For several weeks, I’ve wanted the newbies on Big Brother to band together and dismantle the Veterans and their total dominance. I’m starting to think that will never, ever happen. Much like on Survivor when the producers bring back former castaways, the new kids seem to be in awe of the vets, and they’re so focused on working with them that they fail to realize they are their biggest threat.
And so I’ve given up on the dream that Kalia, Shelly, Adam, and Porsche might come together and shake things up, but as I gave up said dream, I realized the one person who has and continues to thwart this mission is the biggest snake in the game: Shelly.
Damn you, Shelly!
Since the beginning, Shelly has been loyal to Jeff and Jordan for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. The duo will never split up, and the best Shelly could ever hope for would be third place should either Jeff or Jordan land in the final three (unless Shelly won the last HOH — still, a lot of “ifs”). Nevertheless, because of Shelly running her mouth and frequently attempting to ingratiate herself with the Vets, the Newbies have suffered (although, their collective sissiness has helped on that front), and until this week, she’s gotten away with it Scot free.
Well, that all changed. Honorary Newbie Daniele became HOH again, and this time around, she set her sights on the Shellster. I tend to think Daniele would have been better served going after Jeff and Brendon (because let’s face it, both those guys are still coming after her, despite what they might say), but Shelly deserves to feel the pressure of the block, and quite frankly, she’s perhaps doing the most damage to Dani’s cause out of everyone.
And yes, I can’t believe I’m taking up Dani’s cause. The whiny brat from season eight has officially won me over. She still seems pretty spoiled, but she’s at least taking on the Veterans, who have been marching around with a sense of entitlement since week one. Look, I love Jeff and Jordan, but even they are being jerks (ahhh, but I still do like them). I’m all for Dani shaking things up.
In the end, Dani put Shelly and Adam up on the block, and while I think it’s dangerous to cannibalize the Newbie base, those two fools no longer deserve to have safe haven. Here’s to hoping Shelly gets the boot…
“I can’t believe Booki is back!! FIANCÉS GRAB YOUR CONDOMS!”
“HOOOO-WEEEE!!! This volleyball is peach-colored. That’s CAH-RAY-ZEEE!!!!”
“Booki, ain’t no producers coming between me and MY man’s forehead!”
Shelly and Adam: “YAY! Playing for fifth and sixth place!!!”
“What’s tin foil made of? Oh. Duh. Copper.”
“WHY DID SEX AND THE CITY 2 HAVE TO BE SO BAD? WE’LL NEVER GET ANOTHER SEQUEL!”
“I wish I could be consoled by my friend Mr. John TravOLLLLLTAAAAAAAAA!!!!”
“WHO’S READY FOR DOUBLE PENETRATION TROUBLE?”
“This game is hard. It involves counting, and counting makes me think of Sesame Street, and that makes me think of Big Bird. And turkeys are big birds. I like turkey, but not as much as ham. And ham is like ham radio. And I love listening to songs on the radio. My favorite station is Power 95. I miss not having Power in this house. OH NO. I just realized that all us Veterans are gonna lose power when we fall out of this competition one after the other until Daniele wins!”
“ESTIMATORS GRAB YOUR STANDARD DEVIATIONS!”
Shelly: “Damn, I can’t believe I lost that one. If there’s one thing I know, it’s balls. Guess I’m done, BRO.”
Kalia: “Listen, Dani, I want to hug you and everything, but you gotta work with me here.”
“Hey BRO. You wanna work for my company? How about we grab a beer and scratch our balls, BRO?”
“I don’t really drink beer, Shelly.”
“As a prospective employee, tell me what these words mean to you: jockstrap, trucks, and DEUCE.”
“I don’t know what none of those words mean.”
“Pretty girl like you is gonna get eaten up in the corporate world. You got a nice ass though, so that’s good.”
“I love how when you interview for a job, you have to dress up. Dressing up makes me think of playing with dolls, and that makes me think of American Girl Place. And that makes me wonder if there’s an American Boy Place. I guess boys would want to play sports and stuff. Sports make me think of football, and that makes me think of this one time, I saw this guy try to kick the ball, but the other team blocked it. Wow, I just realized: Shelly, you’re going on the block!”
“Daniele, I want to play with you. And whoever says otherwise can suck my dick, BRO.”
“I think I’m sitting on crackers.”
“Can’t believe Porsche is talking about me right in front of my face. WOMEN.”
“A deal with Rachel and Brendon? Don’t you realize I have a deal with EVERYONE, BRO?”
“Now that I’m back, I expect a hug hourly.”
Rachel: “Bitch.”
“Rachel’s been running her mouth. Don’t listen to a word she says. Bros gotta stick together, BRO.”
“I’m gonna drop such a deuce in Daniele’s bed…”
What did you think about the nominations?
Ok, that photo recap is hilarious. Kudos to you.
OH NO! There was a spoiler in there! Crying 🙁
… however, hilarious as usual.
My husband just informed me that I fell asleep during the last 5 minutes of the show, hence… there is no spoiler in your recap. Now THAT is funny. Keep up the good work 😉
At least Shelly is playing the game and giving us something to watch – Porsche on the other hand is nothing more than the stripper pole in the middle of the room. You can’t help but notice it but you don’t want to get anywhere near it.
hb
I just cant get into this season as I have with seasons of the past. Woould have been a heck of a lot better if evel dick hadnt left before it even started. I didnt even have to use vacation and sick days to make sure I was home on BB night.
Thanks for the Pix’s they’er GREAT…. too funny
Shelly is up Jeff and Jordan’s butts simply because they are Jeff and Jordan. She gushed the first day about how great they art and how much she loved them. I think she thinks it would be an honor to come in 3rd to them.
Her loyalty to them is like a Christian’s loyalty to Jesus. The “reason” is the mere fact that they exist.
Your BRO caps are my faves!
I think Shelley is an ugly troll. If she begs to lick Jordan’s butt one more time I will scream. Dani and her crew messed up. They could be up in this game but everybody is looking to the future instead of playing day by day. Lawon has to be dumber than ole Marcellus ever was!!!
If Shelley misses her family so much, why is she on the show? She has everything and been everywhere. I’d rather be home with my minor child instead of on tv every day crying about it. Also, it’s nobody’s place to make life easy for Brenchal in the house. If they wanted to wallow in sin they should have stayed home!! I wouldn’t give up my bed if they were married. This is a game, people!!
That’s f@#$ing genius…
Once Dani’s gone I’m gone. These newbs are so terrible. Great recaps of Shelly, all of them! 😀
I thought for sure you were gonna comment on the olive/coctail glass for porsche’s part of the HOH, in how she’s not a VIP waitress and all. I said “B-Side is definitely going to use that!” 🙂 Oh well. thought I’d let ya know.
I think that the only reason Porsche is on this show is so that she can get “discovered” and be a star. That’s why she just lounges around and always looks camera-ready. No making enemies or big game moves.
I think Shelly uses the word DUDE more than BRO. I’m hoping for a Shelly and Adam final 2. She is at least playing the game, and is able to word things so it doesn’t look like she is lying. I think Rach is the biggest liar in the house.
What I would like is a recap of how much Porsche eats. I never see her out of sweats anymore, I assume because nothing fits. Could you setup a photocap of her transformation from skinny VIP waitress to can’t-stop-eating-do-nothing-er ? Please 🙂
I sincerely hope Shelley goes home, I can’t watch that gross mouth of her talk any more ish. She looks like a carp. Exhibit A: http://goo.gl/5CSmh