I skipped the photocap for last week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta because honestly nothing happened the entire episode. It was a full-on snoozefest. In fact, all I can seem to remember was that NeNe looked at a house in Miami that was clearly way beyond her means. She keeps talking about all this cashola she’s received from The Apprentice, but I can’t imagine it was more than enough to pad Brent’s college fund.
Nevertheless, there were more interesting things going on this week. Kim decided to hold a lavish baby shower that felt more like a wedding than anything else. Phaedra was quick to point out that it was Kim who had derided such over the top pageantry last season, but then again, as overly formal as Kim’s shower was, at least it didn’t feature any interpretive dance.
Actually, I found Kim’s party to be rather endearing, what with Brielle’s lovely speech dedicated to her mom and Kroy. It was one of two moving scenes involving kids (the other being Brent’s heartbreaking reaction to Nene and Greg being separated). Nevertheless, I gotta admit that while Kim is still a ridiculous idiot, I do sense that she seems a bit more grounded with Kroy in her life. Dare I say that she’s actually becoming likable?
Okay, maybe I’ll reserve judgment on that front, but I can say that I am enjoying Phaedra and her little quips greatly. A year ago, I couldn’t stand the woman, but late last season she began to turn, and now she’s hilarious. I’m certainly more on Team Phaedra than I am Team Cynthia, mainly because Cynthia has an asshole of a husband in Peter. Most people weren’t a fan of Peter last season, but I actually liked him for whatever reason. Now, however, my opinion has changed. He’s just an asshole, through and through. Why Cynthia sees in him, I’m not sure. Maybe she has a thing for white beards — although, Peter’s beard looks less like a beard and more like he just sprinkled his cheeks with powdered sugar.
Anyway, Cynthia and Peter showed up to Kim’s baby shower five hours late, which is pretty hideous, and while I suppose on some level it was nice of them to put in any appearance, it did seem fairly gauche (unless, of course, they had warned Kim ahead of time that they’d only be able to show up at the end, but gauging by her reaction, I’d say that didn’t happen). Well, just moments after Cyntheter arrived, the drama started. You see, Peter had gone and spouted his mouth off about the other housewives in some Atlanta magazine, and the women were none too pleased about it. Phaedra cast the first stone by announcing to the table that Peter didn’t like her, and from there, it all went downhill. Peter became defense (ie. an asshole) and soon there were allegations that Sherayay wasn’t cute. Of course, Sherée handled this like a champ and retorted that Peter not having money wasn’t “cute.” SNAP. Sherayay FTW.
Ultimately the whole thing resulted in Peter and Apollo yelling at each other, which was amusing if only because Apollo tends to sound like a chipmunk most of the time. That being said, Peter is about ninety-five years old and has no business trying to throw down with an ex-con with big biceps. I suppose his only saving grace was an awareness that Apollo couldn’t lay a finger on him thanks to probation. Damn.
Sherayay: “I am ready for my new mansion, or as I like to call it: Chateau by Chateauée.”
“Wait a second. This don’t taste right… Apollo, have you been feeding our child rock cocaine?”
“I PRAY TO JESUS that I can find a stroller that plays ‘When The Saints Go Marching In’ over loudspeaker.”
Peter: “Are you excited for this chicken? It’s my own special recipe called ASSHOLE CHICKEN.”
“Helllllo! Your significantly more attractive and likable first husband is here!”
“So good to see you, Leon! And of course you remember my husband Peter. He’s a real asshole.”
“Why do people have to be calling me Papa Smurf? Last time I checked, Papa Smurf didn’t have these bloodshot eyes. In other news: I am totally stoned right now.”
“Peter, why are you sitting on the counter?”
“I dunno. Just felt kind of like an assholey move; so I did it.”
“Kim, why you making me walk through this gravel, girl? You know the only gravel I step on is Gravel by Gravelée.”
“Hi, love! DID YOU BRING ME A BURRITO BITCH?”
“Be honest, Brent. Do you like my haircut?”
“Mom, that is the worst Mia Farrow haircut I have ever seen.”
“Whatever. Mia Farrow only WISHES she were as iconic as me. I’M RICH. Bloop!”
“This here is a beautiful photo; although, we had to sedate Kim for the shoot by sticking valium in her Bugles.”
“I have a very impressive resume. I’ve worked for years with legal services, and prior to that, I was best known as one of those sweeper guys on TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes.”
“Sorry we’re five hours late. I just really wanted everyone to remember that I’m an asshole.”
“Peter, you better step down!”
“I will, but only if you don’t get mad when I giggle at your high-pitched voice.”
“Ha. We’re so original.”
“I wonder when I should tell Kroy that this isn’t a baby — just a fishbowl filled with Chardonnay.”
What did you think about the episode?