to say on TV — thank you Lisa Wu Hartwell).
Speaking of pocketbooks, Lisa and Kandi participated in a rip-off of The Vagina Monologues called The Pocketbook Monologues — and no, it was not a tribute to offerings of Coach and Talbots. It was just a different word for vagine (and yes, this will make me snicker now every time a woman says “This damn pocketbook. I can NEVER find anything in here!”). Lisa seemed to do a proficient reading of her monologue (“A Closed Pocketbook”), and Kandi pulled off what appeared to be a very powerful version of hers (“A Broken Pocketbook”). I can only imagine what sort of monologue Kim would have been given. I’m gonna go with “Close Your Pocketbooks To Married Men.”
Nevertheless, while some of the ladies were emoting about their “triangle between the legs,” Sherayay was getting her Betty all excited about a portrait. Yes, this most modest of women decided to commission a GIANT painting of herself that she’d then reveal at her own oft-delayed Independence party. Talk about class. Amusingly, Sherayay boasted the credits of her artist, saying that he’s done politicians and high profile people such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Britney Spears. First of all, the inclusion of Britney Spears on that list is amusing enough. However, I’m more amused that Sherayay would imply that major dignitaries would sit with this man — people like Barack Obama or Bill Clinton or Queen Elizabeth — but in reality, her examples are two guys that have been dead for over a century. Of course, any world leader, dead or alive, would pale next to Sherayay, and I’m proud to announce that this artist has finally reached the pinnacle of his career. Well done to all involved.
Anyhow, enough babble. Let’s move on to the photos.
RACHEL ZOE PHOTOCAP: A Bad Case of Verti-zoe
If the latest episode of The Rachel Zoe Project felt a bit like Arrested Development, that’s because like Lucille II, Rachel came down with (spoiler!) VERTIGO! Yes, the source of her DEADLY NAUSEA was none other than stress-induced vertigo, a.k.a. The Spins. On the one hand, I felt bad for our ailing stylist. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but laugh as I imagined her in a constant state of dizziness. Cruel, I know. I apologize, Team Zoe. Nevertheless, the doctor prescribed a lifestyle change, informing Rachel she had to do less and ease up on the stress. So what did Rachel do? She holed herself up in her Westwood apartment and organized an auction of old jewelry. Oh, and she also let her team disintegrate by tasking Taylor and Brad to figure out which one of them would go to Paris. This was poor personnel management at its best — not that Rachel has really shown any ability to manage her “styling associates” in the past. As one might expect, Taylor and Brad sort of got into it, and while the obvious choice would have been for Taylor to go to Paris as she is the more senior member of the team, she instead opted to let Brad go to Europe instead because, let’s face it, he would have been pissy for five weeks had she not. Besides, you know that for Taylor the glory of holding her sacrifice over Brad indefinitely far outshines the allure of Paris any day.
After the jump, pics from the episode…
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‘Community’ Has Won Me Over
Before Community premiered last week, I had some concerns. All the promotional clips NBC had sent out were kind of… well… just okay. Still, I like to check out new comedy, and the New York Times gave the show a good review; so I watched the first episode earlier this week and kind of loved it. The banter is fast, snarky, and very smart. Plus, the fact that so much of the show takes place in a study group, the emphasis seems to be on funny dialogue, which is a great (and welcome) callback to the sitcoms of yore. But would be Community be a one hit wonder? No. Turns out the second episode was just as hilarious, and with the addition of Ken Jeong (the crazy Asian dude in every movie these days, viz. The Hangover), the show just got even better. In fact, I’m tempted to say it’s the best new comedy of the fall (and I know everyone LOVES Modern Family — which is also very funny). Nevertheless, in the clip above, Jeong makes his debut on the show with a daffy monologue that he pretty much owns. I was never a particularly huge fan of his, but I might have to rethink that now.
Have you seen Community? What do you think of it?
Help Fight MS!
Meeshie in 2008
My friend Meeshie is taking part in a very important and good cause next week. No, she’s not finding me a benefactor to fund this site. She’s participating in the annual bike ride to support MS Research. Last year, I encouraged readers to help support Meeshie and her team, and this year, I’m doing the exact same thing. Multiple sclerosis affects a huge number of people, and hopefully events like this can help us move closer to a cure (why aren’t I quite the sincere blogger this morning?). Anyway, here’s the formal pitch:
On October 4 the National MS Society’s New York City Chapter is hosting its 25th annual Bike MS event where 5,000 individuals will ride their bikes toward a world free of MS. I am joining the movement by participating in Bike MS. You can support me by making a tax-deductible donation to help raise much needed funds for people with multiple sclerosis.
Over 400,000 Americans live with the challenges of multiple sclerosis. This disease brings uncertainty to those living with it and stops people from moving. The National MS Society exists to make sure it doesn’t. Together, we can turn the uncertainty into hope by doing something about MS now.
To donate, click here to support Meeshie or visit bikeMSnyc.org. Please help out Meeshie!
ADVENTURES IN DOMESTICITY: Just Your Basic Chocolate Chip Cookie Edition
Because the weather in Los Angeles was so beautiful last night, my friend Sly moseyed on over to my place, and the two of us ascended to my rooftop where we split a bottle of Rioja which we had purchased in Harbor City as part of our paella adventure many moons ago. Suffice it to say the wine, Campo Viejo Reserva 2004, was fantastic — as was the view — and after an hour and a half of lovely conversation tinged with scathing remarks about a variety of subjects, we decided the best way to conclude such a delightful evening would be to take in a viewing of this week’s Mad Men. But what’s Mad Men without cookies? Actually, the two are not intrinsically linked; however, in my mind I decided that I absolutely could not watch the adventures of Sterling Cooper this week without some fresh chocolate chip cookies. And so before we began, I busted out the New Basics cookbook and had Sly narrate the directions whilst I assembled the ingredients for what promised to be a very tasty treat. Behind the camera, I should note, was Lil’ Grans, who is hoping to join the ranks of our clique (The VC), but his application is still pending. (He came over for Mad Men and was promptly enlisted into photographic duty).
Photos of this cookie adventure (only the second time I’ve ever made chocolate chip cookies in my life) after the jump…
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The Best of IndianJones
The Los Angeles crew lost a vital member of its community today. And by vital, I mean “stocky, even-keeled, and generally assholish.” Yes, I’m talking about the beloved IndianJones, who is currently driving northward to the icy climes of San Francisco where he has taken a job with Internet giant Yahoo! (exclamation theirs, not mine). These will be trying times for our group (formerly called the Lametourage until very recently when we decided that The VC, or Vicious Circle, best describes our badinage and dynamic). Point is, without IndianJones, we lose that certain je ne sais quoi (ironic since he hates the French). Who’s gonna come over and turn off the oven timer FOR NO GOOD REASON WHEN SOMETHING IS BAKING? And who’s gonna babble incessantly about the multi-faceted glories of Tom Brady? No one, I tell you. No one.
And so it was with a heavy heart that The VC said its goodbyes to IndianJones last night. Burgers, kir royales, and macaroons were had (followed by awkward hugging — IndianJones doesn’t like personal contact). However, just because IndianJones is gone doesn’t mean he’s forgotten. In honor of his two influential years here in Los Angeles, I’ve gone back through my archives and dug out the best IndianJones photos I could find (and let me tell you, compared to my iPhoto library, these are just the tip of the iceberg).
Enjoy, if you would, this tribute to the man, the myth, the Masshole.
Meet The (Rumored) DC Housewives!
Gossip broke today when Washington wag Carol Joynt reported that the new cast of the Real Housewives of D.C. had been finalized. Of course, nothing is official, and for all we know, this Carol Joynt — or CJ as I’m wont to call her — may be completely off her rocker. But according to NBC Washington, CJ is the “queen of the Washington D.C. social scene” (perhaps sarcasm is intended); so who am I deny her morsels of gossip? Besides, rumor is fact. We all know that. Oh, and this info was sent to me by someone from NBC, which leads me to believe there may be truth to it. Or not.
Pics and identities of the alleged cast after the jump.
RACHEL ZOE PHOTOCAP: Rachel Shuts It Down
IT’S A BRADSASTER! Rachel Zoe has come down with… a cold! Or maybe a stomach virus. Or perhaps food poisoning. Whatever it is, she feels terrible and wants to throw up. Yes, this was the state of affairs at the end of last night’s The Rachel Zoe Project, and as the dramatic stylist was returned to her condo for a rejuvenating nap in her robe and bangles, the big question on everyone’s mind was: WILL RACHEL DIE?
Literally.
Just about the only one who didn’t seem concerned about imminent death was Roger, the only sane person on this wacky, wacky television show. In fact, he seemed so confident that Rachel’s ailment was a big nothing that he even kissed her on the lips. Ewwww. Look, she’s not gonna die, but she’s still sick. THIS IS HOW SWINE FLU IS SPREAD, PEOPLE!
Anyway, the much-hyped illness was only a brief coda on the episode (which even featured an all too dramatic “To Be Continued” at the end). Most of the show pertained to a rather uninteresting photo shoot, which we’ll try not to re-live, and a truly hilarious attempt to weave Rachel into an animated webisode for Ashton Kutcher. I won’t get into the details, but needless to say, it all culminated in Rachel engaging with invisible characters (or “GHOSTS” as she called them) in the middle of a room. It really doesn’t get much more amazing than that. Many “ohmygods” were had.
After the jump, pictures from the episode…
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These Previews… Are… Bah…Nananas
Rachel vs. the concept of animation.
There’s another new episode of The Rachel Zoe Project on tonight, and if these previews are any indication, it’s gonna be more ridiculous than ever. In the first video, Rachel grapples with the concept of having to offer fashion advice to animated characters. That’s right — for some reason, she’s doing some sort of weird video where she’s giving couture to invisible people, which leaves her saying both her trademark “Oh… mygod” to the director and then babbling to empty space. It’s quite a sight to behold.
In the second clip (the first half of which you can skip over since it’s just Taylor complaining to some woman), we find Rachel suffering from some ailment that has left her shaking and wanting to throw up everywhere (specifically on Taylor). Again, the dramatic staccato statements ensue (“ohmygod. I could throw up. Everywhere. I’m dying.” — not a direct quote). Check out that video after the jump…
Scott Weiland Forces Plane Into Emergency Landing; Bemused Emailing Ensues
Now THIS would have been a flight to blog. I just received this email from my friend Jeff who is attempting to fly from LAX to Miami:
“my plane just made an emergency landing in Dallas because Scott Weiland od’d on prescription meds. Sort of amazing.”
This was then followed by:
“I also just convinced a very cute med student sitting next to me that his new album is called ‘Airplanes Make Me Crazy!’. True story. “
Damnit! Why can’t I have crazy celebs on my plane? All I get are demure women like Sigourney Weaver or Gwyneth Paltrow or Ariane from Top Chef. Oh well. I suppose I should be happy for the lack of emergency landings.
For more information on Scott Weiland’s seizure-riffic transcon experience, check out the story here.