I’m seriously still loving Top Chef: Just Desserts, and even though we didn’t get an epic meltdown like Seth’s Red Hot fiasco last week, we still had plenty of emotion and plenty of drama. This time around, the gang had to assemble a wedding cake in the miniscule time frame of ninety minutes. Some people managed to put together fine offerings, but others, like poor Malika, failed utterly. The beleaguered pastry chef, who always looks in dire need of a hug, not only failed to add tiers to her cake, but part of her final product simply plopped off the stand like some sort of sugary mudslide. This led to flowing tears; although, to Malika’s credit, she refrained from full-on sobbing and/or uttering some regressive statement about her mommy.
Judging the Quickfire Challenge was esteemed wedding cake maven Sylvia Weinstock, who served as the “George” (ie. from the Apprentice) of the episode. She was sweet, funny, and nurturing but also highly critical in the best sort of way. No offense to the whatsherface from Daily Candy, but I’m starting a campaign to make Sylvia a permanent judge.
Anyway, when Sylvia arrived at Malika’s eroded cake, she was friendly and supportive, effectively raising Malika’s spirits enough so that she felt unfortunately empowered enough to pat Ms. Weinstock on the arm awkwardly. This led to Sylvia instinctually clasping Malika’s hand, which in turn seemed to startle the young chef, who then retracted her arm, perhaps realizing that molesting the guest judge might not earn her a spot in the winner’s circle. The whole thing was very quick and uncomfortable.
The good news for Malika is that while she bombed the Quickfire, she wound up in the top three of the Elimination Challenge. This week’s task was simple: create items for a bake sale. The chefs were split into two teams: one whose proceeds would fund a high school cheer squad; another whose moneys would support a glee club. I immediately was rooting for Team Cheer, mostly because the glee club’s Top Chef song was so God awful, my inner Sue Sylvester just couldn’t bear to see money wasted on them.
Well, things worked out nicely for me. The Cheerleading team won, with Eric the bashful baker taking home the win for the week. Meanwhile, the dysfunctional glee group went in front of the judge’s table where everything fell apart. Danielle happily threw Seth under the bus for not having interfaced with the kids as much as everyone else, and soon a firestorm of accusations and bickering erupted. To be fair, Seth wasn’t as much of a disaster this week and didn’t deserve to be lambasted by his cartoonish rival. Zac actually came to his defense, but by then tensions were already flaring with everyone else. Heather C. (aka the boring one with the bandage on her forehead — YES, we see it behind your bangs, Heather) made a stink about how she originally wanted to make whoopie pies but then got stuck with a cookie, causing Yigit to get on his high horse (AGAIN — he’s turning into something of a bitch) and defensively tell her that no one forced her into cookie jail. He was right, and truth was that Heather’s peanut butter cookie was so boring and forgettable that she ultimately got the boot. We all saw it coming. I mean… it was a peanut butter cookie.
Anyway, these guys are all maniacs, and I love it. I can only imagine what the judges must think. Here’s the photocap:
Gail: “I’m sorry Sylvia, but I simply don’t want to buy Old Navy jeans.”
“GUUUURL, whatchu making over there? A cosmo???”
“No. A cake.”
“GUUUURRL, we need a dolly up in here, mmmkay?”
“GUUUURL, if this batter don’t all come out, I’m gonna have to force it out. MMMMHMMMM.”
“Guuurl, all I want is for Aretha Franklin to make a hat out of this cake.”
Heather: “It was important for me to do a cake that really reflected my personality: bland.”
Sylvia Weinstock: “Seriously, Gail. How much longer are you going to sing karaoke?”
Gail: “Whhhhy do you build me up (build me up)? Buttercup baby just to let me down (let me down)…”
“Guuuurl, look at all those little queens in the glee club. I could eat them right up!”
“But they’re high school students.”
“GUUUUUUURL, whatchu you think I’m not gonna wait until they turn eighteen? PUH-LEEEEEZ.”
Sylvia: “Okay, I know you all had a good laugh, but seriously, who dipped my binoculars in black ink?”
“I really wanted to make the financiers to honor my mother.”
“Oh, is that something else she can’t eat now?”
“No. But she did used to be a banker in 19th century France. She’s very old.”
What did you think about the episode?