(via I Can Has Cheezburger)
HEEYYY GUYS: Mary Kate Edition
“Heeyyy guys. Do you like my dehydrated pumpkin? Me too.”
(via Getty Images)
Scrabulous Deathwatch: THE END IS NIGH!!!
Last week, I took a stand on behalf of Facebook users and announced which applications should unceremoniously die. My first choice on that list was none other than Scrabulous, the online (and unauthorized) adaptation of Scrabble which has become a mainstay on most Facebook profiles. While the game seems like nothing but a fun diversion at first, it soon devolves into a harrowing, never-ending saga of vocabulary-based torture, which is why I felt it important that Scrabulous be put to eternal rest.
Turns out somebody may have been listening to my pleas. The makers of Scrabble have requested that Scrabulous be dismantled, citing those old trustworthy bastards: copyright infringement and trademark violations. There’ll probably be a public outcry on Facebook, and while I normally get all anti-corporate when it comes to Internet copyright issues, in this case I’ll simply say THANK YOU.
For those counting, this now makes it the second time in a week that I’ve precipitated a death with my wandering mind. Sorry again, Sir Edmund Hillary.
• Toymakers scramble after Scrabulous [AP]
A Night At The Proms
Recently, my friend Nhan rented out a restaurant for her birthday, and to make the occasion extra special, she added a theme: prom. Well, who wouldn’t like that — aside from Christian on Project Runway? My friends and I happily poured ourselves into the appropriate outfits, which in this case meant tuxes for the gents and ’80s dresses for ladies. Sadly, I had no silly ruffled shirt to accompany my tux; so I had to cheese myself out in a different way: slicked back hair. It was the first time I had endeavored to helmet-ize my hitherto gorgeous locks, and I’m happy to say the effect was perfect.
Once all gussied up, we all strolled out of the apartment looking like 1985’s toast of the town, and as we headed over to the prom, we laughed that we should go somewhere later where we’d be the only ones dressed up in costumes — just to see people’s reactions. Little did we realize that would happen… AT THE PARTY.
Overheard in Reno
Janet: Oh, Mr. Obama, it’s really so wonderful to meet you! I can’t tell you how excited I am for your campaign. Before I forget, this here on my right is my dearest friend Luanne—
Luanne: I just got a perm.
Obama: Ahh… very nice…
Janet: And this is Marilyn. She just loves you!
Marilyn: Janet, ohmigosh. I can’t believe you said that.
Obama: Well, it’s lovely to meet you, ladies. Thanks so much for coming out to support—
Janet: We were so excited to meet you that we got you a gift. Marilyn, did you bring the tea cozy? The one we got at Mervyns? I want to give it to Barack here.
Marilyn: I, uh, I’m sorry. I’m just a bit overwhelmed.
Janet: Marilyn, now is not the time. I’m so sorry, Barack. How was your flight? Marilyn, will you please check your purse? MARILYN.
Marilyn: My purse? I don’t even know what that is. Is it warm in here? I think I need to sit down or—
Obama: Honestly ladies, you really didn’t need to get me a cozy. I have plenty—
Janet: No, it was our pleasure… MARILYN, GET THE DAMN COZY OUT OF YOUR PURSE.
Marilyn: I’m a… I’m a… Oh lord…
Luanne: So you really like my perm, right? You’re not just saying that.
Janet: Luanne, he doesn’t care about your perm.
Luanne: But you said that he would.
Janet: I think Mr. Obama is a very busy man, and he doesn’t need to comment on your hair.
Luanne: You said he would like it. You SPECIFICALLY said that.
Janet: I know what I said, Luanne. Let’s not raise our voices. I’m so sorry, Barack.
Luanne: You’re lying, Janet. And you know it.
Janet: You know what, Luanne? Why don’t you just go back to the car, okay? Here are the keys. Just take them and just… just… get out of here.
Obama: I’m sorry, I really have to get going.
Marilyn: I LOVE YOU.
Janet: Marilyn!
Luanne: Screw this. I’m going to Olive Garden.
(Photo courtesy of the New York Times)
Cheese Plate Reaches Unprecedented Levels of Internet Fame
Back in September, I went on a highfalutin jaunt to Paris with some friends, and while there, we had lunch at a cozy, New York Times-recommended bistro called Chez Michel. The meal was delicious — some of the best mussels I’ve ever had — but nothing could prepare me for the cheese plate I had ordered for dessert. Turns out the plate was less a of plate and more of a miniature fromagerie. No dainty slices of brie here — just giant blocks of cheese. It could have fed ten people. We were all so shocked when this leviathan offering of dairy products descended on the table that I immediately whipped out my camera and snapped a quick photo.
Little did I realize this offhand pic would soon become the toast of the Internet. Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement. It’s only been viewed twenty times. BUT I was most honored when the editors of the online travel resource Schmap contacted me about using the photo in their latest Paris guide. I’m not going to lie: I was floored, and I don’t even know why. It’s cool and everything, but when I received the email, I literally felt like I had been nominated for an Academy Award. I think it’s because it was like two in the morning, and I was tired and/or delirious. Nevertheless, I’ve since come down from my Schmap-induced high, but I remain quite flattered that the editors saw artistry (or at least functionality) in my pic. To check out the photo in all its Schmappy context, click here.
Oh, and as for the cheese, it was quite tasty. We quickly deduced that it was indeed a traveling plate, meant for consumption by multiple tables. Probably not the most sanitary of practices, but oh so very European!
• Chez Michel [Schmap!! Paris]
TERMINATOR: The Cupcake Chronicles
The Machines Are Here. And They Bring Cupcakes.
When you think of the intense, bloody, testosterone-fueled Terminator franchise, only one thing comes to mind: cupcakes. It’s a pairing as old as time itself. Well, banking on that classic robot-cupcake association, Fox is promoting its new series, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles by giving away free cupcakes at venerable Los Angeles cupcake institution, Sprinkles. To some it might seem like a strange tie-in, but when I first read the notice in Eater LA, I was out the door so quickly you would have thought a T-1000 was charging down the hallway after me.
Photos of this adventure after the jump.
Analysis of a Facebook Poke
The other day, I discovered quite the surprise in my Facebook command center: someone had poked me. I was mildly taken aback as it had been months (which in Internet time is like decades) since I’d seen anyone use the classic “poke” feature instead of some ghastly “Are You Flirtable?” or “Are You Hot?” or “Do You Want To Have Sex With Me RIGHT NOW?” application. As you can imagine, I was very intrigued. I quickly set upon an impromptu investigation of my mysterious admirer, hoping to learn just who this person was that a) thought I was poke-worthy, and b) still used poke in the first place. What I found reminded me that there are still many lessons to be learned about Facebook etiquette; lessons, I hope, I can share with you.
My journey after the jump…
Favorite Blog Headline of the Week
“HONK!” If You Love Children’s Theater
AND HOW! There’s so much to love about this random, little blog post (which admittedly was published last July). There’s the utterly unabashed, un-ironic enthusiasm of its headline; there’s the ebullient comment of one Cookie Kubarek who writes “HONK! HONK!! HONK!!!” (note the steadily increasing use of exclamation points); there’s the blog author who includes a dictionary link for the word “kvelling” (oy!); there’s the fact that this production is actually called Honk!; and then there’s the photo of our young, honk-worthy stars reaching a crescendo of music and emotion, as evidenced by their outstretched arms and open mouths. I particularly like the one kid in the glasses whose lack of theatrical rapture suggests that maybe he was foisted on this production by an over-eager stage mother (a stark contrast to the short boy on the right, who’s clearly already in line for the next Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat audition).
If this post doesn’t satisfy your sweet tooth, be sure to check out the rest of The Falls Village Blog, a hokey corner of the web that bills itself as “News, Gossip, and Opinion from Connecticut’s Brigadoon.” Yes, it’s the ultimate small-town blog, boasting aggressively quaint pictures of frolicking children, old-fashioned fire trucks, and the ever so chic Country Couture fashion line, housed at Robin and Allen Cockerline’s Whippoorwill Farm (I’m not making this up). The site is truly something out of a Norman Rockwell painting, which means it’ll only be a matter of time before a some horrific scandal rocks its world. You know, like a black person moving to town.
Nevertheless, HONK! if you agree with me.
• “Honk!” If You Love Children’s Theater [The Falls Village Blog]
GYM HORRORS: Sweaty Idiots Overrun Peaceful Workout
(Dramatization)
Another day, another gross story from the gym. Thankfully, this tale details significantly fewer threats to my personal health and hygiene as my last gym horror story, but I still find it quite appalling. I guess by now it’s probably not hard to imagine what’s so offensive this time around, what with my headline spilling the beans rather obviously. Still, I’m never one to turn away from telling a compelling yarn, especially when it highlights a breach of etiquette, hygiene, or some ungodly mixture of both…
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