Just when you thought the Real Housewives universe couldn’t get any kookier, along comes the cast from New Jersey, which promises to be quite possibly the tackiest grouping of nouveau riche ladies yet. What makes me say that? Well, exactly which part of “New Jersey” do you not understand? I suppose now is where I pause and qualify my harsh, insensitive comments by saying there are plenty of wonderful parts of Jersey, and a whole branch of my extended family hails from there yada yada yada. But let’s face it: when most people think of Dirty Jersey, they think of bawdy girls with ridiculous accents and guido guys with spiky hair going in all directions. Surely these women and their children will not disappoint. I only wonder what fruit they’ll hold up in the opening credits. The Orange County women sport oranges (obviously), the New York ladies have apples (Big Apple, etc.), and the Atlanta crew thrusts peaches in our face (Georgia Peach, for the uninformed). What could the New Jersey-ites possibly hold? Meatballs? I suppose in time we’ll find out.
In the meantime, let’s take a look at the women, all of whom have bios up at Pics after the jump…

Teresa Giudice

“Hey, Toots. Be sure to catch me in my one woman musical review, Rigatoni, Rigashmoni: The Teresa Giudice Chronicles.

Ah, Teresa. Take one part Janice Dickinson, one party Mercedes Ruehl, and add a little dash of that new girl Casey from Saturday Night Live, and you get Teresa. This woman looks to be a piece of work, and if anything, I’m gonna love when she calls her three daughters down to dinner: “Gia! Gabriella! Milania! Get your asses down here!!!” Wow, I haven’t even looked at the other bios yet, and I’m super excited for this show to air.
Caroline Manzo

“I will punch you.”

I would not mess with this woman. Look at her! She’s probably sent ten guys to the hospital armed with nothing more than an oven mitt and a wooden spoon. She appears to be the entrepreneur of the group as she and her husband run a catering business, which according to Bravo, is very successful. Her bio also reveals that during the summer, she and the fam like to vacation at the Jersey Shore. I guess that’s kiiiiind of like the Hamptons (minus the high society and class and pedigree).
Danielle Staub

“Guess what? I fucked your son last night.”

COUGAR ALERT! Danielle is single, slinky, and on the prowl. She says it like it is (according to her), and if you don’t like her, then get out of the way. She’ll be a bitch on wheels, Jersey style! Given her appearance and her pride in being one of the first women in New Jersey to have a Black American Express card (is there a running tally of this information?), I get the sense that Danielle likes to be the cool mom. In other words, she’ll probably be a trainwreck. But who knows? According to her, “You either love me or you love to hate me, there is no in between.” Hmmm… she seems okay (sorry, Danielle).
Dina Manzo

“I’ve seen Cats fourteen times, and let me tell you something: I cry every time. Fugghetaboutit.”

You can never have too many Manzos. Case in point: Dina Manzo, sister of Caroline Manzo (see above), and husband to Tommy Manzo, brother of Albert Manzo, who’s husband of Caroline Manzo (see above again). Confused? Don’t be. Caroline and Dina are sisters who married Tommy and Albert, who are brothers. It’s all very insular. Nevertheless, Dina is an interior designer / event coordinator / charity founder etc. etc. In other words: her skill set is varied, yet unfocused. I think we all know the type. She too looks like a tough cookie. But then again, which one of these women doesn’t?
Jacqueline Laurita

“Sometimes I pretend like I’m a lawyer. Case dismissed!”

The incestuous fun / potential for family chaos continues! Jacqueline is a former cosmetologist from Vegas (red flag alert left and right!) who is the sister-in-law to Dina and Caroline (danger! danger!!!!). That’s right, she married Dina and Caroline’s brother Chris, and I can only imagine the sparks that might fly between those women and this family interloper. You know the instant that Jacqueline pisses off her husband, the other two women will come down on her like a lasagna pan on, well, anything that could be easily crushed by said lasagna pan. Poor analogy. What can I say? My brain is already rotting (but in the most delightful way!)
What do you think about the new housewives? Thoughts? Observations?

20 replies on “Meet The Jersey Housewives!”

  1. Hey, don’t be hating on Jersey. I’m from there and can’t wait to see this trainwreck. Funny thing is, we used to live in Atlanta and then we lived in south Orange County in the community right next to Coto where those OC Housewives are from. I think I deserve some type of show.

    1. How about the Real housewives of WISCONSIN. .? That would be Great!….>>>>>>++++|||\\\\||\\\\}}}]…..
      …. …….

  2. I think that they will hold up lovely Jersey heirloom tomatoes, which they will then throw at each other.
    Sooo excited for this! Dina was on “Platinum Weddings” on VH1 and was comedy GOLD.

  3. I can not wait for this. This will probably end up being the best of the franchise. Bawdy New Jersey women will bring on major drama. I am certain of that.

  4. blueberry is the state fruit, but it’s way too small – so they’ll have to go with the tomato. how obnoxious! this oughta be a good one.

  5. Yuck!!!!!!!!!!
    Caroline looks like she has more testosterone than Simon.
    I think it’s appropriate for these chicks to pose near barrels of toxic waste… Or have Caroline standing in the center holding the barrel. She looks like she could bench at least 250#.

  6. I would rather see the Real Housewives of D.C. , Miami, or Vegas but New Jersey??? give me a break

  7. Really? New Jersey? I mean, has Bravo’s creative well completely run dry of new, exciting, INTERESTING ideas for shows?!?!??!
    I seriously thought this was a parody. Now THAT would have been interesting.

    1. This show looks like a show to make people look stupid. I’ve had enough of that.

  8. Malika, I understand your point that DC, Miami, and Vegas could be more interesting than New Jersey. BUT, if you do it in Miami, they’d probably only be able to broadcast it on Telemundo…

  9. So i saw the previews to housewives of new jersey and am disgusted. Me being from jersey was expecting so much more from bravo. Couldn’t bravo get anyone else besides two sisters and an in-law. Basically three relatives, jersey does consist of African American wealthy sisters as well not just Atlanta Georgia. Comments please.

  10. This is the most unrepresentative group of women from Bergen County I have ever seen. I lived in Saddle River for 16 years before moving to Palm Beach, and let me say, none of my neighbors looked or behaved like this low class, crass, loudmouth group. They were highly educated, extremely well spoken, intellegent, well dressed, (not like high priced call girls), and classy. Money has NEVER been able to buy class nor will it ever! Shame on Bravo for making the worls think this is what women from NJ look and act like! The Sopranos is over and so should this group too!

    Why were these women picked? They are not interesting. They are an insult to New Jersey woman. The whole reason why I watch The Real Housewives is to look at the interesting lifes of SOCIALITE woman and their ELITE lifestyles. Not a bunch of mobster housewives who are all related and have nothing else better to talk about than the new pasta dish and the new rock they got! They dont look classy or sound well educated. They dont seem to have a purpose other than to get a new dress to my cousins Vinny’s wedding! I doubt they know any aristocrats from New Jersey or any Famous Socialites. What is the purpose of having all these related wives, who cares? I wonder if Bravo was threatened by the mob to pick their wives or else.
    They definetly prove that money is not everything.

  12. People don’t want to see “regular” characters. These ladies sound and “act” like a stereotype of what middle America thinks of when hear New Joisey. This is TV, and like I said, they ACT LIKE a stereotype. That doesn’t mean they are exactly what you see on the telly. TV wants colorful characters. They know no one will watch a mom driving the mini-van to school, doing housework or going to the office or work, picking up the kids, watching a soccer game, going to PTA or mass. Viewers want to see and hear someone who doesn’t live next door to them. They know people will be entertained by someone buying $120,000 worth of furniture (in cash) which is more than the average person spends on a house these days.
    Maybe they are a little tougher than an Iowa housewife but just in a New Jersey way. The Iowa housewife might live on a farm and I bet she is pretty “tough” as well, just in a “country-girl” way and I bet that Caroline would be the first to give every respect to that “country-girl. She seems to be a no-games yet sit back and watch the others live and learn type – unless there is a threat and then you’re right, no one should want to get in her way.
    To the person who said they don’t sound educated. You’re going by the accent. Everyone from the south is not stupid but if you heard them with a strong southern accent you’d think they were not educated either. Just as when you hear a Brit speaking, they aren’t all as bright as they sound. And, no one on these “reality” shows knows any real aristocrats and if they did, the aristocrat would not consent to being discussed on national television. Not even the New York Duchess is an actual, blue blood aristocrat.
    Stop griping about it. No one said you have to watch it, geez louise.
    in my sucked-into the show opinion, I think Danielle is secretly in love with Dina (who wouldn’t be?)

  13. oh come on, its a giggle show, I mean lets get real here, do these women really behave this way, yes? hmm it still a hoot to watch them. One step away from the Jerry Springer show.

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