I’m still loving this season of Big Brother 13, and the twists have truly been resulting in great scheming right out of the gate. As I’ve mentioned before, we’ve got two big alliances (Newbies vs. Vets) and a tricky little sub alliance (The Regulators), which inadvertently leaves us with a second sub alliance (the non-Regulators) who unfortunately don’t realize they’re in a sub alliance. At least not yet. Hopefully they’ll catch on, and then things will get really interesting, what with the veterans down in numbers thanks to Evel Dick’s surprise exit.
Yes, this was the big news of the episode: superstar polarizing rah-rah-rocker Evel Dick left the Big Brother house, and we still don’t know why. His disappearance was about as cryptic as Neal’s from season nine. However, Dick has a big mouth; so I’m sure he’ll inform us of the details soon (if he hasn’t already).
Anyway, with Dick gone, Daniele received the Golden Key, which affords her immunity through the first four weeks. Naturally, the first thing she did was complain about it. Yes, this was the Daniele we knew and loathed from season eight. She managed to make herself a victim out of her father’s personal emergency and then spew negativity throughout her alliance. After whining that “It’s not fair,” she then declared that the entire Veterans’ alliance was over and done and that there was no way for them to win now. Echoes of her complaints season eight?
Of course, Rachel is easily impressionable and soon she too began moping about her team’s fate, which led to Brendon throwing in the towel, followed by Jordan. It was actually a rather fascinating bit of social psychology watching the hysteria spread so quickly amongst the five of them. Thankfully, our regrettably homophobic hero Jeff entered the room and restored order: reminding the team that it was too early to give up and that there was plenty of time and way to dominate the house. This seemed to restore calm for a moment, and later Daniele informed us that while at first she thought it was unfair that she’d have to be stuck on the sidelines not competing, she now saw that it was actually a good thing. You think, you idiot?
Keep in mind that earlier in the episode, the Veterans asked Porsche to throw the Veto competition so that they could secure her a Golden Key. When Porsche hesitated for a moment, Daniele later mocked her inability to see what a great opportunity the Golden Key was. I suppose I’ll just have to get used to the Daniele Donato hypocrisy we endured four years ago.
Meanwhile, over with the Newbies, Keith was busy overplaying his cards. He tried to call out Porsche and Kalia for working with the Vets, but all he did was make himself look crazy, which he sort of is. The guy is way too in his own head, and the combination of his paranoia and his desire to showboat will get him tossed out of the Regulators faster than he may realize. Call me crazy, but I’m definitely on Team Non-Regulators at this point. How could I side against Shelly? And quite frankly, I like Kalia too (she seems like the smartest of the bunch) and Adam (except when he growls). I even like Porsche, but mainly because I don’t like Keith, and I feel like he threw her under the bus as soon as he possibly could. She wouldn’t have headed to the Vets if Keith hadn’t supported her decision to.
Anyway, thanks to the wonderful twist of duos fighting against each other on the block, we had quite the amusing Veto competition. Both Keith and Porsche wanted to throw the game so that they could ensure the other would stay on the block and go home. Both also think they have numbers on their side. I’m not sure about that though. The odds are in Keith’s favor, but if the Non-Regulators catch on to the divisions within their ranks, they might oust him. They’re the real power players in this situation.
Don’t tell Brendon that though. He and Rachel think they are in charge of the game, and as such, they invited all the Newbies up to their room to request that they keep Brenchel safe next week in return for safety this week. It was just the sort of cocky move that will motivate all the Newbies to nominate the engaged couple as soon as they get the chance.
But enough talk. Here’s the photocap:
“I guess I’m crying because you put me in harm’s way, and despite what you think, you absolutely do not have the numbers to secure me the Golden Key. Of course, I’m used to hardship. It’s not like I’m living the luxurious life of a VIP Waitress, WHICH I’M NOT.”
“You should be appreciative of this. We’re guaranteeing you four weeks of uninterrupted hugs. We can start now. Wanna hug?”
“It’s not FAIR. I want a hug.”
“We got it all figured out, Porsche. Look at us. Do we look like idiots??”
“Oh my God. What a little cunt. Doesn’t she realize how lucky she is to have a Golden Key? I know that if I were given a Golden Key, I would NEVER cry and complain. NEVER!”
“I know what you’re thinking, but that is not splooge on my temple. I fell asleep on a dollop of mashed potatoes.”
“Mashed potatoes? Really?”
“Okay, it’s splooge.”
“Damn, it feels good to dance for the tenth time this hour. This won’t be annoying at all to America!”
“Dick, please go to the Diary Room. There’s been a personal emergency. Your Mom Jeans have been destroyed.”
“Seriously, if they don’t have a new pair of Mom Jeans for me, I am leaving this house. These shorts will not do.”
“Y’ALL READY FOR DOUBLE TROUBLE??? Except for you, Daniele. Your dad left. DAUGHTERS GRAB A GOLDEN KEEEY!!!”
“It’s not FAAAY-URRR!!! I came here to compete!!! I don’t waaaaannna Golden Key!!!!”
“I know my dad must be facing an extremely serious and scary situation, but what about ME??? Now I have immunity for four weeks? IT’S NOT FAAAAAAAAIR!!!! It’s soooooooooooo frustrating!”
“I’m so mad I could go downstairs and HUG someone, but not MEAN it!”
Daniele: “It’s not fair!!!It’s all over!!!”
Rachel: “And since I’m easily susceptible to other people, I’ll agree. WE HAVE NO SHOT!!!”
Brendon: “And since I feel what my girlfriend is feeling, I’ll say it too: WE JUST LOST THE GAME!!!”
Jordan: “I like pillows!”
“You all are acting like dumb-dumbs. Don’t quit! Never quit! Your bad attitudes are about as unhealthy as having a gay wizard headmaster in Harry Potter fantasy camp!”
“Is Keith accusing me of being with the Veterans? Ugh. He is SUCH a Miranda!”
Jordan: “I like being a superhero!”
Jeff: “Simmer down, Rose Nylund.”
“Being a super hero is hard!”
“Ain’t no one getting between me and MY veto!”
“SUPER HEROES GRAB YOUR PUZZLE PIECES!”
Brendon: “We just want to know that if we don’t put you up this week that you won’t put us up next week. And to sweeten the deal, I’ll even throw in a daily hug.”
“I couldn’t help but wonder: when facing a deal I can’t refuse, what happens if I refuse to deal? Gosh, I am SO Carrie!”
“Cassi, what I can offer you are amazing hugs. Want to try one right now?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t hug. Ever since I impaled myself on Orlando Bloom’s bony frame on the Pirates set, I’ve been rather traumatized by embraces.”
“Wow. That makes me sad. Now I need a hug.”
“It’s not FAAAAY-URRRR!!! I WANT A HUG!!!!”
“Ain’t no one hugging between me and MY man! HUGGERS GRAB A PILLOW!”
What did you think about the episode?