The more you watch these Housewives shows, the more they start to seem the same. Take The Real Housewives of DC, whose latest episode began with Tareq Salahi leveling incriminating insinuations against Mary’s daughter Lolly. The allegation was that Lolly was part of a crew that had stolen a $90,000 vehicle belonging to the Salahis (or their charity), but that wasn’t even the biggest offense. No, the most horrifying part of all this was that someone had swiped all the GEAR that was in the back seat. OH NO!!! THE GEAR’S GONE MISSING!!!

Apparently Tareq annoyed the FBI with his stolen items and thus learned that Lolly had made some comment about the whole mess on Facebook. We didn’t get details much beyond that, but from what we could tell, it was all kind of bogus – much like Danielle Staub’s accusations of death threats from the perennially idiotic teen Ashley. Anyway, Tareq made a whole scene about this ridiculousness at a previously lovely (sort of) dinner party at his family’s vineyard, thus bringing a confused and stunned Mary to tears. I’ll just put it out there: making your guests cry is not in the Emily Post handbook.

As you could surmise, the whole thing was a big nothing, but the incident did serve to put the women on guard even further when it came to the Salahis. Not that Lynda needed it. The prickly modeling director has spared no opportunity to slight the Salahis all season, and this case was no different; although, admittedly, Lynda seemed more concerned with her new house, which featured plenty of areas for her to get EBONG’D, if you know what I’m saying.

Also not a big fan of the Salahis was Cat, who managed to get suckered into a lunch with a ridiculous woman named Edwina. Turns out this lady was a very big deal when it came to GOP lobbying (you may remember her from the premiere — funky lady with the even funkier hat), and she was eager to chat with Cat about anything… but healthcare. Any time Cat brought the subject off, Edwina would just smile in grand phony fashion and change the subject (I was fond of her use of a cucumber finger sandwich as a diversion). I had to admit that I loved this strange Southern belle, and I’m most hopeful that she becomes the Kim G of this cast (with possibly a spin-off show to follow).

Well, Edwina seemed enamored with Cat and invited her to a Republican event where the assembled guests would talk about the aforementioned healthcare reform. However, despite liking George W as a person, our British friend was not about to seriously attend a GOP event. And so Cat set about dressing up as Sarah Palin, which is about when my mother, who was unhappily watching along with me, announced that Cat was “supercilious.” My mom then went on to say that Cat was trying to talk like William Buckley but didn’t have the brains or wit. Needless to say, my mother was certainly aching to switch the DVR over to The Newshour.

As you can imagine, Edwina’s event came with some fun drama, starting with that assistant who in the previous episode basically called Cat a bitch. Cat confronted the girl about it and managed to both deny being a bitch and yet totally live up to the description in one fell swoop. Things got even worse when Michaele sauntered into the conversation and passive-aggressively took a jab at Cat’s wig. This, of course, resulted in a return attack from Cat, who took issue with Michaele’s bright pink dress. I’m not sure who had the higher ground, but it’s safe to say that neither woman was showing a particularly impressive amount of tact. It was great.

As for Edwina, things took a turn for the bizarre when we came back from the last commercial break and saw her being carted out into an ambulance without any context or explanation. What the? Did I miss something?

From what we could tell, Edwina had come down with some random illness (although, kudos to her underlings who announced to the guests that she merely needed to take care of some VERY important business). The entire interlude was totally bizarre, especially since last we had seen of the lobbylist, she was happily perusing the crudites that had been put out in her honor — or rather, health care’s honor. Hopefully Edwina is fine, and I would be simply chuffed to bits, as Cat might say, to have her linger around a few more episodes.

Anyway, on to the photocap…

“I don’t understand. Are you accusing my daughter of stealing gear?”

“I told her to stay away from the gear. Every day I tell her that she shouldn’t steal gear, and what does she do? SHE STEALS GEAR.”

“This is a very important matter. That gear meant a lot to not just me, but the charity.”
Michaele: “Yeah. I just feel bad for the charity.”
“And the horses. They loved that gear.”
“Even Sparkle.”
“Sparkle was a HUGE gear fan.”
“And now it’s gone.”
“So sad.”
“And I’m not saying Lolly took it, but whoever stole that gear had a name that begins with a LOL and ends with LY.”
“No, Lolly.”
“Ohhh. Lolly. I love Lolly.”

“It’s an addiction, you know? When you love gear, you just gotta have it. And Lolly LOVES gear!”

“I mean, I thought we had worked through our gear issues. She even went and saw a gear doctor about it. But now I hear she’s back to stealing gear? It breaks my heart, Stacie. It breaks my heart.”

“Lolly, you’re my daughter, and I love you, but please answer me this: have you been stealing gear?”
“I have to know.”
“You know I don’t go near gear.”
“Even Polo Gear?”
“EVEN Polo Gear.”
“You promise?”

“Here’s the thing about The Salahis. They’re kind of the worst people EVER.”

“Are you MAD? You like Oprah too? First Tyra, then Oprah. Is there a black woman you DON’T like? They’re all so hideous to me. More Pimms please!”

“You can’t imagine how devastated the charity was about the missing gear. It almost made them forget about the missing funds! Wait, did I say that out loud? Haha, all funds are accounted for. And Tareq and I paid for that trip to Paris with… biscuits and starlight! Yes, that’s it! Biscuits and starlight.”

“I don’t know who this woman is in front of me, but she’s simply hideous. Certainly no Posh Spice, that’s for sure.”

“So I made a counter-offer on the house I want to buy. I didn’t pony up more money, but I did suggest that the sellers watch me and Ebong DO IT doggy style. You think they’ll bite?”

“Not only do you have the worst eating habits of my children, but your room looks like a freakin’ ice cream parlor. You think that’s healthy? For all I know, YOU stole the damn GEAR.”

“So Ebong, you put any more thought into my penis-measuring device?”
Ebong: “I already have one. It’s called Lynda.”
“Ohhhh EBONG!”

“Stacie, you’ll never find your father! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!”

“And check out this kitchen, kids. It even comes with a ladder. Ebong’s already promised to 69 me on it. It will be very acrobatic.”

Michaele: “Hi, love. I love you so much.”
Tareq: “Honey, you’re talking to a wall sconce.”

“Aren’t I dreadfully hilarious? I came dressed like Sarah Palin. Sounds like another chapter for my naughty memoir, Inbox Full. Best seller list here I come!”

“Has anyone seen my husband? I’m afraid I’ve lost him. Wait, let me guess: he’s pretending to be in an INXS video behind my back.”

“Are you the dreadful one who called me a bitch?”
“Well, I said your comments were bitchy.”
“Right. I think it’s rather hideous of you to say such things, especially when we all know you’re the one with the yorkshire puds stuck in her quim.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Of course not. You’re an American. With medical bills.”

“Hey, y’all. Before you load me into the ambulance, did you help yourselves to some cucumber sandwiches?”

“Bet you want universal healthcare now, don’t you, BITCH?”
“Good one.”

What did you think about the episode? Should Cat have worn the Sarah Palin outfit? Did Lolly steal the gear? And what are your thoughts on Edwina?

25 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Stolen Moments”

  1. Hilarious Photocap! You should’ve had a picture of the sandals that Michaele had on, though. No one wears open-toed shoes when it’s cold outside! She was dressed as if it was summer!

    I like the gear. LOL

    (Is it only MY observation, or does it seem as though it’s hard for Mary to have emotion on her face?)

  2. I know people don’t seem to love the DC housewives but I think they are quite entertaining. But really, who names their kid lolly?

    1. My grandmother from Rochester, NY named her only daughter…you guessed it..Lolly. Actually, real name was Lela, but no one knew her real name but us. She was Lolly to everyone, including me: she was my Aunt Lolly. And a wonderful artist.
      And now I’ll go spend a penny and have a craic with a chum.

  3. Awesome photocap!

    “Cat confronted the girl about it and managed to both deny being a bitch and yet totally live up to the description in one fell swoop” Exactly! Don’t admit to “telling it like it is” (code for “I’m a bitch”) then get offended when someone dare call you out.

    Tareq is such a douche. If I thought my friend’s kid stole my car-and my GEAR!-I wouldn’t invite them to my house for grape stomping and dinner. Ok, it wasn’t much of a grape stomp, but still-this guy is a far more offensive fame-whore than Slade. Why else would he wait to confront her? He wanted the cameras there & and what he thought would be a sympathetic audience in Jason & Stacie. There’s no way he would’ve brought that up with Cat around. He’s afraid of women that talk back to him, which is why he has the doormat of a wife. Literally a doormat, she could hide under one & not be seen.

    1. Michaele WAS right about Cat in one thing: she can dish out the bitchiness, but she can’t take it. She expected that girl to back down and apologize, but I’m glad the girl & Michaele stood their ground. And I’m VERY glad that Michaele made the comment, “I’m still wearing my pink dress! Where is your wig???” Loved it…even though she drives me nuts with her fake bubbly passive-aggressive attitude. (I still think she’s a pill-popper!)

      Tareq is an ass. You have a point about him inviting Mary if her kid committed a crime against him. I think he just said that because he felt his wife was getting attacked; so he deflected on Mary. Too bad she fell for it.

      I like that Jason was verbal about feeling uncomfortable with the discussion. He didn’t hold back. I agree about what you said with Tareq being afraid of women who talk back to him; I guess that’s the reason M acts differently around him. She’s putting on the front that she’s happy when she’s really not.

      1. I totally agree! Cat was speachless and really mad that this girl did not back down. You could just see it in her eyes. I think we need ashley to really take Cat out. Who is she to talk about healthcare reform. Is she even a citizen? $23,000 in medical bills? Really?? What for?? Doesn’t her and her MAN have health insurance? Maybe her inbox exploded. I’m really not liking this woman at all!

        What’s with Mary’s & Cat’s husbands hair. Love the photo recap reference to Michael Huthenson(sp?). Their look is so 80’s. Is Mary’s husband the father of this entire brood? I’ve heard her mention that she needed to move home, kids in tow, with her parents for a while to get back on her feet. So I’m wondering….
        Mary’s face is a shapeshifter. Some episodes her face looks smooth and other it looks lumpy and weird. She has cold eyes and with that face that doesn’t show expressions, it’s weird when she cries because you don’t see it coming (like tamra barney). Why is she crying anyways? She knows her daughter and IMO, the tears were tears of embarassment at having this info shared with america. She knows her criminal daughter was involved. I mean really, locking up your closet. I believe this girl has been trouble for a long time!

        Lynda, I always looking for the puppeteer hovering above her head that is pulling those eyebrows up. So weird along with that pear body. This is one bitch on wheels. I’m starting to think she’s got an Ebong for Mikheil(sp?). I mean, why does she care if M is skinny… she just green with envy because she got an $ss a mile wide.

        Thank god for this site. While the episodes are playing I feel like my head is going to explode with these women. Wouldn’t have it any other way since I now have an outlet.

  4. This in a nutshell is what’s wrong with this country. These people and people like them are running our country. Scary thought, huh?

    1. You’ll be happy to know that these people are not the ones running this country. I don’t exactly know who is, but it sure as hell ain’t them.
      Unless it’s Stacie and Jason and then I wouldn’t mind one iota. Perhaps Stacie and Bethenny will run on the next Libertarian ticket in 2012. One never knows….
      So don’t worry your head, Chick110. We’re in better hands than that little ol’ goat rodeo crowd.

  5. I think that Edwina Rogers took the car for a joy ride & ripped off the Polo gear. She is like the Kim G. of RHODC.

    Cat is so busy being pleased with herself no one else has to. I can’t think of anything more fun than to get my small kids and ask them to help me dress inappropriate. Good Times.


  6. First time poster, long time reader! Umm didn’t Tareq say that a bunch of gear and his jacket was stolen? That douche was wearing it in last weeks episode when he was putting the flag back up at the Winery! Or am I the only one that saw that? Edwina and that red lipstick? (shudders) did she not look at herself in the mirror when she put that on?

    1. I’m thinking the jacket that got ‘stolen’ was a vintage size small..the only one that Tareq would put up for charity since he no longer fits it.

  7. I too love this cast. I find their passive aggressive comments and backhanded insults so much more hilarious than the table flipping antics of the Jersey girls.

    Cat with the Sarah Palin costume…WTF? Totally inappropriate but so funny.

    1. I thought Cat looked hysterical as Sarah Palin. Almost as real as Tina Fey. And even though she is totally rude, what would we do without her? We’d have to put up with Tareq and his boring, squeaky personality in order to get our designated amount of bitch fulfillment. I’d much rather get it from Cat.
      I love Stacie and Jason. They really are the classiest HW couple (YES..even with the penile measuring device!) since Bethenny and Jason.

  8. My take was Tareq turned the conversation on Mary when she was challenging Michaele about talking about people…so typical of his M.O, he diverted the attack just like his wife does…and am I the only one who noticed he was slurring his words???? What a train wreck those two are.

    1. I think Mary had had too much too which is why she reacted that way & couldn’t understand what he was accusing Lolly of. Mary is probably a lightweight drinker and then she got slapped with the accusation.

      Is it me or does Michele toss her head a lot? Makes me seasick.

      1. Mary’s no lightweight! lol..it’s like every scene has her chugging wine. But, as she did defend Oasis’ wine in another episode, I’m thinking she indulged quite a bit before the Salahis attacked. But the joke was on them because Mary walked out with a glass of their wine!

    1. Epitome of Nouveau Riche: Money=NO CLASS (Thanks Luann)

      How dare she? The least she could do is cut them so someone could use them after unwrapping her (tacky) gifts.

      I will not clap!

  9. Tareq was wasted when he started his BS if I was Mary, taping or not, I would have gotten up and walked out. Stacie and Jason, they are awesome!! Loved her sticking up for Mary

  10. I’m gonna have to call shenanigans on Tareq if he says there was a 6 month investigating and he’s been smiling in Mary face since they began taping but only brings it up just now? Also, as Jason says, “The FBI? For polo gear?” Unless, by gear or vehicle, they mean a horse and the FBI is looking into a possible kidnapping crossing state lines… nope, still a reach.

    But, as B-side says..Lolly loves gear. And her mama does have a figerprint lock to keep Lolly from stealing HER gear so……. *sideye*

  11. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone on this blog say it, but in general, I’ve seen many people hating on this franchise of the housewives for being too boring. I must say, I am actually borderline giddy every time I watch this show. The passive aggressiveness is such a delight to watch. It’s kind of makes for a better show week-to-week wise as opposed to the NJ heathens. In NJ we have to wait for the one big fight for a whole season but these DC girls go at it every week in a different way.

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