Love was in the air on this week’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In an attempt to cheer up the perpetually crestfallen Kim Richards, Lisa decided to play matchmaker and pair the former child star with a tall British chap with a giant head and squinty eyes. We weren’t sure if this coupling would result in sparks, what with Kim being neurotic and her suitor something of a playboy, but lo and behold, the two hit it off. Lisa arranged for them to meet at the lavish home of her friend Mohamed, who volunteered to host a dinner party in Ms. VanderPump’s honor. Everyone arrived dressed to the nines — everyone but Kim, who put on her finest cougar-ware and marched through the gates as a vision of boobs and leopard print. I wouldn’t say that she struck a generally classy note with the look, but luckily for Kim, her skittish mind was able to reconcile her sagging taste-levels by announcing that the outfit was classic “Kim.” Of course, that would be like a clown walking into a black-tie event and then explaining, “I had to wear the giant shoes. It’s just classic ME!”
Nevertheless, Kim seemed to be quite happy with her date, even if she did have some serious jitters at first. I thought she’d be feeling more confident, what with the industrial-strength facial she endured at the top of the episode. With her face wrapped in towels, electrodes, and some sort of plastic helmet device, she looked less like she were preparing for a date and more for a Saw audition. I’m not sure how well the procedure worked, and at the end of the day, no matter how radiant Kim’s skin is, she’ll still look like a bird who wants to sob at any given moment.
I can’t fault Kim for all her wrinkles though. At least she hasn’t torn up her face like sweet doormat Taylor, whose gaping mouth contorted in more directions and shapes than ever before. Taylor’s big issue was that Russell’s passive aggressive dog was now giving their child rashes and puffy eyes. Clearly wee Kennedy was allergic, but when Taylor proposed getting rid of the pooch, Russell seemed somewhat resistant. This seemed somewhat cold blooded, as you’d think his child’s health would trump his singleminded desire to have a dog in the house; however, we’re not all Russell. Clearly he took some perverse satisfaction in watching his wife sit there and cry over what should have been a non-dilemma. A real winner that guy is.
Anyway, here’s the photocap:
Kyle: “We need to give Kim the works.”
Kim: “And the answer to your question is YES, I was in Escape to Witch Mountain.”
Kim: “Is this right? I’m, like, all covered up.”
Kyle: “You’ve never looked better.”
“I have a lovely romantic prospect for you. She’s just wonderful. Bat-shit crazy, but wonderful.”
“Oh my gosh! We just walked into a room!”
“Oooooh, I like this dress. Purple is sexy.”
Saleswoman: “Technically, it’s aubergine.”
“Auber-what?”
“Aubergine. Like eggplant.”
“Did you just call me an eggplant?”
“No. That’s the color.”
“Little jabs.”
“It wasn’t a jab. It’s just the name of the color. Doesn’t Kelsey like eggplants?”
“I can’t believe you would SAY that?”
“Say what?”
“You just asked why ANYONE would care about eggplants if Kelsey weren’t there.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Hmmmmm yeah, you did. I know what I heard.”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Grammer, but I really didn’t say that.”
“Little jabs. Little jabs.”
“I like this one. It looks like a black doily that Jewish women wear in their hair.”
Paul: “And here we have some lovely wine.”
“Aw, c’mon Paul. You know I don’t like white.”
“Since when?”
“Since always.”
“Okay, I’ll get you some red.”
“No, no… just POUR the damn stuff. I’ll drink it.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“Then get me a vibrator. Give me that bottle. Let me show you how to pour a damn drink.”
“Love you.”
“Whatever.”
Paul: “You like the dog?”
Adrienne: “Yeah, because I know the dog will at least listen to me.”
“Ouch!”
“Get over it.”
Doctor: “Well, it’s official. Your daughter’s possessed.”
Taylor: “We need to get rid of the dog.”
“Yeah… that’s not happening.”
“It’s making our daughter sick.”
“Let’s get rid of our daughter.”
“She’s your DAUGHTER!”
“Eh, she reminds me too much of you.”
Taylor: “So you really would rather keep a stupid dog rather than see your daughter healthy?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Why are you such an ass?”
“Why are you so fat?”
Taylor: [gasps, runs away sobbing]
Russell: “Heh. Works every time.”
“Where is that awful sister of yours?”
“Tell me, Kyle, does your sister always dress like a slut?”
“If you wanna get married, I’d be down for it. Just sayin’.”
“Well, don’t we make a lovely, stringy-haired couple, yes?”
“Does this champagne flute make me look fat?”
What did you think about the episode?
Russell is just awful. I can’t take anything about him.
Kim looked cheap compared to how everyone else dressed. Then she disappeared for what seemed like a long time, maybe she got lost in that humongous mansion.
It makes me laugh that Mr. VanderPump always has his little dog with him, even at a dinner party.
May – I think the LisaVanDerPump agrees with you – “I mean, Taylor’s a bright, vivacious, attractive woman. Evidently, opposites attract.”
hb
This is awesome. Thank you.
On another note, I can’t believe you approved blog advertising for Driscoll’s BERRIES! I like berries, but knowing of your extreme aversion I had a visceral negative reaction when I saw the ad on the sidebar.
Hmmmmm…Great recap, seems a bit rushed, no?
In other news, Kelsey is now engaged to his girlfriend. Camille must feel GREAT!
I kinda hope BRAVO replaces Camille with Kate just so Kyle’s “who would care about you without Kelsey” comes true.
Mohammed’s “girlfriend” was ummmm .. tall.
hb
I have been trying all season to remember who Camille reminded me of until I was home sick watching E! True Hollywood Story.
Camille reminds me of Brynn Hartman, wife of Phil Hartman, who killed Phil due to her jealousy of his stardom and her lack of self confidence. Not trying to be mean but omg there were so many similarities there…Scary!