I’m currently writing this photocap from aboard a plane, which I suppose is appropriate given the noteworthy flight Adrienne Maloof took on the latest episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. As you may remember, the multi-millionaire was off to Sacramento to see the final game of the Kings’ season (and perhaps tenure in the city), and for whatever reason, Adrienne had decided to invite the loopiest cast mate of all: Kim Richards. Well, Kim was late due to some sort of power outage that left her struggling to do her hair, let alone see her hand in front of her face. Never mind that it was pure daylight outside. Kim apparently lives in a dark cave somewhere deep in the Santa Monica mountains.
Well, the biggest shocker of the show was that Kim actually made it to the Paul and Adrienne’s private plane before takeoff. I for sure thought she’d be left behind on the tarmac, sobbing incoherently about life and butterflies. But no, Kim somehow boarded the plane where she then dazzled Paul and Adrienne for a seeming eternity with babbling monologues about who knows what. Between the slurring and the inability to focus, it was clear that Kim was on something.
Kim continued to be a total disaster in Sacramento as well. She yapped incoherently throughout the basketball game, much to Paul and Adrienne’s dismay, and later, she regaled the couple with non-sequiturs about who knows what. Clearly we have our next candidate for Celebrity Rehab.
After this whole debacle, we headed back to Beverly Hills where a concerned Taylor had shown up on Kyle’s doorstep. She revealed that there had been an article about her marriage published, and it featured the sort of details that only someone who was on the Colorado trip would know. Who could it be? Kyle played dumb, but she had all sorts of guilt in her voice. Ultimately, Taylor decided this was the work of Lisa, which is highly possible. I wouldn’t be surprised if wily Lisa dropped a line to the press, and I also wouldn’t be surprised if Taylor knew she had done it. Still, I refuse to accept Lisa as a bad guy.
In fact, even later at Kyle’s charity fundraiser when Lisa gauchely confronted Taylor about her eating problems, I still couldn’t hate on her. I just love everything she does, almost even more so when she’s doling out backhanded compliments.
The big story with that cocktail party, however, was not Lisa’s intrusive behavior but instead the coming out party for new Housewives “friend,” Brandi Glanville, a.k.a. the ex-wife of the biggest douchebag in Hollywood. Her words, not mine. Yes, this is actor Eddie Cibrian’s ex, the one we’ve seen in countless promos getting into fisticuffs with the Richards sisters. I was prepared for her to be the biggest bitch of all time, but truth be told, she actually seemed totally fine. If anyone was a bitch, it was all the other women.
First we had Lisa, who already disliked Brandi simply because she’s friends with professional loafer Cedric. This was a rather unfair thing to hold against Brandi, but of all the women’s issues with her, this seemed the most legit. At the very least, I couldn’t fault Lisa for being guarded in Brandi’s company.
The other ladies based their early hatred on far more petty concerns. Kyle, for instance, immediately derided Brandi for wearing a stiletto on one foot and a cast on another. I didn’t see the problem, but then again, I’m also not a catty girl. Kyle also scoffed at Brandi’s claim to fame, which was merely that her husband had left her for Leanne Rhymes. She did have a point, but at the same time, let’s not forget Kyle’s claim to fame: that she’s on a reality show (and let’s not even get into niece Paris…)
Nevertheless, in no time, all the women (including the Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick) were huddled like middle schoolers just a few scant feet away from Brandi, talking shit about her and assaulting her with withering glares. Even Taylor got in on the action, despite having spent a nice chunk of time just minutes prior befriending the new, leggy lady. It was so hideously obnoxious — of all the women, but especially Taylor — that I couldn’t help feeling sympathy for Brandi. Maybe she’s not so bad after all…
I’m sure we’ll have plenty of opportunities to pass judgment on Brandi, but for now, here’s the photocap…
Paul: “I don’t think Kim’s going to make it. I’m just saying, she sounded wasted. What do you think?”
“I think you should get your GODDAMN HAND OFF MY CHAIR.”
“Hi. Sorry I’m late, I was just… I lost power, and… I couldn’t see; so I was like… oh my God… I just… I don’t know… I… I get nervous. Oh look, we’re in a plane!”
Adrienne: “Kim, honey, this isn’t the bathroom. Please, stop… okay, okay. Someone get a towel and some bleach.”
Adrienne: “This is actually a very emotional game for us because we love this city and the fans, but we need a better stadium.”
Kim: “Yeah, like, I hate when plans change or someone moves my yogurt or when there’s, like, a fish I want to look at in an aquarium, but then I go to find it, and all I see is a penguin or something.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I… I get nervous.”
“Oh my gosh. I’m never taking Kim with me anywhere ever again.”
“There’s a story about my marriage in the press. Do you know who leaked it?”
“The press??? Hahhaa, it’s not like me or my sisters have some reputation for running to the media at the drop of a hat! HAHAHAA!!!”
“The article said I haven’t been eating. How do they know that?”
“Wow. That’s some serious insider information… unless, of course, anyone were to look at you.”
“The only people I’ve talked to about my marriage have been the ladies. And, of course, the small army of producers, camera men, sound technicians, and lighting folk that follow us around every day. It’s an airtight situation!”
“You’re not very bright, are you?”
Adrienne: “Okay, here’s how we shut up Kim. Put some tassel in her hair, send her down to the fans, tell them she’s me, and let them all rip her to shreds.”
“Taylor, you need to eat. Also, you need to stop being awful.”
“Thank you Lisa, but I do eat.”
“No, you don’t.”
“The only times I don’t eat are when I’m stressed.”
“You’re always stressed.”
“Oh dear. You’re not very bright, are you?”
“Haaaaaay GUUUUURL, meet the new bitch in town! Woot wooooot!!!”
Taylor: “You seem so lovely. I can’t wait to talk shit about you behind your back.”
“Yeah! I’ll do it just over there.”
“I’ll still be able to hear you.”
“You’re not very bright, are you?”
Kyle: “Would you look at that bitch’s legs? I mean, wearing a cast to a fundraiser? Whatever, Gimpy McLimpsALot.”
The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick: “Oh Kyle, you are AWFUL.”
Taylor: “Wait, I want to say something mean: HEY, look at Brandi’s crutches. What are they for? To help her WALK or something? Hahaha.”
Faye: “Wow. You’re not very bright, are you?”
Kyle: “Look at this Brandi chick.”
“Well, what do you expect when you have a party in a MALL IN HOLLYWOOD.”
Kyle: “She absolutely cannot join our group. How do we get rid of her?”
“Might I suggest… MURDER?”
What did you think about the episode? Were the girls unfair to Brandi? Or did she have it coming? And who do you think leaked the story to the press?