Before there was Snooki and The Situation, there were Teresa and Joe Gorga, a feuding brother and sister duo who at one point were very close… and very tan.

I don’t know what’s most impressive: Teresa’s fashion sense (she looks like she got tangled in some sort of leopard-print duct tape dispenser) or her voluminous hair, which cascades down like an overgrown weeping willow dipped in tar. Then there’s the matter of Joe’s oiled up barrel chest. I’ll assume he’s fresh from some Jell-o wrestling under the inflated Coors Light can in the distance. Either way, this is some hot, sticky fun over here.

Props to the lady on the right, who managed to get through this picture relatively unscathed. I’m wondering what she grew up to be. Here’s my guess.

Thanks to Matt Whitfield for the heads up.

13 replies on “PHOTO: Young Teresa and Joe Gorga Hit The Jersey Shore”

  1. That hair, that bathing suit, words escape me. But I’m impressed with how flat Teresa’s stomach is.

      1. It reminds me of an old worn leather barcalounger. Nasty and something you don’t want to go anywhere near…

    1. I thought you said feathery loins, so I went back to look and thought, no she must mean leathery… I’m sure there was tan enhancer involved.

  2. Holy coochie-cutters!! Those swimsuits are a throwback to MTV Spring Break circa 1987. All that’s missing from this picture is Pauly Shore!

  3. Wow, that picture might keep me from tanning for life. I mean, holy imminent skin cancer, Batman!

  4. I see JoeGo had what looks like a natural full head of hair in this photo. This must have been before the ‘roid abuse really started catching up with him.

  5. Kinda funny how the author non-chalantly pokes fun at the jersey shore but what he’s really doing is hating on Italians. So what? The dude has two women on his side and is tan and muscular. Stop hating.

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