I really had no intention of watching the Royal Wedding, let alone staying up into the wee hours of the night/morning for it, but as it turns out, I was already awake at 2 AM; so I decided to turn on the telly and watch it all unfold. It was pretty fun, but I must admit that when the sermon started, I fell asleep — only awakening a significant amount of time later as Prince William and his bride Kate Middleton were riding around on a carriage through London. Happy times all around.

Anyway, I officially have Royal Fever now, and as such, I’ve compiled a photocap of the wedding. Pictures after the jump…

Carole Middleton: “Wow, that Camilla really is quite dreadful up close in person.”

“Oh why must Camilla always insist we listen to XM Channel 55: Radio Margaritaville?”

Camilla: “I’ll order the Caesar salad and the chicken fricassee.”
Prince Charles: “It’s not a menu, dear.”
“Oh my. So I suppose the carrot cake is out of the question?”

Beefeater: “Nigel, I don’t want to make a fuss about this, but I belief our kerfchiefs are attracted to each other.”
“Love is in the air, sir.”

Camilla: “Do you suppose we can stop off at one of those lovely Chick-Fil-A’s?”
Charles: “I’m afraid that’s not possible, dear.”
“But it’s not Sunday. They’re wide open!”

“Look. I found a menu too!”

“Guess who’s having a threeway in the back of a lorry later?”

“Error. Error. WeddingBot 2000 not trespassing. WeddingBot 2000 invited to Royal Ceremony. Must have left invitation at factory. Please reconsider arrest. Error. Error.”

Pandemonium breaks out when rumors spread that Oasis will be playing at the reception.

Kate: “Pippa, would you be a lamb and carry my train?”
“Anything for you…. bitch.”

“Pippa, when — or rather if — you get married, you’re going to have a hard time topping this. Just sayin’.”

“Oh look here. They included Ke$ha as one of the hymms.”

“Oh Wills, your fingers feel like trembling cornichons!”

Queen Elizabeth: “Great: wedged between a commoner and a whore. Dream come true.”

“You’ll do well to find me some Wagamama RIGHT NOW.”

“So is Oasis playing or not?”

“Bloody tuba. It’s the last time I let Basil take it out for the night in Crudgington Telford Shropshire!”

Kate: “Oh dear. I think I just sexted Brenda Blethyn by accident.”

Wills: “Did you just pass gas?”

Queen Elizabeth: “Goddamnit does this coach go ANY faster? I could have been to Balmoral and back in the time it’s taken to go one block.”

“Seriously, call Kate. Tell her WeddingBot 2000 is here. She KNOWS me! Beep boop beep beep.”

“Wills, when we retire this evening, I’m going to draw a smiley face on your glove and pretend it’s the chap from Hamburger Helper.”

“Did you see Beatrice’s hat?”
Kate: “I know! It looks like she stuck a trivet to her forehead.”

Camilla: “What about Red Lobster? I adore their cheesy biscuits ever so much.”
“No, Camilla.”

“Your Majesty, it’s an honor.”
“Yes, yes. Just keep the ceremony short and peppy, or else I’ll become a royal pain in the ass. And I mean that in the most LITERAL way possible.”

“‘SCUSE ME, but if you no wanna hear no Lady Gaga, then you no have to listen to my band, okay?”

“Give us a kiss, luv.”

17 replies on “ROYAL WEDDING PHOTOCAP: Huzzah!”

  1. I keep seeing that last picture everywhere. What the hell was going on and do you think they knew the photo op they were creating? I like to think so.

  2. Damn, Ben! Your recap is better than any of the recaps on the networks tonight!
    Well done!

  3. Loved the commoner and the whore comment. I literally laughed til I cried.

    I remember you from your days recapping The Hills on tvgasm. Funniest thing you ever wrote (IMO) was the “You Do Not Touch the Spencer” recap. I still snort thinking about it.

    Love the blog!

  4. Methinks Camilla and Gail would have a good time hanging out. Kindred spirits, perhaps. Come to think of it, Fergie will fit right in there as well.

  5. That was awesome. You could have gone to town on those hats too.
    She was fixing her train in that last picture, right?

  6. I watched TLC’s recapping of the wedding and the things Clinton Kelly said when he first saw Beatrice and Eugenie’s hats were hilarious. Those were the most godawful hats I’ve ever seen.

  7. I love that you led off with three Camilla zingers in a row. Such an easy yet satisfying target.

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