To those unfamiliar with the latest offerings on Los Angeles’s Lazy Susan of fads, one particular sensation that has swept the city by storm has been the Frozen Yogurt craze, helpfully nurtured by Pinkberry and its many imitators. Basically, people have rediscovered FroYo, but this time around, they’ve taken out the flavoring, added fresh toppings, and convinced themselves that they’re now eating health food. I’m not necessarily opposed to the whole movement, but I can’t abide by any frozen yogurt shop (or frozen dairy shop in general) that doesn’t offer a chocolate option for those of us less health inclined (Pinkberry, it should be noted, has a scant selection consisting of only Plain and Green Tea. Oh, and their signature flavor: AWFUL).
Well, over the past year, dozens of Pinkberry knockoffs have sprouted up across the city, and now, it seems the bubble is at last bursting. One of the first casualties is none other than the miserable establishment, Yogurtpia, which happens to be one of the places I’ve actually been to. According to Eater LA, the storefront is covered with ominous, brown paper, hopefully signaling the end to this embarrassment of an enterprise. Yes, it’s a joyous time for me, as Yogurtpia’s unceremonious death fills me with great satisfaction. But why? Why am I so thrilled that a generic yogurt shop has disappeared into the night, never to be heard from again?
Is it because the yogurt was woefully overpriced, even for Los Angeles? Nope.
Is it because the male servers couldn’t interface with the customers without aggressively channeling their inner-Diana Ross/Britney Spears/Zac Effron? No, not that either.
Is it because they served dubiously pre-packaged sushi with their FroYo? No; although they get bonus points for being so repulsive.
Or is it because the store was littered with tacky, pseudo-Warhol pop-art that would have been more at home on the set of Ruthless People? NONE OF THE ABOVE.
The real reason I’m so glad Yogurtpia has been shut down is because the name is a total, unmitigated disaster. IT MAKES NO SENSE. It’s trying to be the divine union of “Yogurt” and “Utopia,” but some idiot left out the “o.” That’s right. It’s not Yogurtopia. It’s Yogurtpia. Either the store name has a typo, or management was too dense to figure out how to execute a proper pun (there is a third theory that the establishment was some misguided ode to yogurt and Pia Zadora, but I imagine that’s not the case).
We all make grammatical and spelling mistakes (there are probably a host of them in this paragraph alone), but when it comes to branding, it’s inexcusable. My friends and I all agreed that any business that didn’t have either the diligence to proofread its own name or the smarts to successfully construct a simple pun a) shouldn’t survive (based on principle) and b) couldn’t survive (based on proven incompetency). Therefore, learning that Yogurtpia has not only fallen by the wayside, but was one of the first pseudo-Pinkberrys to do so, has left me with a great sense of pride and vindication. Thank you, frozen yogurt gods, for smiting the grammatically challenged heathens that dared to serve your wares.