Not much happened on Sunday’s episode of Big Brother 13. We found out who won HOH, but it wasn’t that surprising based on how things were shaping up at the end of Thursday’s live show. SPOILER ALERT: it was Rachel. With her in power, we knew how everything would shake up: two Kalia and Porsche would most likely wind up on the block and the producers would once again try to mislead us into thinking that Rachel’s hatred for floaters would lead to Adam being nominated. Sure enough, that’s what happened, and thus an hour was spent reaching this rather dull and predictable conclusion.

Luckily, the producers had some tricks up their sleeves. They reintroduced Pandora’s Box, this time with the tempting lure of Tori Spelling. Who can deny that? Probably most anyone (except Adam), and quite frankly, I was rather surprised that Rachel opened the box given how it totally derailed Porsche’s game the week before. The conspiracy theorist in me believes that the producers told her off the record that this would be a harmless twist. Say what you will about Rachel, she’s pretty shrewd when it comes to gameplay, and she wasn’t going to sacrifice her power position for anyone except Booki.

And yet Rachel entered the box anyway, only to find herself face to face with our old favorite idiot, Jessie. I’m not a fan of the muscle-bound munchkin, but I had to admit that his repartee with Rachel was surprisingly amusing. A personal highlight: Jessie asking how to spell Rachel’s name, and she responding “Rachel with an R.” It seemed like a silly clarification, but then again, knowing Jessie, he might just have written “Machel” instead by accident.

While Rachel spent seven minutes in heaven with Mr. Pec-tacular, the rest of the house guests received a visit from a very pregnant Tori Spelling, who put on her best clown makeup for the occasion. Adam was beside himself with joy, happily touring Ms. Spelling around the house while simultaneously showcasing his stalker-ly skills. Tori seemed to enjoy herself, even if she was only in the house for about thirty seconds. No sooner had she arrived than she was out the door again, leaving the players to fend for themselves in a backyard shopping spree. Rachel, of course, missed out on the fun stuff. The only new items she won were crappy t-shirts with Jessie’s face on them. She eventually met up again with her housemates but kept a good attitude about things. In fact, Rachel seemed cool and likable throughout the entire episode. It’s stunning how the separation of Brenchel keeps improving these people…

Anyway, here’s the photocap:

“I love donuts! They make me think of Homer Simpson. And he makes me think of cartoons. And my favorite cartoon was Woody Woodpecker. And he makes me think of birds. And birds make me think of eagles. And eagles make me think of that one Muppet. And that makes me think of Kermit the frog. And frogs are, like, amphibians. And that makes me think of crocodiles. And OH GOSH! I BET A BUNCH OF VILLAGERS IN THE PHILIPPINES JUST CAUGHT A HUGE CROCODILE!!!”


“I just want to know why the small Mexican man on my dresser never gives me tacos when I ask for them.”

“Look! It’s a room full of AWFULNESS!!!”


“This is SUCH a Carrie moment. As I sat up in the Head of Household room groveling for my life, I could help wonder: in life, are we all just begging for time? Or is time just begging us for life?”

“So…. I drove my car into fourteen people at a roadside hot dog stand. Is that bad??”

“Do you think that if pineapples could talk, they’d be really cool?”

Rachel: “Oh my gosh! There’s a drag queen on TV!”

“Wait a second… that’s not a drag queen….”


“That’s… that’s… THAT’S BOZO THE CLOWN!!!”

“Nope. It’s me, Tori Spelling!”

“Ohmygosh! Bozo the Clown is doing his Tori Spelling impersonation!!!!!”

“Check out my guns. This is four feet of pure muscle.”


“HOLY CRAP!! It’s a man dressed like a clown dressed like Tori Spelling!”

“Wait… It IS Tori Spelling! EVERYTHING IS RUINED!”

“Hi!!!!!! GIVE ME A COOKIE.”

Jordan: “Oh I just love you on that RuPaul show!”

“Seriously, Jessie. Your boobs are bigger than mine.”

“I like shopping. It reminds me of the mall. And that makes me think of Cinnabuns. And those are, like, sticky. And that makes me think of honey. And honey comes from bees. And that makes me think of the letter B. And there are a lot of words that start with B. You know, like Bachelor. And Ben. OH WOW! I BET THERE’S A GUY NAMED BEN WHO PROPOSED TO A GIRL NAMED ASHLEY ON THE BACHELORETTE, AND NOW HE’S GOING TO BE THE NEXT BACHELOR!!”

“Look at all these hats. I sort of look like Blossom. That makes me think of Joey Lawrence. He was always like ‘Whoa!’ I only say ‘Whoa’ when I see something cool like an explosion. That’s like an action movie — all the smoke and fire. You know, that just makes me realize: I bet there are wildfires all over Texas right now!”

“I would now like to conclude this uneventful episode by nominating the two least surprising candidates ever: Porsche and Kalia. NOMINEES GRAB YOUR INVISIBLE KEYS (because you don’t have them).”

What did you think about the episode?

28 replies on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Spelling Out Victory for the Vets”

  1. this show sucks woohoo! Way to hit a new low BB. BTW, I really don’t think that was Tori Spelling…seriously, really. Maybe Tori and Shelly go to the same beautician?

  2. I can only recognize Tori Spelling by her awkward clevage. So I’m undecided on whether this is her or not…

  3. Rachel – “Porsche doesn’t deserve that stuff! She wears sweatpants everyday!”
    Later on the feeds Rachel ended up giving Porsche some of the Jessie sweatpants she got and I believe Porsche was more excited about those than the girly clothes she got in the backyard.


    1. I’m surprised that Porche didn’t throw something at Tori Spelling’s stomach, she seems to advocate giving people miscarraiges (or as she puts it, “saving them $400 on an abortion”) that way. I can’t believe that piece of crap is in the F3.

  4. AM i THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW HOW kELIA AND PORCHE WERE CHEATING USING HER bIBLE TO KEEP TRACK OF DATES AND TRIED TO DO it last night when the f t was giving them the clues they talked aboout it out loud Porche thoought she was hidden now this is wrong

    1. If only you could spell both those women’s names after the show has been on already 2 1/2 months!

      geeze stfu

    2. If only you could spell both those women’s names after the show has been on already 2 1/2 months!

      geeze stfu

  5. Calling a pregnant woman a drag queen is not funny. This page and the photo caps disgust me. Surely the person that made this could have came up with something better. And the constant ripping by people regarding Rachel & Brendon’s PDA is ridiculous. Who f’n cares!

        1. A healthy pregnant woman gains 30 to 40 lbs. She’s almost ready to pop. give the woman a break and stop with the idiot juvenile remarks.

          What a bunch of imbeciles. Go join chat at Jokers, you’d fit right in there.

      1. I love Tori Spelling- she is super hilarious on her tv show. She won me over. But she looked really awful last night- that make up!! Plus, clearly getting work done on your face DOES NOT work with pregnancy weight.

  6. Love your Jordan photocaps! Her brain really seems to work that way. Last night she somehow figured out that the dates given by the FT were related to HG’s who did not like one another. Rachel called her a genius this week for some of her stealth strategy ideas. I love that her brain works so much differently than the other HG’s. She’s been able to use her LD to help her solve problems and strategize. I never believed that she was dumb…she just processes information in a way most people don’t and I think it’s awesome!

    1. It was also hilarious watching Rachel talk about her horrible driving skills. I even wondered if they were just repeating the same stuff but nope . . . I think that Rachel has just been in that many accidents.

  7. Personally I think Tori has the biggest heart and the sweetest personality for a kid who grew up with a mom who is the wicked witch of the West and East…I think this makes Tori one of the best looking gals on Reality TV and I wish her the best of luck with baby #3. If you need some grand ma hugs you can call on me…..

    1. I agree, Celina. Tori is beautiful both inside and out in my opinion and I have grown to dislike people ripping on her looks. She is a lady who is so accepting of ALL others; regardless of sexual preference, ethnicity, income, etc. and I just wish she could receive that same acceptance. Normally love b-side but not loving this blog in particular! (I will be back though… :o)

  8. Rachael is a hero this season…i am so glad that people that HATED her last season got to see this side of her. I loved her last season, despite her dramatics and immature behavior at times, she was my fave. People that follow the feeds and BBAD are all polling for her to win, with Jordan second. I really think that Rachel and Jordan will be friends for life. Go Rachel!

  9. jaa1169…I agree with you 100% Rachel to win and Jordan 2nd place and Jeff People Favorite…All good people and great players…Adam was a good player too and I hope he comes back for another try

  10. Why are so many BB viewers just utterly stupid people? seriously.

    Of course it’s Tori Spelling. she’s had her own reality show on the oxygen network for years.

    My god what is the IQ of all these viewers with their idiot posts..

  11. Ugh, really BB? Porche in the F3? Seriously, if she wins, I think that she takes the most hated winner crown away from Maggie, and that’s saying something. What a disgusting piece of crap she is. Betweeen the food tampering, cheating and non-stop Rachel bashing (the saving Rachel $400 on an abortion remark really, really showed what kind of person she is), I can’t think of anyone that I’d least like to see win this season, I can’t stand that girl! Take a freaking shower, Porche, you’re making Natalie from season 11 look better and better!

  12. Tori Spelling is one Gawdawful ugly woman. Thank Gawd she was born into money or she’d be on some cheap reality show getting confused for being Jordan’s long lost sister.

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