Well, an explosive week in the Big Brother house has come to an end. It was fun watching Willie get kicked out (did y’all hear he got arrested just days after leaving the house?), but at the same time, I’m going to miss having a full-fledged villain to kick around. As we all know, the best seasons have loathsome enemies, and Willie was certainly shaping up to be one. In the wake of his awfulness, I became a Frank fan and am still a Frank fan, but I’m surprised to hear that people are hating on him. I guess it’s the Boogie effect. Say it ain’t so!
Nevertheless, Thursday’s episode saw Danielle and JoJo facing off. I thought Danielle would be leaving us for sure, but shockingly, I was wrong. It was JoJo who got the boot, thanks in part to Danielle quietly notifying the girls that JoJo and Shane were embarking on a showmance. This, of course, was a problem for many reasons, not the least of which being that Danielle thought she was the one in the middle of a Shane-mance. There probably was more to JoJo’s eviction than what we saw on TV, but either way, I’m a little bummed. I liked JoJo’s potential as a firecracker. Having her leave so soon was unfortunate, especially since Danielle has yet to be compelling for anything beyond her ability to cake on that theater makeup.
HMMM.
Anyway, on to the photocap:
“Good evening. I’m Julie Chen, and I’ve been shot in the chest.”
“You know, Dan, I was mad at you, but I forgive you. I know you just wanted me to learn. It’s like the time someone told me that George Jetson and George Jefferson were two different people.”
“Hey Staten Island, can I take a trip to your Lady Burrough?”
“Only if you show me your Vermonster.”
“Isn’t it hot when we flirt with geography?”
“That’s just how I flirt. LOVE ME OR HATE ME.”
“Guys, I don’t want to creep anyone out, but I’m having a totally hot fantasy that I’m being fellated by an emu.”
“Don’t you just LOVE thinking about guys? I can’t wait to meet my Prince Charming: he’ll have eyes and a mouth and a head and like to eat food at least once a day. LE SIGH!”
“America, please don’t act like you’re doing anything other than staring at my boobs.”
“JoJo, here’s what you need to do.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“I didn’t even say anything yet.”
“Yeah yeah.”
“Are you listening?”
“I know.”
“Huh?”
“Yeahyeahyeah.”
“JoJo, if you interrupt me one more time, I will literally pour this hot coffee in my eyeballs so that I never have to see your Staten Island face again. YOU’RE RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE!”
“YEEEHAWWW JULIE!! I’M WEARING MY CHEF’S JACKET BECAUSE I’M CHEF JOE AND ALSO VERY LITERAL!! HOOWEEE YEEEHAW SOULPATCH DAGNABBIT!!!”
“Julie, I’ll be honest. This isn’t a soulpatch. I just taped the tail of a My Little Pony onto my chin. YEEEEHAWW I’M A BRONIE DAGNABBITTTT!!!!!”
“Ugh. I thought I was done with Big Brother.”
“I can’t help but think that if Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio were in this house, my dreams would come true.”
Audiences and house guests alike are thrilled when Christina Applegate quietly joins the cast.
“Okay, so, love me or hate me, I gotta be me. I say it like it is, and I love meatballs. If you vote me off, it’s no big whoop. I’ll just go back to my job at AutoZone.”
“Makeup, makeup, makeup, makeup. And in conclusion: makeup.”
“F*ck these bitches.”
“JULIE, I VOTE TO EVICT… FRENCH ONION DIP!!! YEEHAWWW DAGNABBIT SOULPATCH!!!”
“JoJo, you may not know this, but I just butchered a cow.”
Britney: “JoJo, if you’re watching this, you’re probably already interrupting me.”
Britney: “JoJo, I really liked getting to know–“
JoJo: “iknowiknowiknow. I gotta be me.”
“Okay, Joe. Concentrate. Concentrate. CONCENTRATE. YEEEEHAWWWWWW DAGNABBIT!!!”
“Let’s see… should I put the ball here? Or here? DAGNABBIT DECISIONS!!!!”
“Time to call upon my hockey experience. And by hockey experience, I mean my experience making buffalo hot wings.”
Chenbot: “ERROR ERROR. THE PROCESS YOU HAVE REQUESTED HAS TIMED OUT.”
“YEEEHAW! THIS TAKES PRECISION. THANK GOODNESS WE’RE NOT LIVE. WHHOOOOWEEEE!!!”
Chenbot: “FATAL ERROR. RESTART MACHINE.”
“I don’t feel so good. I hope I don’t throw up, especially after I spent all this time dressing up like Stiffler’s Mom.”
“I’m so happy I’m safe. I can’t wait to go put some MAKEUP on my MAKEUP!”
“Well, I just aged fifteen years.”
What did you think about the eviction?
I love the Stifler’s Mom reference and all the JoJo/Britney conversations! And Joe is so damn annoying
You are hilarious. I cracked up at the Chenbot lines! The photocaps you do make watching Big Brother that much more fun.
I love how Jojo said that she deserved to be in the house because she did well in the Teddy Bear challenge the first night. So I guess jumping from bed to bed is considered a real asset in the Staten Island region.
Go Ashley.!
hb
Hilarious, but that’s not coffee Britney’s drinking…those are those damn almonds from the HoH basket she kept crunching right into the microphone. I swear, Britney eating right into the mics is the most annoying part of After Dark. I have to turn it off whenever she is eating…
I think the most annoying part of After Dark is Wil playing with his hair. The boy never STOPS!!! I want the DR to say “WIL, PLEASE STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIR!!!!”
Janelle was trash talking Jojo a lot.
Janelle decided (because she was bored) to tell Danielle that Jojo said she was fat and made Danielle cry.
Then Janelle said she probably called me fat too, to make Danielle feel better or some shit.
Janelle tried to get Danielle to confront Jojo right then but Danielle said she isn’t that type of person. So her plan to start shit only ended up hurting Danielle.
Janelle and Boogie also said they couldn’t stand Jojo’s accent and that Jojo was of the same ilk as Willie.
So Janelle and Boogie are so much better than a girl from Staten Island…they made me sick.
Love, love, love your recaps. If Joe’s soulpatch gets any longer he is going to be able to put it in a ponytail. GROSS
I thought Julie’s armpit was bleeding. Ugh! What a horrible outfit.
But her hair’s cute.
Can anyone explain why when Chef Joe came into the diary room to give his vote, he suddenly because all dramatic and looked down as if in emotional pain and melodramatically said “JoJo Dancer” and then got up happily and sauntered out? Is he auditioning for the Young & Restless? It was the first time he wasn’t screaming in the DR. And I had to laugh when Chenbot scolded him at the HOH competition with “Joe we don’t have all day”. She was Chenbotterrific!! Too bad someone shot her earlier in the show and messed up her garden dress.
He only acted somber and dramatic because I lost 2 packs of cigarettes by not voting for her! LOL
That one gal had on a prom dress. What was that she was wearing? Throwback, all she needed was bigger curly hair.
Dannielle that’s her name, Danniealle, she is THAT unforgettable! Wish JoJo would have stayed.