Ooooooooh chile! The Real Housewives of Atlanta are back, and so far, this season has been hilarious. Turns out dropping Lisa was just what this franchise needed to get in the groove again. Don’t get me wrong — I always liked Lisa and her affable husband Ed, but they didn’t add too much to the mix, aside from some good old fashioned “Drinks and Dialogue.” Credit, however, does go to Lisa for threatening to flip Kim over the couch during the season one reunion. Ever since that moment, each Housewives reunion has been successively more crazy — a legacy that will always be remembered. So for that, Ms. Wu-Hartwell, I say thank you.

Nevertheless, with Lisa gone, we’re able to have a fully crazy cast of ladies, including newbies Phaedra and Cynthia. We don’t know much about the latter yet except that she likes to remind us that she’s a supermodel (allegedly) and that she’s been engaged, like, twenty times. Cynthia, it turns out, loves being kept but not possessed. Oh, and sometimes she has really spiky hair.

Less runway-ready is Phaedra, who not only boasts about being a lawyer, but also a lady. She’s spent most of her screen time quietly refraining from nastiness, but we know she has it in her. Also in her is a baby, and prior to that, her boyfriend Apollo, who spent formative years in the clink and may or may not be gay (Shereé seems to think he is). No one really knows how Phaedra and Apollo wound up together, but one thing’s for certain: between their two names, they are now the most Grecian-themed couple in Housewives history.

Back for more fun is Kim Zolciak, who still guzzles white wine like it’s water. The only difference this time is that she now believes herself to be a pop star, what with the success of her single, “Tardy for the Party.” I’ve yet to actually hear the song on the radio, not to mention any place that isn’t on Santa Monica Boulevard (the gay part, not the Russian part), but hey, if Kim wants to believe she’s the next Lady Gaga, I more than welcome it.

Less enthused about Kim’s musical career is Kandi, who not only saw Kim’s catchy dance song become a novelty hit, but also signed away pretty much all of her ownership of the song, leaving her without a penny from it at the end of the day. That’s right: even though Kandi and Kim were going to go 50-50 on the proceeds, Kim lawyered up and screwed her pal out of the cash. I suppose this was sort of like the Bravo version of The Social Network.

Anyway, as frayed as things are between Kim and Kandi (and they’re really not that frayed), nothing compares to Nene and Dwight (or Duwight), who seem to be at a crossroads. Dwight apparently told Kim that he leant $10,000 to Nene’s husband Greg (this is in addition to the $30,000 he claimed he put into Sherayay’s fashion show). When Nene heard about this, she first confronted Greg (who admitted it was just $500) and then Dwight. There was yelling and cattiness, and by the end of the second episode, it looked as though Nene and her gay had buried the hatchet, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Of course, I can’t say I was terribly surprised by any of this. I always thought Dwight seemed a bit self-interested, and it was only a matter of time before he overstepped his bounds. Looks like he’s in for a real whoopin’ next week when Shereé takes him down a peg.

Can’t wait.

Until then, here’s the photocap:

“Hurry up. I gotta gets me to Chick Fil-A!”

“Brielle! BRIELLE!!! Momma needs another beer! She gotta get in shape!”

“Legally, I am required by law to tell you that I am a lawyer.”

“Unless there is a two-story high portrait of me in this club, I am leaving.”

“I’m looking up, but I don’t see no helicopter for me. What sort of a date is this?”

“I’m sorry, but I do NOT dance. Tell me: when does the poet get here?”

“Don’t mind me. I’m just casually standing here — you know, just like the WORLD RENOWNED SUPERMODEL that I am.”

Nipple by Nippleé.

“This is what I like to call Entrance By Entranceé.”

“Hey all. Before I start, I just wanna say that if anyone sees my red pillow, let me know. It’s the one that my dog tore up. What’s that? It’s on my head? Naw, you trippin’.”

“Don’t be tardy for the pahh… pahhhhhhh… oh shewt. I lost my voice. Brielle! BRIELLE!!! Bring momma a chardonnay! My instrument needs tuning. BRIELLE!!!”

Nene: “Duwight, I just don’t understand you could say these things!”
“I’m sorry, Nene. I’m Team Jacob and that’s that.”

13 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: That’s Some Hotlanta Gossip!”

  1. HA! i feel for kandi that she willingly signed away all claim to TARDY FOR THE PARTY because it has made some money. what i find hilarious is that she signed away because she knew how TERRIBLE it actually was. HA!

  2. Although Kim was absent at Kandi’s show last season because her daughter was “sick”, she managed to show up this year. And just in time to use her again, this time for her fake Lady Gaga show. Kim has an agenda… she’s pathetic. I hope Kandi finds a way to get some money out of her.

  3. Welcome back, Ben. You were missed.

    I appreciate personal style and I usually wouldn’t knock anyone out for being who they are, but the eyeshadow on these women is just wow. I’m always mesmerized and I miss half of what they’re saying cuz I get so distracted.

    Ok, I think I’m in love with Phaedra. She seems pretty fearless and awful, which is a deadly combination. She cracks me up with her eye rolls and her southern accent.

    She professes to be a high-powered attorney and we clearly got a quick sense of it when she straight up asks her client “You got money to pay me, right?”. I nearly fell of my chair laughing. What high powered attorney asks that in such a blatant way. Hilarious!

    And of course her man, who’s always got that look as if a girl he’s been cheating with or a cop with a drug charge is about to pop out anytime. I’m loving Phaedra, for sure!

  4. What sort of investment were Du-wight and Greg making for $500? Building their Thomas Kinkade art collection???

    1. Me too! That sounds like “Going to the Racetrack” investing. Though, “Dwight” and “Racetrack” don’t really work either.

  5. I know Kim is a ridiculous piece of work, but her “exercise” scene was hilarious! Girl knows how to work her schtick!

  6. Ha! Nipple by Nippleé… too awesome. CANNOT WAIT for Sheree to destroy Dwight! I think Kim might be getting close to the right shade of blonde on her weave.

    Havarti — I also wondered what a $500 ‘investment’ would get you? Totally agree with HB — hilarious comment!

  7. I just read elsewhere (“The Real Housewives of … Gossip”) that Sheree’s doctor is *gasp* not a doctor at all, he’s a reality show whore. Wonder if Sheree still wants that second date. Ha!

  8. LMFAOOOOOO @ this:

    “Hey all. Before I start, I just wanna say that if anyone sees my red pillow, let me know. It’s the one that my dog tore up. What’s that? It’s on my head? Naw, you trippin’.”

  9. Kim’s “hat” collection is the envy of drag queens everywhere!!! She is the most fabulousless person I have ever seen LOL!! These broads are the bright side of my normally boring Monday!!!

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