The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills traded in the sunny shores of California for the snowy peaks of Colorado last night as the women all headed east for a weekend at Camille’s mountain home. As you can imagine, this led to our first triumphant ski-bunny montage in the history of the Housewives, but sadly, there were no bloopers in the pow-pow as all five of the “creaky beavers,” as Lisa called them survived the slopes at Beaver Creek.
Just because no one face planted in the snow (as I surely would have) didn’t mean we were lacking in entertainment. There were plenty of petty attacks and confrontations to keep the show moving, ultimately ending in yet another sad Taylor Armstrong moment that unfortunately foreshadows her husband’s terrible fate. Oy.
The big story this episode was that Bravo still seems intent on making Lisa VanderPump some sort of villainess. The producers have been throwing in several less-than-flattering moments, such as Lisa announcing her displeasure to us that none of the other women had complimented her on her fluffy, marshmallow-esque ski ensemble. It was a rather shallow tort, but it did absolutely nothing to change my opinion of Lisa, who still remains the best housewife ever, despite her multiple open-mouth smooches with Giggy. I’m still trying to weigh what’s more unsettling: that or Ken slurping the dog’s backwash. It all pales next to this though:
Nevertheless, Lisa seemed to spend much of the episode politely butting heads with Taylor. First there was an incident in a limo in which Kyle cheerfully rehashed all the therapy talk from Adrienne’s dinner party. A snippy Taylor noted that no one had asked for Ken’s opinion on the matter (wrong: all the women pressed him to clarify why he wouldn’t go to therapy), which caused Lisa to ultimately demand that Taylor have this argument with Ken and not her “END OF STORY.” Later, the two women found themselves in each other’s company yet again as they were the only ones awake. A frosty Lisa more or less ignored Tay-Tay as she silently wished other women would rescue them from the awkwardness. It was uncomfortable.
For all the unpleasant silence between Taylor and Lisa, there was plenty of chatting from the Richards’ sisters. Well, actually only Kim, who spent the whole episode yammering away about who knows what. She was chatty from the moment she arrived at LAX, and I’m fairly certain she didn’t shut up for the entire weekend. I genuinely felt bad for the other women who were stuck with her in that four hour limo ride to Camille’s house.
Speaking of Camille, she’s oddly likable this season, which I guess isn’t really that odd since I never truly thought she was the worst thing ever. Still, it’s super fun watching her take passive-aggressive digs at Kelsey, and if she can keep up the bitter, jilted ex-wife thing all season, she might become a favorite.
As for Adrienne, she didn’t do much this episode except have a silly, perhaps scripted argument with Paul about closing doors. She also managed to pack three huge suitcases for two days of ski fun. I’d like to see her cope on The Amazing Race. I suppose it’s tradition that these women pack like they’re headed out on the Northern Passage to Europe, no matter what the occasion.
Nevertheless, after some brisk action on the slopes, the episode came to a close with Taylor and Kyle enjoying a warm dip in the jacuzzi. The two got to talking, and once again Taylor semi-opened up about her marital woes. She expressed the difficulty she was having in letting go of her resentments and blamed herself for not ever using her voice (but perhaps if she used her voice, she wouldn’t have wound up in the marriage in the first place — hmmmm). Kyle gave some sound, pragmatic advice in suggesting that at a certain point, Taylor would have to move on from Russell (curious coming from the woman who a week ago said that one has to fight for a marriage to work tooth and nail). Nevertheless, I agreed with Kyle, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who didn’t feel just a touch uneasy when Taylor told us she was so afraid of being alone without her husband. I’m glad Bravo is leaving in these scenes, but man, they are downers…
Anyway, here’s the photocap:
“Mirror Mirror on the Wall. Who’s the Fairest Of Them All? … CAMILLE?????”
Kyle’s long lost tribute to The Witches of Eastwick.
“Oh cutie. I’m going to miss you! Now who’s ready for some tongue action??”
“I rather like this ensemble. It’s made from polar bear.”
Adrienne: “Oh. Great. YOU.”
“I’m scared to ski because I tore my meniscus last time I was on the slopes?”
Taylor: “Oh no. You land a jump wrong?”
“No. It was a hair tassel incident. I’d rather not get into it.”
“Do hurry up, girls. I have an Estonian spy I must poison in the executive lounge.”
Kim: “I need my time. Just hold your horses. Gosh, I love horses. When I was little I used to ride them. Mr. Disney would always tell me I looked pretty on horses. Black ones, white ones, brown ones. I loved the ones with the spots. I also like cows too. But you can’t ride a cow. I mean, I guess you could RIDE a cow, but it’s not as fun. I once milked a cow, and—“
Kyle: “Howdy partner. Two tickets to Denver!”
Kim: “I really love Denver. The air is so thin up there. It can be hard to breathe. Sometimes I’m like HUUUH HUUUUUH as I try to take in the air. My biggest fear is suffocating. Well, that and being eaten alive by snakes. I really don’t like snakes. Do you think there are snakes on the plane? Hahaha. Get it? I just made a joke because there was that movie a few years ago, and—“
Kyle: “So, Ms. VanderPump, care to take a tour of my lady ranch?”
Kim: “She’s talking about her beaver!”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE NOT STOPPING AT APPLEBEES???”
“Kim, did you just blow your nose in my organza?”
“I… I didn’t realize…”
“Hahahahhaa that is so funny! Almost as funny as my ex KELSEY GRAMMER’s abundant back hair!”
“Taylor, you have no idea how awkward this conversation is for everyone watching at home.”
“I just farted in the jacuzzi!”
What did you think about the episode?