HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: The Socializer Emerges!

3-24-2009-HW-07.jpg
Kelly: “You know what would be great? A fashion show with all arthritic models. It would be so cute.”

It took a few weeks, but we finally got a taste of Kelly Killoren Bensimon’s personality on The Real Housewives of New York City, and overall, it was kind of awful. She’s not particularly mean (so far), but in tonight’s episode, she came off as shallow, fake, and somewhat lacking in substance. Then again, it’s not like she’s come off as anything but that; however, I was thinking that maybe there might be more to her. Nope. She’s pretty terrible.
First Kelly announced a bizarre hatred for trying on clothes, which was weird but not necessarily bad (although, it makes me wonder why she’s so adamant about putting sweaters on her children). Then we saw her stumble her way through a borderline incoherent interview with Jill Stuart (previously seen on Top Model last week), which made me wonder if Kelly was able to string two words together, let alone two phonics. The biggest oddity, however, came when she announced to LuAnn that she absolutely hated putting her name on events. Granted, it’s not an absurd hangup — after all, if you don’t want your name on something, you shouldn’t have to have it on there. The problem was that her justification for this didn’t really make sense. She explained that she really was overextended to too many obligations and charities as it stood, but when LuAnn asked her which ones in particular, Kelly answered NONE. Oh. Okay…
Kelly’s hang-ups truly came to a head at the end of the episode when she arrived late to an organizational meeting for Jill’s charity and then declared that she didn’t feel comfortable having her name on the fundraiser materials. Goodness — I’m shocked she let Bravo put her in the opening credits. Needless to say, her request royally pissed off Bethenny, who’d been quietly fuming all episode (not to mention all season). Apparently, Kelly had given Bethenny the royal snub two years ago, and it was most certainly NOT forgotten on our favorite Natural Foods Chef, who bitterly accused Kelly of being a social climber who only associates with those she deems as powerful or influential. So far, there’s been little evidence to disprove these allegations; although, when the two women were uncomfortably seated next to each other in fashion week, I have to credit Kelly for at least trying to be pleasant to Bethenny, who was as cold and prickly as one of her Skinny Girl Margaritas. That, however, was Kelly’s only positive moment. Everything after that was downhill, starting with her declaration that she had met Bethenny only twice before. This was hilarious, only because we’d just listened to Bethenny bitch and moan about how she’s encountered Kelly “ninety-five times” (an exaggeration for sure, but certainly the number is higher than two).

Continue reading “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: The Socializer Emerges!”

SHILLING: Rage + Cooking = Fun Times!

pink-robe-not-eating-400.jpg.jpeg

My friend Heather started up a new blog recently called Eat Your Feelings, and quite honestly, it’s sort of tailor-made for this audience. Basically, it’s a cooking blog, but these aren’t just your typical recipes. They have some backstory to them, such as the “Chicken with Mushrooms for When the Bitch Deserved It,” which features directions such as “Add more oil to the pan and toss in the chicken breasts, jabbing them around like you jabbed your fingers into that bitch’s eye sockets.” I think you get the point.
The site has actually gone up in conjunction with Heather’s new book, also titled Eat Your Feelings, but that won’t be available until September; so in the meantime, mosey on over to the blog and enjoy the recipes as they get posted. And tell her I say hi.
http://eatyourfeelingsrecipesforselfloathing.blogspot.com/

Kim Zolciak Bails On Her Own Charity. Possible Fake Cancer Scare The Fake Culprit?

Here’s a nice little nugget about our favorite cancer almost-haver survivor. I’m talking about Kim Zolciak, the woman who puts the K in Kat, the rock in guacamole, the tight in tightrope. If that made little sense, fear not — it was jibber-jabber, which is what happens to the brain when talking about Kimmy Z. Anyway, this past weekend, Kim apparently had a big fundraiser for her very special charity, Shoes For Shattered Hearts, which sells used shoes and donates the funds towards battered women. Say what you will about Kim, but it remains a good cause.
But how good is it? Well, clearly not good enough because on the night of her big fundraiser (for HER charity, I’d like to reiterate), Kim bailed on her scheduled appearance and instead trotted down to the Bahamas for some much needed rest and relaxation (hey, it ain’t easy wearing a drag queen wig all day). Sounds pretty shady. Then again, maybe this was all part of the plan. After all, I’m not sure the presence of Kim Zolciak would actually boost attendance. If anything, people probably donated more just to make sure she was far, far away. Just another adventure in the life of our favorite up and coming country crooner…
• Kim Zolciak is skipping out on a charity event – for her own charity [Access Atlanta via D-Listed]

FRIEND BRAGGING: My Friend Is On The Cover Of Serbian Maxim!

2670_1129481155443_1179649707_431561_6523276_n.jpg.jpeg

I’m always super excited when my friends do something cool, and as such, I like to brag about it and fulfill my favorite social psych theory: basking in reflected glory (which, as defined by Wikipedia, is “a self-serving cognition whereby an individual associates himself with successful other such that another’s success becomes their own”). Anyway, the target of today’s BIRGing (and yes, that is an actual term) is my friend Kristina Klebe who is currently gracing the cover of Serbian Maxim. This is very exciting because I know few, if any, Maxim cover girls (although, I once knew a Stuff cover girl, but that friendship fizzled years and years ago).
Needless to say, Kristina might be best known as the victim of one Michael Myers in the most recent Halloween flick (the one directed by Rob Zombie), but true cinematic enthusiasts will remember her as the co-star of the brilliant short film Coffee, directed by yours truly (and also starring Apple from Whatever Hollywood). Unfortunately, I do not have a digital version of said masterpiece; so you’ll just have to content yourselves with these pics (somehow I think you’ll manage).
Nevertheless, congrats to Kristina, and thank you for providing me with a wonderful new set of bragging rights. One more pic of Kristina from the Maxim layout after the jump (as well as a still from Halloween).

Continue reading “FRIEND BRAGGING: My Friend Is On The Cover Of Serbian Maxim!”

Take A Step Into The Horseradish Time Machine!!

my-horseradish.jpeg

Apparently today is horseradish day at B-Side Blog. After I mentioned in my previous post that NikkiSpice and I had challenged each other to down as much horseradish as possible, she reminded me that she was actually only an innocent bystander to this masochistic game. The real action occurred between me and my friend Zimmho, with NikkiSpice merely serving as the referee / photographer. Conveniently, she had some pics of the event on her hard drive, and so she sent them to me in honor of these horseradish memories. So let’s take a trip back to 2003 and witness my grandmother’s horseradish in action yet again…

Continue reading “Take A Step Into The Horseradish Time Machine!!”

ADVENTURES IN SINUS CLEARING: Horseradish Edition

DSC08760.jpg

The general rule of thumb is to never go into a supermarket hungry. Well, that’s what I did earlier this week, and predictably I emerged with a food item that was perhaps not the most practical purchase of all time: a horseradish root. To be fair, I truly enjoy horseradish, and I’d wanted to make it ever since my mom told me how a few years ago, but I never got around to whipping up the lethal condiment because, well, there was never really any good reason for it. What am I going to do? Make a batch of horseradish for the fun of it? Well, turns out the answer is yes.
With hunger pangs overwhelming my better judgment, I decided that some fresh horseradish would be a LOVELY thing to make, even if it had limited applications. I procured the notorious tuber, fetched some vinegar, and then set off to make what would be a rather torturous dish. Tears and discomfort ensued…

Continue reading “ADVENTURES IN SINUS CLEARING: Horseradish Edition”

Meet The Jersey Housewives!

real-housewives-of-new-jersey.jpeg

Just when you thought the Real Housewives universe couldn’t get any kookier, along comes the cast from New Jersey, which promises to be quite possibly the tackiest grouping of nouveau riche ladies yet. What makes me say that? Well, exactly which part of “New Jersey” do you not understand? I suppose now is where I pause and qualify my harsh, insensitive comments by saying there are plenty of wonderful parts of Jersey, and a whole branch of my extended family hails from there yada yada yada. But let’s face it: when most people think of Dirty Jersey, they think of bawdy girls with ridiculous accents and guido guys with spiky hair going in all directions. Surely these women and their children will not disappoint. I only wonder what fruit they’ll hold up in the opening credits. The Orange County women sport oranges (obviously), the New York ladies have apples (Big Apple, etc.), and the Atlanta crew thrusts peaches in our face (Georgia Peach, for the uninformed). What could the New Jersey-ites possibly hold? Meatballs? I suppose in time we’ll find out.
In the meantime, let’s take a look at the women, all of whom have bios up at Bravotv.com. Pics after the jump…

Continue reading “Meet The Jersey Housewives!”

HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Heading Back To The City…

3-18-2009-HW-02.jpg

Compared to last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City, last night’s show was rather tame. There were no fights, no major passive-aggressive statements, and certainly no insane bouts of hypocrisy. Still, we had plenty of fun as we watched the ladies do their thing around the city, and for once, Kelly Killoren Bensimone showed slightly more personality. We got to see her acting as a mother — which seemed strange and not quite fitting — and we also saw Top Chef loser Sam Talbot (he of the endlessly cocky disposition) whip up a healthy meal for the Bensimone household (and LuAnn, who was observing awkwardly).
In other news, we also learned that the de Lesseps household is something of a black hole for animal life as both a goldfish and a hamster passed away under the watchful eyes of Victoria and Noelle. What the home now lacks in pets it more than makes up for with regal photos — specifically the shot of what I imagine to be is some de Lesseps ancestor posing nobly with a dog. The camera didn’t linger on it, but I couldn’t help noticing the strange picture just hanging on the wall by the breakfast nook. Struck me as odd.
Elsewhere, Bethenny went on a date with a chef, which seemed nice, if not a bit boring. Ramona’s husband continued to pester Jill about this stupid tennis game, and Jill in turn continued to pester Brad (rightfully so) about the renovations in her apartment. The good news for her was that her place was in far better shape than Alex and Simon’s, which appeared to be in ruins. I’m glad Jill shared my sentiment that the project would be taking way longer than just a few weeks to complete (as Simon had expected). And speaking of Simon, I was most surprised that Alex revealed the source of their love came from a casual hookup board on the Internet. That’s right, Simon and Alex were just two strangers in search of a quickie, and what did they find? LOVE. I’m sure that’s a romantic tale they’ll be sure to share at the next Metropolitan Opera gala.
Anyway, photocap after the jump…

Continue reading “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Heading Back To The City…”

BATTLE OF THE BAD BRANDING: Dora vs. Sci Fi Edition

dora-the-slut.jpegsyfy.jpeg

There’s nothing quite as enjoyable as when a corporate entity traipses down the rabbit hole of groupthink and marketing, eventually resulting in some ill-advised attempt at rebranding that goes predictably haywire. Take, for example, the latest developments over at Nickelodeon and the Sci Fi Channel. In an attempt to cater to the tween market, Nick has revealed plans to release a older, sluttier Dora The Explorer doll, which has unsurprisingly been met with general disdain across the board (you can add me to the “Anti” camp after having seen a ten year old girl at Coscto yesterday sporting whorish lipstick and a fashion ensemble to match).
Meanwhile, the Sci Fi Channel has decided to shake things up as well. Come June, the network won’t be known as Sci Fi, but as… Syfy. That one just gets a big scratching head from me. I understand some of the thought process behind changing the name — Syfy can be trademarked, the name isn’t as stringently tied to the Sci Fi genre, etc. — but seriously, it just reeks of the sort of corporate decision making that stems from countless hours of mind numbing marketing powwows and glossy presentations; the kind that eventually erode away any sense of what’s good or bad or mildly intriguing. Maybe that’s why it’s a bit ironic that the network’s new slogan is “Imagine Greater.” At this point, the channel should either stay as Sci Fi or change the name completely. Opting for a bizarre misspelling, however, just seems odd. If anything, it appears oddly French. I might be inclined to think “Syfy” is the name of some Parisian pharmacy. “Need to pick up some deodorant? Oh yeah, just drop by the Syfy on St. Germain. And get me some contact solution while you’re there. MERCI.”
So now I ask you: which rebranding is worse? Dora or Syfy?