There was so much great reality TV on Sunday: Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of New Jersey, and of course Big Brother, which aired one of its finest episodes of the season. It all centered around the MAJOR DRAMZ of Thursday’s live double-eviction show, which has since sent the house into a tailspin. To be fair, the house was already downwardly spiraling as we saw in a fascinating pre-eviction argument that CBS aired on last night’s episode. This marked the first time Big Brother has so extensively gone backwards in its timeline to present us with valuable story points, and I applaud the decision. Last night’s episode was all sorts of juicy, providing us with much-needed context to continued rift between Shelly and Jeff.
Last week, I commended Shelly’s decision to think for herself and turn against Jeff and Jordan. I still think she made the right move, but man did she screw up the execution. Basically, The Shellster got called out by Jeff, and rather than ‘fess up to it, she hemmed and hawed and tried to blame everyone else. Oh Shelly. Shelly Shelly Shelly. Here I was trying to defend you, and you had to go be a bonehead.
To be fair, everyone in the house is kind of a bonehead. I know there’s a lot of anti-Shelly, pro-Jeff sentiment out there, but I’m starting to think the sentiment should be anti-Shelly, anti-Jeff. Maybe anti-Jordan too. I know this is positively SACRILEGE, but the sheer amount of self-serving pity going on in the house has been off the charts, and Jordan is not immune.
It actually really bothers me to hear Jordan complain that people who do nothing are going to win the game. Is that even a valid point to be made anymore? Kalia, for instance, has won HOH twice and made some pretty big moves (as well as dumb ones — ie. Lawon). Additionally, at the time of the conversation, Porsche and Adam had won just as many competitions as Rachel and Jordan, and while Shelly remains sans victory, she has arguably now made some of the biggest moves since Daniele first attempted to backdoor J&J. Point is, this whole line of logic that the Veterans are the only people “playing the game” is a bit ridiculous.
Then there’s also this strange notion Jordan has that everyone who has betrayed her has been obsessed with being Daniele’s friend. The irony here is that up until this week, Jeff and Jordan have survived thanks in huge part to many house guests’ infatuation with them. Furthermore, as much as Jeff and Jordan like to talk about Shelly’s betrayal (which admittedly does suck big time), Jeff was just as duplicitous when he threw the Veto competition (and then lied about it to Rachel). The point is that all these people are fallible, and there’s no reason in being sanctimonious about it.
Ah, but that’s what happens in Big Brother every. single. season. And I think that’s why we love it. Everyone gets on their high horses: the players, the viewers, the bloggers. That’s when you know it’s been a good season.
Nevertheless, amidst all the tension, Porsche actually pulled out the HOH win, which meant it would be lights out for either Jordan or Rachel, but lo! Never under estimate the powers of producer manipulation! Out of the ether suddenly appeared Pandora’s Box, and being the ever curious creature that she is, Porsche opened it and unleashed an oh-so-convenient twist: the household would again be paired off into duos, and once again, the old rules applied: one duo would be nominated and if it should win veto, the entire duo would come off the block. This twist now afforded Rachel and Jordan a major advantage, and should they win the veto (no spoilers in the comments section please), they BOTH could wind up in the house another week with a chance to turn everything upside down all over again.
I definitely call shenanigans, but at the same time…. I’m not too pissed about it. This will keep things interesting, even if it does frustrate me to no end.
“Rachel, why you asking me if I threw the veto competition? You need to settle down, Elise Keaton.”
“Why the long face, BRO?”
“Hey BROS, I’m just gonna spend the rest of the episode charging into rooms already speaking.”
Shelly: “Schemes? What schemes? I’ve been on board with you the whole time, Jeff. Bros before hos, BRO!”
Jeff: “If you’ve been on board with me, why are you trying to get Daniele out? You need to settle down, Cousin Larry!”
Shelly: “I don’t know what you think you heard, BRO, but I need you to calm down and tell me why you think I’m against you.”
“Well, you were plotting against me and wanted to keep Daniele in the house.”
“Oh yeah. Well, I guess there’s that.”
“Bro, I’m about to lose my shit here. All this talk about getting Daniele out was Adam’s idea. Swear to God, BRO!”
Jeff: “Am I supposed to believe for one second that Adam hatched a strategic idea?”
“Yeah, that’s really out of my wheelhouse.”
“I wonder… should I walk left or should I walk right?”
“AIn’t no railing getting between me and MY tumble from the balcony onto the floor below!!!”
Shelly: “I think you should nominate Jeff and Rachel.”
Kalia: “I’m thinking that might be the smartest move.”
Porsche: “Guys, do you think we can play chess on this floor?”
“I can’t believe Shelly’s betrayed us. Makes me think of Judas. And that makes me think of Jesus. And Jesus was born on Christmas. And that makes me think of presents. And that reminds me of wrapping paper. I’m really bad at wrapping. And I’m also bad at rapping. That makes me think of Jay-Z. And Jay-Z reminds me of Beyoncé. OH MY GOSH! BEYONCÉ IS PREGNANT, ISN’T SHE??”
“Wow. Jeff is gone. Now who’s gonna take me to the final four before dropping me?”
“How did I get so bad at this game? I always thought for sure that there ain’t no one who was gonna get between me and MY previously stellar gameplay!”
“So this is how the game is going to be won? By people who have done NOTHING all season??? (Except win multiple HOH and Veto challenges, as well as make big, risky strategical moves). Not fair!”
“I already miss Jeff. Now who am I gonna sit on the back porch and scratch my balls with, BRO?”
“I wonder if lemons and limes are friends.”
“Let me tell you something, BRO. As much as it hurts you to see Jeff gone, it hurts me MORE. Heck, this stings more than the time a mule kicked me in the NUTS.”
Rachel: “Shelly, leave us alone. We need to go cry and enjoy some self-serving logic.”
“Wow, this is one big snake. Reminds me of the jungle. I never been to the jungle, but I once saw that movie George of the Jungle. My friend is named George. He like pineapples. Pineapples make me think about Carmen Miranda. And those make me think of, like, Miranda rights. Isn’t that what they read when you get arrested? OH MY GOSH! I BET MATTHEW FOX FROM LOST JUST GOT ARRESTED FOR PUNCHING A FEMALE BUS DRIVER!!!”
“This snake is SO Vegas.”
“CRYERS GRAB A TISSUE FOR THE BOOGER YOU JUST FOUND IN YOUR HAND!!!”
“I miss Booki. I miss Vegas. I miss SCIENCE.”
“Does Pandora’s Box come filled with Pepperidge Farm cookies? Because then this is a no-brainer.”
“VETERANS GRAB YOUR SHOT AT A SECOND CHANCE THANKS TO PRODUCER MANIPULATION!”
What did you think about this episode?