And they’re off! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion kicked off last night, and it was full of all sorts of petty bickering about surprisingly minor events from the past season — all set against the most gaudy backdrop since the first New Jersey reunion (remember that bright blue monstrosity?). Whoever thought it would be clever to light these women (and Andy) with a purple glow needs to be fired, STAT.
Nevertheless, at the forefront of all the fighting was a surprising duo: Adrienne and Lisa, the latter of whom bore the brunt of most of the attacks last night. It was a shocking turn of events, and I’d say Lisa handled herself quite well, given the ridiculous accusations thrown her way. Kyle and Adrienne accused Lisa of being cruel, but the irony was not lost on Ms. VanderPump, who happily reminded Kyle that she was in fact the mean girl for the group. Kyle ultimately retorted that she never meant to be mean, which had been Lisa’s defense of her jokes, but apparently only Kyle’s allowed to use that excuse.
Let’s not get it twisted though: Lisa is no angel. For every time she insisted she wasn’t mean, she managed to let a sly dig about Kyle’s temper or Adrienne’s “fat” shoe slip out of her mouth. If I were her friend, I could certainly imagine being frustrated with these Lisa-isms, but as a viewer, each one was like a gift from the heavens. Don’t cross Lady VanderPump. She will always have the last word.
Of course, there was plenty of talk about Taylor and Russell and the violent things he had told her, but the real shocking part of the evening had nothing to do with that. No, the eye-opener was that the normally quiet, even-keeled Adrienne was on a tear. She had a massive bone to pick with Lisa, and while I didn’t think she should have been so angry about the Maloof Hoof controversy or BernieGate, I could sort of understand why she was upset. However, when it came to accusing Lisa of selling stories to the tabloids, it seemed totally baseless. What’s worse was that Adrienne’s only evidence was gossip she had heard — gossip that was verified by Camille who said she had heard directly from Radar Online that Lisa had sold them a story. In other words, the least trustworthy source of all. Of course they would tell Camille that. All the better to make her feel comfortable about selling her own stories to them.
Well, Lisa was positively enraged by the accusations and vehemently denied it all, going so far as to even drop an f-bomb or two. It was clear that Adrienne had crossed the line, and the poor woman had nothing left to do but sheepishly say “sorry” while the room fell into an awkward silence. Ooops.
As the hour closed, Brandi joined the ladies on the couch, which meant it was only a matter of seconds before the claws came out. First they were reserved for Eddie Cibrian, but then Brandi leveled her wrath at all the other women. We’ll have to wait until next week to see how that plays out though. Meanwhile, it appears as though poor Dana didn’t get an invite to the reunion (despite the fact that the women talked at length about her ridiculous $25,000 sunglasses). Sorry, Dane-Dane. Maybe next year?
“Hi, I’m Andy Cohen, and I’m a little puffy.”
Andy: “Hiiii ladies! Are you enjoying this horrific set? Gaudy carpet, purple lighting, teal walls — jackhole of the week goes to m’set decorator!”
“Andy, before we begin, I’d just like to congratulate my left arm, which is about to graduate from college.”
“I’d also like to announce that my left arm will be going base jumping after this reunion.”
“If you all have a minute, my left arm would like to perform a magic trick for you.”
Andy: “Lisa, how do you feel about Adrienne’s outfit?”
“Well, quite frankly, darling, we all look rather shitty in this purple lighting.”
“NOT ME.”
“I would like everyone to see that Lisa preys not only on weak people, but weak lighting.”
“Andy, this is absolute rubbish… which is more or less on par for what one would expect from Kyle Richards.”
“That was manipulative. See? Talking with her is like playing chess with Bobby Fisher!”
“By that you mean an exhilarating, once-in-a-lifetime experience? Well thank you.”
“No, I mean, you’re always calculating.”
“Well, one must anticipate reactions, lest I be the victim of your rage.”
“See! You just did it again! You say mean things!”
“Darling, I don’t say mean things. I make jokes. And I’m sorry if you just don’t have a cunning sense of humor.”
“Oh, I have a sense of humor. See? I’m laughing. Ha. Ha. Ha. Aaaand scene. Child actress!”
“She’s no Kelsey Grammer, that’s for DAMN sure.”
“Hey. Watch it Camille. I’m not afraid to go all season one on your ass.”
“Kyle, perhaps you’ve overlooked the fact that you are frightfully mean as well.”
“Okay, I am not mean. I’m just honest.”
“I agree: You’re mean. Honestly.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.”
“Hi!”
“Lisa, you make jokes, but they hurt.”
“And saying I prey on the weak is not mean?”
“I didn’t mean to be mean.”
“How is that different than me making a bad joke?”
“BOBBY FISHER!”
“Andy, do you see what I’m dealing with here?”
Andy: “Jackholes of the WEAK! Get it???”
“Lisa, sometimes you can be very cutting. That’s all.”
“Adrienne, until you address what the hell is going on with your sleeves, we cannot be friends.”
“Mean. Bobby Fisher.”
Adrienne: “My sleeves? What is wrong with my sleeves?”
“Darling, half of your body looks like it’s auditioning to play The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.”
“Excuse me, but Bernie the Chef designed this dress for me.”
“I see he’s as good a designer as he is a chef.”
“But he’s a terrible chef.”
“Just think about it, Camille.”
Taylor: “Maybe my wig is on too tight, but I have NO idea what’s going on.”
Camille: “Uh HELLO. Eat a cheeseburger or something.”
Andy: “Whoa. Camille. You have a problem with Taylor?”
“Bitch tried to call me out at a tea party! And she yelled at DeDe. So YEAH. I DO have a problem with her.”
Andy: “How do you respond to that Taylor?”
“I actually didn’t hear any of it, Andy. When people yell at me, I retreat into my personal fantasy of being the long-forgotten fifth member of En Vogue.”
“That’ll be the day.”
“Ladies, please. If we can’t be civil, I’m going to go, and I really don’t want to do that because Paul has been farting all afternoon in the house. It probably smells like old dog food and beef jerky in there by now.”
“No, that’s just the smell of Bernie’s cooking.”
“Mean.”
“Darling, it was a JOKE. I don’t even know who Bernie is!”
“You do know who Bernie is. I heard from the gardener’s wife’s friend whose sister has a roommate at Radar Online that you don’t like Bernie.”
“And you’ll believe that person over me?”
“Listen, I don’t want to fight. Let’s just get this over with so my left arm can return to the druid ceremony it had been attending.”
“Would Bernie be able to make me a salad? I’m starving.”
“I hear Bernie knows how to make anything. Just don’t expect any of it to taste any GOOD.”
“BOBBY FISHER STRIKES AGAIN!”
“What? I don’t even know who Bernie is!!!!”
“I think Bernie is hot! Like this purple lighting! I want to take him home to m’bed!!”
“Honestly, Adrienne, if you have an employee who is unscrupulous enough to talk ill of your friends, why on earth would you believe him to be a trustworthy source of information?”
[crickets]
Andy: “I… I don’t think anyone here knows what ‘unscrupulous’ means.”
“Hahahhaa, I just remembered that I totally have the hottest husband here.”
“My boyfriend has abs.”
“You’re such a fucking liar, CAMILLE!”
“Kyle, he literally has one ab for every syllable in his last name.”
“Oh really? And what’s his last name?”
“Charalambopoulos.”
Andy: “That’s a lot of abs.”
“He can Charalambop me all he wants!”
“Russell used to say I was a ‘Charalambopoulos.’ It was either that or ‘a fucking skank whore bitch.’ Can’t really remember now.”
“Hey Lisa, why don’t you go sell THAT to Radar Online?”
“Darling, why do I care about radars? I mean, really. What other ridiculous accusations do you have up your sleeve… Your giant, ridiculous sleeve.”
“QUEEN TAKES BISHOP, BOBBY FISHER!”
“Lisa, be honest. We all know you sold stories to Radar. I know this because Radar told me so. And why would an online tabloid EVER lie? Especially if it would help them achieve an ulterior motive such as me spilling the beans about one of you??”
“I believe everything I hear from everyone. Except Lisa.”
“Adrienne, your shoe is fat and homely.”
“No. My shoe is sleek and fashionable.”
“It was a joke!! Something funny!! Like your absolutely absurd sleeve!!!!”
“MEAN MEAN MEAN!”
“Say what you will, Kyle. America still likes me the best.”
What did you think about the reunion?
I was so disappointed in Adrianne who was once one of the most level headed housewives. So what Lisa says funny stuff….she’s not a back stabber and she surely doesn’t prey on the weak….I can’t stand Kyle…she is that ultimate mean girl from high school and she still has that same hair she can throw around. How long before she does the splits between the two couches?
I can’t wait for Brandi…she tells it like it is….and I don’t believe 99% of what Taylor says about Russell or anything else….she’s had four identities….at least that were reported…and I have yet to see one tear when she cries….
Thank goodness for the recaps because I dont know if I can stomach much more of Taylor or Kyle.
“If Adrienne thinks Radar Online would ever pay Lisa $25K for a story that isn’t Mel Gibson–footage-related, she is on whatever Kim Richards was looking for on her bathroom floor. Adrienne routinely believes anyone but Lisa….she believed Bernie, and the wine person at The Palms. And, Adrienne routinely claims others have said the same things, but she can never name them. She is “never there” when these things are said, but she asked others. She embellishes seriously on these lies she tells to try and make Lisa look bad.”
Adrienne was off her rocker last night. So disappointing to see her acting like such a “chick.”
I miss the reunions played out with the random objects found in your home.
ME TOO!!!
I LOVE those recaps!!
I agree! I love Andy as the red M&M guy! So appropriate!
I miss the sweaty shot glasses! LOL
Adrienne is the official Asshat Queen of RHBH – she was much more likeable when she kept her mouth shut and all we had to do was giggle at her fashion failures.
Kyle needed more jewelry. Good Lord.
Adrienne is a freakin’ Multi-Millionairre and she looks like she came straight from a Dress Barn closeout sale. What a waste.
Personally, I like Kyle, but she does seem to come off mean at times. I think that anyone can seem that way when you’re filmed as much as they are. BUT I was shocked when she took a jab at Lisa.
Lisa is by far my favorite. Hands down. I don’t think the Maloof Hoof was rude at all. It rhymes – that’s why Lisa said it. Same with the Vanderpump Pump. These women are way too easily insulted. Personally, I feel Adrienne is jealous of Lisa. Why else would she care so much? Also, I do not get one iota her freakout of Pandora’s Bachelorette party. I mean, really? She’s pissed because it was held at another Vanderpump family friend’s hotel?!? What makes her more important? blech
And is anyone ever going to point out that Taylor was WRONG this season when she kept saying over and over again that Lisa said “I’m not your friend” when that is NOT what she said! All of those ladies owe Lisa an apology because they all believed that she said it because Taylor kept insisting it was said.
I love Lisa forever. She is my idol. And as much as I didn’t like Brandi at first, I love her now. Adrienne only succeeded in making herself look petty and small. And Kyle? Well Kyle was Kyle.
Oh and Kyle your husband is not that hot. He looks like “the missing Turturro brother” (TM Mark Consuelos – who on his worst day is 1000 times hotter than Mauricio is on his best day.)
Hey guys — I’m so psyched at the response this post is getting from you all. If you really like it, feel free to share it on FB!
(I’m always shamelessly trying to boost traffic for my site)
Team Lisa ALL the way. The others looked ridiculous trying to twist every single thing she ever uttered this season.
Lisa already talked to Adrienne about the Bachelorette party during the season. A explained her hurt feelings and L explained and apologized. Why bring it up again?
A’s shoes are hoofs. WAY too chunky and stupid looking. Lisa didn’t deny saying that. So what’s the big deal?
Kyle doing splits is attention-seeking “Look at me! I am the life of the party.” That’s also ok, but why get mad at Lisa for commenting on it?
It’s easy to have it all, just like Adrienne, as long as you’re willing to work for it (i.e. be lucky enough to be born into massive wealth). I know her type. Her type KILLS me. She’s SO MUCH stronger than Taylor, she so often points out. Let’s see how strong she would be if leaving her husband meant she’d be broke as a joke.
Great blog, as always! I also loved Lynn B’s comment about Kyle doing splits between the two couches. LOL
I hate Maloof’s shoes. The one she was wearing on the reunion show made it look like she had toe overhang (one of my personal pet peeves) but it was because the platform was set so far back from the top of the shoe.
Kyle’s finger pointing reminded me of Gov. Jan Brewer.
And B – if you want more traffic to your site maybe you could do more realty show recaps.
(bishop to queen 4)
hb
Yeah, PDiddy isn’t down with that toe overhang either.
Perhaps Adrienne’s dress came from Alexis Bellino’s fashion line.
Very funny recaps B-Side!
I thought Camille was awesome. I felt bad for Lisa although she is a little on the passive aggressive side. I did not understand Adrienne’s behavior–most of her complaints seemed petty. She appeared envious of Lisa, and for a very successful business woman, that makes no sense to me. I am not a fan of Kyle at all although I do think she looked beautiful on the reunion show. I’m not a fan of Taylor either. Striking while the “iron is hot” and writing a book about her relationship/abuse is simply unseemly.
Curious if anyone on here read where RadarOnline posted on Twitter that Lisa did NOT sell stories to them!
I’m even more disgusted by Adrienne right now.
And I don’t know if this part is true, but Brandi is claiming all of the other ladies got together to plan on attacking Lisa. 🙁
Maybe it’s She By Sheray!!!!!
hoot
Ben, your photo caps are genius. Reading this post was the only thing that made me smile today. And to relive the hilarity, I just did a dramatic re-enactment of your photo cap for my wife … And we giggled our asses off. Thanks for sharing.
Seriously awesome caps. And I can hear Lisa saying ALL OF IT!! OMG great laugh. TY!!!!
I guess none of these ladies appreciate the British humor. I personally think Lisa is a hoot. She’s my favorite of the BH housewives. Adriane is jealous, and Kyle likes to spin things around when she’s uncomfortable.
Can’t wait for part two.
First I must say SO excited the captcha thing is GONE-
SECONDLY- Dana was @ the reunion, she will be out on another episode. I saw her hideous shoes, Andy did his fav pick for who had the best shoes and he chose Brandy’s! Random but true, I saw the video- WAIT till u see Dana’s.
Your giant ridiculous sleeve… lmao
At first I didn’t notice the purple lighting, I thought Adrienne did something with her hair again like she s over tinsel but into color splash now.
I still think the Maloof Hoof is hilarious. It was a funny, rhyming observation, not an insult to her shoes. I think when Lisa said it she hadn’t even SEEN a shoe yet so how could it be commentary on the aesthetics.
Camille said something and I forget what it was but it was straight season 1 bitchy and I was like THERE SHE IS!
Thank you for doing justice to the glorious LVP. “I see he’s as good a designer as he is a chef” “but he’s a terrible chef” “just think about it Camille” HAAAAAAA
Adrienne is one of the worst dressers on a RH franchise and she’s got stiff competition. She’s right up there with all of NJ (the entire state as seen on TV), Kim Zolziac, oh what the heck eveyrone in that Atlanta cesspool.
I can’t stop laughing this is the best recap. How long does it take to write. OMG the sleeve on her dress was hysterical thanks for the laughs.
Adrienne’s career was focused in marketing. She knows all attention is good attention in retail, which is why she won’t drop the Maloof Hoof. Didn’t we notice how when Lisa said she would never say it again, Adrienne argued that she should. Lisa should practice what she told Cedric, “I don’t wish you anything” and just never again speak well or in jest about anything Adrienne or Kyle are involved in…ZERO advertising.
Kyle and Adrienne both showed extreme double standards on friendship. Lisa wasn’t allowed to defend herself or apologize without Kyle claiming it was all just part of her calculating ways. Sheesh. When Kyle starts the loud, head throwing backward laughter I just want to stuff a hoagie in her big mouth to shut her up.