It was a return to the Ron and Sam show on last night’s Jersey Shore. For three-quarters of the episode, everything was fine and dandy between the two idiots; although, clearly drama was on the horizon — and I’m not just saying that because I saw the previews. The two slowly began to fall into old ways as they smooched drunkenly in a club. So much for Sammi’s independence. To her credit, she did push Ronnie away, but ever so slightly. Plus, she let the old crazy seep back into the dialogue when she harangued him for not chasing after her when she went home. Okay you crazy bitch, stop trying to convince us you’re independent when you say dumb stuff like that. It completely devalues her entire epiphany. After all, the reason she went home was supposedly to build herself up, but now we see it was merely a ploy to make Ronnie chase after her. Oh these women in abusive relationships — I realize they are damaged goods, but they are oh so frustrating too.Adding some spice to the usual Rammi drama was a rather muscular and possibly ‘roided-up Indian chap named Arvin. The guy showed up at Karma, but not to see his old buddy The Situation. He wanted to see Sammi, with whom he’d been BBMing (that’s Blackberry Messaging, for all you confused people out there). Yes, there was incontrovertible evidence that Sammi had hit up Arvin almost as soon as she had broken it off with Ronnie. Sketchy sketchy.
Of course, Sammi was well within her right to text or BBM or even sleep with Arvin if she wanted to. She was single and broken up, and after all the hell that Ronnie had put her through, I think she would have been entitled to some South Asian loving. Nevertheless, Arvin showed Mike the BBMs, and Mike showed them to J-WOWW and the girls, and the girls told Sammi, and then Ronnie, and soon we had a mess on our hands.
Sammi immediately freaked out, yelling at Mike, yelling at Arvin, and yelling at anyone within reach of her condor arms. She should have simply shrugged it all off, confident in herself that what she did was perfectly acceptable, but instead she lashed out with her guilty conscience, annoying saying “GOODBYE! GOODBYE!” to Mike in the wake of the mess. The Situation respectably did not back down and gladly threw it back in Sammi’s face that she done got caught. It was great.
Even better was the postgame report from the kitchen when Pauly and Vinny broke down the whole situation. “GTL: gym, tan, find out who Sammi’s been texting,” Pauly remarked in yet another one of his priceless lines. Who would have thought when this show began that Pauly D would turn out to be such a ham?
Anyway, Sammi and Ronnie had an inevitable shouting match when they returned home, and Sammi reiterated / screamed over and over again that she and Arvin were just friends. Ronnie then told a yarn about how he could have slept with any girl after their breakup but he didn’t (so what?) and then proceeded to corner her in her room. He didn’t place his hands on her, but the act of cornering her was truly bothersome once again. The guy is dangerous, and I fear for any woman who winds up in a relationship with him.
Annoyingly but unsurprisingly, MTV left us in the lurch, cutting away just as the fight escalated to the next level of intensity. It almost made us forget some of the other fun things that happened in the hour: Vinny meeting up with his family (who we always love); J-WOWW going psycho on Roger for no real reason; and Snooki get banged by a low-rent Pauly D simply because he put a Band-Aid on her scraped-up knee. Ah, romance always blooms in Seaside Heights.
Sadly, we now have just one episode left of this season. I’m bummed. How will I fill the void?
“I’m not posing shirtless on purpose. I just accidentally flushed my tank top down the toilet again.”
Ronnie: “Nom nom nom I want you back, Sam.”
“Why didn’t you chase after me when I left?”
“Because I thought you wanted your space.”
“Nom nom nom we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Nom nom nom just say you’ll be with me so I can destroy your possessions again.”
“Nom nom nom wow you’ve really become a different person in ONE WEEK.”
“Nom nom nom isn’t it great how dumb we are?”
“Nom nom nom yeah!”
Ronnie: “I think we should get back together.”
“I’m single and independent now.”
“But I love you.”
“OMG YOU’VE CHANGED SO MUCH DO ME RIGHT NOW!!!”
“I’m not crying because I’m in pain. I’m crying because I have to screw this guy now.”
“I cannot believe Roger has a girl in his car with him! I mean, I didn’t see anyone, but Sammi saw a girl, and she’s reliable. It’s not like she’s a psychotic and jealous bitch or anything.”
“Hey guys, I’ll be right there. I’m just making my annual donation to PBS!”
Situation: “We’re gonna make you look all Kabuki and shit.”
“I hate classical Japanese dance-drama. WAH!”
J-WOWW: “Wow… I never knew Indians could be guidos also!”
Sam: “We are just friends!”
“ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH? And by HAH I mean mmmmmMMMEH!”
“You embarrassed MMMMMEH!”
“You’re the one who texted.”
“But you texted back to MMMMEH!”
“You know what, Sitch, I’m not friends with HAH anymore.”
“And I don’t want you to be friends with MMMEH!”
“Sammi, look at me. Look at me. Why you BBMing Arvin?”
Sammi: “HE’S A FRIEND!”
“Look at me. Look at me. Why you have a friend?”
“Look at me, Sam. Look at me.”
“I could have brought home the hottest fucking girl from the club, but I didn’t because of YOU!”
“Oh really? The hottest girl in the club? ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH? ARE YOU… FRIENDS… WITH… HAH???”
“Look at me.”
“ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAH??”
“Sam, just LOOK AT ME.”
“Ron. I can’t do this no more. I just want to simply know if you are FRIENDSWITHHAH!!!!”
What did you think about the episode? Should Sammi have texted Arvin? And was her reaction to the scandal appropriate?