I won’t lie. Sunday’s episode of Big Brother was a little dullsville. The endurance competition for HoH went on for what felt like an eternity, and maybe it’s because I already knew the outcome, but it just felt bland. I suppose that’s because we’re midway through our third week in the house, and there are still no clearly defined heroes or villains. There certainly have been no fights and very little by way of drama.
On the one hand, we have Brendon and Rachel, who are irritating in their lovey-doveyness. They’re pretty awful. However, on the other hand, they’re also underdogs, and Rachel does show some sparks of strategic reasoning here and there. It’s hard for me to truly despise them or truly adore them. Then there’s Britney, the resident bitch. She’s equally obnoxious and entertaining with her quips and exasperations. I suppose she makes for good TV, but again, how do I classify her? We can also look at Ragan, who wins points for being nice and fairly funny, but on the flipside, he always looks like he’s about to cry, and quite frankly, that’s annoying. And lastly there’s Matt. I admire his shifty ways and the sense that he’s not taking anything too seriously… but at the same time, he’s cocky and kind of annoying. Do I like him or hate him? All these people are just kind of stuck in a gray area of blahness, and until some of them truly begin polarizing the house with some drama, we may be stuck like this for quite a while. I guess that’s what happens when you select a cast of all white twenty-somethings with the same background (note to producers: please don’t forget the wonderful variety of people you employed the previous two seasons).
The good news is that there is one person who is emerging as my unlikely hero, and that’s Andrew. As Matt noted during one point of the episode, Andrew has calmed down significantly, and now we’re seeing him as the likable, smart, and not that annoying guy that he seems to be. The only problem is that just as we’re liking him, he may be leaving us. Matt, it turns out, won the the endurance Head of Household, which meant he could now go on a reign of cocky terror. This meant many secret meetings with The Brigade (who Matt awkwardly distances himself from in public by frequently announcing that he has no alliances), and several scenes of him staring at people with his evil grin. Matt’s allies wanted him to nominate Brendon and Rachel, but Matt had other plans. He decided to target Kathy because she had voted against him last week and Andrew because… well… I don’t know. Maybe he recognized that people liked Andrew now? Maybe he didn’t want to ruffle any feathers? I don’t know. Neither nominee felt like a particularly strong option, especially Kathy who seems to care less about the game and more about slathering her eyes with mascara.
Meanwhile, the not-so-secret romance between Hayden and Kristen continues to heat up. On a show full of tepid, boring love affairs, this one has to be one of the most bland. Neither person involved has much personality to speak of, and the only redeeming quality I can extract from it all is that inevitably, Kristen must brush Hayden’s awful bangs out of his face for at least one second. And I think that’s all we want at this point.
“Meow Meow doesn’t like getting wet. You know how long it will take me to dry my three hairs?”
“Damn, I can’t wait to go back inside and make out with my sister.”
“I feel like I’m hugging the wall, but the wall isn’t hugging me back. Makes me kind of sad. Can I have a hug, wall?”
“Meow Meow goes Splash Splash.”
“I just want to say great job, everyone. And great job to you too, surfboard. You’re really doing wonderfully. And water falling on my head, fantastic job. I really respect you all so much! Now that’s what you call communicating gratitude on a DOCTORAL LEVEL.”
“I dedicate this moment to all the people in high school and middle school who made fun of me and taunted me and said I could never balance on a surfboard over a little pool while having ice water splashed in my face. TRIUMPH, BITCHEZ!”
“I am the Head of Household, which means the evil genius is in control. And as we all know, I have no alliances whatsoever on account of me not ever hanging out with people such as Lane, Enzo, and Hayden. Yup, just call me Johnny No-Alliance!”
Brendon: “Don’t let them get you down, Rach. When they call you Nipsy van der Funbags, they mean that in the kindest way.”
“I’m just so happy to be HOH. This means that if I were to have an alliance, purely hypothetically, the four of us would be in power. That’s right: me, Enzo, Hayden, and Lane would be running the house. Hypothetically. But that assumes we’re in a secret alliance, WHICH WE’RE NOT.”
Britney: “Ugh, Lane, you certainly are NO Monet.”
“And you certainly are no Buella.”
“Buella?”
“Oh, she’s my cow. We always joke about the horses together.”
“Mmmmm… you kiss good!”
“You kiss good too.”
“I guess we learned from the best.”
“Yup. Mom and Dad!”
Enzo: “I knows those twos are cousins or family or somethin’. They look alike. Meow Meow.”
Matt: “Yeah, you notice the way they both have that vacant look in their eyes? Gotta be related.”
Lane: “Yeah. And like, they’re always comparing the size of their faces to each other by getting right up close and like touching lips. Sometimes tongues. I know the only person I do that with is MY sister. Oh, and sometimes Buella.”
“As you all know, I nominated Andrew and Kathy, which may come to a surprise to some people who might be in my secret alliance if I had one, but as we all know, I have no alliances and am absolutely not secretly plotting with any person, or man, or three men — one of whom may be balding severely — whatsoever.”
“Oh wait. I’m still here?”
“I have only one alliance in this house. Maybe it’s with me. Maybe it’s Maybelline.”
What did you think about this episode?
Another spot on Photocap – and it wasnt just you the show was DULL!
At least reading your captions make watching the show worthwhile!
Hell yes, it’s a gray mess for sure.
In a few of these pics Matt very slightly reminds me of Skeet Ulrich.
Matt is a genius..don’t forget that. And if you do, no worries, he will remind you every diary room session.
Haha! TRUE!
Yup, just like Andrew has to continually remind us that he is Jewish!
Give it a rest! ~We don’t care!
No No….he’s a diabolical genius. That’s what he called himself last night! Oh god I hope this gets better.
No No….he said last night that he is now a DIABOLICAL genius! Gosh, I hope this gets better.
the only well known alliance Matt has is with his dick and balls – he is worse than my 5 year old who has good reason, he is discovering himself and whanot. Jeesh is anyone else totally grossed out by his constant fondling of himself??
Yeah..and Rachel saying how much she loves and cares for Brendon…OMG…sickening!
i love the role playing between brit and lane, pretending to be rachel and brendon. best piece of footage so far. roflmao!!!!!!!!!!
I soooo agree; that scene allowed my affection for Lane to grow from Grinch-heart-early-in-the-story size to Grinch-heart-way-at-the-END-of-the-story size by the end of this epi!
Matt is a diabolical douche-ius.
The Beverly Hillbilly teaching the Soprano to talk was entertaining.
The picture of Matt’s ailing wife was weird — it looked like she was coming in from the side. He did say it was taken in a bar. Mehaps the Mrs was laying on the bar.?! Probably because her melorheostosis was acting up.
Lane and his making up stories of what cattle and horses think put me over the edge with him. He was iffy at best but now I truly don’t get him at all.
The Kosher TNT is making what is the most boring season of BB palatable. A sheynem dank.
hb
“Maybe it’s Maybelline.” Lol!! I was wondering what was up with her and the ridiculous mascara last night. Gross. Hilarious as always
“Maybe it’s with me. Maybe it’s with Maybelline.” Lord, you are the reason I watch this show.
Does anyone else think Lane and Britney would be the funniest couple ever? They totes compliment each other! If only she wasn’t engaged.
all day i got that damn jingle in my head … “Maybe its Mabelline.”
thanks B. ugh!!!
I was wondering why Lane’s cow is Buella (read: Boo-ella). I think you intended Beulah (read: Bew-lah)?
Could be he’s going for “Bway-la”…
It’s frustrating reading reviews from people who obviously don’t watch the feeds. The story you get from the episodes is always far from what’s really going on in the house. While this blog is entertaining, it’s misinformed.
What really goes on in the house is far more entertaining than the episodes. I wish CBS would realize that and stop editing the show til it’s watered down crap.
I have learned you have to love the people who don’t watch the feeds. They are a true BB hero because they don’t have the back story and are watching what CBS puts out there. It is pure speculation and pretty much the way we all would feel if we did not have feeds.
I have also learned you cannot have a blog that doesn’t warn people you will be spoiling the CBS line and just give out spoilers. There are many places for that and just because a review of the show doesn’t give out feed spoilers doesn’t make it bad. I know some people who have to review the show will not watch feeds or listen to BB spoilers because they do not want to screw up the pureness of the recap.
I still want to know if there is a gay guy dress code that states that gays must have a grey v-neck t-shirt in their wardrobe. First it was Dustin, now it’s Regan… Clinton Kelly would be the first to say that it’s a fashion no-no.
to Sara:
“The endurance competition for HoH went on for what felt like an eternity, and maybe it’s because I already knew the outcome, but it just felt bland.”
That line tells you that B does watch the feeds but this is a humorous photocap of the show. That’s what the man does. I’d invite you to the forums to see the recapping of the feeds but I don’t think we’d enjoy your attitude. Stop being a Britney and just enjoy the genius that is B-Side.
I’ve caught the Showtime show a few times this week and both times had to turn the channel because Enzo is the most obnoxious eater I’ve ever seen or heard. All you can hear is him smacking his food and talking with his mouth full. BTW Chick, I though Memphis was the one that was famous for the v neck tshirts.
It was the season where there weren’t as many players in the house at first because then their exes showed up. The guy I was referring to (his name may or may not be Dustin–LOL) had been dating this guy named Joe. And Joe wasn’t happy to see him arrive in the house at ALL. That’s the guy I remember wearing the nasty grey v-neck. It seemed like it was his diary room wardrobe or something.
Your blog and photocaps are more interesting than the show….love it!