Big Brother 12 has yet to provide us with any screaming matches or backyard fisticuffs, but that’s okay because what this season lacks in altercations, it more than makes up for with pure cattiness. And at the center of the cattiness are Monet and Britney, the two awful snots who seem to spend all their time talking smack about their fellow houseguests. The two are the bitchiest of the bitches, and in that capacity, they are highly entertaining, even if they are truly awful. Unfortunately, by the end of Sunday’s episode, they both found themselves on the block, which meant that our potential for a summer of catty remarks and snide disdain was seriously in jeopardy. What, pray tell, would happen?
Well, things unfolded just the way we expected them too. Wednesday’s show picked up with both nominees slinking into a corner and crying their eyes out. Their pity party was probably the best since the heydays of Crazy James or perhaps even The Friendship. Britney and Monet were totally perplexed as to why they had become targets, going so far as to say that they had been always so friendly to Rachel — an out and out lie if there ever was one. Monet even proclaimed that she had never said a bad thing about Rachel, a statement she quickly revised by noting that she’d never said a bad thing TO HER FACE. Oh, never mind then!
What these two idiots fail to realize is that body language speaks volumes, and so while neither of them may have said anything rude to Rachel directly, Rachel is no idiot. Okay, she’s kiiiind of an idiot, but all girls — dumb or not — know when another girls hates them. It’s this wonderful Lady-Sense they have, and clearly she picked up on Britney’s disdain.
Nevertheless, Britney and Monet continued to mope around gloriously, lamenting the personal nature of Rachel’s nominations. This, of course, was laughable because we all know that both of those bitches would have put Rachel on the block solely because of her heaving, undulating bosom. Even more laughable was Monet, who claimed to be an utterly upfront person, and yet just minutes prior had defended herself by noting she had only said mean things about Rachel behind her back. Not sure how that correlates to being upfront, but then again, I’m not sure how many things correlate in Monet’s mind. The girl also claimed that she’d become a target because Rachel was jealous of her, which is always the classic, wonderful explanation that scorned pretty-girls reach for. Say what you will about Rachel, but she’s banging the token heartthrob of the season (plus, she’s got huge boobs). Not sure what Monet has that Rachel could be possibly jealous of. Then again, maybe Rachel secretly wishes she had a terminally bland personality too.
That being said, I would be quite disappointed to see Monet go home this week. Why? Because she and Britney are proving to be the little monsters this season needs. I therefore reluctantly hope Matt gets the axe. After all, he was dumb enough to volunteer to go on the block after Britney managed to save herself with the veto. Oh, and by the way, let’s talk about that challenge for a second. The premise was simple: the players had to stand for an hour and drop a suitcase as close to the sixty minute mark as possible without going over. Rachel and Brendan were playing, and all they had to do was make sure that each one of them dropped their suitcase the moment one of the nominees did. Unless one of the nominees managed to clock in their time exactly at the one hour mark, this strategy would effectively seal them out (the equivalent of adding $1 to a bid on Price is Right). But alas, Brendon and Rachel didn’t seem to think of this, and thus they both went over. In fact, everyone went over (including Enzo by a mere fourteen seconds). And thus Britney took the win.
With her off the block, it was then time to find a replacement nominee. Brit pushed hard for Andrew, but that would have been a boneheaded move because he really was Brendon and Rachel’s only ally. Furthermore, I’m oddly liking him now, especially when he saw through Matt’s little My-Wife-Has-A-Rare-Disease gambit (bonus points to Matt for trying, even more bonus points to Andrew for privately calling bullshit).
Oddly enough, Matt volunteered to be the pawn, all because he thought it would get him in well with Brendon and Rachel. It could certainly work, but I didn’t understand how he then spun it into the “ultimate act of loyalty” for The Brigade. How was it loyal? He actually managed to threaten the stability of the alliance by putting himself on the block. The good news for Matt is that Lane and Hayden and Enzo hardly represent a noteworthy braintrust, and so they went along with the plan, proud of their little baby for making such a big move.
Nevertheless, I really like Matt a lot, but I think my hatred of the Brigade and my enjoyment of the cattiness has me reluctantly rooting against him tonight. I guess we’ll see how it shakes out…
“It’s not fair. Why did I get nominated? I mean, how can she even SEE me with those giant fun bags in the way, WHICH I should add are disgusting. Not even the most SICKENING of whores have fake tits that big. I’m just OVER it!”
“I just feel like I haven’t had enough time to endear myself to gays across America yet.”
“I mean, why me? I have been nothing but sweet to that WHORE FACE YEAST MONSTER.”
“I was so nice to her. You know, like the time I shot her a nasty look — that was to show her that a whore like her shouldn’t be wearing such TRAMPY CLOTHING. I mean, who does she think she is? A fat-faced STRIPPER? I was just trying to help.”
“So is it true what they always say about me? That I’m an ugly crier?”
“So is it true what they always say about me? That I’m an ugly crier?”
“She’s playing so personal! It’s not nice! Sure, if I were HOH, I would nominate Rachel, but ONLY for being an annoying shrew bitch who deserves to spend the rest of her life wiping down peepshow stalls. That’s a VERY strategic reason!!”
“I have never said one bad thing about her.”
“You realize we’re talking about Rachel, right?”
“THAT SLUT RODENT? Yeah. I’ve always said the kindest things!”
“Okay, okay, so I’ve never said one bad thing to her. But whatevs!!! By the way, I did I tell you my whole thing about how I’m such an upfront person? I did? Okay, great. Anyway, as I was saying, I’VE ONLY SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT RACHEL BEHIND HER BACK.”
“She’s a stupid hooker. But again, I only have the kindest words for her.”
Rachel: “I just feel so baaaad!!!”
“I hate seeing you this way.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. But maybe, I don’t know, you could give me a hug?”
“Wait, I’m the one crying here.”
“Yeah… but… I don’t think you realize how bad I feel when I see you this way.”
“But I deserve the hug!”
“I guess. So I don’t deserve hugs? That just makes me feel sadder. I might need two hugs now.”
“Fine.”
“YES!”
“Wow, Matt. You’re kind of an idiot, aren’t you? L’chayim!”
“I mean, REALLY. How easy is this game? It’s not like there are any undercover DOCTORS in the house. The only thing crazier would be someone who’s secretly a PhD!! IN COMMUNICATIONS!!!!”
Brendon: “For the record, this counts as me hugging you, not you hugging me; so you still owe me one.”
“UGH, Rachel’s just jealous of me. She wishes she had small breasts and no hot boyfriend. That’s what EVERY girl wants!”
“Okay, houseguests, I’m going to read these directions to you once and only once, but that’s okay because you should understand them very clearly. I am a secret PhD in COMMUNICATIONS after all.”
“I kind of like this. It’s like I’m getting a neck hug.”
“Damn, I can’t believe I lost. I really thought I released my briefcase in less than an hour. It’s like I got anti-hugged by my internal clock.”
“I just want to punch someone in the face! But I won’t. Because I can’t. Also, I’m boring.”
“Put me on the block. Sure, it puts me and my alliance in total harm’s way, but I’ll just tell them it’s the ultimate act of loyalty, and they’ll be too dumb to know it’s the exact opposite!”
Brendon: “Matt, we’ll put you up as a pawn as long as you don’t come after us next week.”
Matt: “Great. Shake on it?”
“I’d prefer to seal it with a hug.”
“You know what, Rachel? If you’re not going to listen to my advice, then maybe I’ll find someone else to hug!”
“Um, can I get a hug before I find someone else to hug?”
“Okay, I have a really big decision to make now.”
Britney: “Just pick someone, Mammary O’Tittyshane.”
“Whatever. I don’t mind being the pawn. This will be a breeze. It’s not like I have to outsmart a doctor or anything.”
What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on Matt and Monet?
Hahaha, that’s fabulous!! I actually like Monet and Britney – but maybe because there’s noone else doing anything that could be even slightly construed as amusing. I hate Rachel and again, probably because I can’t stand girls with big boobs … seriously, it’s not attractive. Britney and Monet are right on that account ..
Here’s to hoping Matt goes home tonight and we keep the amusing sorority girls 🙂
What’s with the noone? I have seen people use this over and over. Don’t u mean NONE?
Jen: disregard my question. u were only missing a space…sorry. It just didn’t click! I must be tired!
Love it, once again!! No one can make these people as fun you can!!
Exactly what I thought ! IT was hilarious and for me… ! Outright giggled reading it. Too funny……….. 🙂
Mammary O’Tittyshane!!! LOL OMG! Keep ’em coming!
I just may cancel the feeds and just read your recaps. Far more entertaining than BB12 has been so far.
Anyone else think that Andrew and Brendan could be bros? They look so much alike. Also, watching BBAD from last night, i wonder if Britney and Lane are the couple. He is being a typical male, wanting to win the game, she just wants to keep her BFF around. But you must protect “the Brigade”. If so, he probably hasn’t even told her about the Brigade. She would probably cry and call them names, and not their special ones, like “meow meow”. If so, Lane might be more intelligent than i gave him credit for. If i were Lane, and the scenario presented was true, i would tell her to clean up after herself, and quit being such a bitch. People on slop, cold showers, bugs in their bedroom (which features the awesome lawn chairs) are irritable. Having said that, Rachel kept her bubbly/BOOBY personality, despite the slop and being on the block.
Moanet is a load. Not funny. Not entertaining. Not able to do math (1200 seconds in an hour.?).
Not a player.
Matt is a rat. He snickers everytime he is telling a lie. He tries to make it come off like he is being nonchalant but it’s really nerves.
Rachel & Brendon are the first lesbian couple in BB.
hb
actally jessie and lydia was
Britney and Monet show once again this week why they are vile, jealous high school girls in adult bodies. If the two of them got any greener with envy they could be a traffic light.
I’ll be glad when they’re both gone so all the crying, bitching and cattiness can end. Its been done to death and these two don’t even make it interesting, its just always a Brit & Monet pity party .. “Woe is me, I’m a bitch and I can’t understand why no one likes me”
SLC: I agree with you 100%. Do you notice how Brit loves to keep her ‘left’ hand in constant view? She chews the skin inside her mouth and lips, constantly nips the sides of her nails, keeps picking at her face and hair. I am convinced she has bugs! I don’t hate ANYONE, but I DO NOT like Brit or Monet. They are both very ugly people on the inside. Both appear to be high maintenance and spoiled. Monet reminds me of the other bitchy black woman on BB! Why can’t I remember her name? She was so hateful! People like that will pay dearly in life. It’s called KARMA! And it will all come back around and bite them in their butts. They will NEVER be happy! They will ALWAYS find fault and negativity!
Chima?
All thats missing is Brendon apologizing for being so emotional because he is PMS’ing, pure mangina! I read live feed reports & B told R his parents wont like her & shes planning a wedding! I’ll bet my Jimmy Choo collection his parents will want to go into witness protection he drags her home! Photo-caps amazing as always live for them, makes BB on TV so much better 🙂
Hoping Matt is the one to go.
I am almost certain that Andrew and Brendan are related, if not brothers. Same height, build, basic facial features…
Rachel’s boobs keep the other half of her Chemistry brain. Half on the left, half on the right, the other half where it should be… Brendan’s pants.
@HunnyBunny: First lesbian couple…hysterical!!
HB I think i may have a “so close” girl crush on u. “first lesbian couple”. Hahaha Nuff said u r a hoot! Lisa aka MOMMA2425 im officially out 🙂
I want Monet to go. She’s vile. And plus, Britney with no friends in the house would make her absolutely nuts.
I wouldn’t be surprised either if Andrew and Brendon are related (Andrew might be exaggerating his Jewish practices to really differentiate himself from Brendon), however, I think if they were related, Brendon would’ve told Rachel this secret already. Of course, he might already have but the show just hasn’t shown it yet.
Rachel needs to buckle up and play this game. She and Brendon get too emotional. I want people to start sniffing out the Brigade alliance.
If anyone were related, it would be Matt and Ragan. They look like brothers (or cousins) to me, and they’re very comfortable with each other. But Ragan bought the “deadly disease” story so I guess that can’t be true.
Did anyone else catch Rachel on the feeds saying something about how it’s “not her fault” she has such big boobs? Is my fake boobage-dar not working or is she insane?
I loved the comment of how the stockade was giving Brendon “a little hug.” Great stuff!
Lah, I tend to tune out Rachel as soon as she opens her mouth because it’s so full of ya knows and likes and hahahahahas, it DRIVES me NUTS. I would rather she eat so she can’t talk.
I feel for people who are watching the feeds and reporting on them because these people are so blah.
That being said, b, you did a great job on the recap. Loved the captions. 🙂
Well, everything about Rachel is fake and ugly and she’s not the least bit entertaining. Some of the guys in the house have even complained about having to see her nipples all the time because she doesn’t know how to dress herself. Personally, I wonder why she decided to go into the house as a clown. Brendon is a complete emotional wimp and I haven’t heard anyone call him a heartthrob for quite a while. Matt volunteered to go on the block because, somehow, it would keep them from revealing their alliance. Not sure why the Brigade couldn’t just have voted Monet out like Rachel wanted but for some reason they thought they couldn’t not vote Andrew out if he went up. Notice Matt called Rach and Brendon liars on the show and he certainly wasn’t trying to suck up to them. It will be so boring now without the Brit/Mon dialogue. Kristen was my last hope and she turned out to be not too bright. They’re cutting the feeds during just about every important conversation now and I’m really wondering why I subscribed.
ditto
Just waiting for Chimas blog tomorrow, talking about how racist the show is, how the producers made it harder for Monet because shes black etc.
I refuse to read Chima’s blog. IMHO she forfeited her right to ride the BB train.
Here’s to hoping Matt goes home tonight and we keep the amusing sorority girls 🙂
your captions were lame! maybe you’re just trying too hard, ya think?
and btw, rachel didn’t like monet because she thought monet wanted brendon. which if you think about it really really hard….is jealousy. nice try tho:/
What show are you watching? Surely not BB12.
Love it, once again!! No one can make these people as fun you can!!
and plz calm your horny fat as* self down before you go making comments about rachel and her disgusting lopsided boobs. idk and idc what kind of girls your into, but this junkie is def not cute!
Meow.
Don’t you mean “meow meow”?
The photocap was funny. Monet is not a pretty crier, and she did a hell of a lot of it during this game. Why all the emotion over a stupid game? B, did you cry when you were on the block? 😉
Monet, what was her game? Glad she is gone
Its interesting to read who people think are life long friends, Andrew and Brendon, yeah I can totally see a connection there, and Matt and Ragan they seem so alike, Lane and Britney, some of the comments he makes to her, they seem too friendly, do you really think she is engaged to be married?
I am still going with Kathy and Britney as life long friend’s ie. Mom and daughter but who ever it is, they are doing a good job of not showing it
Rachel and her need to save her and Brendon it getting OLD real fast, play the game, and not worrying about a guy you just met and she w/d pass up a half a million for him? Wonder what he would say? I don’t see them staying together after the show
Are we sure there is a “pair”? Or was that just Annie messing with the game?
Annie lied about the saboteur “escaping the block” and other things so I am betting the “pair” is also a lie. And Julie has never mentioned it in any of the shows.
hb
I think Rachel’s boobs may be the real deal. (I have many times been called the names B so hilariously throws out there and have used that line “it’s not my fault” I certatinly didn’t ask for them, gads!) there’s something about the way hers hang that looks natural not plastic.
I think it’s because her laugh is so fake. Since that’s so bad and her hair is fake, her boobs MUST be fake too.
I’m pretty sure she said they were fake. She said she was a C cup and was supposed to upgrade to a D but was “mistakenly” given DD’s. She also said she doesn’t like them (right) and will take them out in a few years.
Love the recaps btw!!
who really cares if they are fake or real? can people be more superficial???
More to the point, who has advanced themselves in the game, definitely matt, rachel, ragan, hayden. (and the stupid “brigade” must be incuded.) I would be surprised if one of them go home, they are all playing the game.
Notice that i did not mention Brendon, i think he is a throwaway, i think Rachael knows that and is in lurve but still playing both sides. I think Kathy will go. It seems like with this cast, that they get rid of the less hot women, they want all men. or they will bring along wimpy girls (lane)(britney). Lets see what happens
I am sick and tired of watching Brenden and Rachel play smackie mouth. Can’t you find something else for them to do?