JERSEY SHORE PHOTOCAP: Damaged Goods

Things got a bit intense on the latest Jersey Shore. This wasn’t just the usual yammering from Ronnie and Sammi. Their fighting actually escalated to a disturbing level — one that teetered on and perhaps crossed the line into abusiveness. Viewers of the show have long since believed the Rammi to be an emotionally abusive black hole of awfulness, but this was the first time things seemed to get violent. Ronnie most certainly behaved in a dangerous and unacceptable way, and even if he had been egged on by the psychotic nagging of Sammi, it still didn’t excuse any of his actions. Memo to future girlfriends: watch this episode before engaging further…

Things started off benignly — well, as benignly as anything can start off with these two idiots. Sammi was still pissed Ronnie because of stuff that was said in the previous episode, and since The Situation is never one to ignore an actual situation, he happily pounced. He suggested that maybe Sammi would be better off without her meatball boyfriend because — let’s face it — all they do is fight. Unfortunately for Mike, Ronnie overheard all this, and when you’re high on ‘roids, it’s not so easy to keep your emotions in check, especially if a) those emotions concern rage, and b) you’re already an abuser. So what else was Ronnie to do but sling some passive aggressive comments and then hash it out with his roommate. Soon there was plenty of yelling and angry uses of the word “BRO!” and what we soon discovered was that Ronnie was pissed about The Situation admitting to Sammi in Miami that everything in the famous Letter That Shall Not Be Mentioned was true. This was a vile breech of Guy Code, according to Ronnie; although, if memory serves me correctly, wasn’t it Ronnie who stole Sammi away from Sitch back in season one? I guess Guy Code infractions are reviewed on a case-by-case basis.

Anyway, as the guys yelled at each other, Ronnie then insisted that Mike should always have his back and should stay “out of it” when it comes to his relationship with Sammi. It’s none of your business, he insisted, but Mike happily reminded him that it WAS his business if he has to live in the same room as those two idiots. Truth be told, I don’t know how it could NOT be anyone else’s business when twenty minutes later, the guys have to physically run upstairs and pull the lovers apart before they scratch each other’s eyes out. I guess I should know better than to seek out logic when it comes to Ronnie.

Well, things between the lovahs were headed in the wrong direction. Sammi decided that she would enjoy life as Single Sammiâ„¢. She had gone drinking with Deena Nicole all afternoon, and by the time the big fight with Mike had passed, she was probably a little drunk. That didn’t stop Sammi from summoning Ronnie up to the roof for yet another talk. The topic of choice? Further musing on the embarrassment she felt in Miami. I would be lying if I said this convo wasn’t exactly the same as the one the week prior. The dumb girl began harping on the same old stuff, and soon the pendulum of sympathy swung over to Team Ronnie. After all, while the guy is an asshole with rage issues and chauvinist tendencies (at one point in the episode he screamed at Sammi that she hadn’t cooked him any meals), Sammie should be smart enough to STEER CLEAR. Her willingness to still tangle with the dude just makes her pathetic. Let’s face it: she could get any guy on the Boardwalk. If Deena can get ass on the regular, Sammi should clean house (except she wouldn’t because she’s a slob — Ronnie’s later trashing of the room actually made her area look BETTER).

Anyway, Ronnie called Sammi a variety of insults (“dumb,” “bitch,” “dumb bitch” I believe were the terms) and then stormed off, leaving the girl to commiserate with the other girls before finally admitting “I still love the dick!” It wasn’t clear if she was talking about Ronnie or his “member,” but we’re going to assume the latter is not quite large enough to be loved (unless it’s a love one has for a puppy or a kitten). Snooki and Deena had the perfect solution: forget Ronnie and have a good time! Surprisingly, Sammie agreed to go out with the girls to have some fun. Yes, it all seemed to be great…

…Until the lovers met at the mirror. They soon began to spout off at each other (I think thanks to Sammi making some remark about how he didn’t deserve her tears), and finally Ronnie reiterated the point that he was single, and if he went out and met a girl, it was his right (remember these words). The tensions began to escalate, and next thing we knew, Ronnie was pulling Sammi’s junk out of her closet and throwing it across the room. This was not gentlemanly behavior. In fact, this was not acceptable behavior. It was actually very violent, and it continued to be so as Ronnie grabbed Sammi’s bed and tried to shove it out the window (with Sammi standing on top of it, no less). She fell over, but he had no regard for her, which was highly, highly alarming. True, this was not him beating her with a fist, but quite frankly, it was still violent. Also violent: him slamming a door in her face, among other things. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen hostile aggression from Ronnie (the infamous SHOVE of season one), and while Sammi was admittedly being a shrill psycho, there was no excuse for his actions.

Luckily, MVP managed to pull the quarreling parties apart and calm down Ronnie long enough to get him out of the house. The boys went off to the club, and the girls meanwhile moved Sammi’s bed (or part of it) downstairs. They then decided they would get Ronnie back the best way they knew how: by having Sammi grind up on some guys at the club. Probably not the healthiest idea, but I’m not gonna lie: I was excited. Of course, Sammi should have been out at the clubs finding guys, but for her own sake, not as a retaliation.

Well, Sammi got all sexy, headed off to the club, and then announced to the world that she was single and ready to mingle. Truthfully, she was a mess. There was no subtlety in her game. She literally just yelled “I’m SIIIIIIIIINGGGGGLLE!!!!” and grabbed the first guy she could find to dance with. It was actually pretty sad, but glorious, especially when the cameras cut to Ronnie fuming in the corner. Wait a second, I thought they were single now and could flirt with whomever they wanted. His words, not mine.

Apparently it’s a one-way street when it comes to Ronnie. He headed back home, furious at Sammi’s transparent (but effective ploy) and set about doing the next sensible thing: UTTERLY DESTROYING ALL HER BELONGINGS.

This was just offensive. Ronnie broke, shattered, and bashed whatever he could and then tossed it out on the porch. It was at once immensely childish, immensely sick, and immensely violent yet again. I could go on about how Sammi’s belongings are an extension of her and how acting out against the objects is actually a threat against her being, but we’re all educated people here. No need to prove from an academic standpoint that the guy is abusive. He just is. And of course he then made it all Sammi’s fault.

She returned from the club, saw everything was destroyed, and just wilted. Even her glasses — her glasses — were cracked and useless. Sammi looked like she too was broken, and when she questioned Ronnie about his actions (something she shouldn’t have even done — why give him the satisfaction of a reaction), he managed to make it all her fault. He acted like not only was he the victim, but that she was the bad one for grinding up on a guy in his face. He then launched into priceless logic by saying that when he cheated on Sammi in Miami, at least HE was considerate enough to do it behind her back. It was so awful that it was actually funny. And for the record, please remember that in Miami, they were actually together when he cheated (and he also bragged about it) as opposed to now when they were separate. To paraphrase The Situation: forget about Guy Code, what about General Human Code?

Anyway, Sammi could no longer deal. She decided the next day she would leave the house for real, causing Ronnie to then burst into tears. What a prick. As the episode ended, Sammi hopped into a cab for home while rumors persisted that now Ronnie might leave to. And to that I say, GOOD RIDDANCE. Get rid of both of them. Let them keep their dysfunction off camera.

Here are pics:

Sammi: “Hey boys, you wanna do me? It’ll be really hot. Oh, and my ex-boyfriend might slit your neck when we’re done. So let’s smoosh!”

Ronnie: “BRO! You ratted me out, bro.”
The Situation: “What did you want me to do, bro?”
“Not that, bro.”
“Bro.”
“Bro?”
“I’m so fucking brover your bro-ttitude, bro.”
“Don’t say bro things you can’t bro back.”

Sammi: “Get outta here! You don’t deserve these tears!”
“And you don’t deserve the knuckle I’m about to plant in your face.”
“Who would ever deserve that?”
“You!”
“You said I didn’t.”
“Why you playing word games, Sam?”
“Excuse me, you embarrassed MMMMeh!”
“What?”
“YOU embarrassed MMMEH!”
“What are you saying?”
“AH YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH? AH YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH?”
“I don’t understand you!”
“I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!”
[scratch scratch claw claw]

Ronnie: “I don’t have ‘roid rage. I just wish to violently flip this bed with you on it. Not on steroids though. No siree!”

Sammi: “I FUCKING HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!… What can I say? I love him.”

Snooki: “You think maybe we should take this bed apart?”
“Why? So we can get it through the door?”
“Nah. I just want to repurpose it into a dildo.”

“It’s so great being single again. There are so many new STDs out there to try!”

“Well, he may have broken my things, but he didn’t break my spirit. Oh wait… no, he broke my spirit too.”

“Hey Roger, you like this? It’s my wedding dress.”

Deena: “Hey… hey guys? I’m feeling a little left out here. Guys?”

“Take me to Staten Island.”
Cabbie: “Okay.”
“Hey, look me in the eyes and tell me you’ll take me to Staten Island.”
“I’ll take you there.”
“Why can’t you look me in the eyes?”
“Because I need to look at the road.”
“How can you just sit there and be okay with this?”
“Why not?”
“You don’t know what HELL I went through in Miami.”
“Were you in a hurricane?”
“How could you say that? You know that hurricanes make me think of weather, and weather makes me think of the planet, and the planet makes me think of continents, and that makes me think about Asia, and Ron’s ex was Asian.”
“Huh?”
“Ron’s ex. Why would you mention her? ARE YOU FRIEND WITH HAH?”
“What?”
“ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH??”
“Maybe you should get out of the car.”
“MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET OUT OF THE CAR! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!”
[hair pulling, scratching, punching, car crash, explosion, sadness]

What did you think about the whole fiasco?