And so the adventure begins! The much-hyped Moroccan vacation on The Real Housewives of New York City kicked off last night with an hour of hilarious, petty squabbles. There was no epic drama, but that’s okay. We have plenty of time for that. Right now we just have the pure joy of watching these women attempt to all travel together, and that’s more than entertaining enough for me.
Bravo amusingly split the tribes up into the blondes vs. the brunettes, with the latter crew arriving in Morocco first. LuAnn seemed to be totally in her element, gladly taking on the role of hostess without any hesitation. The ladies settled in on their first day quite easily with nary a complaint. Even Kelly seemed to be more or less in a sane place.
Then came Ramona.
Arriving the next day on plane #2 were Ramona, Alex, and Sonja. Alex seemed to be fine, but the other women touched down in Africa and immediately commenced the cringe-worthy comments. Ramona bemoaned the dust and poverty. Sonja fretted that savage natives would attack their van. It was pretty bad.
When they finally arrived at the riad, they were full of demands. Ramona wanted a lady to help her unpack, Sonja wanted to guard her luggage, and Alex just wanted to get the hell away from everyone for some much needed R&R. I can’t imagine what it must be like to fly with Ramona and Sonja, but I imagine it’s exhausting. Funny story: I once was on a plane with Vicki Gunvalson to Paris. That’s it. She sat too far away from me for there to be anything exciting to share.
Anyway, when Ramona did manage to unpack, the ladies were all shocked to discover that she had brought her finest slut-ware. Memo to Ramona: for someone awfully scared about returning from Morocco in a body bag, it’s usually a good strategy to wear something that won’t offend EVERYONE.
The biggest scandal of the day, however, came when Cindy sauntered up to her closet and discovered that many of her hangers were (gasp) MISSING!!!! (double gasp!!) Cindy immediately went on a rampage and accused Ramona and Sonja of stealing her hangers, which led to Ramona hilariously calling Cindy an “asshole” during an interview. Luckily, LuAnn saved the day by appearing out of nowhere with a HUGE amount of hangers — clearly stolen from Cindy. I was shocked that the Countess didn’t automatically berate Ramona for hanger impropriety, but even she had to admit that Cindy was being ridiculous.
Luckily, LuAnn had several more opportunities to lash out at Ramona, starting with the curious choice of Ramona and Sonja opting to drive around the countryside to relax. It truly was strange, but at least it afforded us a random interlude wherein Kelly simply BASHED Sonja and her townhouse. I enjoyed it.
Of course, when Sonja and Ramona returned, they were wasted, which absolutely horrified the Countess, who had gone to the trouble of arranging to have caftans made for the women by the top designer in all of Morocco. Of course, Ramona took that opportunity to employ the designer as her servant, causing dropped jaws all around (including here in the U.S.).
Later, the women went off to a party held by none other than Jill’s gay husband Brad, who claimed to have had a house in Morocco. Turns out he was staying at a bed and breakfast of some sort, which is a big difference, but hey, at least the party looked fun. There was a snake coiling about, and a fortune teller came around and told Ramona that Mario was having an affair. Yay! The fortune teller only spoke French, and when she said “une autre femme,” Kelly refused to translate it. LuAnn, however, was only too happy to blurt out “ANOTHER MAN!” I guess that’s what you get when you don’t share your contacts at DAVID MEISTER, RAMONA!
Other fun things from the party: Sonja continuing to be totally wasted, Cindy being mad that Sonja told the story about going downtown and NOT eating at Cipriani’s, Ramona saying “funny antidote” instead of “funny anecdote,” and LuAnn somewhere in the mix pronouncing “buffet” like “BOO-FAY.”
I’m sure I’ve omitted many other wonderful parts of this silly episode. I guess that means I’ll have to go watch it again!
“HIIIIEEEEE!!! I’m in First Class!!! BYEEEEE!!!!”
LuAnn: “Ladies, is anyone else pretending this chair is Jacques? No? Is that just me?”
Cindy: “Let’s get this vacation started! I can’t wait to sit by the pool, take in the culture, and enjoy a closet full of hangers as far as the eye can see!!!!!”
“Oh my gosh. The passenger next to me is just AWFUL. Totally encroaching on my personal space. Oh wait… wait… never mind. It’s just a pillow.”
“I don’t know if I like this tea. It’s about as disappointing as a closet with minimal hangers.”
Kelly: “Isn’t Ramona terrible?”
“If she even LOOKS at my hangers. It’s like… seriously?”
“See, I would have said ‘If she even looks at my hangers, I’ll stick one in her eye.’ Or something like that.”
“Really? Getting comedy tips from Kelly? I mean… seriously?”
Jill: “I’m telling you, if Ramona shows up and she’s dressed like a tennis ball too, I will be SO mad!”
“I’ll send her right back to New York. I’ll say ‘Young lady, please show some class. You are in a FOREIGN country. You know, she just thinks the world is her BOO-FAY sometimes.”
“I don’t get this Moroccan tennis situation. So wrong that I want to hit the ball off the court?”
Sonja: “I hope some sultan drops by and puts it in me. Not before I get my luggage out of the trunk though.”
Alex: “I am embarrassed in so many ways right now.”
Ramona: “HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA, poverty.”
“I’m just… just checking on the luggage! Just seeing that it’s okay… I trust you, but… you know… just seeing the ol’ luggage… I… I’ve been to royal palaces, you see. Perhaps you’ve heard of the Excalibur Casino and Resort? I was very honored…”
“I know you must think I’m crazy to be so paranoid about my luggage, but you must remember that I was the Grand Marshall of a gay pride event. People are just clamoring for my stuff.”
“I need you to help me. No, you’re doing it wrong. You have to hold it this way. If you hold it that way, it looks cheap. No, it doesn’t look cheap. It looks déclassé. Sorry! It does. Have you tried my skincare? You could use it.”
“I find it AWFULLY convenient that the moment you ladies arrive, my hangers go missing.”
“Hangers? What hangers?”
“YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. I mean… seriously?”
“Darlings, shhhhh… I just stole all these hanger from Cindy. Quick: TAKE THEM!”
Alex: “No offense, LuAnn. But they’re hangers. Why are you holding them in such a disorganized way?”
“Oh Jill, you simply must come to my party tonight!”
“Where is it?”
“Oh, at my house. Well, it’s not really my house as much as it is my PALACE! I’m kind of the King of the this country.”
“Wow. A palace?”
“Yeah. Your friend Sonja once stayed with me.”
“Would you believe Ramona and Sonja are already drunk? What do they think this is? A VACATION?”
“I mean, not at the riad! NEVER AT THE RIAD!”
“Do you like my hair, Jill? I did it myself.”
“Wow. Congratulations on having basic life skills.”
“Thank you!”
“It looks horrific by the way.”
“I… I have GLANDS!!! Everyone look. I have GLANDS!!!!!”
“Ladies, I have a surprise for you. The greatest designer in all of Morocco is here, and he wants to make you ALL garments that you’ll never wear again.”
“By the way, everyone gets a caftan except Ramona. She apparently already has her own signature caftan maker who she won’t share. Bitch.”
Sonja: “Awfully big house to have no help. Where are the dancing interns?”
Ramona: “I’m just going to ring this imaginary bell. Do you think they come to us on flying carpets?”
Sonja: “Oh I don’t care. As long as whatever shows up has a cocktail and a penis, I’ll be fine.”
Alex: “I am a LUMBERJACK IN A COCKTAIL DRESS!”
LuAnn: “Isn’t this just marvelous?”
Ramona: “Oh yes. But why do they keep throwing stones at me?”
“Would you believe she showed me a snake? ME! A SNAKE! How nasty! The manners on that one.”
“Hey Ramona, guess what? I gave your koala tchotchke to the snake. And guess what? He ATE it!”
“So the fortune teller, she says to you, um, toaster cookbook will be big bomb. Huge.”
“Also, fortune teller ask you leave now. You make burkha smell like Schnapps.”
“There’s another woman? She must be thinking of Cameron Diaz. I get mistaken for her a lot now with my new haircut. You know, I’m renewed now. WHERE’S MY PINOT GRIGIO?”
What do you think about the Moroccan adventure yet? Were Sonja and Ramona within their right to get bombed in the afternoon? And who do we think stole Cindy’s hangers?
I couldn’t believe that Kelly was going on and on about how Sonja was just living the lifestyle her ex husband had afforded her and how she lived in his house so she should be looked down upon… Just a guess but I would assume she got that Hamptons house in HER OWN divorce from a wealthy man who afforded her a lifestyle above her own?
Thank you. I was thinking the same exact thing!!
To be fair to Cindy, I clearly heard her say that some of her stuff was on the floor and the hangers were taken…as in, her stuff HAD been hung, but someone had entered her room, gone to her closet, removed clothing from hangers, strewn the clothing and departed with the hangers. That, people, is bizarre.
True, she did say it but once…and I really think sometimes it would be good if these bitches would STOP, JUST STOP (in Kelly’s voice) constantly repeating all the NON-essential info and, instead, repeat some of the more salient facts…
That tendency among them had me praying that Luann would clarify for the other brunettes that Alex was not joining the other two in “relaxing” via auto ride/drunken binge in town–I was really afraid for a while that Alex would take some sort of heat from Jill and Kelly on that matter (and I am not at all sure she might not anyway in the two upcoming episodes). And since Alex was the only one who seemed honestly offended by the bullshittery of her companions’ behavior, I really don’t want to see her held in some way accountable.
Yeah, I joined her and you and the rest of the sensible world in cringing so long and so hard during this round that my shoulders AND my jaw are sore today.
I heard Cindy say that too — she went to her room & her stuff was strewn all over the floor & the hangers gone. She also repeats it in her blog. I can’t believe she is lying about that, so something did happen with the hangers. Maybe that poor harassed woman who had to “help” Ramona unpack ran & grabbed them from Cindy’s room to get Ramona off her back (thinking she’d have time to go back once she found more hangers & hang Cindy’s stuff back up, but unfortunately Cindy went to her room before she could)? That’s the only plausible explanation I can come up with.
Ramona & Sonja both write in their blogs (and yes, I’m ashamed I read them) that even though they lied & said they were “going on a ride to relax” they went to some exclusive resort nearby & saw people they know there from Paris, had some drinks & the concierge that works there assured them the raid they were staying at was safe & that Morocco “was westernized” (actual quote from Ramona) & they could wear whatever clothes they would normally wear, except to religious sights, then they should cover up. Can I just say: WTF? Have these two alleged world travelers ever thought of doing a little research on the place they are going (re: customs, appropriate dress, weather)? They waited until they actually got to Morocco to consult the concierge at some fancy hotel before they thought to ask these things? And I really cringed when they insulted the countryside IN FRONT OF THEIR NATIVE DRIVER!! Yes, Ramona, you aren’t in America anymore — and guess what? Not everything needs to be the Upper East Side to have beauty & to be worth seeing. I suggest those two classless morons NEVER visit India — the sublime will be lost on them because of all the “dirty poor people.” {rolls eyes}
Also, in all honesty, if I was traveling with a group of people & 2 of them arrived, dropped off their stuff & then split instead of having lunch or even saying “bye” to the rest of us, I would have been insulted. When you travel in a group, I don’t think it is necessary that everyone be joined at the hip every second of the day, but some “togetherness” needs to be observed just for the sake of civility. (This is why I personally don’t like traveling with more than 1 or 2 more people, but nevertheless, if I was on that trip, I would have had lunch with the others when I got there).
I gotta say: kudos to Jill for being down with the snake charmer. I didn’t expect that from her. And kudos to Alex, even though she is more friends with Ramona & Sonja than with the others, she at least appeared to be as offended by Ramona & Sonja as I was.
I was surprised that the brunettes were “offended” when all they do is shit talk about the blondes. Luann told Ramona that no one (brunettes) want to go because of her so why would they care if she showed up then went to do her own thing.
I really don’t think that Ramona or Sonja went into Cindy’s room and threw her clothes all over the floor and took her hangers. These two have seem to have NO problem asking for what they need and would rather have someone else get it for them.
I didn’t say Ramona & Sonja went to Cindy’s room & took the hangers — I said *maybe* the maid did in a hurry to please Ramona, thinking she’d have enough time to go back & pick them up. Otherwise, Cindy is making up the story, which I don’t believe she is, cause that would mean she’s psychotic, & I don’t think she is psychotic. A boring reality show fame-wh@re, yes. Psychotic, no.
The brunettes “talking shit” about Ramona & Sonja isn’t an excuse for Ramona & Sonja to be rude — ever heard the expression 2 wrongs don’t make a right? If Ramona & Sonja didn’t want to be around the others (for whatever reason), then they shouldn’t have gone to Morocco with them — of course, that would have meant passing up a free trip & camera time, so that wasn’t going to happen. So, since they decided to go, they shouldn’t have been rude. How Person X behaves has nothing to do with how Person Y behaves. That seems to be something most people don’t realize these days.
If i were Ramona I don’t think I’d feel bad about going off to do my own thing after being told nobody wanted to travel with me. How “person X” behaves has alot to do with how Y behaves when it involves person Y.
I didn’t say that YOU accused Ramona and Sonja of taking the hanger, but Cindy surely did. I don’t feel my post was aggressive, just offering another opinion….
I want to know where all these bitches found so much alcohol in Morocco. I was there last month, and was positively PARCHED. I haven’t had that much blood in my bloodstream since Kim G was a young lass.
A well executed triple-burn. You-Morocco-Kim G.
For that I am giving you 4 ½ hangers.
hb
No wire ones, I hope!
I busted up when drunk Sonja asked Ramona if she had any feminine hygiene products and Ramona responded ‘do you want to borrow my shoes’. I love those two drunks.
That made me laugh too…I don’t understand Sonya’s fascination with her cooch this season. Each episode there is a reference to it. I think she is an attractive woman, but she just seems so desperate for attention from men. Any men. Gay dress designers, young live-in interns (weird situation), photographers, etc. And in each instance she mentions her cooch, like she thinks these men don’t know she has one or like she thinks hers in magical. It just is sad. And funny. Sad and funny.
Oh and another thing…I don’t know about the rest of you ladies, but if you have a need for feminine hygiene products then you BEST be wearing underwear. I mean, what about leakage (eww, gross, I know, but seriously during that time of the month you wear underwear).
Not to be mean to Sonja, but I’d bet that farm that whatever problem she was having that required “feminine hygiene products” wasn’t her time of the month. She probably hasn’t needed that kind of “feminine hygiene products” for years.
I’m so glad you brought that up….I thought I had missed something in between those two sentences never dreaming they were both that insane
Do you like my hair, Jill? I did it myself.”
“Wow. Congratulations on having basic life skills.”
“Thank you!”
“It looks horrific by the way.”
Hilarious.
Sonia acts like a free prostitute.
I’m convinced Ramona has had a lobotomy.
LOLOLOL…about the lobotomy.
too funny, this recap is a blast
I love these recaps but I’m always more excited for Housewives Hoedown. You let it loose on there.
I think Jill in this episode is why people liked her so much the first two seasons. As for the comments on Sonja’s lifestyle it had been reported that she filled for bankruptcy prior to leaving for Morocco which may have been the motivating factor. Besides, Sonja is just desperate.
Sonja and Ramona were so obnoxious on this trip, but it was all just so hilarious.
I can always see the glee from Jill’s face when Ramona acts crazy cuz she thinks that will make R less popular with viewers and she’ll get the ege back on their rivalry. But she doesn’t get it…people LOVE Ramona’s crazy.
I love it when Sonja “forgets” her underwear and announces her “embarassment.”
I think (and hope) that we will have the Countess’ true meltdown on this trip. She has always kept herself in check and never had a real crazy moment in all her seasons. She is starting to get SO annoyed with R and S. She wants this trip to further cement her role as the most cultured Housewife and I love how R is not giving her the satisfaction by doing her own thing. She doesn’t want to look like the Countess is schooling her on Morocco.
Ramona’s “crazy” is starting to make me a bit crazy. So much so that if she didn’t have a lobotomy (as mentioned above), she really needs one.
What a truly UGLY American she is…and actually, even in St. John, was really demanding and ungracious to the staff.
She should try being a decent human being, despite her upbringing (which she always blames). And I know it’s too late, but all the money in the world couldn’t buy her one ounce of class.
I hate to say it, but I may agree with Cindy on this : Ramona’s core IS smelly and rotten. And she is NOT funny at all. At least Sonja makes fun of herself while she is being an ugly American.
Team Brunettes and Alex.
Agreed re: not “loving” Ramona’s crazy. Heck, I think you’d have to be crazy to love it!
I said on the thread from last week’s recap — I just don’t get the Ramona love. It seems to me people have chosen their “teams” (and really, picking which one of these women is slightly less craptastic than the others is silly, IMO, because being the “cream of the crap” is nothing to be proud of) and then justify whatever their “team” does regardless of how utterly ridiculous, classless or crass it is.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID….!!!! I hope this was intended to be read in a Lauren Conrad voice.
Anyone else think that LuAnne really ENJOYED translating “it’s another woman” to Ramona? She was pretty gleeful about that. I was proud of Alex this episode, she totally seemed like the only sane one there.
Kelly needs to stop acting like some innocent 12 yr old girl. She did a spread in Playboy, and I don’t care how ” tasteful” it was, it’s still Playboy! Since when does doing that make her this demure,untouched girl!? Only on this show..
excellent point. . .
I loved how Sonya said—-err, slurred “Do you have any Pino Grigggshio” at Brad’s party.
I also loved how Brad pretended to own a Moroccan home, and have a party there.
Sorry, I am on team Brunette right now. Slap a black wig on Alexis and toss Drunky and the Cooch from a moving car into some Moroccan outpost. It would be like that AbFab episode only minus being found (i.e. happy ending). Embarassing that such idiots get a trip like this.
I just paid attention & I can’t believe that you didn’t make fun of Luann’s pool float sleeves when they were looking at their rooms. Also, after hangargate, Cindy came down to the pool & said something about hangars & then said “I have babies!”. Then something else. It was really out of context.
Referring back to Tina’s remark, let’s also not forget that Kelly beat up an old boyfriend a few years ago.
Was anyone else surprised that Jerri Blank was in this episode Brad’s Francophile friend in Morocco (aka the translator)?
http://www.jerriblank.com/swc-movie_ew_042806_sm.jpg