Black Baby Gate is the gift that keeps on giving, except it’s one of those gifts that no one really wants — like some cheap vase from World Market. Still, the BBG was in full force on Sunday’s Real Housewives of Atlanta, with Kim interacting with Cynthia since the whole mess first began. Maybe it’s me, but I can’t help thinking that Kim is milking this stupid situation. Kandi told her umpteen times that it was all benign, but Kim never backed away from a chance to make drama. Maybe that’s why it was also surprising that Sweetie finally got canned but off camera. You’d think Kim would relish the chance to waggle her finger at her underling in front of the nation.Either way, Kim acted cold as ice to Cynthia at Phaedra’s baby naming ceremony, which was a force of nature unto itself. I thought last week’s excessive twelve-cake tasting pageant was ridiculous. This time around, Phaedra subjected baby Ayden to the sort of pomp and circumstance normally reserved for ardent reenactors of Aladdin.
Nevertheless, at the luncheon afterwards, Cynthia and Peter came face to face with Kim and Kroy, and the conversation could not have been colder. Cynthia attempted to be friendly (point for her), but Kim blew her off (another point for Cynthia). Even Kroy was cold (Team Bailey earns another point), but then dumb Peter left the table like a baby (minus a point) — but only after complaining about Kim being tardy for the party (which is hypocritical because Cynthia and Peter showed up three hours later to Kim’s baby shower. Minus a point). Eventually, Kim confronted Cynthia in the parking lot, and Cynthia utterly denied having said the black baby remark, even though she not only said it (minus a point for lying) but confirmed it to all the other women (minus another point for being inconsistent with her lies). In a confessional, Cynthia did laugh that she simply couldn’t remember, which is a normal response (+1), but she was dumb not to admit as much to Kim (-1). Eventually she wound up apologizing, even though she claimed that she had said nothing wrong (logic fail. -1), and the whole thing was uneasily squashed. Dumb all of them.
In other news, as you may have gathered, Kroy came back from training camp, much to the teary glee of Kim’s daughters, who finally have a decent role model in their life, I suppose. Also, Sherayay effectively scared her daughter’s boyfriend away from proposing, and Nene made a cameo appearance to chat with her sweet son Brett about happiness. Kandi also surfaced for a millisecond to plug her boutique Tagz, which is now cutely run by her daughter Riley, and we all remembered for a second that Kandi is the best of this lot. Well, Phaedra’s pretty awesome, but I’m not sure I can forgive her for those hideous family portraits she commissioned for the naming ceremony. Either way, it was all the usual conspicuous consumption we’ve grown accustomed to (let’s not even talk about Duh-wight). Here’s the photocap:
Apollo: “Honey, I know Ayden loved his birthday, but we can’t ask the church to install a water slide down the center aisle.”
Phaedra: “Hmmmm… What if I make Pastor Pollard a hummingbird cake?”
“Maybe a Slip ‘N’ Slide at best.”
Phaedra: “Children, be good, and afterwards, you each get to eat FORTY-FIVE CUSTOM MADE CAKES.”
“Engagement by Engageé.”
“Mom, when are you going to get rid of your ridiculous haircut?”
“Don’t you think I look like the black Twiggy?”
“Um, is Twiggy someone who looks like she was just caught in the rain? Then yes.”
“Hey, y’all ever see one of these things? You put your Chick Fil-A inside, and it gets hot! I can’t wait to see what it’ll do to my can of soup!”
“Well, I’d say we’ve certainly brought some elegance to this naming ceremony!”
Apollo: “This is VERY elegant. I love the giant, horizontal seam in the wallpaper too!”
Phaedra: “Oh yes. Nothing but elegance, as evidenced by the New Orleans bordello theme.”
“YAY KROY!!! It’s so nice to have someone with brains back in the house!”
“Peter, are you sleeping?”
“Me? No. Only a bad husband would do that.”
“So… you’re probably sleeping.”
“Peter, wake up.”
“I am awake. I’m thinking about throwing a brunch on Sunday. Something small.”
“Aw, that’s nice!”
“Yeah — I figure maybe invite two hundred people, black tie, the works. $20,000 max.”
“That doesn’t seem responsible.”
“I got this babe. Have I ever let you down before?”
“Yes. Many times.”
“Many, MANY times.”
“See, this is what you do. Little digs.”
“You are like an elevator in a very tall skyscraper, and all you do is go down. And just when I think you can’t let me down any further, you go down another floor. And another. And another.”
“I’m too stoned for this shit.”
Phaedra: “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my husband Apollo, my son Ayden, and of course, Rue from The Hunger Games.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to marry your daughter.”
“That’s good because she gonna need a helicopter and a poet at the very LEAST.”
“Dwight, I told you to stop wearing your Gay Inspector Gadget Hidden Camera Hat.”
“Ugh. I’m so sick of pushing this carriage around. Kroy, let’s hire five assistants.”
Peter: “Honey, I’m gonna go off and be awful in the corner.”
“Okay. Try not to spend $10,000 while your gone.”
“Oh yeah. That reminds me: I spent $10,000 just now.”
“BABY KJ. LOOK INTO MY EYES. KILL. YOUR. MOTHER.”
“Where are the chalupas? I was told there’d be chalupas.”
Kim: “I don’t really appreciate you saying racist things about me, Cynthia… BUT if you have any waffle fries on you, I’ll let it slide.”
“I’m too busy for this, Kim. I have lines and LINES of people waiting to get into the Bailey Agency. I can’t leave them hanging.”
“Did I say you wouldn’t hold a little black baby boy in an orphanage? Yes. Will I admit it? No. Did I just say that out loud? Yes. Will I stop saying my inner-monologue out loud? No.”
What did you think about this episode?
So funny! “… your Gay Inspector Gadget Hidden Camera Hat.” That was classic! Keep up the great work on the photocaps.
Ok maybe it’s obvious to everyone but me, but WHAT is that thing wrapped in the white cloth with feathers in front of Peter and Cynthia in the church? Is that a little head of a baby? A black baby??? Please, clue me in.
I can’t stand Uncle Ben and his awful attitudes with Cynthia and everyone else around him..what is wrong with her? Can’t she see the guy is practically a grifter?
Something small – ok..how about we fill half of Yankee Stadium? That won’t cost much. We can seat Mallory out on home plate.
Lmao Lynn….you’re right…what IS THAT thing? At first I thought it was a decoration, then a microphone, then I noticed what looks like a little ear. WTF? Is it a little Ayden marionette? Did they bring Mr. Rogers back from the dead for him to put on a puppet show for The Price of Atlanta?
I love Phaedra but her bizzare Ayden worship needs to stop! And B-Side, good call on that ridiculously messed up wallpaper in the photo. It’s being held up by thumtacks for godsakes.
YES when will NeNe get rid of that god awful Autum Sunrise Peter Twink Hair? good lord.
I love how Kim’s chef friend made the lasagna, but when Kroy asked, she took credit, saying that she made it. Classic.
CAN OF SOUP lmao. From your blog to God’s ears… That would be a fitting end to that wig stand Kim.
OMG, that girl does look like Rue from The Hunger Games!!! LOL!!!
How many wigs does Kim wear at a time? 2, 3 or does she use her real hair and then 1 or 2 wigs? Her wigs scare me
Hahaha, I totally noticed the strange mini black babies strapped to the pews – wtf?!
…and is Cynthia wearing a cowboy bolo tie with a teddy bear? What’s up with that?!
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