I’m simply loving the revamped Real Housewives of New Jersey. Even though the second episode of the third season couldn’t match the craziness of last week, I still found myself thoroughly enjoying the generally banal activities on screen, culminating in a catty confrontation between Teresa and Kathy. Plus, even better — we had the return of the Kims! That’s right: Kim D and Kim G, who serve as the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of New Jersey, were back and ready to stir things up — except they really didn’t do anything but serve as minor comic relief. That’s okay though. I was happy enough to just sit and watch Kim D and her dangling hair fangs, not to mention a rather “refreshed” looking Kim G, who still reminds me of Ruth Buzzi chasing a guy around a park bench while flailing her purse. Gosh, it’s great to have the gang back.

Anyway, the bulk of this episode pertained to the fallout from Gorgamania 2011. We got both sides of the story: Team Giudice felt like they’d done nothing but be nice and friendly; Team Gorga felt vindicated in their frustration. Nevertheless, all the ancillary figures decided that this feud had to be put to sleep. After all, Teresa would have to come face to face with Melissa at the upcoming Posche Fashion show.

POSCHE FASHION SHOW?!?!?!? Christmas comes early!

Enter the two Kims, ready to stir the pot. Kim D invited Melissa to walk in the show (sorry Kath, no love for you); and Kim G just flittered around, happily talking shit about Teresa whenever she could. It was just like the good ol’ days.

Before we could get to the fashion show though, we had Halloween — much to the delight of the producers who seemed to be having a ball with all their public domain spooky music. I half expected Elvira to waltz on screen, and in many ways, that’s kind of what we saw in Joe Go’s Snooki costume, which came replete with a sizable poof. Melissa, meanwhile, dressed up as Catwoman while Kathy opted for an Avatar look. I don’t know why this amused me so much, but I think the sight of Kathy in dreads was enough to make this episode for me.

Over on Team Giudice, Teresa made a loud announcement about how Halloween was for the kids. This was followed by her running around her mansion in a superhero costume that she had dubbed “Super T.” It was actually rather sweet, watching her zipping around while her two hellion daughters dangled on her cape, and I couldn’t help but laugh when she curiously opted to dress up Audriana like a gym teacher. I imagine this was a reference to Glee. Whatever it was: the outcome was amusing. Joe Giudice even chuckled, calling his daughter a little boy. I was shocked that he even took her in his arms, given his refusal to change her diapers later in the episode (leave it to all-around standup guy Christopher Laurita to do the dirty deed).

Nevertheless, Halloween came and went, and soon it was time to focus on the Posche fashion show. This year, it was held at the Brownstone, and Lauren Manzo would be doing the makeup. I was shocked she had time to fit the event into her busy calendar, what with her new gig selling cosmetics at CHATEAU: THE ART OF BEAUTY.

Oh I kid. She’s a good egg (I mean, she’s a Manzo. How couldn’t she be?). Sadly for us though, the fashion show went without a hitch. There were some simmering tensions — Melissa, her sisters, and Kim G mocking Teresa behind her back etc — but all in all it was drama free. Even Melissa and Teresa acted cordial to each other, despite their deep hatred.

It was only at the end that things spiced up. Leave it to my favorite NJ housewife Kathy to stir the pot. She pulled Teresa aside at the end of the show and tried to find out her side of the christening story. Her questions, however, were loaded, and Teresa immediately went on the defensive. Kathy then accused her of not calling Joe since the christening, which rattled Teresa even more, causing her in turn to accuse Kathy of running like a coward away from the fray. I didn’t really understand this logic — why was it wrong for Kathy to get the hell out of the biggest shit show of the year? It was a dumb fight between two dumb mooks, and Kathy was expected to get in the middle? This sort of warped logic is one of the reasons why I find Teresa totally insufferable.

Kathy then explained that she wanted to make sure her kids were safe, which elicited incredulity from Teresa. Kathy’s kids were old enough to be just fine, she contended (parent of the year!). Of course, this comes from a woman who happily engaged her brother in a shouting match while her crying daughter pleaded with her to stop. Great.

The shit really hit the fan, however, when Kathy noted that it was her who had to usher Audriana to safety. The insinuation that Teresa wasn’t looking after her kids (which she wasn’t — something she mildly confessed to earlier in the episode) made the Skinny Italian author flip her lid. Teresa went off on Kathy before storming out of the room (guilty conscience perhaps?). I wasn’t at the christening, but from all the footage we saw, there wasn’t a whole lot of Teresa whisking Audriana to safety. In fact, there was none of it.

As the episode came to a close, Caroline entered Mother Hen mode and told the Gorga/Giudice clan to get it together and resolve this in private. Sounds like Kathy might get herself blacklisted at the Brownstone. Could there be a more horrific fate?

“Why is it that pumpkins are called pumpkins? They don’t look like pumps. They look like oranges. They should be called orangekins. Joe. JOE. Don’t you think pumpkins should be called orangekins? JOE???”

Caroline: “You mean to tell me I was the only one to wear an autumnal kerchief to this event?”

“We were so offended, SO offended that Joe and Teresa didn’t wear little black caps to our christening.”

“So guys, hear me out: I’m thinking of being a Na’vi for Halloween. I… I just can’t help but feel like if we were in Pandora, none of this arguing would be happening.”

“Listen, Kathy. It’s been two years already. Enough with the Avatar.”

“The other day, I held my vacuum cleaner’s power cord and pretended I was communicating with Sam Worthington.”

Melissa: “Wow. Nice to meet you. What a beautiful old lady you are.”

Kim G: “It’s wonderful meeting you, Melissa, but if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with my stylist, McGruff the Crime Dog.”

“Look at my daughter: selling makeup at Chateau: The Art of Beauty. I am SO proud. But she better not leave home…”

“Lauren, you’re the best. You make me feel like the Italian Sharon Osbourne.”

“Hey, it’s Super T! Spreading Tacky and Temper wherever refinement lives!”

Melissa: “Even though Joe looks like Snooki, I still think he’s super hot. Is something wrong with me?”
“Well, the Tree of Life tells us that we all must–“
“Seriously, Kathy. ENOUGH.”

“Teresa better apologize to me. Otherwise I’m gonna sneak into her house, find some scissors, and give her hair fangs like Kim D.”

Caroline: “Ohhhhhhh… I think I ate a bad clam.”
Kim D: “Story of my life, honey. Have you thought about ever growing some hair fangs?”

“Don’t I look sexy? I’m like a yeti at prom!”

“Hey Joe. JOE! Look at me. I’m modelin’. Come have sex with me on the runway. JOE!!!!”

Kathy: “So… why are you such a bitch? I mean that in the nicest way, of course.”

Teresa: “Excuse me, but I did NOT abandon my daughter. Audriana was right in the middle of the brawl with me. I’m a good mother!”

Kathy: “You know, the Na’vi have an old saying about family, and it goes like this: ‘Eoio ok am’a aungia–“

“Listen, Kath, as far as I’m concerned, we should have chopped down the Tree of Life five times over, okay? So zip it.”
“Wow. Just… wow.”

“Here’s the thing: without Oprah, what are we supposed to watch? Maury Povich? I don’t think so.”

What did you think about the episode? Team Kathy or Team Teresa?

26 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ PHOTOCAP: Ghoulish Faces and Scary Fashions – It’s Halloween in NJ!”

  1. I really like how Caroline told Lauren that she needed to start the empire with Vito, cause mommy and daddy are going to be paying for anything anymore! I feel so bad for Lauren. I do hope that Vito asks her to marry him. Then she can get the HELL out of that house. Make something out of herself and give her mom that big ol FU!

    I still hate Tree, Melissa is getting up there on that list too. Kathy seems like a meddler, and a shit stirrer….

  2. I’m loving this new season. Melissa truly is awful because she is actually making me like Teresa a little bit. Still on the fence about Kathy, loved her last week, this week seemed like she was trying to get on tv. Thanks for the photocap!

    1. Same here, I wanted to like Melissa but she’s simply awful. Her sisters though are really getting on my nerves, their desperation to be on tv and their trashiness in general make me cringe. The whole time Melissa was on the catwalk they were hooting and hollering like deranged fools. Although watching Kim D dance was pretty hysterical.

      Kim G has no shame, and I love it.

      1. Word & Amen! I truly couldn’t stand Teresa in the second season. She was a mean, smug bully and had clearly come down with a bad case of NeNe-itis.

        This season, however, Melissa & her not-quite-fully-evolved spouse, Joe 2.0, have caused me to achieve what I thought was unachievable….rooting for Teresa who now seems quite humbled and almost broken.The Gargoyles actions appear simply to be kicking a woman when she’s clearly dow, although I’m pretty sure a good part of it is justified schadenfreude. It’s heartening (dare I say, endearing?) to see Teresa enjoying her children, instead of treating them like accessories.

  3. The Gordas upped the ante. They are Guido 2.0. It’s like Jersey Shore of the future.

  4. these people are all overgrown, overfed, over made up children. it’s terrible. who’s minding the real kids? the adults are incapacitated. it’s so hard for me to be “team melissa” or “team theresa” when i’m just generally “team grow the eff up.” they are all children, who are prone to using their fists to communicate but are trying to find their words (fidget…midget…matriarch). and, i love kids, but these people are the really annoying ones who make you sneer because they are so grandiose and lack so much self-awareness…oh and they are actually all grown up, so there’s nothing charming there. i dunno, i guess if china’s tiger moms are producing throngs of smart kids who’ll one day take our jobs, new jersey’s breeders are birthing deluded, over-confident morons who will done day steal our souls.

  5. I seriously thought Joe Gorga was dressed as a robber for Halloween (before he changed into his costume). Then I realized that’s SERIOUSLY what he was wearing. As Tim Gunn would say, “This concerns me.”

    1. I thought the same thing!!! What was up with those stupid hats at the dinner table? Totally concerning.

  6. I don’t understand why these people physically assault, verbally abuse, and engage in other manic behavior with one another and then use the fact that “it’s family” to justify it. Of course I argue with my siblings, but at a certain point (like, age 12), it’s time to grow up and handle things with an iota of maturity.

    All I could think when Kath confronted Theresa at the fashion show was the “Queen of Jordan” spoof on 30 Rock where Tracy says something like, “I know this public photo shoot isn’t the right time to bring this highly sensitive issue up, but I can’t go to your cat therapist’s funeral.”

    Did anyone else catch Kim D’s passive-aggressive gem that she had “bombshell” clothes for Melissa and “mommy stuff” for Kathy?

    Kim G: Her hair color/style and skin tone (and relative age) remind me of Betty White…if Betty White was an unfunny, unlikable, desperate hanger-on. Perhaps there is hope for her after all in a geriatric version of the franchise (Real Housewives of the Franklin Lakes Retirement Home and Rest Center?). I loved that she also dressed up like a cat and looked like a total hag next to Melissa in her cat outfit.

  7. I’m kind of enjoying both Teresa and Melissa.

    Caroline needs to stop mediating the fights and telling everyone to act normal. She’s turning into a real killjoy.

  8. First of all — ‘my stylist, McGruff the Crime Dog.’ HA! Super hilarious!

    How much work has Kim G had done exactly? She looks like a different person and Kim D may want to talk to her doctor cuz that lady is looking HAGGARD. Holy Moly! A face that even ‘hair fangs’ can’t help!

  9. “Here’s the thing: without Oprah, what are we supposed to watch? Maury Povich? I don’t think so.”

    Too funny!

  10. Ok, I think I’m officially on Team Theresa. I don’t like all these other women (Kathy, Melissa, Melissa’s sisters, the Kims) just trying gang up on her and start shit with her. They all know she’s the Queen Bee of RHNJ now and they all want some camera time. It’s like “I’m gonna be the one to stand up to her.” Not that I’m complaining cuz it’s been so good. Theresa will take out all these prostituion whores, no doubt.

    Caroline is too normal for this show (not good). She was a total party pooper last night. I have a feeling those girls would have all ganged up on Theresa and I would have loved to see her take them out, one by one. Caroline was like the Countess last night…”Not at the Brownstone!!! Never at the Brownstone!!!”

    I love the Kims’ appearance. As if the show isn’t trashy enough, they just add that extra tinsel on am overdressed Christmas tree. I want them on often. And kudos to Bravo for not making them regular castmembers. I have a feeling that they told the Kims they MIGHT get on the show if they start trouble (and we all know Bravo would never do that).

  11. 1. Gorgamania! Fabulous.
    2. Kim G. has the maturity of a 10 year old. She needs to get a life of her own and stop feeding on the problems of others.
    3. Jacquelyn (sp?) needs a hair makeover. The combed over bangs are so old-fashioned and do not flatter her. She would look a lot better with more modern hair.
    4. Did anyone think Theresa was oddly subdued and monosyllabic on the after-show? Like she had od’d on valium before the show started or something.
    5. We need more of Rich, the Lebanese Jeff Goldblum. Please.

  12. Did you read the blogs? Teresa left her children with their grandmother — this is completely acceptable, IMO. In a room that seats 150 guests and also has room for them to dance, there’s no reason to assume the kids were anywhere near the fracas. Melissa and her Snooki need to stop attacking Teresa.
    Very funny snarking on Kim G. I hate hur, hate hur hair.

  13. I loved that the Gorga baby got deposited on the rug just inside the front door while Catwoman and Snooki got ready upstairs. When the doorbell rang, I was thinking they were just going to push him out of the way with the feet – move over asshole baby, the KIMS are here!!!

  14. Team Teresa here too. Melissa has the ugly trifecta happening…the huge forehead, huge nose, and huge chin. Insecure little bitch.

    Kathy is even more unfortunate looking. There was an episode of South Park where New Jersey starts taking over the nation and all the bug-eyed, clown-mouthed Jersey cartoon-women all looked just like Kathy.

    But back to Melissa…I just think that continuing to drive a wedge between her obviously emotionally unstable husband and his family is all sorts of fucked.

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