For such a lackluster season, The Real Housewives of Orange County certainly ended strongly. Following the crazy season finale, we just had two back-to-back reunion episodes that were totally bonkers. The women were ready to reclaim their title as the bitchiest blondes on Bravo, and thanks to a particularly feisty Tamra, this reunion was full of catty confrontations and questionable allegations. It kind of melted my brain.
I don’t even know where to begin with these ladies. On my web show, Housewife Hoedown, we often end each show with a segment called “Circle of Wife,” where we talk about which ladies are in the winner’s circle, and who’s in the loser’s circle. I feel like that’s the best way to take on this episode.
Winners:
Peggy. Peggy managed to emerge as the only woman who was both smart, likable, and empathetic. Her candid admissions about postpartum were touching, but more importantly, her frequent and unflappable put downs of Jim and Alexis Bellino were fantastic. She’s really emerged as the best member of this cast, despite her overly enhanced body.
And that’s it.
Losers:
Alexis:
This girl continues to be absolutely awful. She tried to one-up Peggy again, this time with postpartum depression. Guess what? According to Alexis, she not only had postpartum, but her dad was dying too! And it was SHE who first diagnosed Peggy! Of course she did. Alexis also played the martyr by saying that she refrained from passing along Peggy’s name to casting producers because she knew it would ruin their friendship (the implication being that it was Peggy’s desire for fame that was the root of all evil). As usual, Alexis defended her husband blindly, especially when it came to his finances and his murky past with Peggy. She revealed that she and Jim don’t talk or care about their past (healthy!) but curiously, they have no secrets. And as evidence that she doesn’t care about the past, Alexis then texted Jim about Peggy and reported back that her rival was a total stalker (according to Jim).
Alexis also managed to put the feminist movement back a few decades by claiming that she felt more comfortable with a man running the country than a woman, and when the ladies later told Alexis that Jim should have divulged his past relationship with Peggy to her, Alexis instead blamed Peggy, saying it was HER responsibility to have said something. Betty Friedan would be so proud: women attacking other women rather than deigning to question a man! Way to go, Alexis!
Tamra:
Tamra gets points for talking shit about Slade and calling Alexis out (that includes any number of smirks and repressed giggles). She loses points, however, for being totally hypocritical and awful. She yells at Jeana for meddling about something she doesn’t truly understand, and yet she still barks about Gretchen’s alleged infidelity and now Slade’s child support woes. No matter how many times Gretchen tried to draw the comparisons, Tamra refused to shift her perspective. Plus, she’s just a catty bitch.
Slade:
Slade is an arrogant asshole. He always has been, and despite his attempts to look happy, go-lucky on the show, we saw his dick side come out yet again. Granted, he certainly had reason to be a jerk, but this wasn’t a man who was pushed to frustration. This was a man finally getting to let his asshole flag fly. He got vulgar with Tamra, accusing her of “sucking off” every man in Orange County — a vile attack that gave everyone the heebie jeebies. At that point, of course, he was in the thick of it over a dumb debate about his ex wife. Tamra claimed that she had called her about Slade’s deadbeat ways; Slade claimed that Tamra had called her. It seemed like Slade was in the right (after all, it’s awfully convenient the way these people keep calling Tamra), but when Tam-Tam marched off stage, she DID get this woman on the phone, and as far as we could tell, it looked like Tamra was actually telling the truth. Which makes Slade a liar. And which makes him awful.
Also miserable was his constant whining about his job situation. Yes, I give him kudos for being upfront about it. But let’s also remember that not every person who had been in his position was left destitute. He clearly veered way off track, and I’m going to assume it had something to do with his failed reality show Date My Ex, or more specifically, his attempt to become the next Bravo superstar instead of focusing on his work.
Vicki:
I appreciated Vicki’s accountability pertaining to Donn and the failure of their marriage. However, for as sensitive as she was about that subject, she managed to cram in several digs at her daughter Briana who has apparently turned on her mom in the midst of this divorce. Hint to Vicki: you’re not going to win her back by airing your dirty laundry with her on national TV.
Vicki’s biggest offense, however, was getting into it with Gretchen, who more or less destroyed her. First Vicki asserted that Gretchen shouldn’t have been on the show but by her dying fiancé’s side. Gretchen’s retort: so why did you do the show instead of focusing on your marriage? Vicki had no good response. Then, when it came to discussing Vicki’s anal bleeding, Gretchen noted that SHE had visited Vicki in the hospital even though Vicki hadn’t done the same for Jeff. Vicki made a big fuss about how she didn’t know Jeff, but the whole thing felt like a bit of a stretch. I think Gretchen was merely looking for compassion, and while Vicki wasn’t obligated to do a hospital visit, the least she could have done was show some empathy — more than what she showed at the reunion.
Gretchen:
Gretchen actually was pretty much a winner, but the fact that she sticks by Slade will keep her in the loser’s circle. She even fell for his cheesy ass line about how he loved her so much that he would rather her leave him and find someone who could provide for her the way he couldn’t. Vom.
Jeana:
Jeana is a loser for getting into the middle of this whole Tamra/Simon mess. She should know better, and she should also realize that there’s no way to know what really happened between those two idiots. The most fascinating part of her whole stint on the reunion, however, was not just that she broke down into tears but that the source of it seemed to stem from hurt over her ruined friendship with Vicki (which she blamed on Tamra).
I don’t know, I think it’s time for Jeana to come back to the show. I’d like to see her and Vicki try to work things out. That probably won’t happen though. All in all, this season never really got into its groove, but I think we the simmering tension between Peggy and Alexis, we should be in for a strong outing next year. Here’s to hoping…
“Well hello. I’m Andy Cohen. Welcome to the reunion.”
“Let’s say hi to everyone. Hi, Tam–“
“I’M NOT LYING!”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“NO SHE’S NOT!!!”
“YES SHE IS! AND BLOWING EVERYONE WHILE SHE’S DOING IT!”
“LIES!!”
“I don’t lie.”
“You DO!”
“Hahaha, you all lie.”
“I don’t lie, but if I did, I’d probably lie a little bit better than Peggy.”
“Whoa. Why are you all yelling? I haven’t even asked a question.”
“Well she said–“
“I never told anyone that–“
“I find it real convenient that you–“
“Rabble rabble!!”
“Bitch!”
“Slut!”
“SOMEONE WAS DYING!”
“You don’t know what was going on!”
“LIAR!”
“LIAR!”
“YOU LIE!”
“YOU DON’T KNOW!”
“I KNOW!”
“That’s weird. Reenter!”
“RABBLE RABBLE!”
“That’s between you and your husband.”
“Stay out of it.”
“Fat bitch.”
“Whore.”
“Let me just put this out there: I tried to move forward with Gretchen, but obviously, she’s incapable of doing that on account of her having had an affair with a guy while Jeff was dying.”
“I don’t understand how Tamra can say she wants to move forward when she very clearly is holding on to these lies.”
“They’re not lies, honey! They are facts!”
“They’re none of your business!”
“You don’t get to tell me what’s my business. You know why? Because I’m–“
“Please don’t say ‘Free Bitch.'”
“–a FREE BITCH, BABY!”
“You really like Lady Gaga, don’t you?”
“I probably like her a little more.”
“Really? Even though she’s pro-gay marriage?”
“Huh?”
“I’m all for gay marriage.”
“You would be. And you’ll have to answer to God for that.”
“Oh wow. I finally found something that Alexis won’t one-up me on: gay rights!”
“Um.”
“Alexis, would you concede that Peggy is more supportive of gay rights than you are?”
“Well…”
“I’VE BEEN PRO GAY MARRIAGE SINCE A DAY BEFORE PEGGY WAS.”
“Does Jim know you said that?”
“Jim and I have no secrets. But please don’t tell him I had my own thought.”
…
“What?”
“If you and Jim have no secrets, how come he never told you about me?”
“We made an agreement to never talk about things that happened before we met. And since I’m generally not curious or inquisitive about people or the world around me, that’s worked out really nicely.”
“So Jim does have secrets.”
“No secrets. Just segments of life that are unspoken of.”
“Don’t you think he should have told you about me?”
“Jim can do what he wants. He’s the man. It’s WOMEN who are the problem. Well, women who hail from liberal America. What happened to the days of Bev Cleaver?”
“June. It’s June Cleaver.”
“Oh I’m SORRY! Michelle Obama over there. What’s next? You going to run for President and ruin this country with your inferior genes?”
“Michelle Obama never ran for president.”
“Well, you know she will. It’s the liberal… Obama… politics… God….couture…”
“Are you okay?”
“Bev… Bev Cleaver…”
“She forgot the line Jim fed her.”
“Whatever you say, DIVORCÉE!”
“Speak to me in ten years, bitch!”
“Hahahaha your marriage is doomed.”
“Quit butting in!”
“I’m not butting in! I’m observing!”
“I would like to say something.”
“Here’s what: this will be good.”
“Simon is a pussycat, and Tamra is a bitch. I know she lied.”
“Quit butting in!”
“That’s what I said!”
“Oh, everything is all about you!”
“Just because I use the pronoun ‘I’ does not make me self-centered.”
“I’ll tell you who’s self-centered: that daughter of mine, Briana. She says I failed at marriage twice. Well, at least I had two husbands. Where’s her engagement ring? [sigh] I don’t know why she’s turned on me.”
“She probably resents you for being so cold to a wonderful man like Donn, not to mention Frankie.”
“Andy, these women don’t realize the great men in their lives. Simon is nothing short of a gentleman. He told me I was a fat linebacker the other day. He really cares about me!”
“I probably care a little bit more.”
“Oh shut it, Alexis.”
“What are you going to do? Throw a ‘cyst and deceased’ letter in her face too?”
“DIEGO SPENT FIFTEEN MINUTES ON THAT LETTER!”
“How amazing for him: he drafts legal documents AND valets at the law firm.”
“DIEGO IS AN AMAZING LAWYER.”
“And remind me what he specializes in again?”
“REAL ESTATE!”
“So what’s he going to do? Put a lien against me if I talk to the press?”
“HE WILL FORECLOSE YOUR MOUTH!”
“This is the problem with liberal America these days. Women think they can just go to a lawyer and get a deceased and persist letter, but where I come from, we water our dirt and make roses… and that’s… roses… dirt… marriage… Bev Cleaver…”
“She’s stuck again.”
“I’m sorry, but I have a traditional marriage, and that’s what keeps our dirty flowers watered.”
“Andy, please understand that Alexis is an idiot.”
“Okay, I’m sorry I’m not a genius like Bev Cleaver. That’s the problem with liberal America. They’re always wanting women to think about things and stuff. Well, I refuse to do that.”
“What planet are you from?”
“I’m not from a planet. I’m from a rib. Jim’s rib.”
“That’s one fatty rib.”
“I’m not fat. Am I?”
“Honestly, I’m a little fat.”
“I’m actually fatter than Peggy.”
“HA! Got you to say you were fatter than me!”
“Ruh?”
“I LOVE watching Alexis think.”
“Alexis IS pretty dumb.”
“Why don’t you just shut up?”
“Huh? What?”
“Are you jealous that I have Eddie?”
“No. Not really.”
“Why would Gretch be jealous when she has me?”
“Well, Eddie is nice, employed, and not arrogant; so maybe Gretchen is a little jealous?”
“I am NOT unemployed. I work for Gretchen Christine Beauté!”
“MOGUL IN TRAINING!”
“WHORE IN TRAINING!”
“Pay your child support!”
“I do!”
“If you were an insurance policy, I’d terminate you.”
“Listen, Andy, what people don’t know about me is that I do pay my child support. I used to be very successful and wealthy, but then the economy tanked, and I lost all my clients.”
“So the economy killed your business?”
“Oh hell no. My excessive fame whoring did.”
[sniff sniff]
“Jeana, what’s wrong?”
“I just hate to see the economy get accused of tanking. I don’t believe the economy tanked for a second.”
“The stock market crashed! People were out of work! Do you realize what that means? That means people couldn’t work! It’s like not being able to breathe!”
“The economy didn’t do anything wrong. You’re humiliating the economy.”
“Jeana, you seem to have a real soft spot for the economy.”
“The economy is actually living with me now.”
Andy: “Really? And how are your kids liking that?”
“Oh, they LOVE the economy. Shane is always like ‘Economy, you’re such a pain in the ass. Just like my mom!’ You know the way kids are. Gotta love ’em!”
“The economy sounds kind of hot.”
“I think I’m bleeding out of my ass again.”
“The problem with liberal America these days is that women think it’s okay to just bleed out of their asses.”
“I did, however, bleed a little more than Vicki.”
“Does anyone else find it IRONIC that Vicki is bleeding out of her ass?”
“I can’t control what comes out of the love tank!”
“Hey, I visited you in the hospital! Not that you EVER leant me your support when Jeff was dying.”
“I only knew you a month! Why on EARTH would I EVER reach out to you while you were going through utter hell? To be selfless??”
“Hahahahhahaa! Good one!”
“I just made a better joke. It was in my head; so I guess only I could hear it. But it was really funny.”
“I can’t wait to write about this on m’Facebook and m’Twitter!”
“Briana likes Twitter. That’s where she writes all those vile things about me. I don’t get to read them though because I’m usually busy at work. You know, providing for her.”
“I don’t think a woman should work. A woman should care for her man. She should water his flowers so the dirt becomes… flowers… and… tradition… Jesus… Bev Cleaver…”
“I can’t believe I was friends with this idiot.”
“Actually, last time I checked, this ‘idiot’ was doing quite well for herself.”
“How are you doing well for yourself, Alexis?”
“Um, I married a man who is buying a house in cash. So, clearly I’m doing something right.”
“Real great, Alexis. You married a guy who knows how to work the real estate system.”
“If you had known, you should have told me.”
“It’s not her place, honey. Jim should tell you what he’s doing.”
“Ruh?”
“Don’t you think, Alexis, that if Jim is buying a house in cash that maybe you should ask him why he’s doing that?”
“Why… would I ask my husband… anything?”
“I don’t know. I think their relationship is lovely.”
“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU LOVE DOORMATS, JEANA!”
“Jeana may be a doormat, but you’re a WHOREMAT!”
“Andy, did you get that? Whoremat? It should be a t-shirt.”
“Hmmm, no, Slade, I don’t think so…”
“Slade, why don’t you make the t-shirt yourself?”
“Well, VICKI, I can’t make the t-shirts because I have… CLIENTS… and I have to come up with strategic… PLANS and consumer… OUTREACH and globalization… SOMETHING for them.”
“Who are your clients, Slade?”
“I have two very important clients, Tamra.”
“He’s talking about his socks, isn’t he?”
“Are your clients your socks?”
“Yes.”
“I happen to know that Slade does NOT wash his socks.”
“You don’t know anything, Tamra.”
“Excuse me, but one of your socks just called me and said it hadn’t been washed in three months.”
“Wrong. You called MY sock fishing for dirt.”
“YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!”
“TAMRA, BUTT OUT! YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE SITUATION, BUT YOU DON’T, AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”
“IT IS MY BUSINESS, ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS SOCK CALLS ME!”
“She embellishes. Just like how she said that Simon attacked her, and we all know that didn’t happen.”
“JEANA, BUTT OUT! YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE SITUATION, BUT YOU DON’T, AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”
“IT IS MY BUSINESS, ESPECIALLY WHEN SIMON CALLS ME!”
“Is there an echo in here?”
“I probably hear it a little better than Peggy does.”
“Not everything is a competition, Alexis.”
“Ruh?”
“Well, if being an awful daughter was a competition, Briana would certainly be a champ at that.”
“I don’t know, I think Briana has some points.”
“OH SHUT UP JEANA!”
“I miss my Victoria!”
“I probably miss her a little more. And my dad was dying when I was missing her; so my missing is just a little bit more intense.”
“ALEXIS, what are you even SAYING?”
“Bev… Bev Cleaver…”
“This all depresses me. I mean, it doesn’t give me the postparts depressies, but it’s pretty bad.”
“We all know the real reason you’re depressed is because you didn’t land Jim.”
“That’s like saying I’m upset that I never got to eat a rancid ham hock.”
“Okay, well, I don’t CARE about the past, but just so everyone knows, in the past, Peggy totally stalked Jim.”
“Stalked? Like the way I stalk Mark Consuelos? Or do you mean it more colloquially?”
“She broke into his house.”
“Oh wow. I’m sure Jim would NEVER make up a lie about that!”
“She was crazy. She could have hurt him! SHE COULD HAVE BROKEN HIS RIB! I might never have been born!”
“Vicki, I know you got something to say about that.”
“Andy, I can’t. I can’t. I want to talk about insurance. Can we talk about insurance?”
“BORING!”
“YOU KNOW WHAT’S BORING? DYING ALONE IN A HOSPITAL BED WHILE YOUR FIANCE FILMS A TV SHOW!”
“Jeff, wanted me to do the show! And if you felt so bad for him dying, why didn’t you visit?”
“I only emotionally support dying people if I’ve known them for three years.”
“Real nice, Vicki.”
“What do you want me to say??? I can’t just visit a random guy at the hospital. I WORK!!!”
“SHOW SOME COMPASSION!”
“Gretchen, you are so full of shit!”
“Well, at least she’s not full of cock!”
“I’m sorry if my HOTNESS attracts men. That’s just what happens when you’re the HOT housewife, WHICH I AM.”
“I thought I…”
“No, Alexis. You are not the hot housewife.”
“Question: what’s brioche?”
“Oh lord. She doesn’t know what brioche is.”
“You seriously don’t know what brioche is?”
“I’m sorry that I don’t know what brioche is. I see it on menus but… whatever. The problem with liberal America today is that women are expected to know words and definitions.”
“Here’s what: I sure could go for a loaf of Mark Consuelos’s man-brioche.”
“Hahaha. I should post that on m’Twitter.”
“Tamra looks like she enjoys brioche, based on her recent weight gain.”
“BE QUIET JEANA!”
“But yes, my lawyer DIEGO also makes a wonderful brioche.”
“I don’t think a man should ever be the one to bake bread. It should be the woman’s role… to tell her nanny to bake the bread.”
“Alexis, why didn’t Jim go to the dinner party? Wouldn’t that have been the gentlemanly thing to do — to stay by your side?”
“We’re just a very traditional couple. I serve him, and he goes to Journey concerts.”
“That doesn’t really answer the question.”
“I always use this analogy to help people–“
“Please don’t talk about the rose garden again.”
“Marriage is like a rose garden. You have to water it. And we water ours.”
“I used to have a rose garden.”
“What happened to your rose garden, Jeana?”
“Oh, my awful gay friend got mad one night and threw a glass of Drano in it.”
“I hope you CRIED.”
“I did cry!”
“Tamra, is it weird to be talking so much? Aren’t you used to having a dick in your mouth?”
“Excuse me, but I do not sleep around! I have a very HOT boyfriend. Hotter than you, Slade! You hear that, Gretchen? I have a HOT boyfriend, and we FUCK in the bubble bath and listen to Lady Gaga! And afterwards, when he’s giving me a mani-pedi–“
“A mani-pedi?”
“Just… just smile and nod, Andy. Smile and nod.”
“Uh, yeah, Vicki. Smiling and nodding is kiiiind of my thing.”
“I want to talk more about my HOT bubble bath!”
“Sometimes when I’m in a bubble bath with m’rubber ducky, I pretend it’s Mark Consuelos.”
“You better make sure you double lock the doors. Wouldn’t want stalker Peggy to jump into that bubble bath with you.”
“Hahaha, you poor wench. At least I’m not crawling into a bubble bath with JIM BELLINO.”
“Barf.”
“Vomit.”
“Yuck.”
“EW.”
“Gross…”
“Jesus, that’s awful.”
Andy: “Well, I’m glad we finally all agreed on one thing: naked Jim Bellino in a bubble bath is disgusting. And on that note, thank you ladies for another tremendous season.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Liar.”
“You’re the LIAR!”
“STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!”
“I WORK!!!”
“SLUT!”
“WHORE!!!”
Holy shit that was long.
Also, what Lady Gaga song is it refering to? Bad Romance?
I think you may have just saved me two hours – there’s no way the show is more entertaining than this recap!
Oh this was wonderful. Better than the actual show!
“RABBLE RABBLE!”
OMG! LMAO at your digs on Alexis! They’re so true! Tamra: “Hahahaha your marriage is doomed.”
Alexis is such a twit that it’s almost sad! Trying to one-up Peggy on the PPD was just a new low for her!
I feel like I missed something; I did not see Slade or Jeana, where was I? Thought that was part DEUX
Part DEUX aired last night!
SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
omg, FML for not having a DVR!!!!! i felt like I was missing something last night since Jersey Girls werent on! DAMMMMMMM
May I leave work and go home and watch it? LOL
Well…you have MY permission. 🙂 The 2nd part was much better than the first part…believe me!
I liked how Tamra explained what happened to Alexis & Jim’s house situation and Alexis just sat there dumbfounded.
Gretchen- I don’t get that she has any warmth towards Slade’s son. She’s more worried about her own future with Slade instead of his commitment to his child.
Tamra- That was pretty effed up of her to get in touch with Michelle. She REALLY lost any support from me right there. And Eddie IS hotter than Slade.
Alexis – “Ruh” really sums her up. She’s a twit. I believe Peggy when she said Jim told her not to tell his wife about them. And bringing up, at the end, that Peggy allegedly ‘stalked’ Jim was very classless of Alexis. She just HAD to have the last word. And, if Alexis believes that crap, then she’s more of a dipshit than we thought!
Vicki- I still can’t feel bad for her.
Pegs- I like her. She’s a straight-shooter and she’s not full of bullshit, it seems.
I think Alexis may have lost her speaking privileges after the whole short sale/cash purchase thing last night. See what happens when you’re boastful and proud, Alexis? Sometimes karma works fast, you Stepford idiot!
Eddie has weird teeth, a fake and aggravating smile. Putting all my disgust for Slade, the person, aside, I think he would be the hotter one.
Agree totally with you df. The more I see him, the less attractive he looks. Except for his muscles, that face could make a clown cry. And what the hell was the “Sorry, sad situation” that Eddie went through in life (according to Tamra..when she was telling Vicky about him in the beginniing)? Having to work as a paralegal at a firm his father owns? I don’t get the whole Eddie thing. I think he’s on the show for …show.
I really cannot imagine any straight man being into Tamra. She is the biggest bitch I have ever seen/heard/suffered through in my life. Laughing at other people’s misery: That’s her ONE talent. And, she’s not even hot anymore. She’s beginning to look more and more like her son, Ryan. I mean, Seriously!
Jeez BonBon, I agree with so much of what you wrote. Eddie is not hot at all in my eyes either. I’ve said from the beginning that he looks gay and the fact that he’s with old-looking Tamra whose drooping brow line is making her look more like Ryan…well, I just don’t buy the “romance”.
Well, I just repeated everything you posted. But yeah. Agreed.
Hands down BEST REUNION RECAP, possibly best recap ever!! I’ve been stifling laughs for so long, I had to fake blowing my nose to throw my coworkers off my trail.
Bravo!
I owe Peggy a huge apology. She turned out to be the best OC housewife this season. When she was first introduced to us, as Alexis’ friend/Bentley driving/gun shooting/chain top wearing floozie who once dated Jim, I wrote her off. My Bad.
Gretchen needs to stop wanting Tamra to “get it”. Never gonna happen. Tamra’s blinders are superglued to her head.
If Brianna said some shit to her Mom then Vicki deserved it. Can’t even fathom what Vicki must have done to turn Bri against her but it must be a doozy.
Jena needs to open her home up to ‘Men Who Like To Wipe Their Feet On Women’. Well, at least we know when Alexis and Jim break up whose side Jena will be on.
Alexis – telling people that you were made from Jim’s rib explains why U SO DUMB.!!!!!1
hb
LOL! Don’t hate because she’s from her husband’s rib. I guess Peggy wasn’t made from his rib, so she wasn’t fit for him!
I didn’t like Peggy at first, either. But she’s so calm, cool & collected. You don’t see her getting loud and crazy. When she confronted Alexis on the finale, she was thinking clearly and made absolute sense.
Tamra pissed me off by talking to Slade’s ex-wife. I can’t stand him, but she made me get Gretchen’s point about getting in their business. There are kids involved, so they ALL need to act like adults.
Sigh. My husband stood and watched a few minutes of these lunatics then asked me why in the world I was watching such madness and I had to admit that I’m really starting to hate them all. The tiltle of this post is perfect. THEY ARE AWFUL!!!!!
I think I dislike Tamra the most. She is so mean–getting into everyone’s business then boo hooing when she thinks Jeana is getting into hers. Tamra gets to have TEAM TAMRA (Vicki) but she ruthlessly bashes anyone who might be on TEAM SIMON (Jeana). She wants the best for Simon but never misses a chance to throw him under the bus. And she can’t keep her mouth shut about Gretchen either. Give it a rest already!!!! Can’t stand her!!
What happened to Vicki’s face? She looks like she had work. She’s horrible, too. She clearly looked upon Tamra’s new found love with envy and seemed to make up her mind that her marriage was over without consulting Donn. Donn is the real winner this season now that he’s unloaded Vicki. The only thing I like about Vicki is that she is a hard worker…but points off for her always reminding us of this and putting down anyone who doesn’t work. Awful.
Gretchen was too much of a mean girl this season but I still like her. Alexis seems to be a little feeble minded and I had to look away from the screen when she blamed Peggy but not JIM for not disclosing their previous relationship. It was painful. I see Alexis divorcing Jim in the future. He’s such a dirtbag but Alexis is a little slow on the uptake.
Peggy isn’t totally awful but I can’t seem to warm up to her. I can’t forget her freakout over a little cut on her daughter’s hand earlier in the season and think she’s a little nutty. Also, too much plastic–she doesn’t look quite human anymore. I don’t understand why these women think surgery makes them look younger when mostly it adds years to their looks. Sad.
they ALL look ghastly!
Karen – I’m with you on all those housewives. Peggy may seem better than Alexis this season, but it is her first. Wait til next season and we’ll really get the dirt on her and Micele(sp?). I really don’t like her and I feel really sorry for Alexis. I do see divorce in her future with Jim too.
Tamra is a bitch in every way possible. I liked how she stormed off the set when Slade said she sucked everyone off in OC. Bet she did! Ho-bag. She can dish it out but she sure can’t take it.
I know everyone hates slade, but I don’t. Gretchen seems to love him and it feels genuine to me. I don’t know why these women hate him so. It’s not like they’re married to perfect guys either. Shit, they should look in their own backyards and stop worrying about gretchen. tamra is so jealous hehee.
Ickyvicky looked awful. What a face. I thought it was going to crack and break when she started to cry. She’s looking more and more like mama elsa. i think she mentioned brianna not taking her side to promote bravo to pick up brianna next season. is the dick vicki’s sucking now the same dick that was in the pool with her in mexico? saw a pic of him with vicki and he looked like donn too. so glad donn is getting half of everything. ho-bag #2 and she’s as full of shit as tamra.
Oh god you are fucking hilarious B-side!
Tamra needs to just shut the hell up. A whole lot of toxic, insecure energy flowing out of that woman. Her relationship is the one that’s doomed if Eddie has any integrity. He’s gonna get real tired of hearing all this blather and he is already showing signs of it during one episode when they were out eating with Vickie and Don and Eddie got up and left the table because Tamra was talking again about Simon’s arrest. And I gotta add…High Def TV does Tamra no favors.I’m pretty sure that woman has a slice of humble pie coming her way.
Amen Red
hate tamra…hate hate hate her. for so many reasons.
great recap
I was amazed at the decibel level of the multi-level conversation/accusations flyiing back and forth between the two couches. Andy just sat there and let them spew until it was
quiet. That they aren’t red in the face and shaking makes me wonder how much of this
is real…..
Thanks for opening the caps with a pic of Andy he’s so cute!
I’m still team Tamra, but if she wants Jeana to shut up, then she has to shut up about Gretchen and Slade.
Alexis….wonder how her dress line is selling?
Dude, has Tamra been drinking heavily? She has that “I drink a lot of whiskey” puffy face.
Holy fuck balls. This is one of the funniest blog entries I’ve ever read. Bravo!
I am so happy you caught the cyst and decease vocab in the reunion. I don’t think there is a season of Housewives yet that doesn’t make up their own vocabulary. Great recap. My husband wants to know why we watch these detestable human beings. I told him that we watch in order to laugh at the recaps on bsideblog.
*cease & desist. FYI.
oops — I’m sorry — you caught their errors.
Thank you to everyone who keeps sharing this on FB! It really helps my site!
Hey, if it weren’t for u, I might go insane after watching these housewives. I’ve only watched the first hour of the 2 hour reunion and I thought my head would explode. Now that I’ve vented here, I feel composed enough to continue on with part 2.
Jeana: How can you move The Economy in but leave World Hunger homeless…perhaps once you kick out your ex then you might be able to take that on too.
Alexis: All I can say is that I am glad you will not ever be running for president – now if Sarah Palin would just stay in the Reality Show arena…
Tamara: The only thing I like about you is when you said- “Is your ass jealous of the shit coming out of you mouth” (never heard that befoer). I just wish everything else you say would cyst and decease!
B-side: Brilliance yet again…
Thank you for reminding me (Vis-à-vis the running for President comment) about when Vicki said she could run the country better than our current President.
OMFG – that is all we need. An Insurance person who feels it is acceptable to physically spank her employees and make them share a hotel room with her. I have no desire to see Vicki and her cabinet members sharing a bathroom while she screams her “EGG NO CARBS” breakfast order to the Joint Chiefs.
hb
I’d love to see Vicki in the White House, “Whoo Hooing” it up at State Dinners.
I try not to comment on shallow things but did anyone notice how much Alexis looked like a drag queen !?
Also, it’s hard for me to feel bad for Gretchen because she’s always playing the victim role. She is almost as bad as Hills Heidi Montag, and thats saying something because she was pretty awful. Both Gretchen and Slade inserted themselves in Lynne’s parenting last season. The worst part possibly being when Slade gave his sage advice on kids, him being father of the year and all. Whether Lynne’s daughter needed the advice is neither here nor there mainly because it was none of their business.
Jeanna is a sad, sad lady. I think she cares about other people’s business and drama because she doesn’t want to deal or aknowledge her own crazy, messed up home ( what she’s STILL married!?) Anyways, great recap as always!
Your recaps have literally made the need to watch RHoOC obsolete. THANK YOU.
God, Tamra is a lowlife. Without this show she is just a hag with no job. She is really looking like a drag queen of late. Vicki is such a cold bitch..maybe insurance can love her.
This was hilarious, thanks for the laughter and the time you put into this..it was great!!!
You are historical…except that Gretchen is not a “winner”. She is a sad bitch with a ghetto vibrator. Seriously, with all that money she soak from Jeff, you think she could fuck something that didn’t require and extension cord.
Peggy also won in the one up-ing department. I think she beat out Danielle in the most busted tits department.
*hysterical
damn you auto correct
I must be in the minority because I don’t like Gretchen at ALL. I was really put off by her fake tears. She knows how to turn them “on” (I didn’t see a single tear fall despite G wiping her eye area) and off. One minute she’s bawling, and then suddenly she’s fine….
I just want to know why they wear so much make-up? It’s disturbing.
OMG – where have you been all my life?!?!?!? Funniest housewives blog ever! I will now go spend waaay too long reading past posts and laughing my ass off, thanks!
Gawd this was funny! They’re all such assholes, and B-Side, you’ve got them down pat!
This will probably not get published. Andy always gives passes to certain housewives. In the OC it is always Vicki. He excuses it by saying Vicki (and Jill Zarin) for example take it more personal so he goes easier. Vicki’s new boyfriend, Brooks, is a deadbeat dad. He is tens of thousands behind in child support. Vicki sent the judge a letter to try to help him and sent money to help him. Nobody brought this up at the reunion and Vicki probably would not allow it, however she brings things up on others, like Slade, or gets her mouthpiece Tamara to do it. Vicki loves to play the victim
Louanne does the same thing with Jill. Jill loves the playing the victim also. LouAnne will not allow her daughter’s bigoted behavior to be mentioned, however she discusses other people’s family.
Andy should call everyone out if it is true.
This is a CLASSIC photocap. Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
I can think of no better title for it than what you did. They are all truly awful.
Absolutely the BEST recap of the reunion shows. It actually makes it worth sitting through all of the drivel on Bravo just to read your photo recap.
this reunion show was missing one thing: Francesca.
Very witty and spot on, B-Side! Loved it!
I thought that when Slade said that Tamra was “sucking off” other people, he meant it like a leech, living off others, not that she was literally sucking people. That was my interpretation but maybe I’m wrong.
I really feel sorry for Alexis because she is truly dumb and uneducated. Poor thing. If she was ugly, she would be living in a hovel and sweeping floors for a living. As they say in the south, “Bless her heart.”
My husband cannot understand why I watch this show, either. The same conversation must be going on in households across the country. “How can you watch these awful people?” Silence….there really is no explanation.
I hate to defend Slimey Slade in any way, but his ex-wife didn’t actually say he hasn’t paid child support. She said he hasn’t been paying “expenses.” Those are two different things.
Debbo…glad you caught that! I honestly believe that Slade does pay child support, but cannot afford the amount this woman wants or was getting when he was doing well. The fact that she cavorts with Tamra, in my mind, says it all..about HER.
Peggy as the best housewife???? ARE YOU KIDDING? I cannot stand her! And if you think her views on gay marriage (since that is clearly why you hate Alexis) are any different than Alexis, then you are delusional. Sorry. She just hides it better because she studied her audience before joining the show. She is awful and serves no purpose to me. At least Alexis is fun to snark on, and a total airhead. Peggy tried too hard to fit in with the mean girls and throw her friendship under the bus the first second she got. And she was BUSTED at the end “Um, I only drove to Jim’s house because he was ignoring my calls” THAT IS STALKING
I’d like to add, did you see the new radaronline article about Vicki’s boyfriend being a deadbeat dad who owes back child support for FOUR kids from 2 different women (one he was having an affair with while married). Vicki was reaching out to the court on his behalf months before she filed for divorce from Donn. I wonder how Tamra feels about this “PAY YOUR CHILD SUPPORT” ring a bell?
I’m agree with Serjen- I really dislike Peggy a lot. Not as much as Tamra of course but she seems like such a suck up to Tamra and Vicki desperate to be liked. She seemed like a shit stirrer to me and little lies that she had make her all the less likeable. It sounds like she acknowledged that Alexis told her ahead of time that Jim wouldn’t be attending her party- so why would she need to ask her at the party again acting like it was unexpected. I also thought the way she came to Jeana was very wrong basically supporting Tamra and saying “You need to appologize to Tamra” which isn’t at all playing the peacemaker like she says. Peggy telling Alexis she dated Jim was also weird considering she then tried to downplay the relationship- and then showed up at his house when he didn’t call- just weird. Still she is no match for Tamra who is in everyone’s business but Jeana giving an opinion on Tamra is wrong? And I get the distinct feeling by Tamra’s lying that Simon “abused” her just like Jeana “attacked” her.
I thought alexis was divorced (same with Jim) – isn’t this a second marriage for both of them??? She’s mentioned it a few times – how hypocritical of her!
I thought that the comment Slade said to Tamra, was also that she was leaching off of them. Other wise she wouldn’t have gotten so pissed and walked off the stage like that. Slade has also said that he is not making as much now as he was, and can’t afford his payments. That he was trying to get the courts to lower his payments. Not that I like Slade or anything. But I do know what it is like to be unemployed in this economy, and what it is like to try and find a job in your field and come up with nothing. Or in my case, I keep applying for the same jobs every 2 weeks.
Tamra just needs to shut her fug mug, I can’t stand her!! How much you wanna bet that the new guy Vicki is dating is actually the dude from the Cabo trip!!
Alexis, please please please for the love of ……. lay off the botox!!!
What do you think about Victoria’s new beau being a deadbeat Dad? Abd Vic sending a personal letter to the judge pleading her man’s case. When she was still married to Donn?
She gotta get her lurv tank filled up…
Geez, that was long and a little bit repetitive. Whew! Great HWs stuff at http://www.stoopidhousewives.com
Hey, I don’t mind that you always come to this site to funnel people over to yours, and I don’t mind if you don’t like the photocap, but isn’t this biting the hand that feeds you?
Worry not your blog is funny and smart. All the rest are average in comparison. As the recap went on it kept getting funnier and you kept going compounding the funniness.
Give Stoopid Housewives a break. I found your website through their links. Just don’t tell them that I spend a lot more time here than there.
I think ImaBecky is ImaJealous of bSide and his awesome photocap 🙂
that was your best reunion recap ever! and i’m pretty sure all my coworkers know i’m not working over here b/c i’ve been laughing so much.
I love that you highlighted Andy’s quirky way of saying m’Facebook and m’Twitter…he did this like 5 times on the WWHL episode on h’Birthday….
Funny stuff!
I actually think that Gretchen is totally off base in comparing visiting Vicki in the hospital vs. Vicki’s support of her while Jeff was sick. Mostly b/c I think Gretchen visited Vicki only after she realized Vicki was genuinely in the hospital and how badly she was going to come off with her accusations of Vicki entering the hospital during Alexis’ “fashion show” as “ironic”. She knew by visiting she could attempt to appear better once the footage aired of her ridiculous accusations. And I think Vicki is valid in saying that she only knew Gretchen for a month so why would she be visiting Jeff in the hospital? Lets not forget “know” for Vicki and Gretchen is being forced to hang out b/c you’re on the same reality show. I doubt they had much interaction at all outside the show and really aren’t in the same circle or friends. They’re all vile, but I do side with Vicki on that one. Gretchen comes off so badly in that exchange. Just my opinion of course.
I TOTALLY agree with you. I don’t see how the 2 are related at all.
Does anyone else think that the whole Peggy “Honestly, I’m a little fat” and Alexis “I’m actually a little bit fatter than Peggy” would play out EXACTLY like that? I would love to see that on the next season. Thanks for the many laughs Bside!
Epic photocap. I LOLed through the whole thing… 😀
I hate to defend that scum bag Slade, but my hatred for Tamra overrides my hatred for anyone else on any of these shows as I firmly believe she is the vilest POS. BUT, Tamra’s call to Michelle did not support her statements that Slade doesn’t pay child support. In fact, what Michelle said was that Slade “doesn’t pay expenses.” Anyone familiar with divorce where children are involved knows that child support and expenses are 2 separate things — child support is X amount of dollars per month & “expenses” are things like medical costs (not covered by insurance) or even educational costs, etc. Depending on the support order, expenses may be split 50/50 between both parents or by some other percentage that the court deems appropriate.. While expenses most certainly have to be paid — and a dad who doesn’t pay them even though paying child support are, IMO, dead beat dads — failing to pay expenses is not the same thing as failing to pay child support — which is Tamra’s accusation against Slade, which she has made repeatedly. This may seem like splitting hairs, but IMO if you are going to make accusations against people, especially if you are going to make them as loudly as Tamra does, then you should be careful of what you are saying. Not that Tamra gives a sh!t about the “truth” when it comes to talking about others.
Which brings up why I really just can’t with Tamra — whenever someone tries to call her on her bad behavior her response is to say something bad about them to deflect attention away from her bad behavior. Two examples from the reunion — when Alexis remarked negatively about the Tamra bathtub scene — which was gross, btw — what did Tamra do? She brought up some incident (off camera) where Alexis’ kid fell into the pool. When Gretchen commented on Tamra’s hypocrisy over the Jenna thing, what did Tamra do? She brought up Gretchen’s alleged cheating on Jeff. Even if those things about Alexis & Gretchen are true, they have nothing to do with what was being discussed (the tub scene & the Jenna thing). Tamra does this ALL THE DAMN TIME! Instead of “owning her mistakes” (like she always says she does) she just starts throwing sh!t at the others to make them look worse than her. For me, the tactic isn’t working — Tamra is by far the WORST housewife on any of the housewife shows — she has not one redeemable quality, IMO.
HEATHEN, YOU ARE AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE OF THE OTHER “NO LIFERS” POSTING NEGATIVE COMMENTS ON THESE PEOPLE WHO MANAGE TO MAKE MONEY WHILE THESE NEGATIVE FOLKS WATCH FROM THEIR STINKEY COUCHES ON FLAT SCREENS THEY WISH THEY COULD JUMP INTO TO “GET PAID”.
YOU’RE NOT A HEATHEN AFTER ALL. :)))
ALL YALL NEED TO GET A LIFE AND STOP HATIN ON THESE FOLKS WHO WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO AIR THEIR DIRTY LAUNDRY AND GET PAID FOR IT…WHILE YALL SIT AROUND PICKING YOUR NOSES AND TELLING ALL YOUR DIRTY SHIT AND AIN’T GETTING NO MONEY FOR IT. :)))))