There wasn’t a lot of drama on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but there certainly was poignancy, thanks to the sad, decrepit state of Taylor’s marriage to alleged cowboy Russell. These two barely seem to be connecting, and when she dragged her limp noodle of a husband to Kyle’s apparently awesome White Party, he sucked all the fun out of whatever corner they happened to be occupying (which admittedly was not a large corner, on account of Taylor’s twig-like frame). In the past I’ve used words such as “vapid” and “useless” to describe Tay-Tay, but I must admit that as the season develops, I’ve grown intrigued by her character. Her vapidity isn’t so much a representation of what she has to offer but rather a tragic defense mechanism she uses to cope with what is clearly a loveless marriage on the way outs (according to the editing, at least). Even the biggest hater of Lips McGee had to feel some sort of pain for her as she stood alone and morosely at the valet, waiting for a cab to take her back to Russell and his poison dog.

In stark contrast to Taylor and Russell (Taysell? Russlor?) we had Kyle and Mauricio — the epitome of a loving couple (or at least as much as a show like this has to offer; although, Ken and Lisa are a close second place). The two spent much of the episode canoodling and smiling, with Mauricio enjoying his 40th birthday at his aforementioned backyard White Party. It looked like a fun affair — despite an earsplitting interlude featuring a largely atonal singer. Not even Camille could ruin the party; although, she certainly tried. Arriving as part of a amusingly fake truce between the ladies, Camille gave Kyle a passive-aggressive doozy of a gift: a book titled How to Behave. It’s not a gesture I would have made, but perhaps medium Allison DuBois had informed Camille that it was okay to pass along such a dubious present.

Nevertheless, Camille and Kyle still seem to be on the up and up, but with reports of an epic and intense reunion having just taped, I’m not sure that all is well in the Richards-Grammer peace treaty.

As for the rest of the gang, Kim did little beyond hide from her would-be British suitor, who arrived at the White Party looking haggard and horny; Adrienne rolled her eyes at Paul, who once again suffered a broken nose at the hands of his son; and Lisa threw a birthday party for her daughter Pandora, whose name still seems to defy logic (isn’t Pandora known for being AWFUL in Greek mythology? After all, she did unleash all those things from that box of hers).

We also had cameos from the MORALLY CORRUPT Faye Resnick (my friend jash loves to bandy about that phrase), and once again Lisa’s sidekick/hanger-on Cedric popped up, but this time to share a rather intense story about his childhood. I won’t get into it, but it involved his mother being a prostitute and abandoning him on the streets of France. I’m not sure where I really stand on Cedric. He seems like a nice enough guy, but his general lack of ambition (as portrayed by Bravo) and self-satisfied pattern of mooching has me thinking he’s less fabulous and more suspicious. But I trust Lisa, and if he’s good enough for her, he’s good enough for us… I guess.

“Someday, Calvin Klein will make Obsession commercials again, and when that day comes, I WILL BE READY.”

“Much like Allison DuBois, I too am a medium. But I choose to communicate with dead flowers.”

Lisa: “What on Earth are you doing, Ken?”
“Oh, just priming you up for some hanky panky.”
“But I’m knackered!”
“Fine. I guess it will be just me and Giggy again.”

“Hello, I’d like to order thirty-five pizzas. Yes. Thirty-five. And you can deliver them to the MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE RESNICK.”

“The street address? 666 WHOREVILLE LANE.”

Kyle: “So Cedric, do you mind if I ask you an impossibly nosy question about your childhood?”
Lisa: “Not here, Kyle. Not at my beautiful restaurant SUR, which is not to be confused with the equally appealing VILLA BLANCA.”

Cedric: “Well, basically my mother was a prostitute, and I lived on the streets as a child, and my mom would sleep with me in between men so she wouldn’t be raped and then one day she abandoned me in a phone booth, and I had to commit petty crimes and be a con artist to survive, going in and out of foster homes until finally at fifteen I met Ken and Lisa.”
Kyle: “I’m sorry, I totally zoned out. I was thinking of Mauricio. Isn’t he SO hot?”

Nick: “Hey platonic friend.”
Camille: “Hey platonic friend.”
“How about we have sex after this. You know, platonically.”

“Ugh. Tennis is the worst. It’s like the CAMILLE GRAMMER of sports.”

“So Kyle, were you always a bitch, or is that a recent development? Hahaha, isn’t it great to talk this way?”

“Commence Operation Pee-In-Camille’s-Pool NOW NOW NOW!!!”

Adrienne: “Paul, no. NO. I paid $35 for the tinsel in this hair, and I won’t let you ruin it. PAUL!”

Adrienne: “Real funny, Paul. Guess what? Enjoy getting your nose broken a THIRD time.”

Taylor: “So Ken, what’s it like being in a loving relationship?”
Ken: “Quite good, actually.”
“Is there anything you can teach me that will make Russell like me more?”
“Well, for starters, you can stop dressing him in see-through shirts.”

Kyle: “A book called How To Behave. That’s great! And here’s my gift to you, Camille: it’s a book called How To Stop Being A Cunt. Kisses!”

Kyle: “Someone get this crazy bitch out of my ear. She’s licking it.”

Mauricio: “How much longer do we have to stand here and pretend to enjoy this performance?”
Kyle: “Until Camille gets scared and leaves.”

Ken: “How long am I? Standing between the beautiful Taylor Armstrong and the MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE RESNICK!”

“Do you want to stroke my chest hair?”
“You have a wife.”
“Well, I’m certainly not the MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE RESNICK!”

What did you think about the episode?

33 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?”

  1. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I hope to become Lisa Vanderpump when I grow up. That might make my life’s ambitions slightly more driven than Cedric’s. How about Mr. Vanderpump’s scowl when Pandora’s bf did the proposal fake out (apparently, yet again).
    Separately, Camille kissing her friend’s husband on the lips is tacky and gross. Kind of like Camille. Finally, what is up with that weird ponytail dance that the Richards sister performed separately? Aero dynamics FAIL.

    1. The ponytail helicopter? She’s done that before, in Vegas I think? And while she does have some gorgeous long hair, wth is up with that?

  2. Camile should have given Kyle the Countess’s book. Keeping it in the Bravo family and all.


  3. That picture of Taylor with cake is PRICELESS! It could seriously be out of some John Hughes movies (but about old people). I do feel bad kind of bad for her although I think she knew what she was getting into when she married him. Sometimes money does not make it all okay.

    “Commence Operation Pee-In-Camille’s-Pool” almost made me pee my pants! Too funny. I totally loved Kyle for doing that after watching Camille make out with married dudes and prance around in her bikini all day. Ugh.

  4. I got a different take on Russel after last night’s episode. Prior to last night I sort of thought he was awful, but now I sort of feel bad for him. He just doesn’t seem to fit in with that whole group of people. I don’t think he was trying to be a jerk, but I think he really just feels out of place.

    1. I totally agree with what you said. Because he is not comfortable around some or most people, he tends to hide behind work.

      1. He seems socially awkward to me. Not a bad person, just not a social one. Taylor just has to learn to do her own thing if she wants to stay with him. She is a big girl she can go out to things on her own or with friends. A bunch of girls jumping in a limo going out sounds like a fun time to me.

        1. I agree. Russell is a huge dork, and Taylor has unrealistic expectations of how he is going to act. Hint to Tay-tay: Russell will never, never be Mauricio.

  5. 1. I actually agree with Cece and don’t think Russell’s a bad guy (far far from Jim Bellino and Simon Barney levels). He just seems antisocial (esp around this Bev Hills crowd of air kissing) and isn’t outwardly rude to anyone. I suspect he’s been exactly this way since he met Taylor so she should’ve known who she was marrying. But methinks she overlooked it for his money.

    2. I’m still not buying the Kyle/Mauricio marriage bliss thing. It just comes off too contrived. I’d much rather watch the Maloofs bicker or the Vanderpumps argue in the garden…both couples seem much more genuinely endearing.

    3. For pete’s sake Camille, give your friend Nick a show already.

    1. Totally agree. Kyle and mauricio may in fact be really happy but she seems pretty smug in her hot husband-ness. Remember when her and mauricio were walking to lunch a few episodes back? her face was the definition of smug. And then… “What was my favorite salad again, honey??” UGHHH..

    2. Jose–YES to your comment about Russell being the same way when he and Taylor first met. B/c there was one episode (Vegas trip I think) where Taylor was describing how they met while waiting for a table at a restaurant and she just knew he was “the one”. And the rest of the table was shocked that Taylor would have been THAT drawn to Russell. That alone leads me to believe that she, too, was introverted way back when and now wants to break on through and be fabulous. So Russell is sort of left in the dust.

  6. The whole Cedric story seemed completely contrived. The way Kyle brought it up made it sound like there had previously been a plan to talk about it on camera. Seeing as there is a rumor that Lisa and Cedric are no longer friends, and given that horrible editing job of weaving in Kyle’s statements of disbelief, I think the story is fake and Lisa found out after shooting the show.

  7. That pic of Nick with the headband made it look like he has a ferret skin on his head. Not flattering whatsoever…

  8. Did anyone notice how Mauricio was checking out the hair stylist doing his wife’s hair or is it just me over thinking it.

    1. no – he totally was. it was great editing on bravo’s part because it was a quick pause as he took in her large boobs and then headed out. but hey, he’s a guy. and a guy that i think needs to have his shirt off FAR more often.

  9. I’m not buying the story that Paul and Adrienne’s son keeps breaking his nose – isn’t he a plastic surgeon? I think he’s giving himself rhinoplasty and considering he still looks like a shaved monkey its clearly not working for him.
    Another thing that I’m not buying is Cedric’s Danielle Steelesque life story – wouldn’t it be perfect if Andy Cohen announced at the reunion show that one of the Housewives was in fact Cedric’s long lost prostitute mother and Cedric uttered the immortal words “which one of you bitches is my mother?”

  10. This was a revealing episode. And I’m not just talking about Mauricio’s chest. Please, Bravo, make that the new housewife.

    Some thoughts: 1) I am not buying Cedric’s story one bit. The ease with which he told it and crocodile tears are the signature of the pathological liar. Kyle sniffed it out. On Watch What Happens Live, Andy was incredulous as well. I think he knows something (maybe learned from Cedric’s ex Lance Bass?); 2) Lisa’s Ken is a little creepy to me. He’s like a child, and shambles around with that dog as though he’s in a fog. They don’t seem to have a relationship with any depth, but maybe these are just the personalities they cultivated for tv; 3) I don’t blame Pandora’s boyfriend for not proposing. Until she does something with that poof on her head, she deserves to remain single.

    Re: Russell, he does come off as socially awkward and I can only imagine that having cameras in your face intensifies that shyness. BUT, let’s not forget his comments belittling Taylor’s charity event and what an asshole he was about that dog. All of this while knowing about Taylor’s history of abuse. I think he’s a dirtbag.

    1. wait WAIT – lance bass dated cedric also?? HOLY HELL. is there no d-lister he want date? seems very OUT OF SYNC to me.

        1. Yeah – Lance was on Watch What Happens Live and talked about it. He said he’d been to Lisa’s house many times. He didn’t reveal much about Cedric, but made it clear that he was biting his tongue.

          1. I don’t buy it either.

            What’s the deal with Paul’s son breaking his nose AGAIN??? That kid has a problem.

    1. I heard her this morning on Howard Stern- she was totally insinuating that he was into women’s clothes… what a low-class piece of shit, she is.

      1. And 24 hrs. from now she’ll be denying she said it, or claiming “that’s not what I meant”. Also, we’re all JEALOUS of her.

  11. I still think Russell is an ass. Not on a Bellino level but he’s a complete dick. If he doesn’t like parties and is antisocial then STAY HOME. If cameras make him shy, don’t be on CAMERA. Dina of NJ had a hubby we never saw (on that show anyway). Eliminating all those things, and adding in the way he has treated Taylor leaves him with a glaring neon DICK sign over his head. Does she deserve it because she is flat out a golddigger? Jury is out. I don’t feel sorry for her, but I do in a way.

    I am also glad other posters noticed the “ponytail helicopter” action!! I was annoyed in Vegas and hoped it was a one off but the return, and in sibling tandem no less, was eye rolling. What a stupid thing.

  12. Oh Cedric! I forgot about him. Unless he is Danielle love and light level crazy, why would he go on tv with a dirty past waiting to be aired? He could continue his cush life in privacy. Is the story farfetched? Perhaps. But he would have to be a class A jackass to go on tv with the media digging up everything nowadays.

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