Last week, I was invited to a very special Emmy celebration. No, this wasn’t an award show. No golden statuettes were handed out. This was a celebration for the Emmys. You see, our favorite television award turned sixty this year, and to celebrate this ripe old anniversary, the Academy decided to throw an event, replete …
Category Archives: Stories
Mortifying Moment of the Day
Dramatic recreation. When it comes to coordination, I like to think of myself as having cat-like reflexes, but the simple truth is that I have the dexterity of an antiquated robot, and that, my friends, is not always a good thing. Take for example what happened to me about thirty minutes ago. I was up …
Obnoxious Teens Vs. Parking Enforcement: Who Will Win???
Living in West Hollywood, my neighborhood is routinely patrolled by parking enforcement officers, who quietly stalk their prey from the comfort of their white, eco-friendly Priuses — waiting for that orgasmic moment when they can slap a ticket down on a permit-lacking vehicle and tow it away. Their Orwellian presence rivals a godlike power to …
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My Morning with Spencer and Heidi
Just over two months ago, I did something that I never thought I’d do: I hung out with Speidi. That’s right, I spent a morning intermingling with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, stars/villains of MTV’s hit show, The Hills. Needless to say, it was quite the momentous occasion, especially since it landed me on TMZ …
GYM HORRORS: So Bad, I Had To Inform The Staff
It’s been a while since I’ve written up one of my gym horror stories, but sadly, I think that’s more a sign of my lackadaisical workout routine than it is of improved hygienic awareness. People are still disgusting, and never was that more evident than today when I headed to the gym and encountered a …
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Oscar Winning Screen Legend Binges on Frozen Yogurt, Drives Unimpressive Car
I had quite the celebrity sighting yesterday. It wasn’t so excellent because of the star wattage — although, that was pretty cool — but more for the bizarre randomness of the entire event. I’ll explain. It was about 7 PM, and my friend Jash and I decided to stop in at Angelina’s Frozen Yogurt, one …
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MORTIFYING MOMENT OF THE DAY: Parking Garage Edition
Exiting a parking garage can be a tricky process, at least for those idiots who still haven’t grasped the subtleties of inserting a ticket into a machine. I often grow frustrated with those ill-prepared drivers in front of me — the ones who take upwards of 60 seconds to complete a 30 second transaction. The …
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West Hollywood Planning Commission Convenes, Idiots Flock
I’m so fired up with political activism right now I’m surprised there’s no annoying Facebook group dedicated to me. Last night, I attended my very first Planning Commission meeting here in West Hollywood, and while I knew I’d encounter several stodgy old people and myopic idiots, I didn’t realize the degree to which they’d a) …
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A Night At The Proms
Recently, my friend Nhan rented out a restaurant for her birthday, and to make the occasion extra special, she added a theme: prom. Well, who wouldn’t like that — aside from Christian on Project Runway? My friends and I happily poured ourselves into the appropriate outfits, which in this case meant tuxes for the gents and …
GYM HORRORS: Sweaty Idiots Overrun Peaceful Workout
(Dramatization) Another day, another gross story from the gym. Thankfully, this tale details significantly fewer threats to my personal health and hygiene as my last gym horror story, but I still find it quite appalling. I guess by now it’s probably not hard to imagine what’s so offensive this time around, what with my headline …
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