I can’t say I was terribly surprised with last night’s eviction on Big Brother. Heck, CBS didn’t even try to throw some misdirection our way. But that didn’t stop me from enjoying yet another entertaining episode. The season is moving forward just the way we want it to — and significantly better than last year’s. The scheming is off the charts, the villains are taking shape, and we’ve found ourself a hero in the unlikely form of… Daniele Donato? Say it ain’t so.
I’m shocked that I’m even suggesting that Daniele might be a hero this season, especially after her bratty whining a few weeks prior. However, she’s willing to take on Brendon and Rachel, and for that alone, she earns my respect. Even more so, I love the way she dismantles him with her sharp tongue. The guy has become enormously cocky and brutish this time around, and I’m throughly excited to see his downfall — assuming it happens.
The big drama last night all stemmed around the failed attempt to backdoor Jeff and Jordan. Jeff tried to confront Dom about it, but the kid denied denied denied. Meanwhile, Kalia wound up rolling into this mess when she told Jordan that she hadn’t heard about the backdoor plan (when in reality she HAD). This cast suspicion on Kalia, but instead of just sitting back quietly as she had been, the Baby Oprah began to run her mouth. First she cornered Brendon and complained about feeling out of the loop with him and Rachel. Dumb move. What was she hoping to achieve through this? Clearly she’s out of the loop. Don’t beg to be taken back; just organize against them. But instead she and Brendon got into an incomprehensible fight that resulted in him talking down to her, and her snapping back at him. From what I can remember, he accused her of being a floater, and she defended herself by saying no one has wanted to play with her. I think that’s what happened. Either that or they aired this out later in the episode during the second big fight of the night.
With all the rumors and secrets swirling around, the Vets called a house meeting, and as you can imagine, it just turned into a big screaming match. Brendon and Rachel more or less called out Daniele without saying her name, and after sitting there quietly and taking everything in, Daniele lashed out at them and basically drew a line in the sand. This will probably seal her fate, but maybe if she’s lucky, she can grab some support from Kalia and Adam and maybe Shelly — although, that’s doubtful, given that Shelly has a strange allegiance to Jeff and Jordan. Either way, I just want Brenchel out.
As for the results, Dom went home unsurprisingly. He attempted to make a withering speech, but it was a mishmash of poor imagery (“spineless jellyfish”) and nervous rambling. Not a great exit.
The show ultimately ended with an endurance competition (charmingly scored with some chipper German music), and as the players balanced on skis for their lives, Julie informed us that there’d be a big twist next week. The word on the street is that an evicted player might come back, and we might be able to chose who. I’m already putting my stock behind Cassi. I mean, I liked Dom, and Keith’s thick-headedness would be amusing to watch, but Cassi is smart, and she’s just the woman to team up with Daniele to take out Rachel. The cat fights alone would be worth it…
“Good evening. I’m Julie Chen. And tonight I’m wearing Power Pleats.”
“My outfit comes to you courtesy of Ann Taylor’s new Melissa Etheridge Collection.”
“I’m going to get up right now and demand a hug.”
“Ain’t no one getting between me and MY snack!”
“Snackers grab a napkin!”
“Who’s ready for double snack trouble??”
“I think it’s time for me to make a big, dumb move.”
Jeff: “I want you to tell me clearly and concisely why Dumbledore has two Lady Gaga CDs.”
“It was never my plan to backdoor you. Those words never came out of my mouth! The only words that came out of my mouth were, ‘I agree. That’s a great idea to backdoor Jeff and Jordan. Let’s do it.'”
“Brendon, would you say you’re more of a Charlotte or a Miranda? I’m SUCH a Carrie.”
“Um, my arms are wide open. What part of this hug invitation do you not understand?”
“I wonder if English muffins really are from England.”
“I am so livid. I am TOTALLY telling Gayle and Steadman about this.”
“If Brendon thinks he’s getting into O magazine, he has another thing coming.”
“HOOOO-WEEEE! That fight was CAH-RAY-ZEE!!!”
“Well, on to strategy #2: spending the rest of the game flipping this water bottle lid open and closed. Actually, that’s strategy #1.”
“You promised me a hug, and YOU never delivered!”
“I’d rather hug Adam, and he still has jizz over himself from his dream about Jennie Garth.”
“I like jerky.”
“I swear to God, if I don’t find a bush to cry in soon, I will flip this table. Even a Chia pet will do at this point.”
“ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH? ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH?”
“Brendon, stop doing your Jersey Shore impression.”
“I like beans too. I like beans real good.”
“I feel like it’s important for me to say something right now, and I want you all to listen: HOOOOO-WEEE!! Y’all are CAH-RAY-ZEE!!!!!”
“I just want to say before I get evicted that you guys are all really great, and I can’t wait to hang out after the house. That being said, you’re also a bunch of spineless jellyfish. Toodles!”
“This little jellyfish votes to evict Dom. Get it Julie? Because he called us jellyfish? So I called myself a jellyfish? Get it? Ohmigosh I can’t wait to tell everyone about how I called Dom a jellyfish.”
“Listen, I had a fun time, Julie. I’m just excited to go home to Mom and get busy with my Masters thesis: Dinosaur Sorcery and Its Impact on Al Gore’s Winning Presidential Bid.”
“Y’all, this ice is cold. It’s like the Arctic and all those penguins. Too bad they can’t fly. Kind of like cows. Cows can’t fly. They just make milk, and milk makes me think of cookies. And I always eat cookies at parties. And, like, sometimes at a party I’ll be like ‘Raise the roof!’ Raise the roof… oh my gosh, I bet congress is battling over raising the debt ceiling!”
What did you think about the episode? What do you think the twist will be?
Omg the Jersey Shore reference….I can’t.
Enough of the Harry Potter stuff with Jeff, Ben 😛 I miss the random mention of tv/movie people he says…you left out the great gazoo reference!
Great read as always, B! The Jeff/Dom photocap was sterling – one of your best ever. I can’t believe you’re saddling up in Daniele’s camp, though. I know you like aggressive play and big moves, and I know it has everything to do with your disdain for Brenchel and nothing to do with J/J, but I thought: a) you were on team J/J (which means you ride with Brenchel by default for the time being) and Dani’s move INITIALLY was specifically against J/J and had nothing to do with Brenchel, b) you despised dirty, lying gameplay when it comes from a whining, self-entitled brat, c) Dani WAY overplayed her cards and exhibited horrible timing and as a result, she essentially threw Dom (her only strong ally if when she splits with the Vets) under the guillotine for no good reason and is now left with a lot of blood on her hands. How can she pull anyone to her side of the line drawn in the sand now? Yeah, she can make a claim for big swinging brass balls, but that means nothing if there’s no brain attached to them.
I know it’s cheesy and predictable, but I’m still solidly behind team J/J; mainly because they’re two of the few HG’s EVER that seem to be genuinely deserving of the prize – none of the other cast this season seems to me to be deserving; although I’m admittedly basing this on zero personal experience and just general moral character. Perhaps Shelly or Adam come close – and I could get behind Cassi if she comes back, but the rest of the lot seem like wastes of space.
On a side note, is there any chance anyone who has BBAD can give a spoiler about who won last night’s HOH? The suspense is killing me and I just CANNOT wait until Sunday to find out!
“Why should I listen when you aren’t telling me what I want to hear.”
That was the best fight of this season so far. 100%.
hb
Nix the spoiler request… I got off my lazy butt and found the info.
ah, the jersey shore reference killed me. i sorta want J/J to team up with daniele because i’m kinda loving her this season. not in the beginning, but these past couple of episodes i have been. i mean seriously, she’s the only one who has the balls to make any moves! i mean c’mon jeff, jordan, brendan, and rachel have been sitting pretty in the HOH room and it’s time that things get shaken up a little bit! (i’m pretty excited for this week, knowing who the HOH is)
If you wanna know who won there are tons of blog’s with all the play by plays of the comp
My hatred for Brendon/Rachel unfortunately outweighs my fear of the risk to Jordan/Jeff!! Team Daniele all the way!!!!!!!!
I love the Jordan comment/picture at the end. Great recap as always!
Go Jeff and Jordan!
Always love the Jordan recaps. Really liked the Jeff one too. I wish you’d do more computer jokes about Julie. The hardest I ever laughed was when Julie told Hayden to leave the house after he won and you wrote “404 Not Found” or something XD I actually liked Dom’s speech, he’s just not a mean guy, like after the big fight he said “Should we all have a group hug?” That’s Brendon’s line! It was just short and to the point. It’s just too bad Shelly and Adam are so eerily obsessed with the vets they won’t join Dani. I think Porsche is the only one that might flip if need be. And I have to admit, I’ve been using your Lawon CAH RAY ZEE joke on some other boards 😐
Your BB recaps are getting funnier and funnier I just love scrolling down and comming to Lawon, you have great timing and now your Jordon recaps are just perfectly funny.
That one picture of Brendon makes him look like a neanderTal.
And those Shelly pics, shoowee, she looks worse in each one. Oops, sorry, I channeled Lawon there for a second.
too funny chick!
Great recap, you really tap into these idiots personalities.
whoa, i am feeling disheartened. I know most, including bside, do not like Rachel and Brendon, but i fear this season is going to hell. How entertaining is it going to be listening to “a strong black woman” talking about all her slights, the racial issues, giving all her excuses why she doesn’t win? Sounds like it is turning into Barack Obama’s re-election comittee.
Kalia, you are going to be sent home because you are inconsequential, as the person referenced above. You got this close to a network show…..the person that acutally got the show was “cute” and probably way more talented. You are floating, a floater, as you go to each HOH and kiss their a**. Floaters, time to get a new column , you will most certainly be fired.
Give me reality show realbies, any day, over fakies, ala kalia and lawon.
Is it just me or does Rachel look like Cartman in that photo? Great recap!
These are MY cheesy-poofs!!
Normally I don’t learn article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, very great article.