BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Ragan’s Choice

For about the second time this season, we had a fight in the Big Brother household — if it can even be called that. It was more of a tiff, but with this lazy cast of people who are too afraid to speak their minds, we’ll take any feather ruffling we can get. The drama unfolded when Rachel made the mistake of stating that Ragan was in an alliance with Matt. This assumption truly rattled our resident PhD of communications; so Ragan did just what he had spent all those years in school perfecting: he communicated. And how!

Ragan basically went off on Rachel, clearly letting out some pent up frustration and anger towards the emotional redhead. He accused her of fabricating facts and speaking about things she had no idea about, which was amusing only because the rant seemed to come out of nowhere. No one was more surprised than Rachel, who couldn’t seem to understand how or why her offhanded comment had caused such a reaction.

Nevertheless, Ragan was pissed and questioned multiple times why he was even sitting in the cabana room listening to her plead her case to new HoH Matt. Rachel basically shrugged it off and said he could leave, but of course, once she suggested that, Ragan hilarious grew even angrier at the insinuation that she wanted him to step away.

Making matters worse was Brendon, who predictably lumbered into the room and took a protective stance for his girl (who quite honestly was fending for herself quite well). More words were said, and finally Rachel kicked both guys out of the room, just to prove that she didn’t need Brendon by her side every minute and that Matt didn’t need Ragan either. Of course, two minutes later, Rachel called Brendon back into the room, thus utterly undermining her entire point.

Unsurprisingly, the two lovebirds wound up on the block, thus capping a generally uninteresting episode. The only other spark of interest was watching Matt — who spent much of the episode annoyingly and ostentatiously bare-chested — deciding whether or not to use Pandora’s Box. He did, and like that awful Natalie from last season, he concocted some ridiculous lie to explain his actions. He said something about how he had earned a dollar as a prize, an explanation that didn’t quite sit well with the house, especially because they sensed that bad news was on the horizon.

And bad news they got. After some hemming and hawing, Ragan accepted the role of Saboteur that American had requested of him, and thus we had a brand new “scary” message from the mystery man. This amusingly caused everyone to put their detective hats on and try to sniff out the Saboteur, and while it was fun to watch on the show, I can assure you that the unedited postulating on Big Brother: After Dark was ten times funnier. The real question is whether or not Ragan will be given anything entertaining to do beyond just a few summer camp pranks.

Meanwhile, it looks like it’ll be curtains for Brendon and Rachel unless there’s some sort of Veto miracle that comes their way. Matt put them both on the block, and I have to say, I won’t be shedding any tears if they’re broken up. Watching them (and by “them,” I mean Brendon) mope after the Head of Household competition officially solidified them as awful together. Unfortunately, if the axe comes down on either of them, it’s going to be on Rachel, which is regrettable because she’s really been the only one keeping the gameplay interesting. Sure, Britney is hilarious, but her snarky commentary can only go so far to liven up the game. Rachel, however, does scheme quite a bit (until Brendon wanders into the picture and softens her up). She picked the wrong tactic when appealing to Matt though. She tried to list all the reasons why she and Brendon would be assets to him. Instead she should have made him paranoid that someone like Enzo was coming after him. Alas. That’s just too high level for this cast, I suppose. I just want someone to break up the Brigade. Then we’ll get some fireworks.

“Good luck Brendon! Just remember that ain’t no paint bucket going to get between me and MY MAN!!”

“I don’t like to get brushed. What am I? A dawg? I’m the Meow Meow, not the Woof Woof. Now somebody get me a sawsah of milk.”

“I like to think I’m giving this paint can a hug with my back. It would be nice if it reciprocated.”

“Hot damn! I feel like I’m riding a turtle! A turtle I want to shoot! But I guess that’s every turtle, huh?”

Ragan: “I could express very clearly and concisely the degree of pain that I’m feeling; however, then people might discover my greatest strength: THAT I’M A PHD IN COMMUNICATION!”

“It’s like I was hugging the paint can, and it wasn’t hugging me back! Maybe it’s my fault. I’m sorry, paint can.”

“Why doesn’t the paint can like me? I just want it to like me. HUG ME!!!”
Rachel: “Fine.”
“No, not you. The paint can!”

“Rachel, are you crying because you want to hug me so bad?”

“Brendon, not everything is about you.”

“It isn’t? That’s kind of mean. Now my feelings are hurt. Can you to hold me and tell me everything’s going to be okay?”

“It’s NOT okay, Brendon.”

“Can you hold me anyway?”

“No.”

“How about you just put your arms out, and I’ll sit between them, and we’ll pretend.”

“No.”

“Hold me?”

“NO.”

“How about now? Will you hold me now?”

“No. I just want to pack.”

“Do you hug when you pack?”

“Go away, Brendon.”

“Okay. Fine…. Can I get a goodbye hug first?”

“OH MY GOD!!! Something mildly exciting is happening!”

“Aw! Photos!!! Oh, and look! Matt had his chest inexplicably exposed for his wedding too!”

“Hey guys. I opened Pandora’s Box. The good news was that I won a dollar. The bad news is that for the next two weeks, you have to see my chest.”

“Rachel, I want you to listen to me. I am communicating my emotions to you very specifically and clearly. But that should no way whatsoever lead you to believe that I am an expert in communication. It’s not like I have a PhD in it or anything.”
Rachel: “Ha. That’s just ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous that I would have a secret doctorate in communication?”
“No. Ridiculous that such a degree could even exist.”
“YOU FUCKING WHORE.”

“Let me tell you something. You speak in fiction! That is BAD communication! BAD!!!!”

“I don’t understand what you are saying.”

“Oh don’t give me that. You understand full well what I’m saying. I AM AN EFFIN’ DOCTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS!!!”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I communicate VERY WELL!!!”

“The fact that you had to explain that suggests otherwise.”

“It’s not my fault that you are an idiot.”

“If you can’t communicate with me, an alleged idiot, then that means you’re really not such a great communicator after all.”

“I hope you die. Did you understand THAT?”

“Hahaha. Oh RAGAN. You’re funny.”

“Look, bitch. I’m not the one with communication problems. It’s YOU.”

“Excuse me, but ain’t NO communication getting between me and MY MAN!”

“All I know is that I’m standing here, and no one’s hugging me. What sort of cruel people are you?”

“I’ll tell you what was going on. I walked into that room and not a single person hugged me! Nothing! Zilch!”

“Brendon, you weren’t in the room during the fight; so you have no basis to say what was happening. Please, people. Leave the communicating up to me.”

“In other news, why the HELL do we have an apple canoe on the table?”

Rachel: “Matt, just to prove that Brendon and I don’t have to always act as a team, I brought Brendon in here… you know, so we can act as a team.”

“I can’t even COMMUNICATE how difficult of a choice this is. Well, I mean, I can communicate it. I do have a PhD in communications after all. I was merely using an expression about an inability to communicate to illustrate my point, which in turn was actually an effective form of communication. Isn’t communication THE BEST?!”

“Listen, as long as the Saboteur doesn’t cut, style, or wash my hair, I’ll be happy.”

“No [sniffle] Botox [sniffle] is going to get between me and [sniffle] MY [sniffle] MAN [sniffle].”

What did you think about the episode?