Last night’s telecast of the Oscars was one of the dullest in years, thanks in part to lackluster nominations, predictable wins, and lame comedy bits. Just about the only thing noteworthy was hostess Anne Hathaway’s perpetually changing wardrobe, which consisted of eight looks overall. I couldn’t help think about the toll this must have put on celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe, who manages to suffer a near aneurysm every year when she needs to dress Annie in one dress, let alone eight.

Luckily, the harried stylist was able to take some time out of her busy schedule to talk about each of Anne Hathaway’s ensembles. Exclusive commentary after the jump…

Rachel Zoe: “Oh my God. I die for this look. I die. Annie is finally having her tomato moment. I love me an heirloom tomato, and Annie just killed it. Oh my God. It’s like she’s a big bottle of ketchup without the glass. LITERALLY, I want to turn her over, shake her onto a plate, and dip a giant french fry into her. Ba-na-nas.”

RZ: “Oh my God. I’m obsessed with this dress. I wanted Annie to look regal and ivory, like a giant tusk of an elephant. But a hot elephant — an elephant that would go to the Oscars. Rodge? Rodge?”
Rodger: “Yeah, babe?”
“Can elephants go to the Oscars?”
“I don’t think so, babe.”
“So they have their own Oscars?”
“I don’t think they have any Oscars.”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Ask the Bing about who’s hosting the elephant Oscars this year.”
“I don’t think there’s a host.”
“Why not? Did he die?”
“Is it a ghost host?”
“No. There’s no host because there’s no show.”
“Babe, I need you to not be yelling right now.”
“I’m not yelling.”
“You’re stressing me out, babe, and it’s already hard enough with the elephant Oscars around the corner. Oh my God. I wonder if Demi’s presenting. She kills it. Whatever she wears, she kills.”
“Babe, there is no elephant Oscars.”
“Is it not real? Is it like a ghost? Are they ghost elephants?”
“Oh my God. Did Babar die? LITERALLY, I’m shaking. Babar. Wow. Fashion lost an icon today.”

“Oh my God. I die for Annie in a tuxedo. LITERALLY, I want to throw a Passover seder right now and have her serve drinks behind a small table. I die. I die.”

“For this look, I wanted Annie to look like she’d been dipped in chocolate. LITERALLY, it’s all I can think about now that I’m pregnant.”
“OMG Rachel, your baby bump!”
“Brad? Is that you?”
Brad: “LITERALLY, it’s me. I had to come over and see your bump.”
“Oh my God. Why do I have a bump?”
“Because you’re pregnant!”
“LITERALLY, I thought babies came from storks.”
“Maybe they do.”
“Can you ask the Bing when the stork will be here?”
“I can try.”
“My biggest fear is the stork arriving at the office while I’m at Starbucks. LITERALLY, that would be a storksaster.”
“Do you think the stork would be mad?”
“Well, he can’t just LEAVE. He would wait for you.”
“If the stork didn’t wait for me, I would have to seriously reconsider the stork’s role in Rachel Zoe Incorporated.”
“I bet the stork is friends with Taylor.”
“Oh my God. I die. Does she speak stork?”
“If she does, that’s totally not cool.”
“It’s the ultimate betrayal.”
“LITERALLY, Brad, I would have to fire the stork.”
“Have to.”
“Would you fire the stork for me?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared.”
“I LITERALLY can’t even look at the stork after what the stork did to me. It makes me sick, Brad. Literally, it’s like I have vertigo again.”
“Are you going to die?”
“Oh no.”
“You’re my precious jewel, Brad.”
“I’m going to cry Rachel.”
“Goodbye… tell the stork I forgive him…”

“Oh my God. Perfection. Annie is like a tassel-covered GODDESS. It’s like every mortarboard across America just bowed down and made her their Queen. I die for a tassel moment. I die.”

“Fashion is such an important force in society. People LITERALLY die over it, and I thought what better tribute to the pain and suffering of stylists than to dress Annie in a gown the color of blood. LITERALLY, she represents something bigger than you or me or Egypt. She represents couture. I die. I die.”

“Oh my God. Annie’s dress is on. another. level. It makes me want to throw down my coffee and walk down the street. Oh my God. Where am I walking?”
Brad: “You are LITERALLY walking.”
“I know. I can’t stop. I have my shoes on, and I’m walking.”
“Where are you going?”
“It’s beyond my control. Annie’s dress is calling the shots. It’s making me walk.”
“You’re going in circles now.”
“Brad, sometimes in life you must let nature run its course. This is an Annie moment.”
“You just walked into a wall.”
“I’m walking, Brad. I have to walk. The dress is making me walk.”
“Oh my God, Rachel. Now I’m walking.”
“We just passed each other.”
“Do you think we’re going to walk into each other?”
“I can’t even think about that, Brad. That dress is making me walk. I’m walking. Oh my God. I just walked into an ottoman.”
“Did you fall?”
“I don’t want you to fall.”
“Me neither. But I will gladly fall for fashion instead of standing for not-fashion.”
“I love you.”
“Aww. Pumpkin?”
“I just LITERALLY walked into a fern.”

“For this last look, I wanted Annie to look like she was a walking pillar of sparkly smoke.”
Brad: “A smoke monster. Like Lost.”
“Is Annie lost?”
“No, the TV show.”
Rodger: “Yeah, babe.”
“They lost Annie.”
“Who lost Annie?”
“They did.”
Brad: “I was actually just talking about Lost.”
Rodger: “The TV show?”
Brad: “Yeah. But now I think that Annie might be lost.”
Rachel: “Where did she go?”
Brad: “Back to the island?”
“St. Bart’s?”
“I don’t know. Islands scare me. Especially if they have polar bears and smoke monsters.”
Rachel: “Oh my God. Is Annie a smoke monster? Like LITERALLY made of smoke?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“LITERALLY, if Annie turned into a smoke monster, that would be an ANNIESASTER.”
“I’m scared.”
Rodger: “Babe, she’s not a smoke monster.”
Rachel: “Did you ask the Bing?”
Rodger: “I don’t have to ask the Bing.”
“I would ask the Bing if you have to ask the Bing before you decide to not ask the Bing.”
Brad: “Do you think if you breathe near Annie, you’d cough?”
“I don’t want to cough.”
“Annie is my precious, smoky jewel.”
“She may be a smoke monster, but you know what, Rachel? She is LITERALLY the hottest smoke monster I’ve ever seen.”
“I love me a sophisticated smoke monster red carpet moment.”
“Rachel, I’m going to cry.”
“I die for a smoke monster. I die.”

What did you think about Anne Hathaway’s looks? And what about the Oscars overall?

8 replies on “Rachel Zoe Gives B-Side Blog Exclusive Story Behind Anne Hathaway’s Oscar Looks”

  1. All I could think about yesterday was how crazy Rachel Zoe must have been, and then of course how annoyed Rodger would be. And naturally I quoted her all during the red carpet and show. Hilarious post. RZ is absolutely too ridiculous not to enjoy on some level.

  2. The best description I read was that James Franco was the too cool for school stoner kid and Anne was the theater kid and they were somehow forced to work together for a school function.

  3. I want these Rachel Zoe comments to be real!? Are they not real?! Why are you playing with my emotions?! Regardless, I throughly enjoyed them 🙂

  4. Hahaha, this fake interview is so fun! But think of how much fun it’s gonna be to read the photocap of the RZ Show where a heavily pregnant RZ has to dress Annie in all these gowns for the Oscars! She doesn’t even have a good assistant anymore. Good thing Demi and Cameron didn’t attend the ceremony. BANANAS.

  5. OMG!!!! This was BRILLIANT B!!! I can hear her in my head and it’s freaking me out. I die. This was not a postsaster. I die.

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