RACHEL ZOE PHOTOCAP: When It Rains, It Pours. LITERALLY.

There was all sorts of scandal on last night’s episode of The Rachel Zoe Project, and no, I’m not talking about the Versace Atelier couture gown that suspiciously wound up at Pierce Brosnan’s house. I’m referring, of course, to the rain. THE RAIN!!! Yes, Los Angeles fell victim to a torrential downpour on Golden Globes night (it was actually really intense. I remember it well), which meant there’d be havoc on the red carpet. This naturally led to a classic Rachel Zoe panic attack as she fretted that this RAINSASTER would ruin all her hard work. And that was before she learned the red carpet wouldn’t be tented. This was a meteorological catastrophe on every possible level!

Luckily, Rachel had the assistance of a plucky new worker whose name escapes me presently. For now I’ll call her Tay 2.0; although, that’s truly no indication of her personality, which seems sweet and relatively grounded. Tay 2.0 proved to be a welcome addition to Team Zoe; so you’d think we’d be done with the internal squabbling. Think again. Turns out Rodger has been getting a little cranky lately — a combination of losing his wife to award season, perpetually being surrounded by The Gayz, and not having a baby to call his own. As a result, Rachel’s usually affable husband proved to be a smidgen touchy, often muttering little complaints here and there. I tend to think this is all for the cameras though — not that I particularly care either way.

Elsewhere in the episode, Molly Simms dropped by for a whirlwind fitting; the aforementioned Versace frock was feared stolen (by a stylist or a “criminal”); and then the aforementioned frock was then returned without incident, only to be rejected by Rachel Zoe at the end of the day. Such is life on Team Zoe. Oh, and we also got a glimpse of Rachel’s boney, emaciated arm, and I nearly threw up.

Photocap after the jump…

“Rachel, you look like a sheep.”
“Literally?”
“Literally.”
“Ba.”
“What was that?”
“That’s my sheep sound. Ba.”
“I think it’s more of a baaaaaah.”
“Ba.”
“No, baaaaaaaaAAAaaah.”
“Okay, okay: ba.”
“You have to elongate your vowels.”
“Ba.”
“Baaaaaaaaaaah.”
“That’s what I said. Ba.”
“Baaaaaah.”
“Ba.”
“Baaaaaaaaaaaah.”
“Ba.”

“Oh my God. I just got a call.”
Brad: “From Demi?”
“No.”
“From Kate?”
“No.”
“From Annie?”
“No.”
“From Jen?”
“No.”
“From Cameron?”
“No.”
“From Molly?”
“No.”
“From Rodge?”
“No.”
“From Tay?”
“No.”
“Oh my God. Who else could there be?”
“Lucio.”
“Lucio?”
“Lucio.”
“Oh my God. Why Lucio?”
“Lucio.”
“I’m scared.”
“Someone stole the Versace Atelier.”
“Oh. My. God.”
“We need to call the police.”
“So someone just took it?”
“Stolen.”
“But who?”
“It was either a stylist or a criminal.”
“Oh my God. LITERALLY I’m going to cry.”
“They’re looking at the tapes. They don’t see anything.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing. LITERALLY nothing. Maybe it was a ghost.”
“You think?”
“Oh my God. What if a ghost took the dress? Can ghosts wear dresses? Oh my God. This is beyond.”
“Maybe we’ll just see the dress floating in the air somewhere.”
“Oh my God. Brad. Do you have a butterfly net? Can we catch the ghost in the net?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Did you try?”
“I could try.”
“LITERALLY you need to find a ghost net.”
“What if the ghost is bigger than a butterfly?”
“Oh my God. Brad. The ghost might kill you.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“If you die, I die. Like LITERALLY I die. I die.”

Brad: “Do you think the dress is gone?”
“Gone.”
“For real?”
“Gone.”
“What are we going to do?”
“Gone.”
“Oh my God.”
“Gone.”
“I think I should be wearing my bowtie.”
“Brad.”
“What?”
“It’s raining.”
“Oh my God.”
“Rain.”
“Could this day get worse?”
“Rain.”

Rachel: “Oh my God. You found the dress. Who took it?”
“Pierce Brosnan.”
“Oh my God. I die. James Bond stole our Versace Atelier. Is he working for Tay?”
“I don’t think so.”
“He’s Tay’s blessed jewel. I know it.”
“I think he’s just an actor.”
“Does he know Demi?”
“Maybe.”
“Demi is so fearless. She’ll be friends with anyone, even criminals.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh my God. I hate this dress. What’s the opposite of major?”
“Minor?”
“Oh my god. I love it. Minor. That’s so major.”

Rachel: “Oh my God. Molly. You look major. This is the year of Molly’s body. Metallics are in. You are my blessed, metallic jewel. Oh no. What if a jewel thief steals you? We have to call the police. Brad, call the police. LITERALLY, this town is crawling with thieves. I die. I die. Call the police. Call Lucio. Call Rodge. This is beyond.”

“Oh my God, Molly. That is so Elysian you don’t even know. Like LITERALLY Elysian. LITERALLY.”

Rachel: “I love playing with jewels. It’s like dress up.”
“Do you think if these jewels could talk they would tell us how much they love us?”
“Why would the jewels talk?”
“I’m saying IF they could talk.”
“Oh my God. Can they talk?”
“No.”
“Wait, was that you speaking or them speaking?”
“It was me.”
“How do I know the jewels aren’t speaking in your voice.”
“Because jewels don’t speak.”
“But they just spoke.”
“That was me.”
“Oh. So are you a jewel?”
“No.”
“You’re my jewel. My blessed jewel.”
“Really?”
“See? You talked. And you’re a jewel.”
“Oh my God. Maybe you’re right.”
“Tell your jewel friends I love them too.”

“Oh my God. Why is it raining? This is a DOWNPOURSASTER.”

“Hey Brad?”
“What.”
“Ba.”
“Still doesn’t sound right.”
“How about now: ba.”
“No.”
“Ba.”
“Make the ‘ba’ last for two seconds.”
“Ba.”
“Baaaaah.”
“Oh my God. I can’t do this. Can the Bing teach me? Ask the Bing about ba.”
“I don’t think it can help.”
“Oh my God. Brad.”
“What?”
“It’s raining.”
“I don’t think sheep like the rain.”
“Rain is my anti-blessed jewel.”
“Oh my God. Rain is LITERALLY your cursed jewel.”
“Cursed jewels falling from heaven.”
“Literally.”
“Ba.”

“Oh my God. Literally. My phone was right here, and LITERALLY I didn’t even see it. Oh my God. I thought it was stolen by a criminal. LITERALLY a criminal. Like, a criminal just walked in here and took my phone. I bet it was Tay. But she’s loud. Oh my God. What if it was a ghost Tay? I feel haunted. Ghost Tay is haunting me. Literally, I die. I die.”

“Hey Brad, thanks so much for helping me through my first week. I had a wonderful time, and you guys were really so lovely to me.”
“Oh my God. LITERALLY you just spoke to me without using the words ‘Oh my God’ and ‘literally.’ Oh my God. LITERALLY.”