With the exception of two days in Los Angeles last week, I have been traveling for what feels like ten months (read: thirteen days), and as a result, I’ve fallen woefully behind on my daily blog routines, particularly my coverage of Big Brother. Luckily, I return to a relatively normal schedule this Wednesday when I should be able to resume normal blogging duties. In the meantime, here’s a picture of me with a cat. And if that still doesn’t float your boat, feel free to jump into the Big Brother discussion (as well as many others) in the forums. You can also follow me on Twitter, on which I continue to be active even when I’m away from the blog (almost at 1,000 followers!).
And if that still doesn’t scratch your procrastination itch, check out The Gentleman’s Club podcast, which serves as the first and perhaps last time I’ll ever share billing with my childhood idol, Darryl Strawberry.
So in conclusion:
• Big Brother (and Real Housewives of Atlanta) coverage resumes later this week.
• There’s fun in the forums.
• You should follow me on Twitter.
• The Gentleman’s Club podcast is worth checking out.
• And I took a picture with a cat (above).
'Next Food Network Star' Selects Its Two Finalists
The Next Food Network Star upped its game last night by forcing its final three contestants to whip up a luxurious, “ultimate” three course dinner party for an imposing table of Food Network stars and celebrity chefs. It was a fairly daunting task, and while all three did a fine job, only two could move on. For the sake of ruining it for people on DVR delay, I’ll refrain from saying anything more, but after the jump, I will weigh in with an opinion or two…
Continue reading “'Next Food Network Star' Selects Its Two Finalists”
Awful Toddler Ruins What Could Have Been A Delightful Transcontinental Flight
Today I flew from Los Angeles to New York, and I had the supreme displeasure of being seated directly behind the world’s worst toddler. I knew this kid was bad news way back at Burbank airport when he came running up to me and HID behind my luggage. I don’t like when unruly children with snot dripping from their nose enter my personal area, let alone when they touch my baggage. This was highly upsetting to me. After about twenty seconds, this devil child’s dad (who had body odor, I’d like to add) took him by the hand and led him away WITHOUT EVEN APOLOGIZING TO ME. Imagine my dismay when I discovered I’d be sitting directly behind these awful, awful people on the airplane.
The good news was that the first forty-five minutes of the flight were sublimely quiet and peaceful as Baby was asleep. But then he woke up, and it was hell from that point on. This kid cried and cried and cried and cried. And when he wasn’t crying, he was yelling. And when he wasn’t yelling, he was crying again. The two passengers next to me (both gentlemen of a certain age) made silly faces and googly eyes every time the toddler stuck his dirty face above the seat. I, however, leveled the angriest glare I could summon, hoping that it would somehow scare the boy into silence. It worked once — allowing me ten seconds of relief before the caterwauling started up again. Mostly, however, my icy eyes were met with a giggle of all things, which was in turn followed by more crying. It was horrendous.
Now, I’ve gotten some flack from some readers about how cruel and unsympathetic I am to children, and I’d like to add that I do like a few kids — mainly the ones related to me because THEY have been raised by good parents and therefore are well behaved (props to my brother and sis-in-law). But let me add that this rant comes not from being a hater. No, this rant comes because this child was seriously awful. I can say this because there were other toddlers on the plane who were perfectly benign and lovely. One woman walked her boy up and down the aisle about ten times, but it was fine because he made not a peep. The toddler in front of me, however, was all screaming all the time. You’d think the parents would get the bright idea to similarly walk their kid around the plane to mollify his restlessness, but no, they did no such thing. In fact, they didn’t even take him to the bathroom once the ENTIRE TIME. Poor kid — he probably had shat his pants somewhere over western Colorado and was just begging for new diapers. Either way, whether the child was terrible or merely the parents, I can say that I was most miserable. In fact, the noises became so loud and horrific that I simply had to record them with my webcam. Hence the video above. Check it out to sample ninety seconds of my pain. I defy you to make it to the end of the clip…
PROJECT SCALLION: The Cost of Neglect
When I went out of town last week, I left the horticultural needs of my apartment in the good hands of my friend jash, who has done an absolutely stellar job of keeping my rosemary, thyme, basil, and chives alive. The fact that I even have so many plants is a bit mindblowing to me, but that’s neither here nor there. Unfortunately, jash cruelly neglected my scallions, which had been perched quietly on a window sill, yearning for nothing but water. To jash’s credit, I had drawn the blinds, and thus the scallions were essentially hidden from view of the apartment, but that being said, he is still a scallion murderer through and through as his inattentiveness yielded a veritable scallion GENOCIDE here in Hollywood.
Perhaps it’s all for the best though. The experiment had indeed run its course, and after having used one or two stalks last week in a tuna salad, I came to the following conclusion: scallions DO regrow and DO maintain their flavor. However, it takes quite a while for them to get decent-sized, which can be a problem because ideally, I’d want to always be able to turn to my scallion vase and pluck upwards of five stalks at any given time (some recipes call for a lot). If I were to grow scallions in this way, I’d basically have to just start with a whole bunch — maybe twenty or so — and hopefully that would be enough to maintain a proper cycle wherein by the time I’ve harvested the last scallion, the first ones have totally re-grown. This, of course, would require a larger vase, and honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready to devote such funds to this endeavor. But I’m not counting it out. I need to think this through.
In the meantime, after the jump check out one more photo of the scallions’ dried up roots. It’s horrifying. I added water back into the vase just in case it would solve something, but I think the writing’s on the wall. These plants need to go…
ALASKA FLIGHT BLOG: We Flyin' First Class Up In The Sky!
Ardent readers of this blog may have noticed that content has been somewhat lacking over the past few days. That’s because I’ve been touring the Pacific Northwest, enjoying the sights and sounds (and various libations) of Portland and Seattle. Well, now I’m back, but of course I couldn’t just FLY somewhere without sharing the experience — especially since I managed to score a swanky first class ticket back to Los Angeles on Alaska Airlines. So yes, here I am with another FLOG, ready to share all from my two hour jaunt in the sky.
The full experience, including a MOST dissatisfying crudite incident, after the jump…
Continue reading “ALASKA FLIGHT BLOG: We Flyin' First Class Up In The Sky!”
Meet Orange County's New Housewife!
It’s been relatively quiet on the Real Housewives front, what with the franchise taking a rest this month before Atlanta storms onto our televisions in a flurry of hair weaves and “BAM!” shouts. Today, however, we have news! Bravo has unveiled the new housewife joining our Orange County bitches, and surprise surprise — she’s a blonde. Her name is Alexis Bellino, and the bad news for Tamra: she’s only 32. That doesn’t make Alexis the youngest of the pack (that honor goes to Gretchen), but it certainly will undermine Tamra’s self-anointed title of “The Hottest Housewife.” And that can only mean one thing: more cattiness.
Yes, I can’t wait to see how Tamra and Vicki eviscerate their new frenemy. Chances are bitter attacks will ensue, followed by vicious cackling and self-righteous indignation. But before that all happens, let’s learn a little something about Alexis. 1) She’s a stay-at-home mom with three kids. 2) She’s originally from Missouri, and moved to California seven or eight years ago. 3) She’s a divorcé. 4) She’s very social. 5) She seems to have significantly less sun damage than Tamra, whose clavicle is starting to resemble the hide of a cheetah. Sounds promising!
Of course, the big question is whether or not Alexis will be replacing longtime stalwart Jeana Keough. Zap2It says no. The Orange County Register says yes. Intrigue!
More information here:
Zap2It: ‘The Real Housewives of Orange County’ keep Jeana Keough, welcome new woman (via Reality Chat)
OC Register: Meet the newest ‘Real Housewife of Orange County’
Horticultural Activities Overtake My Balcony
As I mentioned yesterday, I went to the Silver Lake farmers market over the weekend, and not only did I bring home crabs — the edible kind — but I also emerged with three varieties of plants: rosemary, thyme, and chives. I’m all about saving money, and if I can grow these herbs instead of purchasing them overpriced at the supermarket, that’s what I’m gonna do. Besides, they smell great, and in the famously pleasant Los Angeles weather, I know I’ll be able to maintain them all year long — assuming I don’t MURDER them with ineptitude (which is a huge possibility).
Of course, once I bought the plants, I then had to procure several accompanying items: soil, pots, trays, etc.. It turned out to be a minor endeavor, but somehow I persevered. After the jump, several pictures of the process, courtesy of jash.
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ADVENTURES IN DOMESTICITY: I Got Crabs Edition
Saturday in Los Angeles was one of those perfect, sunny Southern California days, and so when my friends Jash and Sly informed me that they were heading off to Silver Lake for the farmer’s market, I was more than happy to tag along for fun. You see, I’m notoriously ineffective at farmer’s markets. I tend to get overwhelmed with choices, eventually leading to a general central nervous system breakdown that leaves me confused, clammy, and just a tad sleepy. My biggest problem is that I’m a recipe guy. I have little to no cooking sense, and therefore I rely almost exclusively on other people’s directions. That’s why when I wander into a veritable bazaar of fresh produce such as the farmer’s market, I rarely know what the hell to get. Sure, there are some no-brainers — corn on the cob is always welcomed. But do I need tomatoes? Or cucumbers? Or any number of the strange items being hawked by the farmers of California? I just don’t know.
This trip to the farmer’s market, however, proved to be surprisingly bountiful and inspriational. Not only did I come across a neat variety of herbs (which I eventually bought and planted — more on that later), but I stumbled upon the one thing I had been craving for about two months now: SOFT SHELL CRABS. Yes, those elusive yet delicious crustaceans are a true favorite of mine, and given that they’re highly seasonal and rarely found here in Los Angeles, this turn of events elicited major, major excitement from me. I immediately called over Sly and Jash to show them my discovery, and they too became quite excited. I opted to buy two of the little, freshly-molted guys; Sly went for one; and Jash, who appreciated the situation, decided to sit this crabfest out.
And so we set a plan in motion: we would repair back to my abode and cook up the crabs for what would surely be a lunch to remember. Pictures — including some slightly graphic crab decapitation shots — after the jump…
Continue reading “ADVENTURES IN DOMESTICITY: I Got Crabs Edition”
Well, He's Certainly NOT A Gentleman!
The tabloids are again filled with dastardly rumors about LuAnn Countess de Lesseps and her estranged husband Alex, a.k.a. THE COUNT. The latest gossip is that THE COUNT (ah ah ah) has left his Ethiopian lady friend / princess after he found her to be entirely too classless and common. Even more intriguingly, the wags report that Alex is now seeking the forgiveness — and ultimately a welcome home — from his scorned LuAnn. Could it be that there’s a happy ending for this fairy tale story? To paraphrase The Countess herself: no, no, no, no, no, my dear.
After the New York Post published these rumors, Alex sent off a terse email to the paper stating the following about his relationship with Princess Abajobir: “We separated amicably and will remain friends, just as our children will… I am not trying to get back with the countess in any way, as your spies suggested. We will re main [sic] friends and take care of our children.”
So where does this leave the beleaguered de Lesseps brood? I’m not quite sure. All I do know is that if you plan to discuss this gossip, please be courteous and refrain from mentioning anything at the Cancer Society. I mean, not at the Cancer Society! NEVER AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!!!
Thanks to reader Tiffany for the heads up.
NY Post: COUNT ALEX DE LESSPES DENIES RECONCILIATION WITH COUNTESS LUANN
Catching Up With Sherayay Whitfield
The Real Housewives of Atlanta is just around the corner, and to help promote the new season, we have a video of the one and only Shereé Whitfield (whose name spelling still suggests that it be pronounced Sherayay). In this clip, the housewife / perm enthusiast extols the virtues of her fashion line, She By Shereé, by describing it as being “for the modern woman.” Of course, I’m not sure any “modern woman” would take style tips from a lady who looks like she just rolled out of bed and had her toddler do her makeup, but hey, whatever works. Point is, Sherayay is an eyeful. And I can say this without fear because she also claims that she doesn’t read “the blogs” due to all the “negativity” out there. Awww, Sherayay. Don’t be mad. We love you, especially when you try to convince us —in a bitchy way—that you’re not a bitch “all the time.” That’s right, Sherayay explains that there are many different facets to her personality — you know, like “lightly bitchy” or “very bitchy” or “fleetingly bitchy.” Okay, maybe she didn’t say that, but I’m sure it’s not far from the truth.
Nevertheless, check out Sherayay’s video. And let the excitement for season two build!