Guess Whose Single Drops Next Week!

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“I dedicate this song to Elodie. It’s called ‘Melodie.'”

Just in time for Black History Month, Heidi Montag’s brand new single, “Higher,” hits stores next week, but of course, since this is the Internet age, it’s already been leaked online. US Magazine debuted the track this morning, which is noteworthy as today is not just the day that Heidi’s single surfaced, but it’s also the birthday of her arch-rival / meal-ticket, LAUREN CONRAD! dunh Dunh DUNH!!!
THE INTRIGUE NEVER ENDS!
For all those curious to hear Heidi’s vocal chops, click the link below and then report back your opinions in the comment section here!
• EXCLUSIVE FIRST LISTEN! Heidi Montag’s New Single [US Magazine]

Return of the Cadbury Egg

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Last week, when I blogged about eating a Cadbury Creme Egg, I had no idea that the post would elicit a whopping 10+ comments (which is a lot for this fledgling blog). I was even more surprised at the fervent outcry for more pictures of the egg’s gooey, sugary center. Okay, it was really only three comments, but who am I to deny the readers what they want? Like the accommodating blogger that I am, I went to the drugstore and fetched another Cadbury Creme Egg, happy to imperil my daily caloric intake for the sake of my dear readers.
Photos of a second Cadbury Creme egg — insides and all —  after the jump.

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Padma Renders Innocent Bystander Frumpy

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“Hands up, utensils down. God, I’m good.”

If I were a woman, especially a pale woman with no makeup in an oversized shirt and fat jeans, I wouldn’t want to be photographed next to Padma Lakshmi —  especially when she’s in full-on catwalk mode. Put simply: there’s just no way to look good. But alas, that’s exactly what happened to this poor lady who found herself accidentally meandering onto Padma’s invisible runway. I’m sure the woman’s very pleasant looking in real life, but next to all that PadmaGlamour™, well, she’s just so PLAIN.
Yes, it’s the dreaded umbrella effect of Padma —  a phenomenon that increases people’s blandness the closer they get to her. Somewhere, Gail Simmons is quietly crying. And eating.
(Pacific Coast News via A Socialite’s Life)

Further Restaurant Sadness

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Things just aren’t getting any better for me on the Los Angeles restaurant scene. One of my favorite higher end restaurants, Bin 8945, is closing down tonight. I first went there on a whim with my friends, J-Unit and Jash. It was almost a year ago — March 2007 — and the meal served as an impromptu celebration to mark the end of our time at TVgasm. We decided to splurge and order the tasting menu with the wine pairings, and needless to say, it was remarkably delicious. One of the best meals I’d had in Los Angeles. And it kept going. At the end of the night, we counted about fourteen courses, and even though that was spread over about three hours, we were, as you can imagine, stuffed.
Of course, the wine left us in a jovial mood, and midway through the meal, we became a bit loud. We raised our glasses to Los Angeles Times food critic S. Irene Virbila several times, often adding a boisterous ode to her good recommendation. “NICE CHOICE, S. IRENE VIRBILA” we guffawed many, many times. It really wasn’t that funny, but we thought we were hilarious. Again —  the wine.
Later on, after the place had pretty much cleared out, restaurant owner David Haskell, who had been waiting on us, happily informed us that the entire time, S. Irene Virbila had been sitting at the very next table over. We were astounded. So many emotions coursed through me: I was sort of embarrassed, sort of thrilled, and sort of sad that I hadn’t even noticed what the woman next to me had looked like. If only I had known! If only!
On a subsequent trip to Bin 8945 with my parents, the experience wasn’t nearly as great. Our reservations had been lost, the dishes were hit-and-miss (oh, but when they hit…), and the service wasn’t nearly as strong. Still, I chalked it up to an “off night.” I’ve wanted to go back many times, but alas, I never made it, and now it’s shutting down. If it weren’t for the strike, I’d head over tonight. According to Eater LA, the restaurant will be serving a special meal, prepared by guest chef MaryAnn Salcedo (a.k.a. Gordon Ramsey’s sidekick on Hell’s Kitchen). Eight courses, $100 a head plus $70 wine pairing. As S. Irene might say: fun.

Look Up, Look Down, All Around —  Satellite!!

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Great news, Chicken Little fans! The sky is falling! Well, not so much the sky as big, heavy objects in the sky. Turns out that one of our spy satellites up and lost power, which means that at this moment, it’s plummeting towards Earth, sure to land on one lucky citizen’s head! Don’t worry though: even if it avoids hitting a human, it can still damage us as the satellite is embedded with oodles of security secrets! Yay!
So remember: if you’re walking along and see a growing shadow around you (à la an anvil over Wyle E. Coyote), be sure to step aside!
• AF General: Spy satellite could hit US [AP via Yahoo! News]

Cougar Attack in Hollywood!

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While I was out the other night, I came across that most exciting of encounters: a cougar trapping some young, innocent prey into her dangerous clutches. Of course, I did what any good samaritan would do in that situation: I busted out my camera.
Now for those of you who don’t know what a “cougar” is, rest assured that I’m not talking about an actual cougar cat. No, “cougar” is slang for women of a certain age who aggressively target younger men to be their, er, paramour for the evening. It’s a mesmerizing phenomenon, and witnessing the dance of the COUGAR (best said with a deep, low, Will Arnett voice) is an event unto itself.
That being said, no brush with a cougar has ever been as ill-advised as the one I witnessed the other night. I didn’t get many pics, but I got enough. I guarantee you’ll be recoiling. Photos after the jump.

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The Further Decline of Cha Cha Cha

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Just weeks after having been unceremoniously (and unforgivably) shut down, beloved neighborhood restaurant Cha Cha Cha has been stripped of its exterior charm, thus rendering its facade a blank, white shell of its former self. I guess this is the way rock enthusiasts felt when Nickelback showed up on the scene.
Nevertheless, this was all inevitable, but who knew it’d be so painful? If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying in the corner.

Pharrell: The Second Coming of Zero Mostel?

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N.E.R.D.H. —  No One Ever Really Dances the Hora

Here’s a story I think we can all raise a glass of Manischewitz to. Recently, hip-hop singer and über-producer Pharrell stumbled upon an Orthodox Jewish wedding and was so fascinated by the proceedings that he decided to hang-out and watch. The families then invited him to come join the festivities, one thing led to another, and now here we are with pictures of Pharrell doing the hora on TMZ. It’s a wonderful world. Not since I got to enjoy an “herbal moment” with Method Man have I been so happy to see a Jewish/hip-hop crossover. I still, however, am waiting for the inevitable Streisand/Soulja Boy collaboration.
(via TMZ)

SPOTTED! Family of Desperate Housewives Star Creates Unbearable Chaos in Otherwise Calm Restaurant!!!!

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Which Desperate Housewives husband who was formerly on Melrose Place and whose last name is part of the phrase “idiot-savant” was spotted chowing down at Zeke’s Smokehouse with his family and friends — nearly twenty-four hours before his appearance on the Screen Actors Guild Awards? I’ll give you a hint: his first name rhymes with “dug.”
Mr. Schmug Schmavant was caught red-handed enjoying his barbecued meal in the West Hollywood Gateway, but while the food might have been on-point, the actor’s attention to his kids was anything but! Midway through the meal, a horrific crash emanated throughout the eatery as one of his children dropped a porcelain dish onto the floor, shattering it into thousands of pieces. GASP!!! Mr. Might-Be-Tom-Scavo was left with nothing else to do but smile sheepishly at the glaring patrons (a.k.a. my friends and I) and clean up after his kid. Hmmm… Life imitating art? METHINKS YES!

HOT MESS OF THE DAY: Miss America Edition

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High definition does not treat Miss America well. Take, for example, the sad case of Miss Michigan, who after winning the title of Miss America 2008, was assaulted by kisses from her fellow pageant queens, thus leaving her face a hot mess of lipstick. Of course, no one bothered to wipe any of it off (jealous bitches), and as a result, Miss Michigan made her triumphant march down the runway with red smudges on her cheek, teeth, and hand.
In honor of Miss America’s hot messiness, I took some screen shots, but just a warning: a lot of detail was lost in the transition from 42 inch HD image to lowly jpeg. Nevertheless, the best shots after the jump…

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