BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: No Apologies

Now that’s what I’m talking about! Wednesday’s episode of Big Brother was all sorts of fun, from a wacky veto challenge (features Jeff and Jordan!) to an explosive and totally illogical blowout between Rachel and Kathy. At last the show has a pulse again, and I’m hoping that it can continue in this vein for the rest of the season. It could be a tall order though. Should Rachel go home, there most certainly would be a drama vacuum. But then again, maybe her absence will let the real fireworks finally explode. You never know what the second half of the season will yield…

The episode began with Rachel and Brendon sulking about their totally unsurprising nominations. You’d think they wouldn’t have acted so surprised, especially given that it was all but spelled out for them leading up to the nomination ceremony. Nevertheless, they still receded to their bedroom where they proceeded to cry and hug and everything in between. Admittedly, Rachel wasn’t feeling too intimate at the moment, and when Brendon first went in for a kiss, she pulled away, causing him to remark that if there’s anyone in the house she should want to kiss, it should be him. I then vomited on my lap.

Little did I realize that would be the lead up to many awful “romantic” gestures on Brendon’s part, including a repeated assertion that he was Rachel’s “knight.” Sure, Brendon may look like a brawny superhero warrior, but let’s face it: he’d be cowering in the corner if so much as an errant pine cone rolled into his room. He’s sweet, but lame. And I think he knows it too. Maybe that’s why he has these random moments of bravado, such as when he decided he would make things “awkward” for the rest of the house guests in the wake of the nominations. Yes, Brendon walked into the kitchen and made some strained joke about Matt needing a step stool because he was a midget. Evel Dick he is not.

Later, during the bowling-themed Veto Competition, Brendon flopped disastrously when he could only knock down three pins. In a spate of frustration that seemed like an attempted display of virility, he then threw his little ball at the lane (not to be confused with Lane) and stormed off. It was all so petulant and sad, and whatever strides he hoped to make at expressing his manhood were soon undermined by endless whining on the sidelines. Even Rachel had to stop her pouting to get him to shut up. As much as she likes to be the weeping damsel in distress, it’s evident who wears the pants in that relationship. Bonus points to Rach for happily controlling Brendon by perpetually expressing disappointment in him. Always the foundation for a healthy relationship.

Well, needless to say, Brendon and Rachel did not excel at this Veto comp. Rachel looked like she might be a force to reckon with for a second there (the wonderful/awful montage of her training beforehand certainly colored my perception, even though I already knew who’d be winning). She knocked down six pins on her first try and then challenged the usually inept Kathy to better her. The plan, however, backfired. Kathy managed to knock down seven pins, and in her excitement, she let out a happy “Woot!” of joy.

HOW RUDE.

Rachel immediately took offense to this reaction, and after the competition, she sat Kathy down in the cabana room and railed against her for not playing with the class and integrity she claims to always espouse. Kathy didn’t even tolerate the accusation for one second. She up and left the room, with Rachel on her heels demanding that she talk to her like a WOMAN. Kathy immediately snapped back that she WAS a woman, which was why she was walking away. Advantage Kathy.

Rachel then proceeded to badger Kathy about an apology, saying how her reaction was like rubbing salt in her wounds. In essence, she felt insulted, which made it so wonderful when Kathy snapped back that the only reason why Rachel had chosen her was because she thought she could beat her. That’s insulting too. Advantage Kathy x 2.

Rachel then retorted “It’s a game,” which seemed a bit hypocritical. How convenient that this über-emotional player can suddenly be so cut and dry about gameplay when it’s to her advantage. Disadvantage Rachel.

Nevertheless, Kathy absolutely refused to apologize, and pushed to her limits, she became the angry, sassy woman I always knew she could be. I’ve been waiting WEEKS for this side of Kathy to come out, and I’m so glad it finally has. Now that it’s been unleashed, let’s hope it never goes away.

Eventually Kathy retired to the HOH room where Ragan and Britney reminded us that when it comes to competitions, Rachel is hardly the paragon of sportsmanship. Lest we forget her infamous “FLOATERS GRAB A LIFE VEST!” (a redundant phrase if you think about it). ADVANTAGE KATHY x 3!

Of course, all this drama kept the pressure off The Brigade, which continues to sit pretty and do nothing. It seemed like all Enzo cared about this episode was fantasizing about Jeff being in his alliance. If that were the case, he told us, he’d give him a real cool nickname. “Pretty boy,” was his suggestion. Really? That was the best he could do? I shouldn’t be surprised. This is the man who gave us the highly similar offerings of “The Animal” and “The Beast”, not to mention the still-puzzling “Meow Meow.”

Anyway, with their backs against the wall, Brendon decided that he had to protect his squire, even if that meant drawing the target to himself. He wanted to go home, not Rachel (I’m all for that, entertainment-wise). His plan: to be a jerk. Here’s the thing about Brendon though. He’s just too nice to be a jerk. Nevertheless, he tried his hand at it, and during the Veto Ceremony, he attacked Britney by calling her a spoiled brat (not necessarily too far from the truth; although, he omitted the words ‘funny’ and ‘smart’ from his description of her). This royally pissed her off, but I gotta say, he has a lot of work to do. I’m not too confident his plan will work out. I guess we’ll find out a few hours from now.

Until then, here’s the photocap:

“Since when did I become the biggest target in the house? And who the hell cut a teardrop hole in my shirt? This was supposed to be my classy outfit.”

Brendon: “Hey MATT. Need a step stool? Because you’re a midget.”
“Wow.”
“Get it? Because you’re small.”
“And you’re tall.”
“Hey, that was mean. And now I feel bad. Can I get a hug?”

“I love Brendon so much, but I can’t help but feel like he’ll be a total disappointment the rest of my life. God he’s a pussy.”

“Ain’t no under-seasoned salad getting between me and MY MAN!”

“Hug?”

“Rachel, I am always going to choose love over money. But obviously, hugging trumps all.”

“A knight fights for his lady. Unless, of course, he’s just entirely too much of a pussy. I’m not a pussy, am I? I don’t want to be. Hold me and tell me I’m not a pussy.”

“Ain’t no pre-veto practice session getting between me and MY MAN!”

“Hey, those two are still practicing. Rachel won’t stop. I’m gonna have to name her The Try Try.”

“Ain’t no early morning hours gonna get in between me and MY MAN.”

“So I was thinking that if one of us goes home, we should have an extra long hug to last us a few weeks. We could start now.”

“Rach, don’t let them get you down. I am your knight, and I will protect you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Can I get a hug now?”
“Since when do knights need hugs?”
“Since always. Knights like to be held and told everything’s going to be okay.”
“I never heard that.”
“It’s true. Do you know how hard it is to slay dragons? It’s hard! Sometimes we just want a hug!”

“DRAGONS? What you talking about? Ain’t NO DRAGON getting between me and MY MAN!”

Jeff: “Guess what time it is????”
Jordan: “8 PM!!”

Enzo: “Yeah, Jeff would have definitely been part of the Brigade. We would have given him a nice nickname too. Something real original like… Pretty Face Jeff. Or Mr. Smiley. Or The Cutey Cutey. Yeah. The Cutey Cutey.”

“BELLISSIMA!”

“Molto bene!”

“WOOOT! Yeah! (Cancer).”

“What a bitch, celebrating that she exceeded my low and condescending expectations of her.”

“For the record, it really annoys me that I’m giving this ball a little hug, but it’s not even offering to give me one back.”

“I’m just so mad. I’m going to throw this ball just to show everyone who’s in charge! Ain’t no bowling alley getting between me and MY girl!”

Jeff: “Whoa, easy there Arnold Drummond.”

Brendon: “It’s not fair. This isn’t fair.”
“Brendon, stop being a pussy.”
“I’m not a pussy.”
“You are a major pussy.”
“Would a pussy ask for a hug? I don’t think so.”
“Brendon.”
“That was my way of telling you I want a hug.”
“I know.”
“So?”
“No.”
“It’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.”
“Wow. What a crushing reality.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Damn. I think I may need another hug now.”

Rachel: “Kathy, I really think you should apologize.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You kicked me when I was at my lowest point.”
“And you wanted me to lose.”
“Yes, but you… you… you… you claimed to play with integrity and class, and you rubbed it all in my face!”
“You do the same thing every time you win!”
“But you… you… you… AIN’T NO LOGIC GONNA GET BETWEEN ME AND MY MAN!!!”

“Kathy, why don’t you speak to me like a lady?”
“I am a lady, which is why I walked away from you. And furthermore, CANCER!”

“I SAID I’M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE.”
“Apologize.”
“No.”
“Yes. Do it.”
“Or what? Are you going to make me apologize?”
“Yes, Kathy. I will.”
“You know, cancer didn’t make me apologize, and neither will you. And I say that because I had cancer.”
“Apologize.”
“CANCER!”

“See this? I’m giving my pinky a hug.”

“Like I am going to apologize to that redheaded twit. Cancer.”

“Britney, I just want to say that you’re a spoiled brat who is self-involved and a bitch. However, if you want to use the veto on me, I’d be open to it. Also, I’d welcome a hug.”

“Wow. I’m so impressed with the way Brendon clearly communicated his feelings towards Britney. A tip of a the communications hat to you, old boy!”

“Whatever, Brendon. That was a good try, but I’m still sending Titty McBoobynips home.”

What did you think about the show? Thoughts on Brenchel? How awesome was Kathy? And what did you think of Ragan’s act of sabotage?