Our old gal Rachel Zoe is back, and she’s better than ever! Or at least more preggers than ever. Truth is that I’m not totally convinced that season four of The Rachel Zoe Project is off to a great start. Gone now is Brad, who left Rachel’s company this Spring in what I thought was an amicable parting, but now it seems as though things weren’t quite as rosy as Brad’s cute little cheeks. According to Rachel, Brad said he wanted to retire from the limelight, but then a week later, he was out vulturing her clients. I can’t imagine that she’d be so shocked. After all, what’s a newly independent stylist to do? Just sit around? Brad had a profile written about him in the New York Times: of course he was going to take a stab at styling on his own.

Alas, things just aren’t stellar between the two anymore apparently, which is really our loss because Rachel without Brad is simply not as entertaining. It was bad enough last season when Taylor’s departure meant more whiny Rodger. Now with no sidekicks whatsoever, it feels like all we see is Rodger, and I hate to break it to the producers, but he still isn’t interesting. Heck, he’s downright annoying. The joy of this show is not watching this married couple juggle all the responsibilities of their lives; it’s listening to Rachel communicate in her ever-growing special language. Without Brad, we’re not getting nearly as much of the quirky Rachel, and I question how much new hire Jeremiah will be able to bring it out in her. Sure, he’s cute, and sure, he has a dry sense of humor, but there’s an undercurrent of haughty self-awareness in Jeremiah that I fear will make him less appealing in the long run. We need someone who’s a total worrywart mess — someone who can downwardly spiral with Rachel until both of them are predicting doomsday over something silly like a missing thimble. Luckily, we’re only one episode in; so there’s much room for improvement. I have concerns though…

After the jump, the photocap…

Rachel: “LITERALLY, this cranberry juice and soda is delicious.”
Rodger: “I’m glad you like it.”
“No. I love it.”
“I just want you to be happy.”
“I want the little guy to be happy too.”
“He’s our number one priority.”
“He is LITERALLY, like beyond number one priority. He is, like, some number we can’t even conceive of.”
“I agree.”
“Do you think the little guy likes cranberry?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What if he hates it? Do you think the little guy is angry right now?”
“I feel like I’m in a fight with the little guy.”
“You’re not.”
“This makes me feel sick. Literally, I don’t even want to look at the little guy anymore. He’s betrayed me.”
“I’m sure he likes the cranberry and soda.”
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, then LITERALLY shame on me. LITERAL SHAME ON ME.”

Rachel: “Literally, I hate when you touch my stomach.”
“I want to feel our son.”
“I want the little guy to come born in Chanel.”
“Ha, that would be amazing.”
“Rodge, do you think I can style our fetus?”
“Excuse me?”
“What if I pick out a look, and then ask the OB-GYN to put it up there for the fetus to try on?”
“You can’t do that.”
“I’m not going to have my fetus be naked. Especially not on the Oscars.”
“What does the Oscars have to do with anything?”
“OMG. Do you think there are baby Oscars? What if the little guy gets nominated? We need a look.”
“Rachel, you’re being crazy.”
“I can’t believe our son is nominated for an Oscar. He hasn’t even been born yet. Literally, this is NOT normal. I’m going to vomit just a little.”

Rachel: “Literally, why is no one buzzing us up?”
“I’m sure someone will.”
“What if they’re all dead up there?”
“No one’s dead.”
“Then why don’t they hear us buzzing up?”
“There are people working up there.”
“But they’re not dead? Are they ghosts? Do I run a ghost office?”
“Oh my God. We have a staff of ghosts. Where is Pac-Man? We need to feed them a Pac-Man.”
“Why would we need to feed the ghosts?”
“Because they’re my staff, and I love my staff. Literally, I need to serve them a Pac-Man for lunch.”

Rachel: “Oh my God. I used to live in this room. LITERALLY, I lived here. This makes me throw up a little. You know what else makes me throw up a little? Food. Literally.”

“Literally, this is so romantic. I feel like I’m in heaven.”
“We are in heaven.”
“Wait, what? We’re in heaven? Are we ghosts?”
“Rachel, how many times do I have to tell you we’re not ghosts?”
“Oh my gosh. I’m carrying a ghost baby.”
“We’re not ghosts.”
“Literally, we’re in a hotel for ghosts.”
“No. This is a hotel for HUMANS. Who are ALIVE.”
“Oh. So are we haunting the hotel?”
“I just scared the humans. I’m a haunting ghost.”
“You’re not haunting anything.”
“I’m hungry. Feed me a Pac-Man.”

“You know, I want to work here, but I don’t know why you keep asking me if I’m a ghost.”

“Oh my God. Literally, I’m calling someone. Hello? Hello? Is this Annie? Demi? Like, LITERALLY, this phone technology is beyond. BEYOND.”

“Hello, is this Domino’s Pizza? Yes, I’d like to order some dominos… But you’re called Domino’s… So you’re telling me you don’t deliver dominos? Only pizza? That’s like opening up a dominos shop and calling it pizza… Fine. I’ll order a pizza. But I’d like to make a substitution. Instead of pizza, I’d like dominos. Hello?”

Rodger: “Um, Rachel, I really need you to not be laughing during the interview process.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking about this thing that Demi told me.”
“What did she tell you?”
“I don’t remember.”
“But you were just laughing about it.”
“Ha ha.”
“I just remembered what Demi said.”
“Okay, can we focus here?”
“Literally, you’re making the little guy angry.”
“You’re making me angry.”
“You’re my shining jewel.”
“Aw, thanks.”
“Am I going to die?”
“Why would you say that?”
“I don’t want to die.”
“You’re not going to die.”
“Am I dead?”
“I just died. Didn’t I?”
“I die. I die.”

Rachel: “Literally, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen a coffee mug this big. This coffee mug is SHUTTING. IT. DOWN.”

“Okay, here’s the deal: I have no styling experience. Bravo just cast me to appeal to the gays. Now hire me on board or else I’ll see to it that you’re not invited to Andy Cohen’s Hamptons home.”

“LITERALLY I look like I’m wearing the fur of a gay yeti.”

What did you think about the premiere?

5 replies on “RACHEL ZOE PHOTOCAP: Literally, Rachel Is Back, and It is, Like, NOT Normal”

  1. Yes! I decided to commit myself to this season of The Rachel Zoe project just so I can more fully enjoy your photocaps. I also have concerns about too much Rodge, and I was very concerned when he told her he promised he would do 2 things for her while she was preggers and then handed her a glass of soda water and said, see there’s the 1 thing and she said, but you forgot the cranberry. He only has to do 2 things and he forgot half of 1 of them. Oh Rodge.

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