REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Cougars In Vegas!

Apologies for the late photocap of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. With my site going on the fritz this week, it put me behind once again on all my posting. Nevertheless, this latest episode was highly enjoyable as the women and most of their spouses up and left for the Palms Casino to see Jay-Z perform. Of course, barely any of the women knew who the hell Jay-Z was, but that’s neither here nor there. The hip-hop star was more of a Maguffin than anything else. We cared more about the weekend as a whole than the concert itself.

Amazingly, the women made it through the trip without any broken glass or tears; although, if you ask me, Kim always seems like she’s on the verge of bawling. I don’t know if it’s the natural shape of her mouth or merely the fact that she seems so lonely or sad, but I swear that even during the most benign moments I think she’s going to break down.

Significantly less fragile is Adrienne, who continues to be the bad-ass no-nonsense bitch (in the best possible way) of the group. I would not want to mess with this woman, and I’m someone fearful that if I say the wrong thing on this blog, I’ll somehow get flagged by the Maloof dynasty and banned from any future Kings games or events at the Palms. I am truly scared of Adrienne, and I can assure you that if I were to see her waltzing down Beverly Drive or Rodeo, I would not approach her (even though she is fast becoming a favorite of mine).

Of course, my true favorite of the group is Lisa VanderPump, who continues to litter each episode with caustic barbs and haughty remarks. Her incredulity about Russell’s alleged cowboy stature was downright hilarious as was her badinage with her husband Ken, who is just as likable as she. The two didn’t really do much this episode; although, we did see Lisa working the kitchen of her restaurant, Sur, which I now plan to dine at with the purely superficial goal of meeting her.

Yes, Lisa and Adrienne were sort of on the sidelines this past week as Taylor and Camille both took center stage. It was the tale of two lonely women: Camille because her hubby Kelsey Grammer was off in NY and Taylor because her hubby Russell bailed out on Vegas for three hours to do work. In terms of the latter situation, it definitely sucked for Taylor, but honestly, three hours is not a big deal. Then again, from what we’ve seen, Russell is sort of an icy cold jerk; so simply ducking out for three hours clearly has more meaning attached to it than if he were actually a nice guy (and let’s face it: I think we all know what that “business” was he had to attend to in Scottsdale. I wonder if she has big lips too).

As for Camille, without her husband around, she took the weekend as a chance to flirt with whoever and whatever was around. Whether it be her handsome and oddly present friend Nick or merely a banister at Rain, Camille was grinding up on it. You could have given her a hedgehog and she would have found a way to writhe with it. The lady is horny, and she also desperately loves the attention of men. Take her poolside activities when she placed herself between Adrienne and Kyle’s husbands and then happily ordered a shot of tequila with them — this after proclaiming that she doesn’t drink. She wasn’t lying: Camille then proceeded to take baby sips from the shot, which then had me wondering why she even had taken it at all. Clearly she just wanted to be “one of the guys,” which is probably why she drew the silent wrath of Lisa and Kyle nearby.

Sadly the cameras were not around for the most explosive and controversial moment of the weekend when Kyle and Camille had a woefully “uncomfortable moment.” It had something to do with Camille describing her vacation plans to Kyle and then suddenly asking “Why does this bother you so much?” Dunh dunh DUNH! Kyle claimed she was merely asking questions because she was curious. Camille claimed that she was being interrogated. She also claimed that Kyle said something else rude (but I can’t remember what it was — all I do know is that Lisa seems to be on team Kyle, and that’s all that matters).

Ultimately, we can agree that this is the most idiotic fight of all time, but it’s what we live for on these shows: petty girl drama. Looking forward to seeing how this all shakes out tonight. In the meantime, here’s a photocap:

Camille: “I love it when you come over, and we reenact porno movies.”

Russell: “I just want to be clear about something: I’m kind of the worst.”
“Correct.”

“This is so fun! And don’t you just love my zebra-print baby muumuu?”

Lisa: “What a giant tub.”
“I used to be famous.”

Paul: “So the first night we met, I could tell Adrienne hated me.”
Adrienne: “HATED.”
“Like, really detested me.”
“I wanted him to die. Right then. Right there. I wanted him to fall over and die.”
“But I didn’t die.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“And so I asked her to marry me on the spot.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Paul. What are you talking about? I sprayed you with pepper spray and ran away.”
“That happened too.”
“Damn right it did.”
“I knew I loved her right then.”
“Eh, I’m still deciding.”

Paul: “Hey, Camille, I know you don’t drink and everything, but we just paid for that shot.”
Mauricio: “Yeah, I mean seriously, how are you married to Frasier and not a drunk yet?”
Paul: “Even LILITH drank.”
Mauricio: “Beer, even!”

Lisa: “Look at Camille.”
Kyle: “She has a rockin’ body.”
“Trollop.”
“Whore.”

Camille: “Aw, look! It’s my handsome friend Nick. He’s here totally coincidentally. We’re not boning at ALL.”
Nick: “Yeah. It’s not like I’m going up to her hotel room after this.”
Camille: “Silly Nick! (I put the key in your back pocket)”

Taylor: “Out of my way, bitches. I’m giving that cotton candy a BLOW JOB!”

Adrienne: “I swear to God if she doesn’t stop, I’m going to grab Taylor’s head and shove it into that giant ball of cotton candy.”

Adrienne: “Don’t.”

Russell: “Hey ladies. Mind if I steal Taylor away from you? We have something AWFUL to do.”
Adrienne: “Like what?”
“I don’t know. But it’s going to be AWFUL.”