Whoever contrived the idea of sticking Kim Zolciak and Kandi Burruss on a tour bus together is a genius. This goofy, silly, and highly improbably story line, which has now extended over two episodes, has been nothing but a hilarious trainwreck (which is ironic since they’re on a bus, I suppose). It all comes down to Kim, who has grown more impossibly spoiled and ridiculous in this third, amazing season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This frightful creature with the giant orbs of silicone on her chest and golden tresses of hair atop her head has become a force of nature, and I frequently alternate between loving and hating her for it. How can you not be repulsed by her diva behavior (which Kandi assured me once was absolutely NOT an act for the cameras)? But simultaneously, how can you not be utterly amused by the idiocy of chain smoking from singing gig to singing gig?

Along for the ride has been a hodgepodge of people, including but not limited to Sweetie, Kim’s sidekick / assistant / gofer / doormat / enabler. From what we’ve seen of Sweetie, we can tell that she’s sassy, patient with some (Kim), impatient with others (everyone else), and not necessarily the best influence. The two women gab and yell at each other, and while I actually don’t find Kim’s behavior outrageously abusive (half of it seems to be a big inside joke between them), I wouldn’t necessarily volunteer to be Ms. Zolciak’s assistant.

Nevertheless, the entire situation has proven to be highly combustible, with various people laying into Kim and Sweetie at various times. First to lose his cool was Don Juan, Kandi’s surly assistant. He went off on Kim any number of times last episode. Next was Kandi herself, who confronted the girls from the door of the bus. Last, but certainly not least was NeNe, who inexplicably joined the tour for one stretch between Orlando and Miami.

It’s not really clear why Nene was so angry, but I’ll chalk it up to being hungover and forced to be in a confined space with Kim (an admittedly awful situation for anyone to be in). Nevertheless, Nene started up with Kim after Kim requested that Don Juan and Sweetie get rooms at an estate they’d be staying at in Miami. The only problem was that the Miami portion of the trip was actually a bachelorette party getaway weekend for Cynthia and the girls (a.k.a. the rest of the cast, NOT Sweetie and Don Juan). Nene loudly denied Kim’s request for the extra rooms, and soon the two were screaming at each other. Things got real ugly, real quickly as Nene accused Kim of referring to Sweetie as her slave, and in return, Kim called Nene an intern at the local news station.

Nene most certainly did not appreciate the demotion to intern status by Kim and in fact responded with some very big news: apparently she actually RAN the news over there. Good to see that both these women were keeping their wits about them. Fingers were pointed, heads swiveled, and soon Nene was right up in Kim’s face, yelling and screaming. In the end, Kim announced that her friendship with Nene was over, which I believed about as much as someone telling me Kim was due for a #1 smash hit song.

Whatever the state of Nene and Kim is, I think we all can expect a rocky bachelorette party in Miami. Poor Cynthia already has enough on her plate, what with her financial woes. I think I may be the only one in America to say this, but I actually really enjoy the Cynthia story lines, and I imagine the stress of having no money to pay for the big wedding in ten days must be difficult. Then again, she and Peter shouldn’t have arranged a lavish wedding on spec. And even furthermore, I’m not so sure they should have dumped all their money into a club. Isn’t the first rule of thumb that you should never invest in your own company? Or something like that? Who knows. Whatever the situation, I think we can all agree on one thing when it comes to Peter and Cynthia: that SUCKS. Maybe they should return to actor-turned-relationship-advisor Hill Harper for some tips. And if that fails, there’s always Tiy-E Mohammed.

On to the photocap…

“Hey, um, Sweetie, I’m not a morning person; so can you keep it down? I’m having a hard time hearing Kim career flush down the toilet.”

“Hi everyone, and welcome to my show. As we all know, this is the NeNe News, and BAM! Breaking News! Kim’s on tour! Child, what’s a mess like Kim doing on tour? BAM! Now the weather!”

“Are y’all telling me you haven’t heard ‘Tardy for the Party?’ Jermaine, child, let me tell you: you will laaaaaaaaugh laugh laugh.”

Sweetie: “That’s not nice what NeNe said.”
Kim: “Is it possible to eat a laptop?”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ be the next Mariah Carey [hack hack hack]”

“I miss my daughters… who I abandoned so I can lipsync in strip malls.”

“I’m bored. Y’all better get me one of them fat-removing lasers again. And some Chick Fil-A.”

Apollo: “You know, I would take care of this baby more, but oh well! My pecs don’t give out milk. Not my problem. See ya, baby!”

“Honey, I’m packing your clothes, and I’m using my own signature line of suitcases. You may have heard of it: Luggage By Luggagé.”

“Ricky Gervais said what?”

“First Sherayay performs in a gymnasium, then Kim sings in a strip mall? These are not venues appropriate to the Entertainment Reporter for Action News 11.”

“Y’all don’t mind if I just stand here while the track plays, right? Singing is just so stressful, y’all!”

“Hey Kim! KIM! Your song SUCKS!! Love you, boo!”

Cynthia: “What do you mean we’re not skiing? I wore my goggles and everything!”

Kim: “You should mind your own business. I talk to Sweetie the way I talk to my own daughter!! Speaking of which, BRIELLE! BRIELLE!!!! Bring momma her fightin’ wig. BRIIIIEEEELLLLE!!!!!!”

“And I am telling YOU, I’m not goin’!”
Kim: “Not fair, Nene. Every time we fight you quote Dreamgirls.
“And you! And you! YOU’RE GONNA LOVE ME!!!!!”

What did you think about the episode?

24 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: The Squeals On The Bus Go Round and Round”

  1. Oh, this show! It kills me, that I waste an hour on Sunday and Thursday to watch this trash 🙂 but I love it. If I was Kandy, I would have thrown Kim’s ass out the bus when I had the chance. Or If I were the bus driver, I would have stopped in the middle of the everglades to let her smoke, then I would have drove off and left her ass on the side of the road! But I am just mean like that!

    Kim doesn’t eat meat? Umm what the hell does she eat when she goes to Chick Fil-A?? Last time I checked chicken was a form of meat to, right? Did anyone else hear her say to NeNe that she needed to get her period soon?! That must have been when she found out that Kroy knocked her stupid ass up….Kroy, wth kind of name is that?!

    I do feel bad for Cynthia. I find it hard to believe that a smart woman like that would invest all her money into a company with her boyfriend. She has stated many times that he has never paid her back, and now it looks like she aint getting a dime!

    Ok last but not leaste, Phaedra calling her mom so she can come and help out Appllo with this baby! She didn’t ask if she would come and help with the baby, help with Ayden, but to come and help with this baby….I feel sorry for that kid already! Loved how Cynthia just brushed it off when he spit up on her, but Phaedra looked like she was gonna gag! She looked like, what the hell am I supposed to do now?! Appollo, come get this baby, he is spewing all over my friends….

    1. What did Phaedra say? something like “You know, he’s not really a throw-up baby.” wtf was that

  2. The bus tour is just too much. I am really not understanding how everything is turning racial. It seems really strange how race is being woven into the story line. I love watching NeNe, she really is the heart of the show, but I have to agree with Kim about NeNe’s jealousy about her singing. NeNe spends a lot of time and energy talking about Kim’s so-called pop star career.

    Each time the camera went back to the bus and the words “Day 2” or whatever would pop up made me laugh b/c it seems like these girls were on a months-long tour and in reality it was 4 days. Can you imagine what would have happened if the bus tour actually went a full week?

    I agree with NeNe about the bachelorette weekend. No need to bring your “staff” on a personal weekend. I think it is weird.

    Is anyone else dying to know how much Sweetie gets paid? I am just so, so curious.

    Cynthia needs to listen to her sister and NeNe. There is just something not right b/w her and Peter. The money is one thing (and a big issue, for sure), but she seems to be of a more chilled out vibe and he seems like his anger is constantly bubbling right under the surface. It makes me nervous, like he could come unglued in a second.

    I am curious about their home as well. I wonder if they bought the house together or was it Cynthia’s and he moved in? I don’t know, call me old-fashioned, but I really don’t understand living together and buying property before you are married. And I really don’t mean this in a prudish way, it’s not about the sex. I just see is as lives being so intertwined before things official just puts both people in strange positions.

    Overall, a very enjoyable episode.

    1. Also, Cece, remember that Nene who is now so critical of Kim starting a pop career at her age was originally pissed off because she and Kim were supposed to record Tardy for the Party together. She’s such a hypocrite.

      You asked about Cynthia’s home, and I’m embarrassed to admit I did a little poking around in the county tax records online. She lives near me, and I thought I recognized her neighborhood. I confirmed that she bought the house herself, with a mortgage, and it’s only in her name. If I remember correctly, she paid $495k. So, hopefully she’ll evict that mooch!

        1. That is very interesting. Now I wonder what Peter brings to the table. I hope she doesn’t end up supporting this man. Not a good situation at all…

  3. As much as I hate to say it, Kim came out on top of that argument. Nene has lost her damn mind. And she IS just an intern.

    I know that I shouldn’t expect these people to apply everyday decorum to their lives, but it enrages me to see Kandi argue with Kim’s assistant, and Kim argue with Kandi’s assistant. Kim should deal with Kandi directly if she has a problem with Don Juan. It is completely inappropriate to argue with another person’s employees. It’s like scolding someone else’s children.

    Cynthia needs to RUN. We know what happens when husbands conceal finances from their wives. Frank Curtin. Greg Leakes. Peter was a total dick to focus on her reaction rather than the terrible predicament he had put them in, as though his squandering all of her money and the mistake was that he told her because she overreacted. He is a controlling egomaniac, and will ruin her financially and emotionally.

    1. I agree. This is Cynthia’s chance to get out of that relationship. It’s never good to be with someone who doesn’t tell you the facts when it comes to finances. This is not a good start to a marriage. And….if you just lost your business and you don’t have any money don’t go dumping a bunch of money into a fancy wedding. Stupid!!!

      Nene is crazy! I’m not a big Kim fan, but Nene was out of line.

  4. I just don’t even get when/how the fight escalated to the level it did?? I agree she was cranky and hungover and I also agree with the other posters that she is jealous of Kim in certain ways. I was just so confused at how she got so angry so fast. I have loved NeNe this season and I hope her feelings of hurt and anger don’t get the better of her and make her mean and crazy.

    Soooooooooooooooo annoying with Greg and the whole ‘I should never tell you anything because you react like this, silly little woman.’ WTF? You lost all her money you big dumb @sshole! How is she supposed to react? He is trouble and she needs to get out now — this could be her lucky break!

    The picture above with Kim and Sweetie crawling over each other trying to get off the bus while frantically lighting up is HILARIOUS! So glamorous!

  5. I normally love my Nene but she was taking “little jabs” at Kim in her interview piece and kept jabbing until Kim exploded. Then on WWHL she tries to pretend that Kim was the aggressor because she used the f word and called Nene a bitch. (two things I am certain Nene has heard many many times before) And who is Nene is go all Abe Lincoln and try and free Sweetie.?!

    Kandi yelling at Sweetie when she really wanted to yell at Kim was dumb. And Kandi – you telling Kim how her and Nene are going to have problems like you can predict the future was pretty funny since you didn’t see how being on a bus with Kim & Sweetie was going to be a problem for YOU.

    But I do have to thank the RHOA – I never knew that because I is white I likes canned meat and going barefoot.


    1. Me too!!…and trying to make sure I’m as out of tune as possible.Although I don’t smoke maybe a few Virginia Slims might help me along.

      1. LOL..try the deepest voice possible..although we need a 3rd person to throw us NeNe side looks..oooohhhh chile…

  6. 1. On this day when we remember Martin Luther King, what better way to celebrate than to ruminate about last night’s episode and race relations of our country.

    2. Yeah, Nene was out of line last night. I think she just couldn’t handle the Kim and Sweetie craziness and just snapped. I find Kim very annoying. She thinks her booze-guzzling and chain-smoking ways are cute and she acts like she doesn’t care about anything.

    3. I agree with pretty much everyone that Cynthia should call off the wedding. You can’t enter a marriage with so much tumult and distrust. It will lead to great resentment later. I say try to resolve all this and recover your finances together as a couple and once things are in order, then you both know you’ve helped each other through this ordeal and a marriage will feel more right later on.

    4. How funny was that scene when Phaedra, Sheree, and Cynthia were all excited about a fun, non-drama weekend and then cut to the next scene with Kim, Kandi, and Nene wanting to kill each other.

  7. Did I dream this or did Kim try to light her cigarette on an electric griddle while on the bus? My Nana used to light her cigarette [sometimes] off the hot coil of the electric burner on the stove, was that what Kim was attempting to do with the griddle?

    1. no, you did not dream that, she really did try to do that! Kind of like how Kim’s “wig stylist” came to the bus to curl her wig and then she goes to bed?! WTF is that?!

      Does anyone know if Cynthia and Grandpappy are still together? In the few eppisodes that I have watched with him in them, he as an asshat and I hope that she kicked his ass to the curb! I did not like him from the first time I saw him!

      1. I heard that Cynthia and Peter were married in July… Looks like she didn’t take Nene and her sister’s advice!

  8. Does Kim really sleep with her wig on? Would love to see her wake up on that bus with her wig half off her head.

  9. Not sure why people love Nene so much. She was funny the first season, but she has been truly horrible the last 2. I almost had some sympathy for her in the beginning of this season, with the breakdown of her marriage, but as the season has gone on it has worn off. She is a lousy friend and a hater of anyone that has more opportunities than her. I don’t know, I guess I just don’t think it’s entertaining to watch mean people.

    1. I can’t stand Nene. The real Nene is finally coming through and I left a link above about Nene, and I’ll put it here again: http://stoopidhousewives.com/2011/01/19/nene-explaining-and-apologizing/
      AND, here’s the police report from the first time she went after Kim (read this one first): http://stoopidhousewives.com/2011/01/17/oh-no-no-nene/

      AND, I left this above, too and it’s just a really good look back at RHOBH:

      Aside from BSide, that site is just really, really good!

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