B-Side Blog

So who else finished last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County with a whole new set of wrinkles due to sixty straight minutes of cringing? Man, I thought last week was bad with the dinner from hell (“CUT!”), but this latest trip to the Del Mar race track brought awkwardness to awful new heights. Vicki and Tamra were absolutely horrendous — to the point where they actually made me like Lynne. I mean, I never really had a problem with Lynne — except that she tries to hard to be the “cool mom” (and is kind of amazingly tacky. And has awful fake boobs. But it’s Orange County. That’s just the way it is). Nevertheless, I actually liked Lynne a lot this episode because she was absolutely justified in her reactions to the “Mean Girls” — a.k.a. Tamra and Vicki. Those two women have to get over it. Vicki is just a nutcase; so in a way, I brush it off. Tamra, however, still seems locked in a major high school mentality. Her attempts to downplay her jealousy of Gretchen by calling the younger blonde a copycat were laughable — almost as laughable as her claim to Laurie that she’s only catty when she’s with the other housewives. This, of course, was followed by several catty comments about Jeana, Gretchen, and Vicki.
Nevertheless, watching Vicki and Tamra separate themselves from the group (and then wind up stewing in anger as the rest of the party had more fun) was fairly priceless. I liked their euphemistic description of Lynne as “low-key,” as if that were somehow a bad thing. Of course, we all know that when they say “low-key,” they really mean “outsider, not us, brunette, annoying, stupid, too loud, too quiet, alcoholic, drug-addicted BITCH.” Anyway, Lynne fended off the haters pretty well, as did Gretchen, who managed to pull off the greatest passive-aggressive gesture of the episode: hoarding all the pink hats and then not wearing them. Oh, that pissed off Tamra. I have to admit, when Gretchen first stepped out of the limo at Del Mar in a beige hat, even I did a double take — we watched ten minutes of seemingly never-ending hot pink hat drama only to have it result in THIS? But then I saw the genius of it all, and watching Tamra in her fourth-choice hat gnash her teeth in rage was worth it all.
Man oh man. There was so much in this episode. I haven’t even scratched the surface. I may have to watch it again. In the meantime, here’s the photocap…
(Unfortunately, Bravo did not post many photos this week, and the ones they did post kind of sucked. Oh well. Send an angry email to Andy Cohen)

Continue reading “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Horses & Bitches Edition”

Take one part Edward Albee, one part nouveau riche excess, and two parts squealing poultry at the abattoir, and that pretty much sums up last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County, which followed the loud duo of Vicki and Tamra as they took their husbands up to Napa Valley for some old fashioned wine tasting. Yes, it promised to be a delightful romp for all involved, but instead what unfolded was a terribly awkward weekend that saw the Gunvalsons taking passive aggressive swipes at each other until finally Vicki broke down in napkin-sheathed tears at a restaurant. It was somewhat painful to watch, and yet, totally hilarious. I don’t mean to cackle at other people’s marital woes, but when the term “love tank” gets thrown around so casually, it’s hard not to.
Meanwhile, in other Housewives news, Lauri decided to leave the show (unsurprisingly) to take care of her family (and all her MONEY). I’m not sure how being off camera can improve things for her son, who’s in jail getting beaten up, but hey, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. At least we don’t have to see any more of George’s spoiled brat daughter moping around (nor do we have to watch endless scenes of Lauri watching, riding, cleaning, or smiling at horses).
As for the rest of the housewives, nothing much else happened. Jeana did a few shaky pushups in the garage, hopefully to burn off that pizza pie appetizer she purportedly enjoyed earlier that week. Her self-professed conservative daughter, meanwhile, complained about life up at Berkeley, saying that everyone there was simply trapped in the ’60s (unlike her mom, who was merely trapped in the ’80s — at least according to her designer). Turns out though that wee Ann Coulter-Keough had been spending every weekend down at UCLA with her boyfriend; so really, she had no one to fault for her social life but herself. SO THERE.
Lastly, we had Gretchen, who spent all of the episode meandering around the Indy 500 with her sadly frail fiancé. Look, it’s nice to see them together in the last months of his life, but c’mon now. This is the Real Housewives of Orange County, not INDIANA. If you want to look at cars, get thee to the Tustin Auto Mall!
Anyway, here’s the photocap. Bravo only posted pics of the wine tasting; so my options were limited this week.

Continue reading “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Drinks & Dialogue!”